Been there done that, my significant other of 11 years had his daughter who was at the time 11, and her Mother and Father just thought that the world revolved around her. Gifts on holidays and her birthday and she felt that she was suppose to get gifts and never said thank you or even acknowledged me. Even now, recently, she was in a cousin's wedding on her father's side and of course the cousin invited her Mother, who sat in the corner all during the reception eying me, I had the time of my life. Okay, my advice is, do your best to be the adult and when it comes time for you to claim your ground, don't hold your tongue. Be yourself and don't push yourself on them, let time take its course, but then again, don't try to be their friend, you will be one of the role models in their life whether you want to be or not, so do the best you can and that is all you can do. God Bless.Anyone have any advice on relationships, when your bf has teen children from a previous marriage?
Honey, just give them time.
My parents went through a heavy divorce before my dad started dating again, and his girlfriends would try to take the place of my mom, and when the acted like that, we did not get along, it only pushed them away from me.
What I wanted was one of his girlfriends to be my friend, and just being herself, one who did not try to take the place of my mother, and one who actually understood what my sister and I were going through.
Just give the children time, and just be yourself, do not try to smother them my being their mother, they are worried and they feel threatened that you will get married to him and try to take their mother's place.
When the time comes, and it will, just reassure them that you will never try and take their mother's place, you respect that, just let them know that you will be there to be their friend when they need it, and there will come a time when they will need you as their friend, once they are reassured, then they will accept you.
Maby you and their father can talk to them, and reassure them of this fact. It is so unfortunate, but children to suffer through a nasty divorce, and they do have a lot of issues bottled up and it is important for you and your boyfriend and the mother to sit down with them and discuss this with them, so they will feel better.
Sit down with the children, they are the most important, it is so unfortunate that our children of the future get the raw end of the divorce and the parents do not even know how badly they are suffering.
Tell your man you didn't do anything to his daughters and if he thinks it okay for them to treat people anyway they want, there will be no ';Us.';
1. Don't parent.
2. Be a friend and that is all. They don't need any more parents.
3. Be human. Empathize. Don't try too hard. Start small. Stay polite and stay the adult. Don't let them get you down.
4. Be honest and let them know you aren't moving in and taking over and that they have choices about how this is going.
You sound like you can see it from their side and understand their feelings. I applaud you for that. That is how a friendship starts. Look at their interests. Be patient. Keep your cool. Be dependable. Do little things that show you care and keep doing them, no matter how bratty they are. Ask them one on one what would help/work to help you become friends?
There is no easy answer. Please don't even marry this guy if you and the kids don't form some kind of relationship. Ask any of us who have thought we could fix it and you will find you can't and that it will wreck your marriage before it starts. Be sure not to whine or say anything negative about them to their dad. Never put down their mom no matter what she does. Empathize with what they are going through, but don't push it. Just be there, be kind, be dependable and let them learn to trust you.
Teens are pretty self-centered. Offer to take them where they want to go. They talk best in the car, without direct eye contact. Talk about nonsense--music, boys, etc. Hang in there and keep your great attitude. They will eventually stop seeing you as a threat.
Please don't ever attempt to parent them at all. It is just not your job and they will never tolerate it. It is dad's job only. Good luck to you all.
There is a lot of information on the net. With your great attitude, I imagine you'll work your way into their hearts eventually.
Don't try to be their mother. Support them but don't be overbearing and keep in mind he is a father first and they will occupy a huge portion of his time. It's okay to do activities with all four of you, but with ';family'; type things unless it's to the point of marriage or engagement you may need to stay at home. Give them some time because it is still fairly new and if they think you are worthy of him then they will slowly incorporate you into their lives.
They shouldn't rule every decision but their thoughts, feelings and mindset are paramount in these situations.
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