I'm 19, my husband is 21. We've been married for 10 months, together 5 yrs. He recently went active duty, and we moved 5 hours away from our home town. I've NEVER lived on my own before so this is a big change for me. I never had to run a household! I'm overwhelmed and frustrated by everything that has to get done. I'm also incredibly lonely because I don't know anyone here, and I miss my girlfriends back home. I try to tell my husband this, and I try to stay calm but I end up in tears. It's hard for me to watch him happy with all his drinking buddies, while I'm at home trying to figure out how the hell to clean the oven. And now he's been getting ANGRY with me. He tells me that I'm part of the problem that its MY fault I'm lonely, and that he DOES help. He lists the same 3 things over and over. I take out the trash, I throw away food, and I unload dishes. I keep telling him I need MORE from him. Last nightAnger-marriage issues, any advice?
Try to relax. You and your husband are both young, and are still learning to be married adults. I'm NOT faulting either of you, but it hasn't been all that long ago, that you both were schoolkids worried about homework. Now, you are dealing with being away from everyone you knew all your lives, and also with being military, during a war. That IS stressful. Add in being newlyweds, and you would have a lot to deal with, even if you were Ann Landers, and you were married to Dr. Phil. So, you aren't the only ones having these problems; and the military has people to help. Talk to a Chaplin. There ARE support groups around. Get help!!!!! A kid will decide they can handle things themselves. Adults have the sense to know they aren't perfect, and CAN'T do everything. I hope you two laugh about these problems, fifty years from now. And, thank you both for your sacrifices to be in the military. It ain't an easy job. EDIT EDIT EDIT Lady, I've got to apologize. My answer is OK, but so incomplete, it's wrong. I glossed over the temper stupidness totally. No, it isn't OK. It isn't ok cuz he beat the towel racks instead of you. That isn't OK every day, or even every decade. It's just as wrong to scream in your face. Being stressed, or being young isn't ANY excuse. So, HE must get help. Again, the military has people. You have to sit down with your husband and talk. Not scream- talk. Don't raise your voice, or get excited. TELL him that things WILL change. Your marriage will get better, or your marriage will end. Honestly, divorce is much easier than fixing a marriage, so unless BOTH of you are prepared for hard work, just get divorced. Even though a good marriage is better than anything on earth- getting there will take work. Now, I've given attention to hubby's mistakes- How about you? Are YOU crazy? Why nanny? You need to do something to get you out of the house. Look for a job. You are married to a military man, which makes you different from other women. Military women as a group, are the last group to mess with. Get out of the nanny business, talk to some of your felow wives, and take charge of your own life. You don't mention children. If you don't have kids, wait at least a year before stopping birth control. First things first.Anger-marriage issues, any advice?
QUIT the nanny job,Do your best at keeping the house clean.That's somthing you should have discussed before playing house.
Might be time to get a divorce. I don't recommend staying with anyone with a temper like your husband. Not only is his locking you in the bathroom wrong, it is illegal in the US.
You're so young, that's why you are having trouble - you simply haven't the maturity that was needed in a marriage.
Your husband is right - it IS up to you to cultivate new friendships and get involved in the community. He should not required to do much housework, it's not his job - it's yours. And, no, it's not a matter of being a Stepford wife, it's about being a LOVING wife who wants to do the best for her husband and family to be. If you could bring yourself to have a more positive attitude and appreciate what your husband is and what he is doing, then he will STOP the anger, because he will have nothing to be angry about....
You are in control of your own life, and need to grow up FAST! You chose to become married so young, so now just work really hard, and keep your home and marriage together, with a BETTER ATTITUDE!
Good luck, girl!
Maybe you should try talking to him in a public place like a restaurant. He is less likely to show his temper and yell in front of other people. You both have to compromise and sacrifice in a marriage. You should also get to know some of the other women on base and become friends with them. That way you have people to be social with as well as he does and feel so lonely when he is out with his friends.
Ok well first of all the house doesnt have to be spotless every single day. Set up(on paper) a schedule of the house work. Then set it up so that at max you work on the house work for no more than two hours a day. Unless you live in a huge house that should be enough. Vaccuum only the areas where the children played every day- the bedroom etcs can be done only twice a week. Try to get in some housework during the morning-yes I know you have kids so do most of us and we manage to do some housework with them around. Clean the kitchen after the kids have lunch. Dont worry about after breakfast-just stack them up and wait until after lunch. Make the bed and straighten up the bedroom first thing in the morning- then its done.
Take those kids to the park - make it one near the other service mens homes so you can meet other women in the same position. Then you can start to meet some new friends.
Most men dont really worry about the house being spotless -they seem to care more about clutter. Most men hate clutter!! I dont know why. But straighten up the living room as soon as the kids leave for home.
Now at this point what is left to do? The bathrooms, any extra bedrooms you dont use do not need daily cleaning.
It really is a matter of getting used to doing the daily stuff. And most of us do not do every room every day. Laundry can be done while you watch TV unless you have to go to a laundromat. I always watch tv while I fold clothes, and I watch 4 kids every day just like you do.
Write down a housework schedule for yourself and then follow it for a while - if something isnt working for you then you can change it around until you find the schedule working and your load will seem lighter.
Your husband has his job and you have your job and while it doesnt seem fair -in most homes the wife has the housework too. Or at least the majority of it. Recently when I was ill and hospitalized -my husband had to have our neighbor show him how to use the diswasher. He does no housework-but he never complains about the house either.
Good luck I hope some of this helps you some.
If your husbands anger management problem continues -you can go to the base and talk with a counselor BUT I warn you they will talk to him about any problem they think he might have and it will be put in his case file. So if you need to talk with a counselor its usually best to go to a private one-then no problems with his job. However if the pushing and shoving and controlling gets too bad -pack up and go home. Service personnel are notoriously bad when it comes to domestic violence because they are being trained to hurt people. Dont wait too long before going and if it gets real bad talk to someone at his base-his commanding officer's office can refer you to the right person.
My Dear lady,
Both of you are still in your salad days and that's a problem.
I have known exact the same incidences and could relate to them some how.
With time you'll learn remember not to ask from him but to realize what he wants
Do not be a nanny get some better Full time Job.
I can understand that you have to do chores but sometimes you can seek his help on some of them.
Either be a fulltime Housewife or work fulltime and share household chores
Cheers
You are very young. There are alot of responsibilities to running a home. Be thankful at this point that you have not factored in your own children yet. I'm not sure why you are cleaning the oven. Basics to keeping your house clean are to vacuum, dust, keep dishes out of sink, keep laundry basket empty or at least not flowing all over the house. I'm sure with your husband on active duty, he must be in a constant state of fear that he will be called away. Your incessant nagging only makes the situation worse for both of you. It really does not take a trained chimp to run a household and if you are diligent, you don't need to do everything every day. As for your nanny job. I don't know if you are watching these kids in your home or someone else's, but you might want to find yourself another line of work...one where you are around people and can make new friends. Most husbands feel that because they are the breadwinners, their responsibilities at home should be bare minimum. I believe if 2 people work full time, then they should both share the responsibilities of the home, no matter how futile they are. If one works and the other stays home and either works from the home, or does not work, then the one who is home should hold the most responsibility for keeping the house in order. I am a stay at home mom with 2 kids. I clean every day, do laundry every day, make my kids beds and clean their rooms, make dinner, take care of the cat, vacuum every day and make sure the house is always tidy. This does not take me an entire day to do and by no means am I overwhelmed and expect my husband to help. I take out the trash, wash all the dishes...even if I didnt dirty them, straighten out the cushions on the couch...I do it all here. I don't expect my husbands help. But I do not work. If you are working outside the home, it is a different story.
NOW...as for the abuse you are going thru. I do believe there is only just so much nagging a person can hear before they start to lose it. I know this from my last marriage and I did not nag this man altho I accused him of alot of things. He would be good for awhile and then he'd go off and threaten to beat me, would corner me and threaten to kill me...all done in front of my 3 year old son. Abuse is abuse, and it only takes one incident to make it come forefront. Keep your eye on that, because once an abuser starts, he does not stop and it only gets worse and you will eventually feel a worse wrath that what you are getting now.
My advice to you are these few steps:
1. Stop nagging hubby for help. Do what you can during the day. Forget making sure the oven is clean, it is only going to get dirty again.
2. Remember that you are one person and can only do just so much while also holding down a full time job. Don't complain anymore about it to your husband. Find ways to vent your frustration somehow.
3. Watch the abuse. If it gets worse or you feel your safety is in danger of any sort, get out! Believe me, therapy will not help if this man is an abuser. He will run in cycles. One minute you'll think he's good as gold, next you'll think you married a psychopath. This is not a good way to live...trust me.
4. Find yourself a new job. Find something where you work with people your own age that you have something in common with. Do you live on base? There should be other women in the same boat as you that you can form bonds with. Look up support groups for military wives. You are not alone.
I think you should stop the nagging and crying. It is probably frustrating to your husband and is making the matters worse. Do what you can during the day. If he doesn't like the way things look at the end of the day, then tell him to pick up a rag and clean it himself or it is staying that way until tomorrow. Good luck.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Need some advice on marriage and porn?
Hi All,
Dont know where to start........I'll give you a rough out line.
My husband and I have been happily married for 14years and together for 17, we meet young, I was 15 and he was 19.
We married after our fisrt born son was 11 months old and I was 18, we had our second son years later.
Our first son was born with many problems and in the last 9yrs he had been in care.
5years ago I found a porno mag in my husbands work bag, I was shocked and sad to no end, I then realised he had been watching movies too behind my back for the last 12months.
He swore to no end that he had made a mistake and it would never happens again, he even started going to church with me and to what I thought he had become a christian too, than 6 months ago I found him looking at porn on the computure and I left and spent the night at a friends home.
I feel so let down and many other feelings too, too hard to describe right now.
I have tried to let it go and forgive him but I have found myself depressed, lonely and I feel like I am no longer good enough but at the same time I know I deserve better.
I am a christian and have stuggled with the forgiveness of him and what the right thing to do is............
I have tried really hard over the last few years but feel he will again at some point do it again.
I have never worked as he has always liked to support me but now I feel alittle trapped with now where to go, no money of my own and no job.
To be honest the whole job thing freaks me out and because of my own lack of confidence now I feel I would not be liked at work, fit in or even know what on earth I was doing.
I just feel like crying all the time, My Mum said it was my own fault, I had gained some weight at the time, my brother said he is a mechanic what did i expect, my best friend, i feel she is secretly happy about it all.
What do I do, I hate myself, I hate life and dont know how or where to start over.Need some advice on marriage and porn?
First off, I'm sorry you are hurting. I know it feels like he is emotionally cheating on you.
Are you seriously saying you would leave given the means?
I can tell you God wouldn't want that. You've made this a bigger mess by spreading this all around. A lot of time we guise gossiping (sin) as looking for advice or prayer support.
A lot of christians fall into the trap of ranking sins. Like: ';I know I'm not perfect, but I'd never . . . '; Biblically none of us are equipped to judge in this way. Eating for purposes other than to sustain and strengthen the body is a sin. Lacking confidence is a sin, you are saying you are not capable - which is saying know better than God. To hate God's gift of life is a sin. Anything that does not draw us closer to God is a sin. Want to rank them all?
We are not to forgive because God wants us to, but because we are duty bound to forgive. Christ suffered on the cross and at the hands of Satan as someone innocent -- to pay for your sins - which are far greater than this sin your husband has committed against you. So God through Christ forgives you, but you can withhold forgiveness from your husband?
A parable comes to mind. The parable of a man who threw himself on the mercy of a rich man, who forgave this man of a large debt. This newly debt free man then immediately went and had someone else thrown in jail for failure to pay him a much smaller debt . . . this is just as outrageous as your behavior.
When we are saved we are given a new soul that desires to never sin again. But that new soul still operates within the flesh, in the context of a world that caters to every sin.
You are right, this very well may happen again. But he seems to know it is wrong. He seems to desire to do right. Give him support rather than condemnation. Put child filtering software on the computer, that only you have the unlock code for (with teens in the house it's not a bad idea anyway). Keep the computer in an open area, like the living room or kitchen. Have an open work bag on the kitchen table policy. Get rid of TVs in private areas. Find him a christian mentor. Someone he can be responsible to daily, and who can guide him on his new christian walk.
Do you ever say you'll work out and take care of the body God gave you, then you don't follow through for long (sin)? It is the same thing. He can't do it alone, create an environment and system for success. Good intentions only go so far in a world full of temptation.
Be a model of Christ's love and forgiveness to your husband. This will not only change your husband's life, but also your own.
Life is all about perspective. I hope this helped yours.Need some advice on marriage and porn?
WOW you are over reacting to this, guys will watch porn no matter what! Its just something that happens and you have to accept it. Don't do anything too drastic about this situation.
Honey, if you cant beat him, join him.
porn is addicting
I am sorry that you hate yourself right now, none of this is your fault at all and I understand your point of view on the porn and what the bible and church say about it, it's cheating if your lusting after anyone else.all you can do is have a good talk with him and tell him how it makes you feel let him know if he doesn't stop you will get a divorce thats not what you want to do but you can't live like that. for all those who say its ok I can tell you looking at porn always leads to cheating.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_looking_at_鈥?/a>
1st of all you need to cut your man some slack. Its a porno mag. That's all. He loves you and all. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He doesn't cheat. He just watched porn. Enjoys magazines.
Your trying to change a mans human nature. And what is going to happen with all this Christian talk and you trying to change him, is he will find another vice and it will be something worse than before.
What hes doing is not illegal. Porn is so readily available in todays society. 7-11s the computer you dont ever have to find it. It finds you. Porn is a billion dollar business. This is common. But get over yourself or things are going to get worse.
I'm sorry for your hurt feelings but you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
I am not married, but I still feel i have an answer for you.
Since you are a girl, you may not be able to understand this (not being sexist), but, its is very much possible, and really, normal, for a guy to look at porn but still love somebody. I promise this is true. Men are visually turned on (as everyone knows) and masturbation is just a release. %26amp; sometimes guys just don't want to go through the whole actually having sex routine sometimes. because most guys want to have sex a Lot more times than any partner would be willing too.
If the porn is excessive you then maybe there is a problem, %26amp; then i really don't have advice. but if thats not the case..
This may sound new-agey and every christian tenet you've ever had will tell you I'm wrong but the truth of it is, ';it's not that big of a deal.';
every guy everywhere looks at porn. if you find me one that doesn't, its because he doesn't have an internet connection.
So to sum up. It's not you, and its also not him. Its just what it is. don't let what you 'the church' tell you hurt the beautiful relationship god gave you. they don't know what they are talking about and just want money. ( im agnostic, guilty. sorry :)
so thats my bit. good luck.
I agree with all these ppl, get in shape, have a new hair cut, look good for him, be confident, maybe thats the main reason y he looks at porn, maybe he feels u r not taking a good care of urself to him...when u know he watched porn, ignore it and don't talk abt it...
The porn thing isn't in itself a bad thing,you have made it so. To you ,it's taboo but it is in fact quite normal. I think the secrecy of it has hurt you more than anything so why not watch it with him and liven up your love life ? You can still be a Christian and enjoy a bit of porn but don't make him feel guilty and force him to watch it behind your back. Many women watch it with their man,including me................
It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Perhaps it is just a phase, he didnt get it when he was young like most men do, so he is making up for it now. perhaps with your christian ways, he didn't want to offend you by putting it under the bathroom sink like most men do, he hid it. It is common for men to watch porn. However why don't you try something different. I watch porn with my husband on occasion, however since you feel so strongly about it, perhaps you can do something else to spicen your love life. I'm sure that is not a sin. There are games you can play, and books you can read with different sexual activities so the marriage won't become boring, and sex a habitual chore. why not go out and get new lingerie? and suprise him by wearing it for him? why not go out to your local sex store (and it is embarrasing the first time, however it is completely natural and lots of couples do this) and pick out something together to try in the bedroom? if you are closed to these ideas, you can always try convincing him to go to a therapist who specializes in these sorts of things, because porn is an addiction like any other. you could also get a lock for the computer so he would be unable to look up porn on it. there are several ways to fix this problem. you just have to decide which route is best for your marriage and doesnt compromise your religious beliefs. good luck and god bless.
I felt similar to you about this a couple of years ago. Not anymore.
Men really like porn. They often hide it because you don't accept it. I even watch some now (tasteful kind :-) with him. You need to examine, or maybe you already know, why it upsets you so much. Do you feel threatened, jealous, etc. Men always look. There is such a thing as porn addiction and that will wreck your marriage. Search it, it's very interesting.
A part-time job to start would probably do your self-esteem a world of good. Talk to people out there about life. Make some friends. If you feel he has a real problem with being porn addicted (like, you two do not have sex, etc) you both can see a therapist.
Women! stop having a problem with porn and guys wont have to hide it! We do NOT look at porn because we're not attracted to you. We look because we have fantasies. It has NOTHING to do with you in fact so get over it. OF COURSe he's gonna tell you he won't do it again, he doesn't want to hurt you because HE LOVES YOU!
If he misses the mortgage because he spent the rent at a strip club or buying over-priced fetish movies, then you have a problem. Men do not look at porn because there is anything wrong with their wives, or that they are no longer attracted to them. Men look at porn because men MASTURBATE. They are visually stimulated, and looking at porn expedites the process.
You are leaving your husband because he is looking at and/or watching porn behind your back. He wants to be respectful of your feelings or beliefs, but probably thinks the request is ridiculous, and has a hard time honoring it. He works and enjoys providing for the family, has been with you for 17 years. It sounds like you have a much better man than the majority of married women out there.
no offense, but if you are willing to leave him for this, perhaps you are holding your standards higher for any man to meet. Remember, there is only 1 perfect man, and he lived about 2000 years ago. Accept that he enjoys porn. You don't have to watch with him, but know that it is to help him release a product of his body that HAS to be release in some way.
personally i dont think its that a big of deal. i know to u it is. but if its a daily thing, constantly then u need to do something. honey dont hate yourself. gain some confidence. write in a journel join a yoga class or cardio class at the gym. make yourself happy. i think right now you are just a wreck no offense. breath calm down and think. dont just forget about it. becuz although some people dont mind the spouse looking at porn there are others who strongly disagree with that. tell your husband how it really makes you feel and tell him how much it hurts you. dont listen to your mom and brother..its absurd what they said and for your best friend...drop it. worry about first, you and then deal with your relationship. everything is going to be ok
You never mentioned if you love this man or not. Is he a good father? A devoted husband? Is he kind and caring? Does he love you? Is he good to you? You met at a very young age and had children young. He has never dated in the sense that young people do. It's just curiosity. Pornography does not make a person stray. That is an absurd notion. Many happily married men (and couples) partake in this to various degrees. It is a private matter. It doesn't have anything to do with his love for you. It is separate. Men can do this as their make up is different and hard wired. You need to put this into perspective. It is not a deal breaker in a marriage. Abuse, neglect, lack of love, anger issues, cheating with another woman are deal breakers. It is not about your weight. He's with you because he wants to be. You need to absolutely recognize this is not as huge as you're letting it become. You don't need to start over. If you can be honest with yourself and answer the above questions with a yes, then you should be thanking God for sending this man to you. So many marriages are unhappy ones due to placing unreasonable expectations on a spouse who otherwise is a good human being.
I think you need to get over it. It isn't like he was out sleeping with other women. As for your brother, he needs a kick in the teeth, just because someone has a certain profession does not mean that they should be categorized into certain behavioral groups.
as for being a christian, how is looking at porn any different than premarital sex?
Ok,
1. NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE. There is no argument in the world that should make you run from your family. So you never run away from your problems again.
2. You're making this rather small problem into a huge catastrophe that is affecting your job, your mothering, your relationship with your family, and your confidence.
It's a problem, no doubt about it. But blowing it up into a huge mess isn't going to help solve it. You're running around like a headless chicken! Calm down!
3. Your mother, albeit in an abrasive way, was trying to put you on a logical path.
This is an opportunity to address some things that would only have gotten worse if you hadn't found the magazine.
You're not going to let a porno mag ruin YOUR marriage are you?
So, resolve yourself to fixing it!
a) You've gained weight? Fine! Lose it!
b) Have you been a little disinterested in the bedroom over the pass few years. Time to tune that up a little (and have some fun too!)
c) Ever honestly asked your husband what turns him on? Do so and don't be fearful of what you hear. Find some way to incorporate it into your sex life.
d) Whenever you're feeling fearful or anxious about it, do something nice for your husband. Even if it's just to send him a little text or give him a kiss on the cheek...anything! Turn your FEAR into something positive!
e) You're already thinking about divorcing him? How Christian is that exactly? For shame! This is not adultery, nor abuse, or abandonment! So some Christian courage!
Good Luck!
I know everyone has different opinions on porn so your going to get a lot of ';get over it thats what guys do answers'; but Im not a big fan of porn myself...unless my husband and I are watching it together or something...but the main issue here is that YOU don't like it and it hurts you, your self esteem, and yourself as a whole and your husband isn't respecting you or how you feel about porn or more importantly, how it affects you personally and makes you feel. And thats not right at all cuz obviously its a huge deal to you and he knows this must not have cared and has already promised and failed to keep that promise. He's going to do it again and believe me, you'll only catch him about 1 outta every 100 times he's doing it. I personally think he doesn't respect you like he should and like you deserve as a wife, mother, and woman cuz if he can't stop looking at images on the computer, tv, whatever, for the sake of his wife's happiness and self worth than he's pathetic!! And if it is that big of an issue to you than maybe you might have to think about what you want to put up with and what you don't. And its not your fault whatsoever!! Doesn't matter if you gained weight, have a few more wrinkles or whatever, looks obviously don't last forever and everybody grows older including your husband, so don't give him that lame *** pathetic excuse cuz I doubt he's a perfect 10 either! He's suppose to love and respect you cuz you are who you are on the inside...not cuz you were ten pounds lighter 10 years ago!! and he's not doing that!! And all these answers your going to get that say ';get over it thats what guys do'; DON'T for one second believe this and give guys a free pass to disrespect, degrade, and devalue their wives and girlfriend's by some lame *** crap like that. I know a lot of guys who aren't porn freaks and totally and completely respect their women and treat them wonderfully...I think a lot of women need to demand more respect from men nowadays...call me old school or something i guess...
Its normal for guys to look at porn. My ex girlfriend made Jessica Alba look bad, and we had an amazing sex life, and guess what i still looked at porn. And yes she freaked out when she caught me. I'm afraid you just have to get used to it. He only told you he wouldn't do it to make you happy. Also no offence but your family don't know what they're talking about. Don't listen to them. Having more sex, getting more fit, fulfilling each others fantasies... These things will make him do it less as his sex life (this includes masterbation) will be too full of you!
your situation is a tough one... sorry, but i can't believe your mother said it was your own fault...that was RUDE!! is your friend helping you through the situation b/c the more people on your side the better it makes the situation. wait it out. try to find a job somewhere... you will adjust. you'll make friends and start making your own money...you'll be living your own life...as for your husband...just confront him about this..and if the porn bothers you that bad,
just leave him if he does look at porn again.
I have every sympathy for you. I hate the 'men are visual creatures' line that always comes out on these questions. Maybe if there wasn't so much porn for men they wouldn't think about sex so much. Don't blame yourself or your figure. bet your husband is no adonis but you don't seek pictures of fit, good loking guys do you. I consider it cheating and when my ex wouldn't stop looking at porn I found someone else who wanted me so it was quits. Let him look at porn and you find yourself a nice young man to keep you happy. Your husband doesn't deserve you.
First of all, I know you love your mother, but what she said was just plain out of line. NO ONE should ever say anything like that to someone else, let alone a mother to her own daughter. Sounds to me like your mom doesn't care about your marriage.
Secondly, don't listen to all the other people that have commented that 'porn isn't that big of a deal'. If they were true Christians, you know they're answers would be different. I think for honest, good advice, you need to talk to your pastor, or maybe a pastor of another church, to avoid bringing that awkwardness between the pastor and your husband the next time he's in church.
Honey, you know in your heart that pornography is wrong, that's why you feel so uncomfortable about it; it's called intuition and it's usually right. Just because it is the natural order of things for a man to be sexually aroused visually, does not mean it is RIGHT. The Bible says we are born into sin (so it's only natural for him to want to look at other naked women doing sexual things instead of his wife), but Jesus took that sin away from us so we can have a CHOICE to sin or not. Right now, your husband is choosing to sin. He may not see it as a sin, but he knows how you feel about it, and in my opinion, if your spouse has a problem with something, then you shouldn't be doing it, no matter how you personally feel about it.
Proverbs 6:25-27 says, ';Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?';
Pornography is only the beginning of a vicious cycle that will ultimately hurt you, your husband, and your marriage beyond repair. You need to seek marital counseling immediately, preferably with a pastor, or even private counseling sessions with a pastor. Your husband needs to understand just how dangerous opening this gateway can be, and the consequences of his actions.
I will pray for both of you. Please keep us updated on how everything works out between you. God bless.
hiiiiii :) im only 16... and i dont no anything about marriage but i think u should be happy that he's watching porn and not cheating on u..
i honostly think ur over reacting waay to much! and maybe u should consider pleasing ur husband moree...
and ur brother shouldn't generalize... look don't leave him over sumthing so little... maybe use should sit there and talk about it.. understand why he is watching it. but try not to yell at him because all he is gna do is go behind ur back..
just be open with him :)
You should be glad he's just looking at porn and not sleeping with anyone else. A lil porn here and there isn't anything to worry about, but if you're not happy with your sex life or your body do something about it. You need to throw some things in there to spice things up. Tell or those negative ppl to piss off and if you're unhappy with something do something about it. If you still love him and loves you, don't worry so much.
Lots of couples face this problem. Consider seeking counseling for both you and your husband, or even talk to your Pastor if you are comfortable with him. Know that this is not your fault and that this is an addicting act that most men can't stop on their own, and even start without reason.
Good Luck.
I am a christian too, I am also married and stay at home. I have caught my husband with porn and understand the hurt you feel. Unfortunately yahoo answers in general is very pro-porn and will not give you much sympathy besides to just tell you its natural and you shouldnt be upset. but they are wrong. also, what a sick horrible thing for your mom to tell you its your fault. how horrible. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Can you go to marriage counseling? I understand how scary the thought of getting a job would be, but you have to be strong. Personally I consider porn cheating (if you even look at another woman with lust in your eye, it is adultery- forgot where that was in the Bible) and cheating is a valid excuse to leave your husband. So perhaps if you can make it a very real consequence for his actions that you will leave, he will wake up and seek help with you. You might have to really leave, you might not. but you must make that clear that it is a possibility, because what he did hurt you and you are left with no other real choice. Porn can be a very strong addiction, and it is not to be taken lightly. he must do what he has to to avoid the temptation.. give you freedom to search his things, take away or put blocks on his internet access, things like that. but this is best worked out with a christian marriage counselor, like perhaps, your pastor. I truly wish the best and hope this has a happy ending!makeup techniques
Dont know where to start........I'll give you a rough out line.
My husband and I have been happily married for 14years and together for 17, we meet young, I was 15 and he was 19.
We married after our fisrt born son was 11 months old and I was 18, we had our second son years later.
Our first son was born with many problems and in the last 9yrs he had been in care.
5years ago I found a porno mag in my husbands work bag, I was shocked and sad to no end, I then realised he had been watching movies too behind my back for the last 12months.
He swore to no end that he had made a mistake and it would never happens again, he even started going to church with me and to what I thought he had become a christian too, than 6 months ago I found him looking at porn on the computure and I left and spent the night at a friends home.
I feel so let down and many other feelings too, too hard to describe right now.
I have tried to let it go and forgive him but I have found myself depressed, lonely and I feel like I am no longer good enough but at the same time I know I deserve better.
I am a christian and have stuggled with the forgiveness of him and what the right thing to do is............
I have tried really hard over the last few years but feel he will again at some point do it again.
I have never worked as he has always liked to support me but now I feel alittle trapped with now where to go, no money of my own and no job.
To be honest the whole job thing freaks me out and because of my own lack of confidence now I feel I would not be liked at work, fit in or even know what on earth I was doing.
I just feel like crying all the time, My Mum said it was my own fault, I had gained some weight at the time, my brother said he is a mechanic what did i expect, my best friend, i feel she is secretly happy about it all.
What do I do, I hate myself, I hate life and dont know how or where to start over.Need some advice on marriage and porn?
First off, I'm sorry you are hurting. I know it feels like he is emotionally cheating on you.
Are you seriously saying you would leave given the means?
I can tell you God wouldn't want that. You've made this a bigger mess by spreading this all around. A lot of time we guise gossiping (sin) as looking for advice or prayer support.
A lot of christians fall into the trap of ranking sins. Like: ';I know I'm not perfect, but I'd never . . . '; Biblically none of us are equipped to judge in this way. Eating for purposes other than to sustain and strengthen the body is a sin. Lacking confidence is a sin, you are saying you are not capable - which is saying know better than God. To hate God's gift of life is a sin. Anything that does not draw us closer to God is a sin. Want to rank them all?
We are not to forgive because God wants us to, but because we are duty bound to forgive. Christ suffered on the cross and at the hands of Satan as someone innocent -- to pay for your sins - which are far greater than this sin your husband has committed against you. So God through Christ forgives you, but you can withhold forgiveness from your husband?
A parable comes to mind. The parable of a man who threw himself on the mercy of a rich man, who forgave this man of a large debt. This newly debt free man then immediately went and had someone else thrown in jail for failure to pay him a much smaller debt . . . this is just as outrageous as your behavior.
When we are saved we are given a new soul that desires to never sin again. But that new soul still operates within the flesh, in the context of a world that caters to every sin.
You are right, this very well may happen again. But he seems to know it is wrong. He seems to desire to do right. Give him support rather than condemnation. Put child filtering software on the computer, that only you have the unlock code for (with teens in the house it's not a bad idea anyway). Keep the computer in an open area, like the living room or kitchen. Have an open work bag on the kitchen table policy. Get rid of TVs in private areas. Find him a christian mentor. Someone he can be responsible to daily, and who can guide him on his new christian walk.
Do you ever say you'll work out and take care of the body God gave you, then you don't follow through for long (sin)? It is the same thing. He can't do it alone, create an environment and system for success. Good intentions only go so far in a world full of temptation.
Be a model of Christ's love and forgiveness to your husband. This will not only change your husband's life, but also your own.
Life is all about perspective. I hope this helped yours.Need some advice on marriage and porn?
WOW you are over reacting to this, guys will watch porn no matter what! Its just something that happens and you have to accept it. Don't do anything too drastic about this situation.
Honey, if you cant beat him, join him.
porn is addicting
I am sorry that you hate yourself right now, none of this is your fault at all and I understand your point of view on the porn and what the bible and church say about it, it's cheating if your lusting after anyone else.all you can do is have a good talk with him and tell him how it makes you feel let him know if he doesn't stop you will get a divorce thats not what you want to do but you can't live like that. for all those who say its ok I can tell you looking at porn always leads to cheating.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_looking_at_鈥?/a>
1st of all you need to cut your man some slack. Its a porno mag. That's all. He loves you and all. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He doesn't cheat. He just watched porn. Enjoys magazines.
Your trying to change a mans human nature. And what is going to happen with all this Christian talk and you trying to change him, is he will find another vice and it will be something worse than before.
What hes doing is not illegal. Porn is so readily available in todays society. 7-11s the computer you dont ever have to find it. It finds you. Porn is a billion dollar business. This is common. But get over yourself or things are going to get worse.
I'm sorry for your hurt feelings but you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
I am not married, but I still feel i have an answer for you.
Since you are a girl, you may not be able to understand this (not being sexist), but, its is very much possible, and really, normal, for a guy to look at porn but still love somebody. I promise this is true. Men are visually turned on (as everyone knows) and masturbation is just a release. %26amp; sometimes guys just don't want to go through the whole actually having sex routine sometimes. because most guys want to have sex a Lot more times than any partner would be willing too.
If the porn is excessive you then maybe there is a problem, %26amp; then i really don't have advice. but if thats not the case..
This may sound new-agey and every christian tenet you've ever had will tell you I'm wrong but the truth of it is, ';it's not that big of a deal.';
every guy everywhere looks at porn. if you find me one that doesn't, its because he doesn't have an internet connection.
So to sum up. It's not you, and its also not him. Its just what it is. don't let what you 'the church' tell you hurt the beautiful relationship god gave you. they don't know what they are talking about and just want money. ( im agnostic, guilty. sorry :)
so thats my bit. good luck.
I agree with all these ppl, get in shape, have a new hair cut, look good for him, be confident, maybe thats the main reason y he looks at porn, maybe he feels u r not taking a good care of urself to him...when u know he watched porn, ignore it and don't talk abt it...
The porn thing isn't in itself a bad thing,you have made it so. To you ,it's taboo but it is in fact quite normal. I think the secrecy of it has hurt you more than anything so why not watch it with him and liven up your love life ? You can still be a Christian and enjoy a bit of porn but don't make him feel guilty and force him to watch it behind your back. Many women watch it with their man,including me................
It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Perhaps it is just a phase, he didnt get it when he was young like most men do, so he is making up for it now. perhaps with your christian ways, he didn't want to offend you by putting it under the bathroom sink like most men do, he hid it. It is common for men to watch porn. However why don't you try something different. I watch porn with my husband on occasion, however since you feel so strongly about it, perhaps you can do something else to spicen your love life. I'm sure that is not a sin. There are games you can play, and books you can read with different sexual activities so the marriage won't become boring, and sex a habitual chore. why not go out and get new lingerie? and suprise him by wearing it for him? why not go out to your local sex store (and it is embarrasing the first time, however it is completely natural and lots of couples do this) and pick out something together to try in the bedroom? if you are closed to these ideas, you can always try convincing him to go to a therapist who specializes in these sorts of things, because porn is an addiction like any other. you could also get a lock for the computer so he would be unable to look up porn on it. there are several ways to fix this problem. you just have to decide which route is best for your marriage and doesnt compromise your religious beliefs. good luck and god bless.
I felt similar to you about this a couple of years ago. Not anymore.
Men really like porn. They often hide it because you don't accept it. I even watch some now (tasteful kind :-) with him. You need to examine, or maybe you already know, why it upsets you so much. Do you feel threatened, jealous, etc. Men always look. There is such a thing as porn addiction and that will wreck your marriage. Search it, it's very interesting.
A part-time job to start would probably do your self-esteem a world of good. Talk to people out there about life. Make some friends. If you feel he has a real problem with being porn addicted (like, you two do not have sex, etc) you both can see a therapist.
Women! stop having a problem with porn and guys wont have to hide it! We do NOT look at porn because we're not attracted to you. We look because we have fantasies. It has NOTHING to do with you in fact so get over it. OF COURSe he's gonna tell you he won't do it again, he doesn't want to hurt you because HE LOVES YOU!
If he misses the mortgage because he spent the rent at a strip club or buying over-priced fetish movies, then you have a problem. Men do not look at porn because there is anything wrong with their wives, or that they are no longer attracted to them. Men look at porn because men MASTURBATE. They are visually stimulated, and looking at porn expedites the process.
You are leaving your husband because he is looking at and/or watching porn behind your back. He wants to be respectful of your feelings or beliefs, but probably thinks the request is ridiculous, and has a hard time honoring it. He works and enjoys providing for the family, has been with you for 17 years. It sounds like you have a much better man than the majority of married women out there.
no offense, but if you are willing to leave him for this, perhaps you are holding your standards higher for any man to meet. Remember, there is only 1 perfect man, and he lived about 2000 years ago. Accept that he enjoys porn. You don't have to watch with him, but know that it is to help him release a product of his body that HAS to be release in some way.
personally i dont think its that a big of deal. i know to u it is. but if its a daily thing, constantly then u need to do something. honey dont hate yourself. gain some confidence. write in a journel join a yoga class or cardio class at the gym. make yourself happy. i think right now you are just a wreck no offense. breath calm down and think. dont just forget about it. becuz although some people dont mind the spouse looking at porn there are others who strongly disagree with that. tell your husband how it really makes you feel and tell him how much it hurts you. dont listen to your mom and brother..its absurd what they said and for your best friend...drop it. worry about first, you and then deal with your relationship. everything is going to be ok
You never mentioned if you love this man or not. Is he a good father? A devoted husband? Is he kind and caring? Does he love you? Is he good to you? You met at a very young age and had children young. He has never dated in the sense that young people do. It's just curiosity. Pornography does not make a person stray. That is an absurd notion. Many happily married men (and couples) partake in this to various degrees. It is a private matter. It doesn't have anything to do with his love for you. It is separate. Men can do this as their make up is different and hard wired. You need to put this into perspective. It is not a deal breaker in a marriage. Abuse, neglect, lack of love, anger issues, cheating with another woman are deal breakers. It is not about your weight. He's with you because he wants to be. You need to absolutely recognize this is not as huge as you're letting it become. You don't need to start over. If you can be honest with yourself and answer the above questions with a yes, then you should be thanking God for sending this man to you. So many marriages are unhappy ones due to placing unreasonable expectations on a spouse who otherwise is a good human being.
I think you need to get over it. It isn't like he was out sleeping with other women. As for your brother, he needs a kick in the teeth, just because someone has a certain profession does not mean that they should be categorized into certain behavioral groups.
as for being a christian, how is looking at porn any different than premarital sex?
Ok,
1. NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE. There is no argument in the world that should make you run from your family. So you never run away from your problems again.
2. You're making this rather small problem into a huge catastrophe that is affecting your job, your mothering, your relationship with your family, and your confidence.
It's a problem, no doubt about it. But blowing it up into a huge mess isn't going to help solve it. You're running around like a headless chicken! Calm down!
3. Your mother, albeit in an abrasive way, was trying to put you on a logical path.
This is an opportunity to address some things that would only have gotten worse if you hadn't found the magazine.
You're not going to let a porno mag ruin YOUR marriage are you?
So, resolve yourself to fixing it!
a) You've gained weight? Fine! Lose it!
b) Have you been a little disinterested in the bedroom over the pass few years. Time to tune that up a little (and have some fun too!)
c) Ever honestly asked your husband what turns him on? Do so and don't be fearful of what you hear. Find some way to incorporate it into your sex life.
d) Whenever you're feeling fearful or anxious about it, do something nice for your husband. Even if it's just to send him a little text or give him a kiss on the cheek...anything! Turn your FEAR into something positive!
e) You're already thinking about divorcing him? How Christian is that exactly? For shame! This is not adultery, nor abuse, or abandonment! So some Christian courage!
Good Luck!
I know everyone has different opinions on porn so your going to get a lot of ';get over it thats what guys do answers'; but Im not a big fan of porn myself...unless my husband and I are watching it together or something...but the main issue here is that YOU don't like it and it hurts you, your self esteem, and yourself as a whole and your husband isn't respecting you or how you feel about porn or more importantly, how it affects you personally and makes you feel. And thats not right at all cuz obviously its a huge deal to you and he knows this must not have cared and has already promised and failed to keep that promise. He's going to do it again and believe me, you'll only catch him about 1 outta every 100 times he's doing it. I personally think he doesn't respect you like he should and like you deserve as a wife, mother, and woman cuz if he can't stop looking at images on the computer, tv, whatever, for the sake of his wife's happiness and self worth than he's pathetic!! And if it is that big of an issue to you than maybe you might have to think about what you want to put up with and what you don't. And its not your fault whatsoever!! Doesn't matter if you gained weight, have a few more wrinkles or whatever, looks obviously don't last forever and everybody grows older including your husband, so don't give him that lame *** pathetic excuse cuz I doubt he's a perfect 10 either! He's suppose to love and respect you cuz you are who you are on the inside...not cuz you were ten pounds lighter 10 years ago!! and he's not doing that!! And all these answers your going to get that say ';get over it thats what guys do'; DON'T for one second believe this and give guys a free pass to disrespect, degrade, and devalue their wives and girlfriend's by some lame *** crap like that. I know a lot of guys who aren't porn freaks and totally and completely respect their women and treat them wonderfully...I think a lot of women need to demand more respect from men nowadays...call me old school or something i guess...
Its normal for guys to look at porn. My ex girlfriend made Jessica Alba look bad, and we had an amazing sex life, and guess what i still looked at porn. And yes she freaked out when she caught me. I'm afraid you just have to get used to it. He only told you he wouldn't do it to make you happy. Also no offence but your family don't know what they're talking about. Don't listen to them. Having more sex, getting more fit, fulfilling each others fantasies... These things will make him do it less as his sex life (this includes masterbation) will be too full of you!
your situation is a tough one... sorry, but i can't believe your mother said it was your own fault...that was RUDE!! is your friend helping you through the situation b/c the more people on your side the better it makes the situation. wait it out. try to find a job somewhere... you will adjust. you'll make friends and start making your own money...you'll be living your own life...as for your husband...just confront him about this..and if the porn bothers you that bad,
just leave him if he does look at porn again.
I have every sympathy for you. I hate the 'men are visual creatures' line that always comes out on these questions. Maybe if there wasn't so much porn for men they wouldn't think about sex so much. Don't blame yourself or your figure. bet your husband is no adonis but you don't seek pictures of fit, good loking guys do you. I consider it cheating and when my ex wouldn't stop looking at porn I found someone else who wanted me so it was quits. Let him look at porn and you find yourself a nice young man to keep you happy. Your husband doesn't deserve you.
First of all, I know you love your mother, but what she said was just plain out of line. NO ONE should ever say anything like that to someone else, let alone a mother to her own daughter. Sounds to me like your mom doesn't care about your marriage.
Secondly, don't listen to all the other people that have commented that 'porn isn't that big of a deal'. If they were true Christians, you know they're answers would be different. I think for honest, good advice, you need to talk to your pastor, or maybe a pastor of another church, to avoid bringing that awkwardness between the pastor and your husband the next time he's in church.
Honey, you know in your heart that pornography is wrong, that's why you feel so uncomfortable about it; it's called intuition and it's usually right. Just because it is the natural order of things for a man to be sexually aroused visually, does not mean it is RIGHT. The Bible says we are born into sin (so it's only natural for him to want to look at other naked women doing sexual things instead of his wife), but Jesus took that sin away from us so we can have a CHOICE to sin or not. Right now, your husband is choosing to sin. He may not see it as a sin, but he knows how you feel about it, and in my opinion, if your spouse has a problem with something, then you shouldn't be doing it, no matter how you personally feel about it.
Proverbs 6:25-27 says, ';Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?';
Pornography is only the beginning of a vicious cycle that will ultimately hurt you, your husband, and your marriage beyond repair. You need to seek marital counseling immediately, preferably with a pastor, or even private counseling sessions with a pastor. Your husband needs to understand just how dangerous opening this gateway can be, and the consequences of his actions.
I will pray for both of you. Please keep us updated on how everything works out between you. God bless.
hiiiiii :) im only 16... and i dont no anything about marriage but i think u should be happy that he's watching porn and not cheating on u..
i honostly think ur over reacting waay to much! and maybe u should consider pleasing ur husband moree...
and ur brother shouldn't generalize... look don't leave him over sumthing so little... maybe use should sit there and talk about it.. understand why he is watching it. but try not to yell at him because all he is gna do is go behind ur back..
just be open with him :)
You should be glad he's just looking at porn and not sleeping with anyone else. A lil porn here and there isn't anything to worry about, but if you're not happy with your sex life or your body do something about it. You need to throw some things in there to spice things up. Tell or those negative ppl to piss off and if you're unhappy with something do something about it. If you still love him and loves you, don't worry so much.
Lots of couples face this problem. Consider seeking counseling for both you and your husband, or even talk to your Pastor if you are comfortable with him. Know that this is not your fault and that this is an addicting act that most men can't stop on their own, and even start without reason.
Good Luck.
I am a christian too, I am also married and stay at home. I have caught my husband with porn and understand the hurt you feel. Unfortunately yahoo answers in general is very pro-porn and will not give you much sympathy besides to just tell you its natural and you shouldnt be upset. but they are wrong. also, what a sick horrible thing for your mom to tell you its your fault. how horrible. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Can you go to marriage counseling? I understand how scary the thought of getting a job would be, but you have to be strong. Personally I consider porn cheating (if you even look at another woman with lust in your eye, it is adultery- forgot where that was in the Bible) and cheating is a valid excuse to leave your husband. So perhaps if you can make it a very real consequence for his actions that you will leave, he will wake up and seek help with you. You might have to really leave, you might not. but you must make that clear that it is a possibility, because what he did hurt you and you are left with no other real choice. Porn can be a very strong addiction, and it is not to be taken lightly. he must do what he has to to avoid the temptation.. give you freedom to search his things, take away or put blocks on his internet access, things like that. but this is best worked out with a christian marriage counselor, like perhaps, your pastor. I truly wish the best and hope this has a happy ending!
I need advice my marriage depends on it...?
Me and husband are currently living with my parents, we have gone through a rough year, and i started working in a place they pay me ok, but ove only been there a month. We are trying to save money to buy a car, and move out ASAP because the house has been with a lot of tension...
Well my dad doesnt driving, so my husband (unemployed), takes my sisters my mom and me everyday and then picks up everybody, but yesterday we went out and my dad did not want to pick up my mom from work which caused a heated discussion.
now my husband wants us to go live with his aunt, he says he is really uncomfortable in my house now, his aunts husband has clearly stated in the past he does not want anybody living with them.
I told him we have to wait and save so we can go live on our own but my husband says i am selfish..... should i go live with his aunt and give in to what he wants or what??I need advice my marriage depends on it...?
Living with family is hard enough without being married. personally, I would stay put and save because moving just adds more stress. On top of the fact that you would have to become accustomed to the different customs and rules at the new place. stay put and save up.I need advice my marriage depends on it...?
You should talk to his aunt and her husband first before making any decisions. but it actually depends on location. like where your job is and where your husband is going to find a job. It's really about what's best for the both of you. If your husband feels uncomfortable staying at your parents house then you should at least consider staying at his aunt's for a while, but only if it's okay with his aunt and her husband. You and your husband really do need to find ways to support yourselves.
If your husband is so uncomfortable living in your house (that he should be grateful for) he should get himself a job even more so and make your move out of your family's house. By going to his aunt's house, he's still be depending on others to take care of him. I think he'll just buy more time by moving to his aunt's house.
You should be living on your own. Not your parents or your aunts. That is ridicules. You are grown-ups and you need to work on your marriage. Thats really weird. When do you ever have time for yourself?
no its wrong for him to just invite you two to live with his aunt. he is being selfish. if anything he needs to find a job and you guys should try renting a really cheap place.
you might be a little selfish, but he is a lot immature. i would however try following his lead and moving in with the aunt - tell him if that doesn't work...next time you get to decide.
GET OUT AND GET YOUR OWN PLACE. Do THAT, then get some marriage counseling, because you BOTH are very immature, insecure, and selfish.
GOOD LUCK!!
Get out YESTERDAY!
if his aunt's husband doesnt want anyone living with them, do you think it'll be better for you?? how come your husband doesnt look for a job. two little jobs are better then just your job.
i guess you'll have to figure out which place will give you a little more peace and quiet so you can have a life too not be all stressed out about who picks up your mother, and your sisters from diff. places.
Your priority should be YOUR Family which is your Husband and YOU. you both need to figure out and see what advantages and disadvantages you have in your parents house or with your aunt.
Talk to your aunt's husband and tell him that it's for a few months till you can move out on your own.
I think the two of you need to rent a very cheap/inexpensive apartment of your own. This will get rid of all of the issues. However, since you say you are not able to do this. There is really nothing you can do but come to some type of workable compromise between the two of you. Talk to his aunt and uncle. However, certainly you do not want to add strain to their household. And living with your parents is obviously reached a level of serious tension. Seems to me it would be best to move out and find a place where the two of you are capable of handling the rent. Something very cheat maybe an efficiency until the two of you are gainfully employed and can do better. Why is he not working somewhere? I do realize the economy is horrible right now, however he should take any job. Some money doing anything is better than no money doing nothing.
Well my dad doesnt driving, so my husband (unemployed), takes my sisters my mom and me everyday and then picks up everybody, but yesterday we went out and my dad did not want to pick up my mom from work which caused a heated discussion.
now my husband wants us to go live with his aunt, he says he is really uncomfortable in my house now, his aunts husband has clearly stated in the past he does not want anybody living with them.
I told him we have to wait and save so we can go live on our own but my husband says i am selfish..... should i go live with his aunt and give in to what he wants or what??I need advice my marriage depends on it...?
Living with family is hard enough without being married. personally, I would stay put and save because moving just adds more stress. On top of the fact that you would have to become accustomed to the different customs and rules at the new place. stay put and save up.I need advice my marriage depends on it...?
You should talk to his aunt and her husband first before making any decisions. but it actually depends on location. like where your job is and where your husband is going to find a job. It's really about what's best for the both of you. If your husband feels uncomfortable staying at your parents house then you should at least consider staying at his aunt's for a while, but only if it's okay with his aunt and her husband. You and your husband really do need to find ways to support yourselves.
If your husband is so uncomfortable living in your house (that he should be grateful for) he should get himself a job even more so and make your move out of your family's house. By going to his aunt's house, he's still be depending on others to take care of him. I think he'll just buy more time by moving to his aunt's house.
You should be living on your own. Not your parents or your aunts. That is ridicules. You are grown-ups and you need to work on your marriage. Thats really weird. When do you ever have time for yourself?
no its wrong for him to just invite you two to live with his aunt. he is being selfish. if anything he needs to find a job and you guys should try renting a really cheap place.
you might be a little selfish, but he is a lot immature. i would however try following his lead and moving in with the aunt - tell him if that doesn't work...next time you get to decide.
GET OUT AND GET YOUR OWN PLACE. Do THAT, then get some marriage counseling, because you BOTH are very immature, insecure, and selfish.
GOOD LUCK!!
Get out YESTERDAY!
if his aunt's husband doesnt want anyone living with them, do you think it'll be better for you?? how come your husband doesnt look for a job. two little jobs are better then just your job.
i guess you'll have to figure out which place will give you a little more peace and quiet so you can have a life too not be all stressed out about who picks up your mother, and your sisters from diff. places.
Your priority should be YOUR Family which is your Husband and YOU. you both need to figure out and see what advantages and disadvantages you have in your parents house or with your aunt.
Talk to your aunt's husband and tell him that it's for a few months till you can move out on your own.
I think the two of you need to rent a very cheap/inexpensive apartment of your own. This will get rid of all of the issues. However, since you say you are not able to do this. There is really nothing you can do but come to some type of workable compromise between the two of you. Talk to his aunt and uncle. However, certainly you do not want to add strain to their household. And living with your parents is obviously reached a level of serious tension. Seems to me it would be best to move out and find a place where the two of you are capable of handling the rent. Something very cheat maybe an efficiency until the two of you are gainfully employed and can do better. Why is he not working somewhere? I do realize the economy is horrible right now, however he should take any job. Some money doing anything is better than no money doing nothing.
I know I have posted Q.s like this before. But need advice about Marriage.?
Ok, I have been with my husband for 8 yrs. We have two small children (ages 7 and 3) We have seperated many times, Because he has hit me in the past and he never paid any attention to the kids, and has twisted the oldest's arm, and never paid any attention to me in the past. Me and the kids left a few weeks ago, and I let him come back (dumb I know) cause he said he would change again and someone said maybe I should give him two weeks if he deosnt straighten up by then, then make him leave. He is trying and doing a little bit of stuff with the kids. He is trying with me, but I am sorry, I dont love him, I fell out of love with him, and now that he is back here, I cant stand it. It is driving me nuts. I hate to say that , but its the truth. I tried and tried, but no go. I dont know what to do. I want what is best for my kids. But I am not happy with him here, and I hate it. I truely dont love him. Has anyone else been in this situation before? What did you do?I know I have posted Q.s like this before. But need advice about Marriage.?
my friends parents story, word for word. after he came back she couldnt stand him even though his behaiour was alright..but she kept her mouth shut. she didnt want to put her kids through a divorce. but in the end, years later, she couldnt take it anymore, and they got divorced anyway. i figure she shouldve done it earlier on when the kids would just accept the facts and not properly understand it, and the acceptance would have been easier as they grew up and learned that this is better.
best of luck.I know I have posted Q.s like this before. But need advice about Marriage.?
What are you still doing with him? No way should you let someone treat you like that. Or your children. Kick him to the curb and stand up for your self. If you can't do it for your self do it for your kids. They dont need to see things like and DON';T need to be abused either. Don't worry about what other people did or do. Worry about getting out of the situation.
Tell him to leave and file for divorce ASAP. Never stay with a person you don't love. Be selective next time around.
What are you looking for here? Validation? Sympathy? Criticism? Whatever it is, it's not advice. You already know what to do. The fact that you aren't doing it points to emotional issues that have nothing to do with him. Either you have guilt issues and the punishment he deals out satisfies that guilt, or you have self esteem issues that make you need to feel wanted/loved/desired, even by a complete pig.
Your moralizing about sticking it out, trying to make the marriage work, etc. are mere rationalizations. The marriage not working out is not why you're feeling guilty. That guilt came long before the marriage hosed. Subconsiously, guilt is probably the reason you married him in the first place. Someone has loaded you with emotional baggage so heavy that you seek out abuse (which hurts) so you can ease the constant feeling of guilt you have (which hurts even worse).
Get some counselling. Not for your marriage. Not for him. For you.
my friends parents story, word for word. after he came back she couldnt stand him even though his behaiour was alright..but she kept her mouth shut. she didnt want to put her kids through a divorce. but in the end, years later, she couldnt take it anymore, and they got divorced anyway. i figure she shouldve done it earlier on when the kids would just accept the facts and not properly understand it, and the acceptance would have been easier as they grew up and learned that this is better.
best of luck.I know I have posted Q.s like this before. But need advice about Marriage.?
What are you still doing with him? No way should you let someone treat you like that. Or your children. Kick him to the curb and stand up for your self. If you can't do it for your self do it for your kids. They dont need to see things like and DON';T need to be abused either. Don't worry about what other people did or do. Worry about getting out of the situation.
Tell him to leave and file for divorce ASAP. Never stay with a person you don't love. Be selective next time around.
What are you looking for here? Validation? Sympathy? Criticism? Whatever it is, it's not advice. You already know what to do. The fact that you aren't doing it points to emotional issues that have nothing to do with him. Either you have guilt issues and the punishment he deals out satisfies that guilt, or you have self esteem issues that make you need to feel wanted/loved/desired, even by a complete pig.
Your moralizing about sticking it out, trying to make the marriage work, etc. are mere rationalizations. The marriage not working out is not why you're feeling guilty. That guilt came long before the marriage hosed. Subconsiously, guilt is probably the reason you married him in the first place. Someone has loaded you with emotional baggage so heavy that you seek out abuse (which hurts) so you can ease the constant feeling of guilt you have (which hurts even worse).
Get some counselling. Not for your marriage. Not for him. For you.
Marriage questions?? any advice/?
ok now if he had truly loved me he would not have wanted to see me with anyone else. I know that now. I think we should be apart, but the thing is i am on disability due to a blood clot and i don't get much money and he knows that. He even said well he could take his money and go anytime. knowing i can't survive yet on my own. I'm waiting to hear about state disability now which will be great if i receive it. my son graduates this year also and i was hoping we could keep ourselves together for that, he said he didn't care, he'd go anytime. I think he's looking for a reason to go. He says you can have it all i'll take the car and go. He says i'm trying to blame him, but it is both of us to blame of where our relationship has ended up. please don't suggest counseling, no money to do that anyways. I need suggestions not anyone to beat me down more. things change and i wish they didn't have to but i don't see hope for us. too much said and done. words he can't take back . helpppMarriage questions?? any advice/?
If you see no hope then get divorced. Judging by your other post (other posters please read before you post http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a> ) , you cheated on him and he is still willing to give your everything. You weren't thinking of your son when you were with the other man, so why are you now? Because things aren't going in your favor? And your son is old enough to know what is going on?
You don't want people to put you down , but after what you have done how can you expect them not to. If you were an man people would be throwing rotten food at you and calling you horrible names...I don't see how you think you deserve any less.
Get divorced. You are not in this relationship for the right reasons, and probably haven't been for a long time.Marriage questions?? any advice/?
Why did your husband want to try swinging to begin with?! Maybe he wasn't happy in the marriage, and was looking for a way to get out or something? Maybe you could go see a pastor or someone like that, I don't think they all charge. But based on what you said, it doesn't seem like you want the marriage to work anyway. ';I think we should be apart. . . '; ';Things change and I wish they didn't have to but I don't see hope for us. Too much said and done. words he can't take back.'; If both of you want the marriage to fail, it's going to. The fault lies with both of you. Him for suggesting it and not letting it go with the first 'no', and you for giving in. If you decide you want the marriage to work, then you *must* cut-off contact with this couple. You will both need to get over your past issues. Think of what made you fall in love to begin with, and see if those things are still there. You've been married for over 8 years, and that's pretty good, considering that a lot of marriages don't even make it past the 2 or 3 year mark. We often strike out at the ones we love, which maybe why your husband is striking out at you. He's probably hurting as well, and just doesn't know how to react to everything, especially knowing that he is a big part of why you're in this mess anyway. You need to ask yourself if you still love him, and if the marriage is worth working on and trying to save. If the answer is yes to both, then ask him the same questions. Put it all on the table. He hasn't left yet, so that's saying something. If both of you have decided that you don't love each other anymore, then it's time to just walk away. You're son is old enough to understand what happened, and it ends up being harder on the child if they find out the only reason his parents stayed together was because of him. Neither of you obviously thought of the negative things that could come from your sexual escapade. If you're both wanting a divorce, it's not his fault your on disability. That should not be a factor in why you stay together. There are millions of women who leave their abusive husbands everyday, and they start over with no money and no where to go, so you can do it, too.
Obviously, this guy doesn't want to be with you. If it were me, I would hang with him for awhile to get the financial help you need at the moment, but just don't nag him and piss him off with relationship talk. Call daily for those benefits. It's better to prepare now while you have a roof over your head. Call those close to you and ask if you can have a place to lay your head at night.
sounds like hes kicking u out go live with family member for a time get rid of a person like that sounds horrible
no he don't truly love you because if he did he would not be putting you through the bull crap that he is putting you through. When he married you he married for better or worst for richer,poorer and in sickness and health and now if he wants to walk out on you in your time of need with your sickness than he do love you like he should and he should be ashamed of himself and you can survive to you need to get in with your local vocational rehab in your area and they can help you to get an low income apartment that is based on your income and if you need handicap assitable you can have that also if he leaves you contact your local vocational re had in your city or town and they will help you.
first thing, let him go
2. ask the state to help you through this with foods card and help to pay your bills and doctor's bills,
3. go to legal aid and tell them about it all and you can give him what he wants.
4. make him pay you out for then next fifty years.
let that dog go
What about family to help you out? I will pray for you.
Surely your husband would have to pay you some sort of support? If he is willing to leave you everything other than the car, you would at least have a place to stay and furniture. Keeping everything together until your son graduates doesn't really seem necessary, as I am sure he already knows there is major tension, and would be far better off if your husband did leave. Don't feel too guilty about the swinging, since you did it because your husband asked you to. It honestly does sound like your husband is trying to make you feel as if this is all your fault, and YOU know that it is not. Keep on pursuing the state disability, and in the future, until your husband leaves, do NOT go into situations with him again where he can try and persuade you to swing again, or else you may be left with him suing you for infidelity, and saying he did not take part in the swinging ! If you can genuinely say there is no hope for this relationship, then it would really be in the best interest of you and your son to get a divorce. Good luck.
Can you borrow money from the bank or relatives? Do you have friends who will help you? He's really going for the jugular with you, deliberately hurting you. He needs to go for your sanity, even if you have to sell every last scrap of things you own.
I hope your disability comes soon!
You need to talk with an attorney and a counselor or psychiatrist/psychologist and/or both of you need some serious marriage counseling. They have places where you can go for free and/or on a sliding scale. Start by contacting your state or county social services or welfare agency. They should be able to steer you to someone. If you're together and have no money, how do you think you can live apart and make it? Even if your state allows alimony and you're considered a dependent spouse, it will not be enough for you to live off of comfortably. Also, think about what you're going to do about medical insurance when you're divorced. I do not know of a state or an insurance company which allows a divorced spouse to keep the medical insurance from the other spouse. Once you are divorced, you are no longer his dependent or his spouse and will not qualify. If you're disabled, the chances of you remarrying go down too. Do you really want to be by yourself, sick, living in a one room apartment and not being able to receive proper medical care? Sometimes becoming disabled messes you up mentally and emotionally, because it's not something you planned on happening and you don't feel well and can get easily frustrated. Talk to someone who's not involved and try to get your head straight before making a decision like this. It is possible you may be able to work it out if you can make the effort. Also, usually a blood clot will not get you permanent disability -- usually it's temporary at best., and you will probably not get disability from the state or federal government for it because they have different standards.
To give you an example:
My aunt became disabled. It took three years for her to get social security disability and she had to hire an attorney and give him a commission off the top. She and her husband separated and then divorced. While they were separated, she still qualified for his medical insurance, but had no money to pay the co-pays because the amount of temporary alimoney she was entitled to was $600 per month. He allowed her to keep the house, the furniture and one vehicle; all of which was paid for. She soon found out that the $600 per month would not pay the property taxes, the homeowner's insurance, the utilities, the car insurance, tags and required yearly inspection, let alone any maintenance on anything. Because she owned property and was receiving the $600 per month, she did not qualify for any state/federal help, but for $35 in food stamps. Her car broke down and in order to pay the mechanic, she left the homeowner's insurance lapse Since she didn't have the money to pay for all her prescriptions -- medical insurance had copays and decuctibles -- she couldn't get all the scipts on time. Since she didn't have the moeny to pay the copays and deductibles for the hospital, doctors, clinics and labs, eventually they would not schedule an appointment for her. Her utilities eventually got shut off. She ended up in the hospital emergency room and now has quite serious medical problems, not just temporarily disabled, and will never be able to work again. They did get divorced. Then she was no longer covered under his medical insurance. The courts allowed her $100 per month in alimony because she was now receiving $550 per month in social security disability. After 18 months, she had MEDICARE coverage -- Part A was free and only covers hospital stays, Part B deducts about $90 per month from her $550 check and covers doctor visits, Part D for prescriptions deducts $50 a month; and of course, MEDICARE has deductibles and copays, and you have to pick from a list of medical providers or it pays less. Do the math. Her income is now $510 per month and still $35 in food stamps. She ended up losing the house and car and everything in it. She had to let it go so she would qualify for state assistance. In this state you can only have $2500 worth of property in your name. If you transfer your property into someone else's name, it has to have been at least five years ago to qualify without adding it in. She's 39 years old and in what they call an assisted living facility. The state pretty much picks up the tab for her after they've taken everything from her, including her checks, but for $30 per month. She's allowed $30 per month to pay for her extras -- And that's defined as clothing, shoes, toiletries, snacks, a TV in her room and cost of cable if she desires same, and personal grooming needs. She shares her room with a stranger, and has no choice as to who her roommate is. They simply put two people in each room. She gets three squares a day, clean sheets, a bed, laundry services and medical care.
Think very hard about it. Wouldn't it be better if you could get on your feet before making that decision? Stop trying to find blame and fault. Work on yourself. Work on getting your health back. You may have to bite your tongue sometimes, but be as nice as you possibly can and do as much as you can to keep him as happy as possible until you've regained your health (physically, mentally and emotionally). Tell him how much you appreciate him taking care of you (even if it's only financially) until you're on your feet again and can take care of yourself. Stroke his ego, whether you mean it or not.I know it looks pretty bleak to you now, but it could get worse -- much worse -- if you try to do something right now. Wait until you're better off. You can always leave when you're in a better position to do so. Have a ';game plan'; before you even talk about leaving. You're in no position to do so right now!
My answer is that you had better read Save My Marriage Today written by Amy Waterman first( http://save-the-marriage.info ).I believe that you can solve your problems after reading that book.
Good luck!
If you see no hope then get divorced. Judging by your other post (other posters please read before you post http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a> ) , you cheated on him and he is still willing to give your everything. You weren't thinking of your son when you were with the other man, so why are you now? Because things aren't going in your favor? And your son is old enough to know what is going on?
You don't want people to put you down , but after what you have done how can you expect them not to. If you were an man people would be throwing rotten food at you and calling you horrible names...I don't see how you think you deserve any less.
Get divorced. You are not in this relationship for the right reasons, and probably haven't been for a long time.Marriage questions?? any advice/?
Why did your husband want to try swinging to begin with?! Maybe he wasn't happy in the marriage, and was looking for a way to get out or something? Maybe you could go see a pastor or someone like that, I don't think they all charge. But based on what you said, it doesn't seem like you want the marriage to work anyway. ';I think we should be apart. . . '; ';Things change and I wish they didn't have to but I don't see hope for us. Too much said and done. words he can't take back.'; If both of you want the marriage to fail, it's going to. The fault lies with both of you. Him for suggesting it and not letting it go with the first 'no', and you for giving in. If you decide you want the marriage to work, then you *must* cut-off contact with this couple. You will both need to get over your past issues. Think of what made you fall in love to begin with, and see if those things are still there. You've been married for over 8 years, and that's pretty good, considering that a lot of marriages don't even make it past the 2 or 3 year mark. We often strike out at the ones we love, which maybe why your husband is striking out at you. He's probably hurting as well, and just doesn't know how to react to everything, especially knowing that he is a big part of why you're in this mess anyway. You need to ask yourself if you still love him, and if the marriage is worth working on and trying to save. If the answer is yes to both, then ask him the same questions. Put it all on the table. He hasn't left yet, so that's saying something. If both of you have decided that you don't love each other anymore, then it's time to just walk away. You're son is old enough to understand what happened, and it ends up being harder on the child if they find out the only reason his parents stayed together was because of him. Neither of you obviously thought of the negative things that could come from your sexual escapade. If you're both wanting a divorce, it's not his fault your on disability. That should not be a factor in why you stay together. There are millions of women who leave their abusive husbands everyday, and they start over with no money and no where to go, so you can do it, too.
Obviously, this guy doesn't want to be with you. If it were me, I would hang with him for awhile to get the financial help you need at the moment, but just don't nag him and piss him off with relationship talk. Call daily for those benefits. It's better to prepare now while you have a roof over your head. Call those close to you and ask if you can have a place to lay your head at night.
sounds like hes kicking u out go live with family member for a time get rid of a person like that sounds horrible
no he don't truly love you because if he did he would not be putting you through the bull crap that he is putting you through. When he married you he married for better or worst for richer,poorer and in sickness and health and now if he wants to walk out on you in your time of need with your sickness than he do love you like he should and he should be ashamed of himself and you can survive to you need to get in with your local vocational rehab in your area and they can help you to get an low income apartment that is based on your income and if you need handicap assitable you can have that also if he leaves you contact your local vocational re had in your city or town and they will help you.
first thing, let him go
2. ask the state to help you through this with foods card and help to pay your bills and doctor's bills,
3. go to legal aid and tell them about it all and you can give him what he wants.
4. make him pay you out for then next fifty years.
let that dog go
What about family to help you out? I will pray for you.
Surely your husband would have to pay you some sort of support? If he is willing to leave you everything other than the car, you would at least have a place to stay and furniture. Keeping everything together until your son graduates doesn't really seem necessary, as I am sure he already knows there is major tension, and would be far better off if your husband did leave. Don't feel too guilty about the swinging, since you did it because your husband asked you to. It honestly does sound like your husband is trying to make you feel as if this is all your fault, and YOU know that it is not. Keep on pursuing the state disability, and in the future, until your husband leaves, do NOT go into situations with him again where he can try and persuade you to swing again, or else you may be left with him suing you for infidelity, and saying he did not take part in the swinging ! If you can genuinely say there is no hope for this relationship, then it would really be in the best interest of you and your son to get a divorce. Good luck.
Can you borrow money from the bank or relatives? Do you have friends who will help you? He's really going for the jugular with you, deliberately hurting you. He needs to go for your sanity, even if you have to sell every last scrap of things you own.
I hope your disability comes soon!
You need to talk with an attorney and a counselor or psychiatrist/psychologist and/or both of you need some serious marriage counseling. They have places where you can go for free and/or on a sliding scale. Start by contacting your state or county social services or welfare agency. They should be able to steer you to someone. If you're together and have no money, how do you think you can live apart and make it? Even if your state allows alimony and you're considered a dependent spouse, it will not be enough for you to live off of comfortably. Also, think about what you're going to do about medical insurance when you're divorced. I do not know of a state or an insurance company which allows a divorced spouse to keep the medical insurance from the other spouse. Once you are divorced, you are no longer his dependent or his spouse and will not qualify. If you're disabled, the chances of you remarrying go down too. Do you really want to be by yourself, sick, living in a one room apartment and not being able to receive proper medical care? Sometimes becoming disabled messes you up mentally and emotionally, because it's not something you planned on happening and you don't feel well and can get easily frustrated. Talk to someone who's not involved and try to get your head straight before making a decision like this. It is possible you may be able to work it out if you can make the effort. Also, usually a blood clot will not get you permanent disability -- usually it's temporary at best., and you will probably not get disability from the state or federal government for it because they have different standards.
To give you an example:
My aunt became disabled. It took three years for her to get social security disability and she had to hire an attorney and give him a commission off the top. She and her husband separated and then divorced. While they were separated, she still qualified for his medical insurance, but had no money to pay the co-pays because the amount of temporary alimoney she was entitled to was $600 per month. He allowed her to keep the house, the furniture and one vehicle; all of which was paid for. She soon found out that the $600 per month would not pay the property taxes, the homeowner's insurance, the utilities, the car insurance, tags and required yearly inspection, let alone any maintenance on anything. Because she owned property and was receiving the $600 per month, she did not qualify for any state/federal help, but for $35 in food stamps. Her car broke down and in order to pay the mechanic, she left the homeowner's insurance lapse Since she didn't have the money to pay for all her prescriptions -- medical insurance had copays and decuctibles -- she couldn't get all the scipts on time. Since she didn't have the moeny to pay the copays and deductibles for the hospital, doctors, clinics and labs, eventually they would not schedule an appointment for her. Her utilities eventually got shut off. She ended up in the hospital emergency room and now has quite serious medical problems, not just temporarily disabled, and will never be able to work again. They did get divorced. Then she was no longer covered under his medical insurance. The courts allowed her $100 per month in alimony because she was now receiving $550 per month in social security disability. After 18 months, she had MEDICARE coverage -- Part A was free and only covers hospital stays, Part B deducts about $90 per month from her $550 check and covers doctor visits, Part D for prescriptions deducts $50 a month; and of course, MEDICARE has deductibles and copays, and you have to pick from a list of medical providers or it pays less. Do the math. Her income is now $510 per month and still $35 in food stamps. She ended up losing the house and car and everything in it. She had to let it go so she would qualify for state assistance. In this state you can only have $2500 worth of property in your name. If you transfer your property into someone else's name, it has to have been at least five years ago to qualify without adding it in. She's 39 years old and in what they call an assisted living facility. The state pretty much picks up the tab for her after they've taken everything from her, including her checks, but for $30 per month. She's allowed $30 per month to pay for her extras -- And that's defined as clothing, shoes, toiletries, snacks, a TV in her room and cost of cable if she desires same, and personal grooming needs. She shares her room with a stranger, and has no choice as to who her roommate is. They simply put two people in each room. She gets three squares a day, clean sheets, a bed, laundry services and medical care.
Think very hard about it. Wouldn't it be better if you could get on your feet before making that decision? Stop trying to find blame and fault. Work on yourself. Work on getting your health back. You may have to bite your tongue sometimes, but be as nice as you possibly can and do as much as you can to keep him as happy as possible until you've regained your health (physically, mentally and emotionally). Tell him how much you appreciate him taking care of you (even if it's only financially) until you're on your feet again and can take care of yourself. Stroke his ego, whether you mean it or not.I know it looks pretty bleak to you now, but it could get worse -- much worse -- if you try to do something right now. Wait until you're better off. You can always leave when you're in a better position to do so. Have a ';game plan'; before you even talk about leaving. You're in no position to do so right now!
My answer is that you had better read Save My Marriage Today written by Amy Waterman first( http://save-the-marriage.info ).I believe that you can solve your problems after reading that book.
Good luck!
ARMY discharge, child support, marriage, unemployment, and step-children any advice?
Everything's hitting me at once! I have to support my family and seems like there are no options for help. I can't go back to the military, they gave me an honorable discharge but put personality disorder on my dd 214. I haven't been around my biological kids since I joined the ARMY in 2005; except I went to see them last September.
I need an income and I want to be involved with my biological kids. I need advice. I'm considering going to a truck driving school. I'm desperate now.ARMY discharge, child support, marriage, unemployment, and step-children any advice?
You are probably well aware that if you were diagnosed with a personality disorder it's going to be more difficult for you to gain employment. Also the current economy is not conductive to employment either. I suggest you find something temporary to help you ';make ends meet'; while you go into truck driving if that is what you're planning on doing. Even a couple of part time jobs is better than nothing. You need to go to court to gain visitation and try your best to stick to that schedule the court sets down. If you can't make it on time be sure to let the children's custodial parent know in advance and try to make other arrangements. Try to make sure the kids are always back in time. At first things will be strained but you sound like you're willing to do what is needed to step up and be responsible.ARMY discharge, child support, marriage, unemployment, and step-children any advice?
if you get on the road driving trucks you still wont be able to see you kids! but you need to remain single if you decide to take the road !
you are in some deep shat ! sorry.
I need an income and I want to be involved with my biological kids. I need advice. I'm considering going to a truck driving school. I'm desperate now.ARMY discharge, child support, marriage, unemployment, and step-children any advice?
You are probably well aware that if you were diagnosed with a personality disorder it's going to be more difficult for you to gain employment. Also the current economy is not conductive to employment either. I suggest you find something temporary to help you ';make ends meet'; while you go into truck driving if that is what you're planning on doing. Even a couple of part time jobs is better than nothing. You need to go to court to gain visitation and try your best to stick to that schedule the court sets down. If you can't make it on time be sure to let the children's custodial parent know in advance and try to make other arrangements. Try to make sure the kids are always back in time. At first things will be strained but you sound like you're willing to do what is needed to step up and be responsible.ARMY discharge, child support, marriage, unemployment, and step-children any advice?
if you get on the road driving trucks you still wont be able to see you kids! but you need to remain single if you decide to take the road !
you are in some deep shat ! sorry.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Is there any site or address giving advice on marriage?
m want to marry do not luv anyone say many proposals are there m confused. please help. i 35.Is there any site or address giving advice on marriage?
do not go for sites for marriage advice...try to share ur feelings and ideas with some one trust worthy in ur family circle before marriage...and if possible try to understand the person well before proceeding to a relation...now a days relations dont hav tht much age...so know the person well before u jump into any relation...Is there any site or address giving advice on marriage?
Me fail english, that umpossible.
Am ready...to marry U!!!
You sound like a young child having fun on this board.I could be wrong and if I am please forgive me.
www.marriagemissions.com
even i am looking for a right match,and does not know how to start with.but why did u waste so much of time i mean 35 is the age u must have childrens.any ways if ur from india there are many social organisation helping people in such cases,i will not suggest u to stay single any more,tough to get married after 30.
do not go for sites for marriage advice...try to share ur feelings and ideas with some one trust worthy in ur family circle before marriage...and if possible try to understand the person well before proceeding to a relation...now a days relations dont hav tht much age...so know the person well before u jump into any relation...Is there any site or address giving advice on marriage?
Me fail english, that umpossible.
Am ready...to marry U!!!
You sound like a young child having fun on this board.I could be wrong and if I am please forgive me.
www.marriagemissions.com
even i am looking for a right match,and does not know how to start with.but why did u waste so much of time i mean 35 is the age u must have childrens.any ways if ur from india there are many social organisation helping people in such cases,i will not suggest u to stay single any more,tough to get married after 30.
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