My husband is lazy. He has only 2 chores to do, and he can't ever seem to do them. I ask him to do something, and he just sits there and most of the time he ignores me. I try to talk to him about important stuff, and he just sits there and ignores me. I try to tell him how I feel, and he just sits there and ignores me. I feel like I'm constantly talking to a brick wall. Then I get angry and yell, and it only makes things worse. I do most of the chores, and he very rarely lifts a finger to help me. On top of that, he complains that I ask him to watch our 13 month old son while I get the chores done. He thinks he deserves a ';break'; because he works ';so hard';. He works 8 hour days. He is the manager at his dad's auto body shop. He has it pretty easy compared to all the stuff I have to do every day. I'm a stay at home mom, which means I'm the cook, the maid, the laundry girl and the teacher/babysitter. Plus I keep important dates like anniversaries and birthdays, so none are ever forgotten. I feel so helpless. We don't talk anymore, because there is no point, and when we do talk, it's mostly me yelling because I'm fed up with his laziness. He just sits there. He never even responds when I tell him how I feel or what is going wrong in our marriage. Now we have another baby on the way, and I know that things will just get worse. I sometimes feel that I'd be better off without him. My sister thinks I'm verbally abusive to him, but she doesn't see or hear the whole story. I'm not a mean person...I'm just tired of doing everything and never getting a break, while he just sits around doing mostly nothing. I'm literally at the end of my rope. Help me please? Advice about a fragile marriage?
Speaking from my own experience, It sounds like your husband is suffering from depression. Managing grown men can be worse than caring for a baby (they are selfish big babies). His only refuge from the day is to plop down on the couch and vegetate. He doesn't realize that it is also taking its toll on you, since you are the one pledged to love him.
I inspect heavy jet aircraft for airworthiness, sometimes going on test flights. When the day is over and I hit the couch, I'm wiped out. Household chores seem to stack up daily. I thank God when each day is over.
I understand your concerns about things at home. Life didn't improve for my poor wife until my (work induced) depression was treated.Advice about a fragile marriage?
You sound young, like you both married at a young age.
Seek counseling, if he wont go, go for yourself. If you have a church, you may use their services for counseling, if not look for agencies that specialize in marriage counseling.
This is not a problem that will go away. Get help now before you make decisions that you may regret later.
Comparing, being a stay-at-home-mom to, managing an auto body shop isn't fair and, visa versa.
You both have equally tough responsibilities.
Just that, when he gets home, you should share in the responsibilities of the home.
Sounds like you're a little harsh. You catch more flies with honey you know.
A friend of mine convinced her husband that cleaning up and doing chores makes her REALLY horny. Now he loves to clean.
I think you both need to step back and re-evaluate your roles together. Perhaps if you showed him what you do in a day he might understand. Conversely he might show you what he does in a day and you'd understand. I understand you are both young and at odds with each other about your roles but maybe through taking a job at nights when hes home you could show him your worth. If he were forced to watch your 13 month old he might see what happens when he's sitting around relaxing. Marriage is a partnership and it sounds like you have it confused as a pissing contest. I think you both have hard jobs but the work isn't always done during the week.
He wasn't lazy in getting you pregnant. Not much you can do. All he hear is your constant nagging. That stuff gets boring. You chose to be a stay at home mom so stop the nagging and complaining. If you don't want to be a stay at home mom than find a babysitter and get a job. He's lazy cuz you make him lazy. With all your blah blah blah he's tired of hearing it. So it tunes you out. I would do the same. I agree with your sister that this is a form of verbal abuse. You need counseling.
Marriage counseling! I totally understand where you are coming from. I know you probably here this all the time but hormones could play a big role in this. Maybe he needs a PSC. evalutation. When this was going on with my husband (and I have been there... I was pregnant with a baby/toddler) turns out my husband had depression.... really bad. Ask a friend or family member to watch your baby for you so you can have a break. Make sure that it is while your husband is at work so you get some real alone time. Don't stay home either. Go somewhere. Go get your nails done or something to pamper you. You deserve it. Remember that you are worth it and although this is stressful, you can do this. Keep going strong! It's ok to cry. My heart just goes out to you. Oh, one more thing.... I know that it is hard to find time to read but there is a marriage book called ';Purity and Passion: Truths about Intimacy That Will Strengthen Your Maggiage'; by Wendy L. Watson. This book can help. It helped me. Good Luck!
Hi, your mother married young, but when she got married it was a different world then with different expectations.
I think both of you, because you were so young going into this, never really had a chance to explore life or yourselves individually. You probably never did a whole bunch of things that you wanted to do - I mean have either of you ever lived for a good length of time on your own?
The responsibility of being married and having children and running a home and keeping a family financially are huge for both of you and you're both probably looking around at where you and what you have and asking yourselves: ';Is this it for the next 50 years?';
If you want this to work you're going to have to talk to each other without shouting or ignoring each other.
Go and see a counselor together and find out how to live together - that's if you love each other?
He didn't turn lazy overnight, no man or woman does. The signs were there all along for you to see if you had only opened your eyes. And you might be verbally abusive. If your own flesh and blood thinks it, who are we to say? She obviously knows you a lot better than the Cyber World. And why would you get knocked up again if things are tough? You have control of your own body. Why bring another child into a bad marriage? That is selfishness on your part. A child should be put before your needs. If you know you have a bad marriage and choose to have another child then you are responsible for all the pain they experience. And they will be put through hell just having to listen to you two.
As far as changing him, he is who he is. You got what you married. If he is not willing to go to marital counseling (at a CHURCH if you really want a blessed marriage) then you either live with it or divorce.
i'm gonna say: hang in there for ethan.
.
seriously, it'll be hard to do - but just *act* nicely toward him - even when you want to tear his head off. hold back any cutting comments, no matter how much he deserves them. ';act'; happy doing all the things you do (*NOT* sarcasm, just act pleasant) - when you get a chance or after you're all finished, ';hang out'; with him like you would if everything was sunshine. don't ask him to do something more than once, and don't act irritated when he doesn't do it (you already expect him not to, no surprise there)... for some months to come, be the worlds greatest actress.
.
trust me, you're going to want to pull your hair out. you're gonna feel like some weak stepford wife
.
we get into these funks %26amp; it's hard to realize when or how it gets to that ';end o the rope'; point. it's not about who started what %26amp; who's at fault %26amp; who's right. it's about family. you've got all the power, so bite the bullet %26amp; know you're taking 'one for the team'. act loving, even if you wanna scream! the very worst that could happen is that your son sees his parents being loving and getting along... i'll let you see what the ';best case'; turns out to be... it's amazing, i'm still in shock... i wouldn't bother writing this much if i hadn't tried the same thing myself
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment