m want to marry do not luv anyone say many proposals are there m confused. please help. i 35.Is there any site or address giving advice on marriage?
do not go for sites for marriage advice...try to share ur feelings and ideas with some one trust worthy in ur family circle before marriage...and if possible try to understand the person well before proceeding to a relation...now a days relations dont hav tht much age...so know the person well before u jump into any relation...Is there any site or address giving advice on marriage?
Me fail english, that umpossible.
Am ready...to marry U!!!
You sound like a young child having fun on this board.I could be wrong and if I am please forgive me.
www.marriagemissions.com
even i am looking for a right match,and does not know how to start with.but why did u waste so much of time i mean 35 is the age u must have childrens.any ways if ur from india there are many social organisation helping people in such cases,i will not suggest u to stay single any more,tough to get married after 30.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
OK Can someone please help me with advice on marriage?
Ok let me explain. I have been married to my husband for 6 years in october we have split up numerous times but have always seem to try to work things out. Before when we had split up he had started seeing this other woman who became pregnant with his kid who she ended up losing due to drug use. Anyways back in January she had him put in jail I of course got him out. When he got out he wanted his privacy to talk to his so called buddies. I trusted him but as time went by I soon came to realize it was her. After him tellin me it was one of his friends even gave me his friends name blah blah blah. That went on for about a month.. Then he quit talking to her for the past onth I thought everything was fine until the other day when he had a suspicious call. I never paid any attention to it. I went on about my business. I went and got the mail when to my surprise my phone bill (now this is in my name) up pops her number. Should I confront him? He always goes to another room and talks. Even when I enter the room he will ask what I need or whats wrong so she knows he's with me. But get this she has an active restraining order on him right now its up next month. He just got off probation over child support and restraining orders. He now says he wants to get even with a couple of people and to give him a month or so... thats around the same time her restraining order runs out. he still tells me he loves me everything is still the same he just gets really defensive when i ask him why hes talkin to her. and hes back giving me his so called buddy from works name. but also tells me to check his phone or he would bust the phone. i have checked it when he told me to and only ';PRIVATE'; callls show up. Am I just over reacting?? theres voice mails on my phone where she doesnt speak but i can retrieve her number from the envelope.. I am so confused what should I do??OK Can someone please help me with advice on marriage?
Seriously, your wanting someone else to tell you what you already know. Here it goes. ';HE'S CHEATING ON YOU';!!!! Kick his butt to the curb with all his possessions. What is it that you don't want to believe, do you think the cell phone company is lying, do you believe that every conversation he has must be in private is he a lawyer? No one has the right to tell you what to put up with and if cheating is one of those things that your willing to deal with then that's your choice, but for pete's sake don't act foolish about what's taking place, you know, don't be played a fool.OK Can someone please help me with advice on marriage?
This seems like an awful lot of drama. You must like it.
The rest of us would get some counseling, and bail.
Restraining orders, private talks.... god, hon. Sounds like a soap.
Honey, you need to send him off his merry way. Why are you even dealing with this guy. He's not even trying to pretend he's not still cheating on you. Why are you doing this to yourself?
This either the beginning of a bad book or movie or you are really not with it. You would stay with this guy why?????
Unfortunately, he has a child with her now, so she will always be in his life and yours too. Hiding the calls is not a good sign though. I would suggest you get out as this guy is no good. Find someone that will treat you right. Good luck.
u r being stupid......this man is a jerrk...to what i can see...u r being used...and secondly u r too fond of him...so u r just beinga little more tahna divinne to forgive this devil in disguise....do urslf favour...there is no dearth of woman in this world...so leave him...and secondly its easy to dump than to be dumped.....this man is not worth a girl likeu...i don't understand how come girls so educated like u choose such big time LOOSER...how??...u r educated....u seem doing quite well...don't be afraid of loneliness...make up a mind..be strong....marriage and men are not the end of life...they are means of life.....so dear just buck up...cheer urself......and leave him....makeup techniques
Seriously, your wanting someone else to tell you what you already know. Here it goes. ';HE'S CHEATING ON YOU';!!!! Kick his butt to the curb with all his possessions. What is it that you don't want to believe, do you think the cell phone company is lying, do you believe that every conversation he has must be in private is he a lawyer? No one has the right to tell you what to put up with and if cheating is one of those things that your willing to deal with then that's your choice, but for pete's sake don't act foolish about what's taking place, you know, don't be played a fool.OK Can someone please help me with advice on marriage?
This seems like an awful lot of drama. You must like it.
The rest of us would get some counseling, and bail.
Restraining orders, private talks.... god, hon. Sounds like a soap.
Honey, you need to send him off his merry way. Why are you even dealing with this guy. He's not even trying to pretend he's not still cheating on you. Why are you doing this to yourself?
This either the beginning of a bad book or movie or you are really not with it. You would stay with this guy why?????
Unfortunately, he has a child with her now, so she will always be in his life and yours too. Hiding the calls is not a good sign though. I would suggest you get out as this guy is no good. Find someone that will treat you right. Good luck.
u r being stupid......this man is a jerrk...to what i can see...u r being used...and secondly u r too fond of him...so u r just beinga little more tahna divinne to forgive this devil in disguise....do urslf favour...there is no dearth of woman in this world...so leave him...and secondly its easy to dump than to be dumped.....this man is not worth a girl likeu...i don't understand how come girls so educated like u choose such big time LOOSER...how??...u r educated....u seem doing quite well...don't be afraid of loneliness...make up a mind..be strong....marriage and men are not the end of life...they are means of life.....so dear just buck up...cheer urself......and leave him....
Ladies... Trying to save my marriage and need advice and help?
Ok here is a snapshot:
Married for 4 years together for 6
We had seperated for 2 months were we both dated and now we are back together...
We are doing GREAT everywhere EXCEPT in the bedroom...
We are communicating, we are spending time together... We are having alot of sex but it is not very good...
She claims it is AWESOME and she has been quite satisfied while I have been very unsatisified and it is not very good.
Any ideas ladies? I love her and want this to work I will do anything ANYTHING to make it work.
Thanks!Ladies... Trying to save my marriage and need advice and help?
Dear Confused, you are in for a treat. Do plan on spending some time with her intimately. Do all the things you do except sex. Satisfy her and have her satisfy you. Teach her. Tell her all the secret things that men love for women to do. Tell her, ';Touch me here, baby....'; Whisper these things in her ear. Softly.
Go online together and read Kama Sutra as part of your foreplay. (This is very naughty.) Read Tantric Sex. (Does she blush, giggle, what?) Apply. Help her discover her sensuality. The senses, touch.......Buy candles and spend as much time as you have just pleasuring each other. She'll learn, you teach.Ladies... Trying to save my marriage and need advice and help?
show her what it is you are missing.teach her how to please you as well as finding out what it is she needs for you to please her. communication is the key. If she is not doing something right you have to be patient and show her how you like it.Tell her to holla at me:)
If it's worth saving try counseling only if both parties agree to it. In the meanwhile ask her what it is that SHE likes and doesn't like for you to do with and to her. Maybe it is not her hang up but yours. Could it be during that two month seperation you've experienced things with someone else you wish your wife would experience? If so talk to her about it.
Congrats first off. Happy your both making a go and are still in love enough to make it work..
now your not happy in the sack. why dont' you tell her the things you like if you find that awkward try telling her when she's doing you let her know what you like in a whisper or a low voice . tell her to go here or there or down deeper or this or that. she's your wife dont' be shy. you'll have better sex that way.
and im sure she wants to please you just as much as you please her.
Just think if it was her first time she wouldn't be a pro .. so go in there thinking im going to make this girl a star heheh. and teach her as you go.. after a while you won't have to tell her she'll know automatically. so worth explaining now so down the road you reep more benefits.
enjoy bon a petite
i have the problem with this my self so if you ever figure it out please let me know OK thanks and best of luck to ya
Open communication! Ask her to try new things. What excites you? Experiment together... Why isnt it very good for you? Think that one through and discuss it with her... is she a dead $#@%? If so ask her to be more expressive and this would give you great pleasure. Buy a book on new sex positions and try some out. Try talking dirty to her during the day and wind her up over emails and text messages.... You need to ask yourself what is really wrong with the sex and try to fix it. Are you attracted to her still? Did you play away whilst you guys were split for 2 months? Are you comparing her to other women? Love is a hard thing..never easy..try to work this through sounds like you really love her. Good luck.
If there's something bothering u, u really need to start communicating to your wife about it. Communication is an important foundation to making a relationship work.
You need to take control of this one. Only you know what would make you happy, so you'll have to just start doing it. People have such a range of what they find exciting, and only you know what's missing for yourself.
All I can say is communication lots and lots of communication!!!!
Was it good before the split? Try to remember what made it good then. I would just tell her what you want, or what she used to do but isn't doing now.
divorse there is only one other way out suicide
Well if its not good for you, you need to be asking your self what does it for you. Then you need to let her know what does it for you. She cant read your mind just like you cant read hers.
sorry to hear you are having problems. maybe you should go together to a adult store. but go together see if you can both find something you like or would like to try. sometimes doing different things with the same person help make things new and exciting.
You really need to talk. Find out what pleases each other. Perhaps books or videos can give her some ideas.
By no means make her feel bad about this or it will only get worse.
I think time will have to heal this one. During the split both of you dated and I imagine some of the trust was lost. With open communication and honesty hopefully you guys will regain your trust. But, it will take time-be patient.
Think about it. DO you wonder if she's had intimate relations with anyone else? If so, I'm sure you try hard to block it out when you 2 are intimate. And if you are thnking this, perhaps she is too. This could be the passion block. By the way, I'm divorced, but still really good friends with my ex. We have a child.
In a very sensitive, and educational way show your wife where you want her to be.....if you know what I mean. Tell her what you like as far as foreplay, etc. We can't read minds, so sometimes we need to be taught.
What is she not doing, or not doing right? With all this good communication going on between you guys verbalizing what you need and desire in the bedroom shouldn't be too hard.
WHY is it not good for you? Does she know this? Are you sure your heart is in to making it work?
Married for 4 years together for 6
We had seperated for 2 months were we both dated and now we are back together...
We are doing GREAT everywhere EXCEPT in the bedroom...
We are communicating, we are spending time together... We are having alot of sex but it is not very good...
She claims it is AWESOME and she has been quite satisfied while I have been very unsatisified and it is not very good.
Any ideas ladies? I love her and want this to work I will do anything ANYTHING to make it work.
Thanks!Ladies... Trying to save my marriage and need advice and help?
Dear Confused, you are in for a treat. Do plan on spending some time with her intimately. Do all the things you do except sex. Satisfy her and have her satisfy you. Teach her. Tell her all the secret things that men love for women to do. Tell her, ';Touch me here, baby....'; Whisper these things in her ear. Softly.
Go online together and read Kama Sutra as part of your foreplay. (This is very naughty.) Read Tantric Sex. (Does she blush, giggle, what?) Apply. Help her discover her sensuality. The senses, touch.......Buy candles and spend as much time as you have just pleasuring each other. She'll learn, you teach.Ladies... Trying to save my marriage and need advice and help?
show her what it is you are missing.teach her how to please you as well as finding out what it is she needs for you to please her. communication is the key. If she is not doing something right you have to be patient and show her how you like it.Tell her to holla at me:)
If it's worth saving try counseling only if both parties agree to it. In the meanwhile ask her what it is that SHE likes and doesn't like for you to do with and to her. Maybe it is not her hang up but yours. Could it be during that two month seperation you've experienced things with someone else you wish your wife would experience? If so talk to her about it.
Congrats first off. Happy your both making a go and are still in love enough to make it work..
now your not happy in the sack. why dont' you tell her the things you like if you find that awkward try telling her when she's doing you let her know what you like in a whisper or a low voice . tell her to go here or there or down deeper or this or that. she's your wife dont' be shy. you'll have better sex that way.
and im sure she wants to please you just as much as you please her.
Just think if it was her first time she wouldn't be a pro .. so go in there thinking im going to make this girl a star heheh. and teach her as you go.. after a while you won't have to tell her she'll know automatically. so worth explaining now so down the road you reep more benefits.
enjoy bon a petite
i have the problem with this my self so if you ever figure it out please let me know OK thanks and best of luck to ya
Open communication! Ask her to try new things. What excites you? Experiment together... Why isnt it very good for you? Think that one through and discuss it with her... is she a dead $#@%? If so ask her to be more expressive and this would give you great pleasure. Buy a book on new sex positions and try some out. Try talking dirty to her during the day and wind her up over emails and text messages.... You need to ask yourself what is really wrong with the sex and try to fix it. Are you attracted to her still? Did you play away whilst you guys were split for 2 months? Are you comparing her to other women? Love is a hard thing..never easy..try to work this through sounds like you really love her. Good luck.
If there's something bothering u, u really need to start communicating to your wife about it. Communication is an important foundation to making a relationship work.
You need to take control of this one. Only you know what would make you happy, so you'll have to just start doing it. People have such a range of what they find exciting, and only you know what's missing for yourself.
All I can say is communication lots and lots of communication!!!!
Was it good before the split? Try to remember what made it good then. I would just tell her what you want, or what she used to do but isn't doing now.
divorse there is only one other way out suicide
Well if its not good for you, you need to be asking your self what does it for you. Then you need to let her know what does it for you. She cant read your mind just like you cant read hers.
sorry to hear you are having problems. maybe you should go together to a adult store. but go together see if you can both find something you like or would like to try. sometimes doing different things with the same person help make things new and exciting.
You really need to talk. Find out what pleases each other. Perhaps books or videos can give her some ideas.
By no means make her feel bad about this or it will only get worse.
I think time will have to heal this one. During the split both of you dated and I imagine some of the trust was lost. With open communication and honesty hopefully you guys will regain your trust. But, it will take time-be patient.
Think about it. DO you wonder if she's had intimate relations with anyone else? If so, I'm sure you try hard to block it out when you 2 are intimate. And if you are thnking this, perhaps she is too. This could be the passion block. By the way, I'm divorced, but still really good friends with my ex. We have a child.
In a very sensitive, and educational way show your wife where you want her to be.....if you know what I mean. Tell her what you like as far as foreplay, etc. We can't read minds, so sometimes we need to be taught.
What is she not doing, or not doing right? With all this good communication going on between you guys verbalizing what you need and desire in the bedroom shouldn't be too hard.
WHY is it not good for you? Does she know this? Are you sure your heart is in to making it work?
Marriage and Family Therapist in California - advice, please!
I'm a psych student (undergrad) thinking about getting an MFT at a college in California. The reason I am planning on obtaining an MFT over a Psy.D/PH.D is b/c the schooling is only two years, and it doesn't involve Stats (as far as I know - which I HATE). However, I understand the salary is also less, and perhaps it is harder to find a job post graduation? Anyone who is an MFT in the state of CA, please offer me advice. Was it hard to find a job as a therapist upon graduating, how long did it take to find a therapist job after you got your degree, is it worth it?, do you regret getting an MFT over a Psy.D/Ph.D?, which schools in California (or perhaps even other states) do you recommend for an MFT, what did you do as an undgrad that made you get into the program?
Sorry - I know I am asking so many questions, but these are the things I am constantly thinking about - so any advice is GREATLY appreciated!
Thank you so much!
PS: I'm interested in Clinical work.Marriage and Family Therapist in California - advice, please!
You might be studying to be a marriage and family therapist, but you've logged your question into the wrong category. Please move along.
Sorry - I know I am asking so many questions, but these are the things I am constantly thinking about - so any advice is GREATLY appreciated!
Thank you so much!
PS: I'm interested in Clinical work.Marriage and Family Therapist in California - advice, please!
You might be studying to be a marriage and family therapist, but you've logged your question into the wrong category. Please move along.
Why is every-one's advice for marriage is ';communication is the key.'; What if communication is one-sided?
I had a great discussion in my book club today. What if you are the communicator, say how you feel, and put everything out there but the other person continues to do the same things that you continuously express are a problem for you. For example...my friend said her husband makes huge decisions (without her knowledge) that affect the both of them. He actually made the decision to purchase a certain house meaning. she knew they were looking but he made the decision while she was at work without her knowledge on which house it would be. She has been married for 10 years and has expressed her concern, and issue but he continues to not tell her things that affect the both of them. I've actually been in a similar situation. How can you help a situation like this when communication is one-sided.Why is every-one's advice for marriage is ';communication is the key.'; What if communication is one-sided?
I'd never make a major decision, or purchase without my wife's knowledge %26amp; understanding. I would consider that to be wrong to do so.
It sounds to ME like you need to get his ';undivided attention';, so you can discuss this problem with him. IF he won't discuss it with YOU, perhaps he'd prefer to speak with Your Lawyer.Why is every-one's advice for marriage is ';communication is the key.'; What if communication is one-sided?
I agree. More communication is not the key. QUALITY communication is the key. We dont like to admit when a situation has no resolve. But honestly ,we all know that if you are trying with all your might to get it right...but this passion for progression is not reciprocated....you will always hit a dead end. Sometimes, it takes an actual sneek peek at the consequences for a person to see what possible damages their behaviour can cause.
Communication requires two people.
Marriage requires communication but it also requires trust - your friend doesn't have that with her hubby. If hubby buys a house for the two of you without your participation or approval you (she) have picked a dud. How did she stay for 10yrs?
She should let him know it's a deal breaker.
If it is one-sided, it is a lecture, not communication. There is little that one can do except ask.
Communication is never one sided ... What you call one sided communication ... is NO COMMUNICATION at all .
if the communication is one sided then you probably feel like your sitting on the wrong end of the key.
then u dont have any communication and thats no 1, when its onesided like that we call it talking to ur self
Your kidding , Right ?
Just because you are talking your butt off , does not mean that
the other person is listening , or that they even agree with what
your saying .
In other words , it's going in one ear and out the other .
Your a women !
Do some of the Female stuff that scares the crap out of men .
The only communication that is worth a damn is the kind that
puts the fear of the Lord into someone ! Fear is your friend !
If you truly want change , then demand change , and let them know the consequences of their non-compliance to your demands .
Now thats , how you communicate !!
I've been there,done that.He has to be the one to realize, what he is doing is not working between the two of them,it destroys your marriage,your love ,your trust ,your family.He cannot have full control all the time, it takes two.Just dont give in unless he changes,it's a difficult road with someone like that.Stay positive,and strong,believe in god and in youself,you'll get through it.Helping others will help oneself also.Also others who are like that need to sit back and stop trying to be right all the time,no answer is always right.God bless.
I'd never make a major decision, or purchase without my wife's knowledge %26amp; understanding. I would consider that to be wrong to do so.
It sounds to ME like you need to get his ';undivided attention';, so you can discuss this problem with him. IF he won't discuss it with YOU, perhaps he'd prefer to speak with Your Lawyer.Why is every-one's advice for marriage is ';communication is the key.'; What if communication is one-sided?
I agree. More communication is not the key. QUALITY communication is the key. We dont like to admit when a situation has no resolve. But honestly ,we all know that if you are trying with all your might to get it right...but this passion for progression is not reciprocated....you will always hit a dead end. Sometimes, it takes an actual sneek peek at the consequences for a person to see what possible damages their behaviour can cause.
Communication requires two people.
Marriage requires communication but it also requires trust - your friend doesn't have that with her hubby. If hubby buys a house for the two of you without your participation or approval you (she) have picked a dud. How did she stay for 10yrs?
She should let him know it's a deal breaker.
If it is one-sided, it is a lecture, not communication. There is little that one can do except ask.
Communication is never one sided ... What you call one sided communication ... is NO COMMUNICATION at all .
if the communication is one sided then you probably feel like your sitting on the wrong end of the key.
then u dont have any communication and thats no 1, when its onesided like that we call it talking to ur self
Your kidding , Right ?
Just because you are talking your butt off , does not mean that
the other person is listening , or that they even agree with what
your saying .
In other words , it's going in one ear and out the other .
Your a women !
Do some of the Female stuff that scares the crap out of men .
The only communication that is worth a damn is the kind that
puts the fear of the Lord into someone ! Fear is your friend !
If you truly want change , then demand change , and let them know the consequences of their non-compliance to your demands .
Now thats , how you communicate !!
I've been there,done that.He has to be the one to realize, what he is doing is not working between the two of them,it destroys your marriage,your love ,your trust ,your family.He cannot have full control all the time, it takes two.Just dont give in unless he changes,it's a difficult road with someone like that.Stay positive,and strong,believe in god and in youself,you'll get through it.Helping others will help oneself also.Also others who are like that need to sit back and stop trying to be right all the time,no answer is always right.God bless.
Okay... I am having trouble in my marriage and need advice... please!?
My husband and I are BORED! We cannot think of anything to do together. And it needs to be at home. We have a 2 year old and dont always have a sitter so we can go out. We get to go out maybe once a month. But we need things to do at home. We are tired of playing games either on the computer or board games or XBOX etc. And we are tired of watching TV or movies.Okay... I am having trouble in my marriage and need advice... please!?
make a simple list five things that each of you wish to do has to be new
then exchange lists and try out what ever it maybe even if you don't like it
if he enjoys it he will appreticate you more for doing it and visa vercaOkay... I am having trouble in my marriage and need advice... please!?
Go places with your child together. the park, the mall, walks the zoo. You can also turn off the computer and tv and talk. You can always read the same book and discuss it.
When you have a child, life becomes more about family than doing things just the two of you. Spending atleast 30 minutes a day talking about real stuff keeps a marriage together but doing things as a fmaily is important for the child to be raised in a stable home. A night out once a month is good just the two of you.
You can also make friends with other couples with children the same age as yours.
Go to a high school ball game or have some friends over late for drinks and games. I like the picnic idea, as well as bike riding and hiking on smooth terrain with a stroller. Fall is a great time to be outside. Try to mix it up with some other couples, especially those with kids. The kids will wander off together many times. Then, finally, you can have some adult conversation.
Strip poker !
(1) List what drew you to your hubby in the first place. If any of the answers still interest you work on those together. If you made the mistake of making physical attraction #1 read on:
(2) Make a list of things that interest YOU %26amp; work on those. Perhaps he might join you. Just remember, you can @ least try.
(3) See if he'll make a list of things that interests HIM. Check it out to see if anything sounds like fun.
(4) If you have no sitter, does the church you attend have a 'parents' nignt out' where couples baby-sit for one another so they can go out on a regular basis. If you don't attend church, think of that as a family activity to do.
(5) If you still turn up with no sitters, face the fact that you have to find things to do as a family. In 10 short years you %26amp; your husband may find that your bundle of joy no longer thinks that you have any merits at all. Enjoy you baby while he/she still thinks you hung the moon %26amp; stars. For example, my son and family met me yesterday at Mesker's Park. The grandkids (ages 1 %26amp;2) loved it and we were all smiles.
(a) Go for family strolls with the little one.
(b) Take baby to Wesselman's park.
(3) Go together to the library during 'story time'.
(4) Buy an entertainment book at the local credit union and do some of the fun things for 1/2 price.
(5) Take baby to watch you and daddy bowl.
(6) Take him/her to the putt-putt golf course. Baby can chase down the golf balls for you.
(7) Go for longs hikes with baby in a back pack.
(8) Forget the XBox. Live your life instead of watching someone else live on TV.
(9) Do an internet search for good ideas of what a family can do for fun.
If someone told you that parenting is fun they were lying to you. Best of times to you and your family.
Why not cook together? Do a scavenger hunt in the house, etc..
My husband and I also have kids. A ten year old a four year old and a 17 month old. So it is really hard for us to find a sitter also. What we do is call some of our friends and have them over. We make margaritas and the kids play in the bedrooms. If your friends have kids then it even better. Its like a slumber party for them. Sometimes we grill a supper or have poker night. Its fun and we feel like we get to have a life.
Recreate your first date.
Have a food fight
Lay under the stars and just talk
Get a basketball goal, and play some ball
Have friends over too play cards
All of these ideals are based on after hours, of child being alseep!!
Hope these help! Good Luck!!
Wow, tough question. I usually have some type of answer to give. I'm sorry I can not help. My husband and I are not bored. We both work, so doing nothing at night, after dinner is usally a welcomed thing. The weekend are filled with housework and yardwork.
tie his undies up in a knot and stick em up his butt, then have him do the same to u, when u pull them out for each other try french kissing. that always worked for us.
Try some home improvement projects. Do you know any other couples with children? We do a lot with other couples with kids. It is a lot more fun!
If you do not know any, try to go to some local parks and meet people.
Why does it need to be at home?? You can go on walks together with your 2 year old in a stroller or a little bike... go to the park and play all together... or read (maybe some relationship books). It seems what you really need to do is talk to each other and discuss what's going on in your relationship and why you've settled for ';justing being'; and instead of living life. Having a child doesn't mean you have to be confined to your home. This is a choice you have made, not a ';situation you are in';!
Maybe instead of playing with games you could play with toys instead:
You might want to do a picnic at home in your living room. Turn the TV and computer off and do something different. Or you might want to try cooking some new recipes together. Find something you may have wanted to try and make that the theme for the evening
Hey don't get stressed look there are lots of great things you can do together. As you baby is 2 he will go to bed early. Why not prepare a special meal sit down and have it together. Or just snuggle up on the sofa and watch a romantic film. You don't have to spend a lot on things to enjoy time together. You go for it gal and make the most of the time you share with your husband because even though you don't go out very often the simple things will make your relationship really special.
Sitting inside a confined place is the creator of most problems.... You should go out with your kid and hus for a walk around the street. If you can't make a restaurant/movie forget it. This will sure make a difference. Relations are not to be broken..Computer games can create this stupid problems that makes you keep confined. But am single so I like the games..
this helps me %26amp; my hubby when we get bored:
http://www.amazon.com/Daily-Sex-Position鈥?/a>
Have a late candle lit dinner after the little one goes to bed with some wine (if you drink) and a good conversation. Or make a picnic in your backyard with or without the little one.
If your into ';spice'; try: He's the really cute mailman and your husband isn't home..... get the picture? :) Sometimes the thought of something forbidden can spice it up.
Use your imagination. :)
well get yall a video cam for the pc join and adult group and do some chatting and camming that will be fun and sexxy too..it will spice things up...for more info send me an email.
Go for a nature walk with your son. Invite friends over. Visit a museum.
i would say somthing like going to parks with the kid, like picnics, and if you want to do something alone just the 2 of u, then i would say wait till ur kids asleep and make dinner for each other. or do personal litle things like u would before u were married like write eachother love letters etc
Give each other a challenge during the week,
examples:
take a picture of something that reminded you of that person when you were away from each other, or you could challenge that picture to be of something sad, happy, scared, bored, something of hope, you name it it could go from a color to a certain type of clothing. That challenge can go from finding other items to picking up some suprise dessert for dinner.
Try doing a picnic on the livingroom floor, you can make it a beach scene and wear swimsuits or a romantic old fashion picnic with fried chicken and a good book that you both could share reading to each other.
Pull out old highschool year books or baby books, even wedding albums, it will let you two enjoy memories, you may learn some new things about each other.
My fave is this dress up night, you can choose anything the other wears and they choose for you. You both have to act the part of what the other dresses you like. (Just don't share this with your friends, guys don't like others knowing you have dressed them in heels)
Remember that dates nights are just for the two of you, no phone and if the baby cries, check on it and let the little one fall back to sleep.
I hope these ideas help, best of luck!
We have a 16 month old daughter so I understand how it is. One night a month is not often enough. My husband and I use to cook together. It is a lot of fun because you joke around and your not sitting in front of the tv. You could take a walk, sit outside and watch traffic or the sunset. One night we got bored and decided to paint my toe nails. We use to to crosswords puzzles. Each of us had a book. But we got tired of that fast. We also use to play cards everynight.
make a simple list five things that each of you wish to do has to be new
then exchange lists and try out what ever it maybe even if you don't like it
if he enjoys it he will appreticate you more for doing it and visa vercaOkay... I am having trouble in my marriage and need advice... please!?
Go places with your child together. the park, the mall, walks the zoo. You can also turn off the computer and tv and talk. You can always read the same book and discuss it.
When you have a child, life becomes more about family than doing things just the two of you. Spending atleast 30 minutes a day talking about real stuff keeps a marriage together but doing things as a fmaily is important for the child to be raised in a stable home. A night out once a month is good just the two of you.
You can also make friends with other couples with children the same age as yours.
Go to a high school ball game or have some friends over late for drinks and games. I like the picnic idea, as well as bike riding and hiking on smooth terrain with a stroller. Fall is a great time to be outside. Try to mix it up with some other couples, especially those with kids. The kids will wander off together many times. Then, finally, you can have some adult conversation.
Strip poker !
(1) List what drew you to your hubby in the first place. If any of the answers still interest you work on those together. If you made the mistake of making physical attraction #1 read on:
(2) Make a list of things that interest YOU %26amp; work on those. Perhaps he might join you. Just remember, you can @ least try.
(3) See if he'll make a list of things that interests HIM. Check it out to see if anything sounds like fun.
(4) If you have no sitter, does the church you attend have a 'parents' nignt out' where couples baby-sit for one another so they can go out on a regular basis. If you don't attend church, think of that as a family activity to do.
(5) If you still turn up with no sitters, face the fact that you have to find things to do as a family. In 10 short years you %26amp; your husband may find that your bundle of joy no longer thinks that you have any merits at all. Enjoy you baby while he/she still thinks you hung the moon %26amp; stars. For example, my son and family met me yesterday at Mesker's Park. The grandkids (ages 1 %26amp;2) loved it and we were all smiles.
(a) Go for family strolls with the little one.
(b) Take baby to Wesselman's park.
(3) Go together to the library during 'story time'.
(4) Buy an entertainment book at the local credit union and do some of the fun things for 1/2 price.
(5) Take baby to watch you and daddy bowl.
(6) Take him/her to the putt-putt golf course. Baby can chase down the golf balls for you.
(7) Go for longs hikes with baby in a back pack.
(8) Forget the XBox. Live your life instead of watching someone else live on TV.
(9) Do an internet search for good ideas of what a family can do for fun.
If someone told you that parenting is fun they were lying to you. Best of times to you and your family.
Why not cook together? Do a scavenger hunt in the house, etc..
My husband and I also have kids. A ten year old a four year old and a 17 month old. So it is really hard for us to find a sitter also. What we do is call some of our friends and have them over. We make margaritas and the kids play in the bedrooms. If your friends have kids then it even better. Its like a slumber party for them. Sometimes we grill a supper or have poker night. Its fun and we feel like we get to have a life.
Recreate your first date.
Have a food fight
Lay under the stars and just talk
Get a basketball goal, and play some ball
Have friends over too play cards
All of these ideals are based on after hours, of child being alseep!!
Hope these help! Good Luck!!
Wow, tough question. I usually have some type of answer to give. I'm sorry I can not help. My husband and I are not bored. We both work, so doing nothing at night, after dinner is usally a welcomed thing. The weekend are filled with housework and yardwork.
tie his undies up in a knot and stick em up his butt, then have him do the same to u, when u pull them out for each other try french kissing. that always worked for us.
Try some home improvement projects. Do you know any other couples with children? We do a lot with other couples with kids. It is a lot more fun!
If you do not know any, try to go to some local parks and meet people.
Why does it need to be at home?? You can go on walks together with your 2 year old in a stroller or a little bike... go to the park and play all together... or read (maybe some relationship books). It seems what you really need to do is talk to each other and discuss what's going on in your relationship and why you've settled for ';justing being'; and instead of living life. Having a child doesn't mean you have to be confined to your home. This is a choice you have made, not a ';situation you are in';!
Maybe instead of playing with games you could play with toys instead:
You might want to do a picnic at home in your living room. Turn the TV and computer off and do something different. Or you might want to try cooking some new recipes together. Find something you may have wanted to try and make that the theme for the evening
Hey don't get stressed look there are lots of great things you can do together. As you baby is 2 he will go to bed early. Why not prepare a special meal sit down and have it together. Or just snuggle up on the sofa and watch a romantic film. You don't have to spend a lot on things to enjoy time together. You go for it gal and make the most of the time you share with your husband because even though you don't go out very often the simple things will make your relationship really special.
Sitting inside a confined place is the creator of most problems.... You should go out with your kid and hus for a walk around the street. If you can't make a restaurant/movie forget it. This will sure make a difference. Relations are not to be broken..Computer games can create this stupid problems that makes you keep confined. But am single so I like the games..
this helps me %26amp; my hubby when we get bored:
http://www.amazon.com/Daily-Sex-Position鈥?/a>
Have a late candle lit dinner after the little one goes to bed with some wine (if you drink) and a good conversation. Or make a picnic in your backyard with or without the little one.
If your into ';spice'; try: He's the really cute mailman and your husband isn't home..... get the picture? :) Sometimes the thought of something forbidden can spice it up.
Use your imagination. :)
well get yall a video cam for the pc join and adult group and do some chatting and camming that will be fun and sexxy too..it will spice things up...for more info send me an email.
Go for a nature walk with your son. Invite friends over. Visit a museum.
i would say somthing like going to parks with the kid, like picnics, and if you want to do something alone just the 2 of u, then i would say wait till ur kids asleep and make dinner for each other. or do personal litle things like u would before u were married like write eachother love letters etc
Give each other a challenge during the week,
examples:
take a picture of something that reminded you of that person when you were away from each other, or you could challenge that picture to be of something sad, happy, scared, bored, something of hope, you name it it could go from a color to a certain type of clothing. That challenge can go from finding other items to picking up some suprise dessert for dinner.
Try doing a picnic on the livingroom floor, you can make it a beach scene and wear swimsuits or a romantic old fashion picnic with fried chicken and a good book that you both could share reading to each other.
Pull out old highschool year books or baby books, even wedding albums, it will let you two enjoy memories, you may learn some new things about each other.
My fave is this dress up night, you can choose anything the other wears and they choose for you. You both have to act the part of what the other dresses you like. (Just don't share this with your friends, guys don't like others knowing you have dressed them in heels)
Remember that dates nights are just for the two of you, no phone and if the baby cries, check on it and let the little one fall back to sleep.
I hope these ideas help, best of luck!
We have a 16 month old daughter so I understand how it is. One night a month is not often enough. My husband and I use to cook together. It is a lot of fun because you joke around and your not sitting in front of the tv. You could take a walk, sit outside and watch traffic or the sunset. One night we got bored and decided to paint my toe nails. We use to to crosswords puzzles. Each of us had a book. But we got tired of that fast. We also use to play cards everynight.
Any advice on marrying a man who is going on his second marriage?
I know this sounds like a silly question. My fiance is divorced, but this is my first marriage.My fiance has made the statement to me that the second time around is always better. Well, this is my first! Do you think I am just being silly asking this question..Be Honest!Any advice on marrying a man who is going on his second marriage?
I'm a male in my second marriage who married a woman who hadn't been married previously and its worked out great. In fact I'm glad the first marriage didn't work and we have been together 20 years and I would marry her again tommorrow. I'm sure your fiance was just meaning the second time around would be best for himself. Communication and genuine friendship is the key and humor is also very important. We often tease each other in a lighthearted manner. Also we have 2 children whom we are very proud of.Any advice on marrying a man who is going on his second marriage?
If he has children from the first marriage it will be tough. Especially at first. Think of it this way every month if the case he'll be sending money for child support. It is tough. Make sure you know him very well.
if its right it is right if you have anyt doubts resolve them before you get married
Just make sure you get to know him VERY well. he's 0 for 1 and you need to understand the circumstances surrounding it. If he screwed up in the last marriage (like cheating or unable to communicate or control anger) its a red flag to you and i would hold off on getting married. I wouldn't talk to the ex-wife because he might feel disrespected and you don't want to give her that power. Your relationship is none of his ex's business. Just make sure you are comfortable with what happened in his last marriage, like maybe he just got married too young. Trust your instincts. Good luck!
Are kids involved? If so, Find out what they are really like! 2nd Find out how the first ball and chain is.
Before you say I do.
Talk to his ex wife first
no this question is not a silly one. Just becareful i mean to me getting married is only something I want to do once. and stay that way forever and ever. but just dont do what the ex did like what ever his reasons are for breaking it off. just becareful and it should be cool cause like it's your first time and it's fresh to you and maybe he won't make the same mistakes he did the first time around. maybe he just wasn't the one for her.
find out what happened and make sure the same thing doesnt happen again, we do learn by our mistakes, atleast we should, good luck
I think he was just trying to assure you that your marriage to him will not fail. Talk to him about your concerns. After all, if you are going to marry this man then you should be able to talk to him about anything.
No considering this is your first marriage and hopefully your last.I have been married twice too.My first marriage was bad and we divorced.It was both of our first marriages.Now, I am happily married.This is my second and his first, and hopefully our last!:)Anyhow, a marriage is what you make it.Never go to bed angry, always communicate with each other,and out each other first before all others(except your kids) and you will have a great start.Also, remember life is short and cherish him.Congrats and good luck!!!
No, you are not being silly. You just don't know. We had the opposite - it was my 2nd and his first. Sometimes it's better sometimes not. Are you going to have marriage counseling? That would help, it give you a chance to ask some questions that you have. And if he has any ';baggage'; from his 1st marriage - then it might help with that too. good luck!
if when he talks about the relationship he makes the problems hers and not theirs run
I'm a male in my second marriage who married a woman who hadn't been married previously and its worked out great. In fact I'm glad the first marriage didn't work and we have been together 20 years and I would marry her again tommorrow. I'm sure your fiance was just meaning the second time around would be best for himself. Communication and genuine friendship is the key and humor is also very important. We often tease each other in a lighthearted manner. Also we have 2 children whom we are very proud of.Any advice on marrying a man who is going on his second marriage?
If he has children from the first marriage it will be tough. Especially at first. Think of it this way every month if the case he'll be sending money for child support. It is tough. Make sure you know him very well.
if its right it is right if you have anyt doubts resolve them before you get married
Just make sure you get to know him VERY well. he's 0 for 1 and you need to understand the circumstances surrounding it. If he screwed up in the last marriage (like cheating or unable to communicate or control anger) its a red flag to you and i would hold off on getting married. I wouldn't talk to the ex-wife because he might feel disrespected and you don't want to give her that power. Your relationship is none of his ex's business. Just make sure you are comfortable with what happened in his last marriage, like maybe he just got married too young. Trust your instincts. Good luck!
Are kids involved? If so, Find out what they are really like! 2nd Find out how the first ball and chain is.
Before you say I do.
Talk to his ex wife first
no this question is not a silly one. Just becareful i mean to me getting married is only something I want to do once. and stay that way forever and ever. but just dont do what the ex did like what ever his reasons are for breaking it off. just becareful and it should be cool cause like it's your first time and it's fresh to you and maybe he won't make the same mistakes he did the first time around. maybe he just wasn't the one for her.
find out what happened and make sure the same thing doesnt happen again, we do learn by our mistakes, atleast we should, good luck
I think he was just trying to assure you that your marriage to him will not fail. Talk to him about your concerns. After all, if you are going to marry this man then you should be able to talk to him about anything.
No considering this is your first marriage and hopefully your last.I have been married twice too.My first marriage was bad and we divorced.It was both of our first marriages.Now, I am happily married.This is my second and his first, and hopefully our last!:)Anyhow, a marriage is what you make it.Never go to bed angry, always communicate with each other,and out each other first before all others(except your kids) and you will have a great start.Also, remember life is short and cherish him.Congrats and good luck!!!
No, you are not being silly. You just don't know. We had the opposite - it was my 2nd and his first. Sometimes it's better sometimes not. Are you going to have marriage counseling? That would help, it give you a chance to ask some questions that you have. And if he has any ';baggage'; from his 1st marriage - then it might help with that too. good luck!
if when he talks about the relationship he makes the problems hers and not theirs run
Need advice about marriage.?
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 8 months. He has this month been home a year from a deployment to Iraq. His doctor told him he had PTSD. He has had an appointment to go to the VA to see someone about this disorder but he won't face it. He cancels his appts and won't get help. And doesn't think he needs help. We have been having some issues with our marriage for the past 6-8 months. He won't talk to me about feelings, emotion, etc. We don't show each other affection, we don't get along well, and we don't have sex very much. I know counseling is a good way to help but thats not going to work right at the moment. Im trying to find a way to fix our problems without going to see someone. I don't know if we should separate or if we should keep living together and see if it works. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please Help without Negative Comments. Thanks!Need advice about marriage.?
If he will not seek help, than YOU seek help, for yourself.
This does not mean ONLY you have to fix things, but oftentimes, when we seek help for OURSELVES, we become better, and our lives improve, even though the person we are married to may still be struggling.
Just some words of advice my dear, for YOU.
Good luck and God Bless you.Need advice about marriage.?
I am affraid that counseling is going to be the only thing that will help your marriage at this point. Sounds like your marriage is lacking communication, which is a very important part of any relationship. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work, it's not just one sided. If both people aren't willing to work at it, then it won't work. Good luck.
sorry to hear this, he needs the help, Professional help. some of our soldiers went through some rough time over there. you could help him by being understanding, but he needs to want to help himself, he is still in denail. some people got affected more than others, and it is understandable it was not a field trip. but now they are back home thanks god for those who came back, and he needs to live life to the fullest. in order for him to do this he need to get help, not only for him by for those who care and love him.
Many people have marriage difficulties/problems.
So, your not alone...
I don't know what ptsd is, so can't comment on that...
My daughter recently filed for divorce - and I was telling friends about it.
One comment from a lady was that - its difficult to decide wether to go on suffering for years or to make a move...And only you can decide that. You must do what is right for you...You didn't say if you had any children(?)
good luck...
Back off and relax! Give him his space when he needs and his comfort when he needs it, don't look for answers to fix the problems when you stop looking for them things will get easier! I have P.T.S.D. my husband has it also all you can do is love him unconditionally as you
would love a child or a brother or sister. When you love a spouse this way it gets much easier.... You can not push him to get help and sometimes the mediaction triggers the memories worse, let him deal with it in his own way in his own time... meanwhile be supportive by giving him space, time and love...makeup techniques
If he will not seek help, than YOU seek help, for yourself.
This does not mean ONLY you have to fix things, but oftentimes, when we seek help for OURSELVES, we become better, and our lives improve, even though the person we are married to may still be struggling.
Just some words of advice my dear, for YOU.
Good luck and God Bless you.Need advice about marriage.?
I am affraid that counseling is going to be the only thing that will help your marriage at this point. Sounds like your marriage is lacking communication, which is a very important part of any relationship. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work, it's not just one sided. If both people aren't willing to work at it, then it won't work. Good luck.
sorry to hear this, he needs the help, Professional help. some of our soldiers went through some rough time over there. you could help him by being understanding, but he needs to want to help himself, he is still in denail. some people got affected more than others, and it is understandable it was not a field trip. but now they are back home thanks god for those who came back, and he needs to live life to the fullest. in order for him to do this he need to get help, not only for him by for those who care and love him.
Many people have marriage difficulties/problems.
So, your not alone...
I don't know what ptsd is, so can't comment on that...
My daughter recently filed for divorce - and I was telling friends about it.
One comment from a lady was that - its difficult to decide wether to go on suffering for years or to make a move...And only you can decide that. You must do what is right for you...You didn't say if you had any children(?)
good luck...
Back off and relax! Give him his space when he needs and his comfort when he needs it, don't look for answers to fix the problems when you stop looking for them things will get easier! I have P.T.S.D. my husband has it also all you can do is love him unconditionally as you
would love a child or a brother or sister. When you love a spouse this way it gets much easier.... You can not push him to get help and sometimes the mediaction triggers the memories worse, let him deal with it in his own way in his own time... meanwhile be supportive by giving him space, time and love...
Trying to revitalize marriage, need female advice...?
Tryin to reromanticize my marriage and I already do the pampering, cooking, flowers etc., but want some other little known advice about what women find sexy/romantic. For example what physical characteristics, (do women like men with shaved privates) What are the little known things women like but won't admit or ask for?Trying to revitalize marriage, need female advice...?
that is so sweet鈾ou're a good husband,don't take your beautiful wife鈾?for granted,women like men that do these thoughful things...you're like a 鈾uPeRHeRo鈾?..well to me little known things I believe most women are drawn to is a little hair on their faces,not all shaved off thoughTrying to revitalize marriage, need female advice...?
Um, maybe having the man be a little more dominant in the sack. I don't know, I seem to like that. The feeling of being beautiful, sexy, controlled, and safe at the same time, on the topic of sex.
Women think with the head attached to their shoulders; men think with their other head, obviously.
If you want to revive your marriage, try connecting with her emotionally first. Emotional stimulation creates the necessary ambiance.
Try learning to dot he washing also! washign dishes and doing the laundry! show that your willing to give 100%.
Also at the weekends help her clean the house.
What are her interests? Figure out adn do something together, to bond over something that each of you love strenghts the love.
Froget the physical characteristics, shaved pubic hair isnt really high up there, we only ask you shower daily, dont spray down there with after shaves, otherwise its just disgusting and pimp like, have a healthy smile, a frequent hair cut, mayeb a manicure, and work hard to look good for your own respect!
Women don't think like that. If you are trying to revive your sparks, I suggest you start at emotionally connecting with her. Make love to her mind. Create an ambiance.
Try looking at her in the eyes as much as possible. When you do, think of all the things that make you love her and want her. Make sure she can see that same love and passion she saw there when she met you. Most women cannot resist an intense stare - it's the first thing that gets to us.
Appearance is not important.
However, hygiene is - so make sure you're always clean, and that includes the hands and nails. Most women do not want anyone's hands on them if they're filthy.
You might also consider consulting an aromatherapist in your area. Ask for a customised aphrodisiac massage blend for her, draw her a nice hot bath when she's back from work, and then give her a massage. She might like that.
you know your woman better than anyone else. some women would be intriged with the shave privates, some turned off. why don't you take her out on a date? something really special! i don't know her interests, but you do, make it all about that! good luck
Ask her to make a list of things that she would enjoy doing. Take each thing and write it on a piece of paper. Staple all of them together as if it were a coupon book. Tell her that she can cash one in every week. This way she gets to choose what makes her happy. You will reap the rewards.
that is so sweet鈾ou're a good husband,don't take your beautiful wife鈾?for granted,women like men that do these thoughful things...you're like a 鈾uPeRHeRo鈾?..well to me little known things I believe most women are drawn to is a little hair on their faces,not all shaved off thoughTrying to revitalize marriage, need female advice...?
Um, maybe having the man be a little more dominant in the sack. I don't know, I seem to like that. The feeling of being beautiful, sexy, controlled, and safe at the same time, on the topic of sex.
Women think with the head attached to their shoulders; men think with their other head, obviously.
If you want to revive your marriage, try connecting with her emotionally first. Emotional stimulation creates the necessary ambiance.
Try learning to dot he washing also! washign dishes and doing the laundry! show that your willing to give 100%.
Also at the weekends help her clean the house.
What are her interests? Figure out adn do something together, to bond over something that each of you love strenghts the love.
Froget the physical characteristics, shaved pubic hair isnt really high up there, we only ask you shower daily, dont spray down there with after shaves, otherwise its just disgusting and pimp like, have a healthy smile, a frequent hair cut, mayeb a manicure, and work hard to look good for your own respect!
Women don't think like that. If you are trying to revive your sparks, I suggest you start at emotionally connecting with her. Make love to her mind. Create an ambiance.
Try looking at her in the eyes as much as possible. When you do, think of all the things that make you love her and want her. Make sure she can see that same love and passion she saw there when she met you. Most women cannot resist an intense stare - it's the first thing that gets to us.
Appearance is not important.
However, hygiene is - so make sure you're always clean, and that includes the hands and nails. Most women do not want anyone's hands on them if they're filthy.
You might also consider consulting an aromatherapist in your area. Ask for a customised aphrodisiac massage blend for her, draw her a nice hot bath when she's back from work, and then give her a massage. She might like that.
you know your woman better than anyone else. some women would be intriged with the shave privates, some turned off. why don't you take her out on a date? something really special! i don't know her interests, but you do, make it all about that! good luck
Ask her to make a list of things that she would enjoy doing. Take each thing and write it on a piece of paper. Staple all of them together as if it were a coupon book. Tell her that she can cash one in every week. This way she gets to choose what makes her happy. You will reap the rewards.
Some advice on marriage please?
everyone has their faults so I'm not saying that I do everything just right in my marriage. My husband says things like, ';its MY money, so I will buy what I want'; tells me I am lazy because I stay at home with our daughter. I go to school full time, work part time, babysit 4 days a week, and do all of the house work. Now he calls me horrible names when he gets mad %26amp; threw all of my things out of HIS house yesterday. I feel like I do most everything right, I try to be a good wife. Everything I tell him goes in one ear %26amp; out the other. Any advice on how to get through to him?Some advice on marriage please?
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.... I was in your shoes about a year ago....Notice I said was....He did just what your husband is doing and in the same order....1st he would say thing like its MY MONEY its MY HOUSE....Then the put downs like telling me I was lazy cause I didn't wake up til 9 am....And I was the one that was working, cooking, and cleaning....He even kicked me out of my own house...excuse me HIS HOUSE!!!!.....It didn't stop there though soon after all of that he tried to hit me....I don't know your whole story but sounds like you need to get out of a dead end sittuation....Think of your Daughter too....My parents were un happy and they divorced...I think that was the best thing they could have done for my Sister and I...I know I wouldn't want to grow up seeing my mother sad all the time...Well I hope I helped at all....You will be in my prayers!!!!Some advice on marriage please?
Sounds like he is bitter you get to stay at home. I dont know why some men are like this. Being a stay at home mom is difficult. You would think he wouldve grown up and became a man by now right? I would just continue to be who you are. I would maybe pack up some stuff and stay at my parents for a while if my husband did me this way. Who does he think he is after all? Its not just his money its yours as well. Maybe he has some other issues he is battling I would just give him space. Honey he owes you an apology!
Don't ask him for money, don't do chores, make sure you eat and feed your daughter. Just show him you are giving up on everything. When he sees you feel unappreciated and nothing is getting done, he will try to make you feel better and appreciate you more.
DIVORCE him! He'll NEVER change and it will only get worse!
move out until he gets his head on straight and start listening to Dr. Laura or visit her website. He has changed and is not safe to be around.
If you've tried talking to him to no avail then you should go for marriage counseling. if he cannot learn to listen to you and communicate with you then you need to get a third person involved and get them to help you sort out your problems. hopefully the counsellor and get him to see that he needs to respect his wife (you) and respect and appreciate the things you do for him. the counsellor can help him understand that you two have defined roles in the house and no role is less or more important than the other. if you weren't there to look after your child, who would? and what job is more important than looking after a child? food on the table is useless if the child is neglected. the child needs both physical support (food, shelter, clothing) AND emotional support (love, encouragement, comfort). He provides the former and you provide the latter. BOTH are vital for the proper upbringing of a child. if you cannot convince him of your importance then you need to get a counsellor to do it for you.
good luck!!
You can do better or worse on your own! I really don't know you or who you are, but no one should take what you were given. ';Some advise!'; Get your things and stay some where for a few days and let him find you! Why? His mind game is to belittle you emotionally, let him see what it's like when he comes home to an empty house. You see, no man can really take what he puts out in a negative way. When he's ready to hear what you have to say, let him know what he has done and why you felt you had to do what you have to do.
Marriage is a partnership, so it is not his money %26amp; he can't do whatever he wants.
You are trying to convince someone of your worth as a person. Why? You know what you are worth and he should also know your value as his partner. But all he cares for is himself.
This person is not a man, this is a child. You have been thrown from your home like a piece of trash. How insulting. And you want to get through to him? I would want to be through with him.
You can't teach a pig to dance. Go home to your family. Stay there until he agrees %26amp; goes to counseling to try to save your marriage. Do not allow your daughter to see you being treated this way. This type of history has an awful way of repeating itself.
Don't think it is about getting through. Possibilities are either he felt trapped or he had trouble at work.
The trap part is because he is carrying the majority of the financial load. That's why it is not a good idea to have kids and go to school at the same time. Chances are your family is not saving much. He may feel he makes the money but it's all gone.
The current economic environment puts most workers on edge. Things may be tight at work and he doesn't know how to tell the family -- some men consider keeping their job a statement of their manhood.
Both cases are about money.
Some people are not plea-sable. He will not know what a gold mine he has until your gone. And when I say gone that means him begging you for weeks to come back and if you decide to go back you need to set boundaries because it sounds like he has set plenty for you and you have none for him he needs to treat you with RESPECT. After all it sounds like you treat him like a king and he is taking you for granted. This may sound bad but you need to discipline him as if he were your kid. Seriously if he does something that hurts your feelings you NEED to reprimand him and do it over and over until he treats you right! It sounds bad but it works, men want mommies and we have to let them know this is not to be expected. If we choose to do so you must appreciate it!
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.... I was in your shoes about a year ago....Notice I said was....He did just what your husband is doing and in the same order....1st he would say thing like its MY MONEY its MY HOUSE....Then the put downs like telling me I was lazy cause I didn't wake up til 9 am....And I was the one that was working, cooking, and cleaning....He even kicked me out of my own house...excuse me HIS HOUSE!!!!.....It didn't stop there though soon after all of that he tried to hit me....I don't know your whole story but sounds like you need to get out of a dead end sittuation....Think of your Daughter too....My parents were un happy and they divorced...I think that was the best thing they could have done for my Sister and I...I know I wouldn't want to grow up seeing my mother sad all the time...Well I hope I helped at all....You will be in my prayers!!!!Some advice on marriage please?
Sounds like he is bitter you get to stay at home. I dont know why some men are like this. Being a stay at home mom is difficult. You would think he wouldve grown up and became a man by now right? I would just continue to be who you are. I would maybe pack up some stuff and stay at my parents for a while if my husband did me this way. Who does he think he is after all? Its not just his money its yours as well. Maybe he has some other issues he is battling I would just give him space. Honey he owes you an apology!
Don't ask him for money, don't do chores, make sure you eat and feed your daughter. Just show him you are giving up on everything. When he sees you feel unappreciated and nothing is getting done, he will try to make you feel better and appreciate you more.
DIVORCE him! He'll NEVER change and it will only get worse!
move out until he gets his head on straight and start listening to Dr. Laura or visit her website. He has changed and is not safe to be around.
If you've tried talking to him to no avail then you should go for marriage counseling. if he cannot learn to listen to you and communicate with you then you need to get a third person involved and get them to help you sort out your problems. hopefully the counsellor and get him to see that he needs to respect his wife (you) and respect and appreciate the things you do for him. the counsellor can help him understand that you two have defined roles in the house and no role is less or more important than the other. if you weren't there to look after your child, who would? and what job is more important than looking after a child? food on the table is useless if the child is neglected. the child needs both physical support (food, shelter, clothing) AND emotional support (love, encouragement, comfort). He provides the former and you provide the latter. BOTH are vital for the proper upbringing of a child. if you cannot convince him of your importance then you need to get a counsellor to do it for you.
good luck!!
You can do better or worse on your own! I really don't know you or who you are, but no one should take what you were given. ';Some advise!'; Get your things and stay some where for a few days and let him find you! Why? His mind game is to belittle you emotionally, let him see what it's like when he comes home to an empty house. You see, no man can really take what he puts out in a negative way. When he's ready to hear what you have to say, let him know what he has done and why you felt you had to do what you have to do.
Marriage is a partnership, so it is not his money %26amp; he can't do whatever he wants.
You are trying to convince someone of your worth as a person. Why? You know what you are worth and he should also know your value as his partner. But all he cares for is himself.
This person is not a man, this is a child. You have been thrown from your home like a piece of trash. How insulting. And you want to get through to him? I would want to be through with him.
You can't teach a pig to dance. Go home to your family. Stay there until he agrees %26amp; goes to counseling to try to save your marriage. Do not allow your daughter to see you being treated this way. This type of history has an awful way of repeating itself.
Don't think it is about getting through. Possibilities are either he felt trapped or he had trouble at work.
The trap part is because he is carrying the majority of the financial load. That's why it is not a good idea to have kids and go to school at the same time. Chances are your family is not saving much. He may feel he makes the money but it's all gone.
The current economic environment puts most workers on edge. Things may be tight at work and he doesn't know how to tell the family -- some men consider keeping their job a statement of their manhood.
Both cases are about money.
Some people are not plea-sable. He will not know what a gold mine he has until your gone. And when I say gone that means him begging you for weeks to come back and if you decide to go back you need to set boundaries because it sounds like he has set plenty for you and you have none for him he needs to treat you with RESPECT. After all it sounds like you treat him like a king and he is taking you for granted. This may sound bad but you need to discipline him as if he were your kid. Seriously if he does something that hurts your feelings you NEED to reprimand him and do it over and over until he treats you right! It sounds bad but it works, men want mommies and we have to let them know this is not to be expected. If we choose to do so you must appreciate it!
Can anyone advice me about marriage?
im 21 and my boyfriend is 36.. we are planning to get married soon.. right now hes on australlia hes working there.. hes going home on may.. i miss him a lot..Can anyone advice me about marriage?
sure i can advise you.... dont ask strangers on the internet for their opinions about your love life
they dont think before they answer and they dont care about your feelings, they dont know your exact situation, they dont know the man you're talking about
duh!Can anyone advice me about marriage?
have sex before marriage....
i found out my fiance had a vasectomy and ED from medication (he's 32) I still love him though and we are still getting married but... that stuff may be a dealbreaker for some.
ask his view on kids
his future
his future with you
money
divorce
religion
abortion
ask some medical history
some relationship history
and anything else you find important
my parents have a big age difference and it is bad. Now my dad is in his 70s, quad by-pass surgery, knees don't work, going blind... and my mom's life is ending too b/c she has to take care of him.
She is aging faster than she should. Her life is ending with his, effectively, becasue she can't live her life without endangering his. I mean, she has to be with him, nursing him, 24/7. She was at the height of her career. And she had to end it all to take care of an elderly man.
I love my dad but it breaks my heart to see my mom's life end so early. Don't do this to yourself.
My advice is never marry anyone more than 10 years older than yourself. You are different wave lengths. Never marry a man that has children unless the mom has passes away.
sure i can advise you.... dont ask strangers on the internet for their opinions about your love life
they dont think before they answer and they dont care about your feelings, they dont know your exact situation, they dont know the man you're talking about
duh!Can anyone advice me about marriage?
have sex before marriage....
i found out my fiance had a vasectomy and ED from medication (he's 32) I still love him though and we are still getting married but... that stuff may be a dealbreaker for some.
ask his view on kids
his future
his future with you
money
divorce
religion
abortion
ask some medical history
some relationship history
and anything else you find important
my parents have a big age difference and it is bad. Now my dad is in his 70s, quad by-pass surgery, knees don't work, going blind... and my mom's life is ending too b/c she has to take care of him.
She is aging faster than she should. Her life is ending with his, effectively, becasue she can't live her life without endangering his. I mean, she has to be with him, nursing him, 24/7. She was at the height of her career. And she had to end it all to take care of an elderly man.
I love my dad but it breaks my heart to see my mom's life end so early. Don't do this to yourself.
My advice is never marry anyone more than 10 years older than yourself. You are different wave lengths. Never marry a man that has children unless the mom has passes away.
Needing advice on marriage?
I've been married for 16 years almost 17.My h is a really good guy and probably 1 of the most faithful men out there,we do have 2 kids.I was 19 when I got married so I was young h is 44 so big age difference.I have cheated several times n can't stop the temptation.I'm realizing more n more that I'm more attracted to younger men now n of course it helps my low selfesteem that such cute men that r even hot r finding me attractive.I'm 35 years of age n these men think I look like I'm n my 20s it feels great.Women also say I look young so I'm just feeling all good about myself at these times and I can't stop the temptation.I love my h but I'm not n love with him.I left 4 a week n h really was hurt I came back n things were really good but h just will not let me have 1 day of me time to get away from the same ol same ol routine.He suspects I've cheated but I denied it n h kinda left it alone.I keep thinking about divorce n actually called n made appt. with lawyer n backed out because it scares me to death to think that I might be lonely,that what if I can't find a guy that I really want to b with 4ever.I'm a terrible person I do realize that but I don't consider myself a tramp I'm just going through a change n my life that I don't understand 4 the fact I have a good h so why the hell such feelings of not being happy.The age difference never bothered me b4 so why all of a sudden does it bother me now.I still think h is handsome.I thoght about counseling but to b honest I talked to counseler b4 4 depression at 1 time n it helped 4 a while then it goes right back to same thing.I don't think it will help 4 long term.Anybody been through this or any advice will be of great thanks.Sorry so long.Needing advice on marriage?
My only advise is this. If it is clear that you want something else then file for divorce and then cat about with any men you like. It is not fair of you to treat him like this. I would confess what I had done and then talk with your husband about it.
Your husband deserves to be with a wife that is attracted to him, that is faithful to him, that does honor him with respect and mutual arousal. He has the right to find that for himself just as you have sought out what you wanted.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. You are not 19 now, so grow up and clean up your mess.Needing advice on marriage?
From what you have said, You are one of the reasons men have issues with commitments. I think that you need to file for divorce as soon as possible , so thjat you and this great man can be happy with out each other.
if your not sexually attracted to him, dont tell him that because it will crush him, but leave him. just tell him you arent happy and things arent working out.
end of story!
stop doing what you are doing until you leave him
1-843-597-4679
Read about me through my profile. Give a try. Lets talk.
You're funny. I think you should just keep doing it like you're doing it. Can you teach me how to get side action with younger women?
Go to a marriage counseling to fix your marriage.
Go to a therapist to at least curb those urges that you know hurt your marriage.
Go to a doctor maybe your husband has some problems down there that's why your not satisfied sexually.
maybe you should be honest with him and decide on:
open marriage, or
divorce
you don't respect him so why continue to lie to him???
No doubt it took courage for you to admit this on Answers, so I give you credit for that.
That said, I'm going to give you my honest answer. You chose to have two children with your husband. They didn't ask to be brought into the world, you made them. Now that your children are in your life, I think you should stay faithful to your husband and family until your children are adults and then follow your sexual dreams.
Children are a responsibility. You are responsible for them.
8 years age difference is not a lot, so that can not be the issue. Finding your hubby attractive is a state of mind which you are having a lot of trouble with it would seem. If you have been for counseling and it helped and then went back to the way it was for depression then it means that they did not get to the route cause of the problem...surprise, suprise. So find a good ccounselorand get your a into g and get your life sorted out. I have been thru this and a lot more and my aattitudeis what made the biggest ddifferenceand my absolute 100 percent desire to change. Good Luck!
Stop playing these game with your husband and yourself. Sometime people just out grown one another and that is what has happen here. But what you really need to do is be up front with your husband an let him no what is going on and ask for a divorce. Because he needs to be with someone who is going to love him and treat him right and right now your not the one. That way you can live your life without feeling guilty. But here is something for you. The grass might seem greener on the other side but it never is. Don't wine up alone and gray because you was chasing a fantasy.
The first thing you should do is get a good grip on the truth. The truth is this is not a change in your life you are a tramp! You are a liar and a cheat. You have no self control which is pathetic!
What you should do is admit to yourself you are a tramp. The tell your husband the truth that you are a tramp then get a divorce. At least then you will have done an honest thing. Your husband deserves better than you and you deserve whatever happens to you.
If you want to make the marriage work there are many self-help programs available. I would recommended The Us Factor by Joseph Melnick. He offers the program on a free trial basis and also has a free email newsletter with many relationship tips. It's worth checking out.
You will lose your husband if you don't stop this behavior. You already hurt him but the only thing is that he doesn't know. Just stop it and seek a marriage counselor to help you. Also, plead with your husband for your own personal time, tell him you need it. Attraction is a tricky thing because it's always present when someone is new but it fades away with time so whomever you decide to be with, you'll face the same challenges you're currently facing now. Force yourself to think about your husband sexually, fantasize with him on your mind. What if he tries viagra or cialis to enhance his performance? Maybe that'll get you excited about sex again. Remember to see a doctor before he starts taking that because it does have side effects. Try, you must try everything before you split with this man because a good man is hard to find.
My only advise is this. If it is clear that you want something else then file for divorce and then cat about with any men you like. It is not fair of you to treat him like this. I would confess what I had done and then talk with your husband about it.
Your husband deserves to be with a wife that is attracted to him, that is faithful to him, that does honor him with respect and mutual arousal. He has the right to find that for himself just as you have sought out what you wanted.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. You are not 19 now, so grow up and clean up your mess.Needing advice on marriage?
From what you have said, You are one of the reasons men have issues with commitments. I think that you need to file for divorce as soon as possible , so thjat you and this great man can be happy with out each other.
if your not sexually attracted to him, dont tell him that because it will crush him, but leave him. just tell him you arent happy and things arent working out.
end of story!
stop doing what you are doing until you leave him
1-843-597-4679
Read about me through my profile. Give a try. Lets talk.
You're funny. I think you should just keep doing it like you're doing it. Can you teach me how to get side action with younger women?
Go to a marriage counseling to fix your marriage.
Go to a therapist to at least curb those urges that you know hurt your marriage.
Go to a doctor maybe your husband has some problems down there that's why your not satisfied sexually.
maybe you should be honest with him and decide on:
open marriage, or
divorce
you don't respect him so why continue to lie to him???
No doubt it took courage for you to admit this on Answers, so I give you credit for that.
That said, I'm going to give you my honest answer. You chose to have two children with your husband. They didn't ask to be brought into the world, you made them. Now that your children are in your life, I think you should stay faithful to your husband and family until your children are adults and then follow your sexual dreams.
Children are a responsibility. You are responsible for them.
8 years age difference is not a lot, so that can not be the issue. Finding your hubby attractive is a state of mind which you are having a lot of trouble with it would seem. If you have been for counseling and it helped and then went back to the way it was for depression then it means that they did not get to the route cause of the problem...surprise, suprise. So find a good ccounselorand get your a into g and get your life sorted out. I have been thru this and a lot more and my aattitudeis what made the biggest ddifferenceand my absolute 100 percent desire to change. Good Luck!
Stop playing these game with your husband and yourself. Sometime people just out grown one another and that is what has happen here. But what you really need to do is be up front with your husband an let him no what is going on and ask for a divorce. Because he needs to be with someone who is going to love him and treat him right and right now your not the one. That way you can live your life without feeling guilty. But here is something for you. The grass might seem greener on the other side but it never is. Don't wine up alone and gray because you was chasing a fantasy.
The first thing you should do is get a good grip on the truth. The truth is this is not a change in your life you are a tramp! You are a liar and a cheat. You have no self control which is pathetic!
What you should do is admit to yourself you are a tramp. The tell your husband the truth that you are a tramp then get a divorce. At least then you will have done an honest thing. Your husband deserves better than you and you deserve whatever happens to you.
If you want to make the marriage work there are many self-help programs available. I would recommended The Us Factor by Joseph Melnick. He offers the program on a free trial basis and also has a free email newsletter with many relationship tips. It's worth checking out.
You will lose your husband if you don't stop this behavior. You already hurt him but the only thing is that he doesn't know. Just stop it and seek a marriage counselor to help you. Also, plead with your husband for your own personal time, tell him you need it. Attraction is a tricky thing because it's always present when someone is new but it fades away with time so whomever you decide to be with, you'll face the same challenges you're currently facing now. Force yourself to think about your husband sexually, fantasize with him on your mind. What if he tries viagra or cialis to enhance his performance? Maybe that'll get you excited about sex again. Remember to see a doctor before he starts taking that because it does have side effects. Try, you must try everything before you split with this man because a good man is hard to find.
Legal Advice on Marriage and significant personal assets?
I am strongly considering getting married and i need some ideas on what i should do to help protect some assets of mine. Im 26 and work in the investment services industry, but my deep dark secret is that at 21 i won the lottery in my home state. I have taken some rather extreme measures to distance myself from that as i could cost me much of my professional reputation. Also, I never told the girl about it either as i like being normal and living a regular upper middle class life. In addition to that I have have a received a rather large inheritance. Is there a way to get a pre-nup without disclosing what assets you are protecting.Legal Advice on Marriage and significant personal assets?
A prenup will be invalid if you fail to disclose your assets.
But, if you live in, and remain in, a community property state (California, Arizona, Nevada, Texas, Louisiana, New Mexico, Idaho), then anything owned prior to marriage, and any inheritance, is your sole and separate property; spouse will have no claim to that property in the event of divorce.
The other common law states vary wildly in terms of what an ex-spouse may be entitled to. You'll need to see an attorney in your state for more information.Legal Advice on Marriage and significant personal assets?
Failure to disclose assets can void the prenuptial agreement. And, frankly, if I found out my spouse was hiding something like that, I'd be out the door--with or without a portion of the assets.
I also fail to see how winning the lottery could in any way impair one's professional reputation, unless you are a monk who has taken a vow of poverty. In which case you would be unlikely to be talking marriage.
You are seriously going to marry someone who you don't trust with information about your assets? Really? You're going to build a life with this person, who you're committing to, but you won't be honest about your financial situation? ::shakes head:: Gee, no wonder you think the marriage might fail.
Anyway. Consult an attorney. They'll tell you if a prenup in your state would be valid without full disclosure. In some states it would not be valid.
Yeah, you would just phrase the prenup to say ';all other assets'; in a way that would include the lottery.
Kudos to you for being so responsible with the lottery money. Many people let it ruin their lives.
However, my feeling is that if you get married, she is going to find out sooner or later.
So you are filthy rich, but can't afford an attorney ? Spend the $500 on a lawyer to save alleged fortune.
A prenup will be invalid if you fail to disclose your assets.
But, if you live in, and remain in, a community property state (California, Arizona, Nevada, Texas, Louisiana, New Mexico, Idaho), then anything owned prior to marriage, and any inheritance, is your sole and separate property; spouse will have no claim to that property in the event of divorce.
The other common law states vary wildly in terms of what an ex-spouse may be entitled to. You'll need to see an attorney in your state for more information.Legal Advice on Marriage and significant personal assets?
Failure to disclose assets can void the prenuptial agreement. And, frankly, if I found out my spouse was hiding something like that, I'd be out the door--with or without a portion of the assets.
I also fail to see how winning the lottery could in any way impair one's professional reputation, unless you are a monk who has taken a vow of poverty. In which case you would be unlikely to be talking marriage.
You are seriously going to marry someone who you don't trust with information about your assets? Really? You're going to build a life with this person, who you're committing to, but you won't be honest about your financial situation? ::shakes head:: Gee, no wonder you think the marriage might fail.
Anyway. Consult an attorney. They'll tell you if a prenup in your state would be valid without full disclosure. In some states it would not be valid.
Yeah, you would just phrase the prenup to say ';all other assets'; in a way that would include the lottery.
Kudos to you for being so responsible with the lottery money. Many people let it ruin their lives.
However, my feeling is that if you get married, she is going to find out sooner or later.
So you are filthy rich, but can't afford an attorney ? Spend the $500 on a lawyer to save alleged fortune.
CHRISTIANS advice in marriage if you fall out of love?
What do you do - does God disaprove of divorce?
Can God help us fall in love again?
I just don't feel the same way - could it be my hormones after giving birth, my son is 2.
My husband hasn't shown me love and support in the way I needed. I have talked to him about this for years, and it is only now that he read a book about love languages that he has made a real effort but I don't know if it is too late. I don't feel the same way. Especially sexually - I feel no passion for him.
Helpful advice please.CHRISTIANS advice in marriage if you fall out of love?
i am speaking as a Christian here.
every day we choose! do we follow how we feel or do we follow what the Word of God says. hard! yet with Him nothing is impossible!
been there, many times.
choose how you will act, do acts of love for your husband, simple things, not talking about sex. (DO NOT expect him to turn straight away) you are accountable to God only by yourself how and what you do. marriage is commitment, day by day learning to live together with the highs and lows. choose to love God first and He will lead you.
read the book, Inside a Woman, by Jane Hansen. i can send you one if you like.
email me if you want to talk some moreCHRISTIANS advice in marriage if you fall out of love?
You must be quiet and listen to your heart. If divine love married you, then you know what is up, and a healing can come, but if your hearts never joined in one spiritual union prior to marriage, then divorce is an option. If there is truly no spiritual love, then there is no joy, and you have nothing to hold onto. Give the burden to God and listen to your heart.
Please dont divorce him, for your childs sake.
make a list about all of the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place.
make a list about everything he has in him that is unlike anyone else
do things with him that dont have to be sexual just things to get to know him again
stay up all night and talk about random dreams or anything
take a paintingclass together
let your child be babysat while you go out to dinner together
talk to him. tell him how you feel.
dont divorce him. God approves of it but only if he is abusing you or if he is a drunk/etc.
if tehre is nothing wrong wth him, just the flame is gone, then try to rekindle it.
give it a second try hopefully it iwll work
+I think you have to pray about this.
In the name of Jesus,
I pray God renew the passion, and intimate intensity between you and your husband. I pray both of you reach new levels of excitment and intensity in physical passion and ecstasy. I pray a new understanding, love and devotion develop and grow to fullness between you and your husband. God Bless, seek and you shall find.
Because he has not shown you the love and support is possibly making you Desire him less. Or you could have damage from your pregnancy taking sensation away. You could have hormone imbalance as well. Have any back problems with your lower back or other parts? Look into subluxation if you have any back problems.
Don't divorce just simply over sex or because you don't feel like you love each other anymore. If he becomes impossible to live by treating you like crap, with then that is a means to divorce.
Everyone goes through similar trials.
Pack a bag and take your kid, get a break, get your head and heart together.
Men sometimes don't know how to express their feelings.
Love is a decision you make sometimes...and you may one day find that the love you feel in the beginning only scratches the surface of what love really is later on.
I don't want to tell you what to do either way, but I hope you don't split up. Treat one another with respect, and be friends to one another at least. Find a common ground, and above all, take care of yourself. Little kids can kill the romance faster than cupid's arrow can fly. They're demanding and tyrannical...experts at wearing out grown people.
Both of you, read the book ';Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.'; By John Gray.
That is the most helpful relationship healing book EVER written.
My opinion is that you should try one more time to make this work. You've got kids together, and the love can still be there.
I'm not religious, but i still say try just once more. If there's just absolutely nothing left, time to divorce. It might not be practical in your beliefs, but do you really want to be in a loveless marriage for the rest of your life?
its not too late, just pray. go to marrige counceling, think about what you have been doing together. think about what made you marry eachother in the first place. and BE HONEST. no holding back allowed. and do this together, and keep your son in mind.
watch the movie ';fireproof.'; then find a church that offers the ';fireproof'; counseling session. it's well worth your time and effort!
Divorce and never go back.
work on it you have to show him love and that you are worthy. love God first and all else will follow.
Make it work...
Have your tried tellin him that?
HE has probably gotten complacent assuming that you still don't need attention..
So instead of expecting him to have to realize you need that attention back, tell him.
';Fall out of love';? Turn off the soap opera and come back to earth. Are you even old enough to be married?
Honestly, and I'm not a Christian, but if you have fallen out of love, you can try to reignite whatever spark there was when you first got together. Try telling him everything you want to say, and what you need to change. Don't be surprised if he feels the same way. You can work on it, but think about this. You say your son is two, which I assume means you are fairly young, as well. Do you want to the live the rest of your life in a loveless marriage that offers no support? Believe me, your son is going to get to an age, if you decide to stay together, where he will resent both of you. You're setting an example for him. I would try for awhile, and if nothing happens, think about divorce. It may go against your beliefs, but do you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? Do you want to potentially make your son unhappy? Staying together for a child, as good intentioned as it seems, is one of the worst things you can do.
When we are young, we are seduced by hormones and false beliefs. Instead of concentrating on sexuality and hormones, there must be other things that you found attractive in your husband. If you start looking for those things and reinforce them by being positive, you will change your mindset. I'm not discounting the value of sex. It is a wonderful thing. Why are you depriving yourself of it?
It is like raising a child. Instead of pointing out the negative and reinforcing that, look for positive things to reinforce. Only reinforce (comment on) those behaviors that you want repeated. If you praise a child, he will feel good about the behavior and have pleasant thoughts while doing that. If you give negative feedback, they will have bad thoughts and lower self-esteem.
While you are looking for the positive, you will also change your focus.
I find it interesting that this happened after the birth of your child. You were probably sleep derived like any mother. Has your self-image changed since becoming a mother? Have you lost your identity?
The total context was about yourself and your needs. In a marriage, you need to realize that if you are distancing yourself, your husband feels abandoned. The distance just grows larger.
Be respectful and kind and act like you are in love. I can't speak for God, but I know that I want you to be happy. You are half-way there by acknowledging that this is coming from within yourself.
Best wishes and I hope that knowing somebody out there loves you and your husband and your 2 year-old without knowing you... helps. You have much more control over your life than you give yourself credit. When you married, you promised. What did that promise mean to you? ';In sickness and in health';....
You need to make up your mind that you really do love him still,because obviously you do,you married him because you loved him.Love never stops,it is unconditional.What ever you do please don't give up .I encourage you to get closer to GOD and take your troubles and cares to JESUS.HE can restore the love you and him have for each other,believe me.This world has one objective, and it's for our heart,we tend to focus on what this world offers and what we need to get it for our family and we loose sight of each other most times.Even the WORD OF GOD says that we cannot love two masters,because we eventually love one more then the other, but I tell you this if you can allow GODS WORD to speak to you and believe it with your whole heart then GOD will take control of your marriage, because GOD IS LOVE, and HE hates divorces.Don't loose hope.Come to GOD today, and receive the free gift of salvation in CHRIST JESUS, and put your faith in GODS promises for you and your family,and I know you'll be glorifying GOD in the future for answering your prayers. GOD BLESS!!
No God does not approve of divorce. God definitely does not approve of remarriage. Remarriage is adultery and it is a damnable sin. Love is more then a feeling it is a command. You need to pray often for God to give you a heart of love for your spouse. I do not know about your hormones. Be please guard your thoughts Satan wants to take you with him. My wife left me and married another man. I will remain faithful to my wife and to my God. Hang in there this is a test of your faith. There are conditions that pertain to Salvation. Please be very careful about you thought life they can and do bring about actions that you may regret for an eternity.
You attitude (passion) can be changed by you and what you tell yourself. Please do not feed yourself negative thoughts. I know what these things can lead too. Turn to God and He will help.makeup techniques
Can God help us fall in love again?
I just don't feel the same way - could it be my hormones after giving birth, my son is 2.
My husband hasn't shown me love and support in the way I needed. I have talked to him about this for years, and it is only now that he read a book about love languages that he has made a real effort but I don't know if it is too late. I don't feel the same way. Especially sexually - I feel no passion for him.
Helpful advice please.CHRISTIANS advice in marriage if you fall out of love?
i am speaking as a Christian here.
every day we choose! do we follow how we feel or do we follow what the Word of God says. hard! yet with Him nothing is impossible!
been there, many times.
choose how you will act, do acts of love for your husband, simple things, not talking about sex. (DO NOT expect him to turn straight away) you are accountable to God only by yourself how and what you do. marriage is commitment, day by day learning to live together with the highs and lows. choose to love God first and He will lead you.
read the book, Inside a Woman, by Jane Hansen. i can send you one if you like.
email me if you want to talk some moreCHRISTIANS advice in marriage if you fall out of love?
You must be quiet and listen to your heart. If divine love married you, then you know what is up, and a healing can come, but if your hearts never joined in one spiritual union prior to marriage, then divorce is an option. If there is truly no spiritual love, then there is no joy, and you have nothing to hold onto. Give the burden to God and listen to your heart.
Please dont divorce him, for your childs sake.
make a list about all of the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place.
make a list about everything he has in him that is unlike anyone else
do things with him that dont have to be sexual just things to get to know him again
stay up all night and talk about random dreams or anything
take a paintingclass together
let your child be babysat while you go out to dinner together
talk to him. tell him how you feel.
dont divorce him. God approves of it but only if he is abusing you or if he is a drunk/etc.
if tehre is nothing wrong wth him, just the flame is gone, then try to rekindle it.
give it a second try hopefully it iwll work
+I think you have to pray about this.
In the name of Jesus,
I pray God renew the passion, and intimate intensity between you and your husband. I pray both of you reach new levels of excitment and intensity in physical passion and ecstasy. I pray a new understanding, love and devotion develop and grow to fullness between you and your husband. God Bless, seek and you shall find.
Because he has not shown you the love and support is possibly making you Desire him less. Or you could have damage from your pregnancy taking sensation away. You could have hormone imbalance as well. Have any back problems with your lower back or other parts? Look into subluxation if you have any back problems.
Don't divorce just simply over sex or because you don't feel like you love each other anymore. If he becomes impossible to live by treating you like crap, with then that is a means to divorce.
Everyone goes through similar trials.
Pack a bag and take your kid, get a break, get your head and heart together.
Men sometimes don't know how to express their feelings.
Love is a decision you make sometimes...and you may one day find that the love you feel in the beginning only scratches the surface of what love really is later on.
I don't want to tell you what to do either way, but I hope you don't split up. Treat one another with respect, and be friends to one another at least. Find a common ground, and above all, take care of yourself. Little kids can kill the romance faster than cupid's arrow can fly. They're demanding and tyrannical...experts at wearing out grown people.
Both of you, read the book ';Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.'; By John Gray.
That is the most helpful relationship healing book EVER written.
My opinion is that you should try one more time to make this work. You've got kids together, and the love can still be there.
I'm not religious, but i still say try just once more. If there's just absolutely nothing left, time to divorce. It might not be practical in your beliefs, but do you really want to be in a loveless marriage for the rest of your life?
its not too late, just pray. go to marrige counceling, think about what you have been doing together. think about what made you marry eachother in the first place. and BE HONEST. no holding back allowed. and do this together, and keep your son in mind.
watch the movie ';fireproof.'; then find a church that offers the ';fireproof'; counseling session. it's well worth your time and effort!
Divorce and never go back.
work on it you have to show him love and that you are worthy. love God first and all else will follow.
Make it work...
Have your tried tellin him that?
HE has probably gotten complacent assuming that you still don't need attention..
So instead of expecting him to have to realize you need that attention back, tell him.
';Fall out of love';? Turn off the soap opera and come back to earth. Are you even old enough to be married?
Honestly, and I'm not a Christian, but if you have fallen out of love, you can try to reignite whatever spark there was when you first got together. Try telling him everything you want to say, and what you need to change. Don't be surprised if he feels the same way. You can work on it, but think about this. You say your son is two, which I assume means you are fairly young, as well. Do you want to the live the rest of your life in a loveless marriage that offers no support? Believe me, your son is going to get to an age, if you decide to stay together, where he will resent both of you. You're setting an example for him. I would try for awhile, and if nothing happens, think about divorce. It may go against your beliefs, but do you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? Do you want to potentially make your son unhappy? Staying together for a child, as good intentioned as it seems, is one of the worst things you can do.
When we are young, we are seduced by hormones and false beliefs. Instead of concentrating on sexuality and hormones, there must be other things that you found attractive in your husband. If you start looking for those things and reinforce them by being positive, you will change your mindset. I'm not discounting the value of sex. It is a wonderful thing. Why are you depriving yourself of it?
It is like raising a child. Instead of pointing out the negative and reinforcing that, look for positive things to reinforce. Only reinforce (comment on) those behaviors that you want repeated. If you praise a child, he will feel good about the behavior and have pleasant thoughts while doing that. If you give negative feedback, they will have bad thoughts and lower self-esteem.
While you are looking for the positive, you will also change your focus.
I find it interesting that this happened after the birth of your child. You were probably sleep derived like any mother. Has your self-image changed since becoming a mother? Have you lost your identity?
The total context was about yourself and your needs. In a marriage, you need to realize that if you are distancing yourself, your husband feels abandoned. The distance just grows larger.
Be respectful and kind and act like you are in love. I can't speak for God, but I know that I want you to be happy. You are half-way there by acknowledging that this is coming from within yourself.
Best wishes and I hope that knowing somebody out there loves you and your husband and your 2 year-old without knowing you... helps. You have much more control over your life than you give yourself credit. When you married, you promised. What did that promise mean to you? ';In sickness and in health';....
You need to make up your mind that you really do love him still,because obviously you do,you married him because you loved him.Love never stops,it is unconditional.What ever you do please don't give up .I encourage you to get closer to GOD and take your troubles and cares to JESUS.HE can restore the love you and him have for each other,believe me.This world has one objective, and it's for our heart,we tend to focus on what this world offers and what we need to get it for our family and we loose sight of each other most times.Even the WORD OF GOD says that we cannot love two masters,because we eventually love one more then the other, but I tell you this if you can allow GODS WORD to speak to you and believe it with your whole heart then GOD will take control of your marriage, because GOD IS LOVE, and HE hates divorces.Don't loose hope.Come to GOD today, and receive the free gift of salvation in CHRIST JESUS, and put your faith in GODS promises for you and your family,and I know you'll be glorifying GOD in the future for answering your prayers. GOD BLESS!!
No God does not approve of divorce. God definitely does not approve of remarriage. Remarriage is adultery and it is a damnable sin. Love is more then a feeling it is a command. You need to pray often for God to give you a heart of love for your spouse. I do not know about your hormones. Be please guard your thoughts Satan wants to take you with him. My wife left me and married another man. I will remain faithful to my wife and to my God. Hang in there this is a test of your faith. There are conditions that pertain to Salvation. Please be very careful about you thought life they can and do bring about actions that you may regret for an eternity.
You attitude (passion) can be changed by you and what you tell yourself. Please do not feed yourself negative thoughts. I know what these things can lead too. Turn to God and He will help.
Need advice about marriage.?
If you decide you want marriage counseling how would you bring up the idea to your spouse?I have brought up marriage counseling in the past but he wasn't very receptive of the idea and told me that our relationship was NOONEs business.Things got better for a little while but only because I just berried the problems deep inside me to appease him. Now that they have resurfaced I want to get them worked out before something bad happens again.I had an affair from about six months out of our seven year relationship about three years ago, because I wasn't getting the attention that I needed from him and he was choosing to look at porn before I got home from work instead of waiting for me to get home.When the affair stopped I thought everything would be ok.I stopped having sex with him completely,I didn't sleep in the same bed with him the last three months of the affair and I didn't kiss him the problems are different now but the new problems bring back the old feelings of discontentmentNeed advice about marriage.?
It is sad that he sees no problem with the relationship.
Seriously, if he doesn't go, YOU go and get the help you needNeed advice about marriage.?
Everyone has to work on their relationship. Sometimes it can be hard but both the man and woman have to give a little. You should check out this blog: http://winningyouback.blogspot.com
It has a lot of relationship information that has helped me and some of my friends.
Believe it or not, but deep inside your husband does not think he is doing anything wrong. He is typical of a guy who has learn-ed that men are there only to provide for their families. To him, he is doing what he is expected to do, and spending time with you and his daughter is not one of them. This must be hurtful for you and this can only lead to resentment on your part. Your husband needs to get himself into counselling as he needs someone other than you to intervene and show him that what he is doing is putting more and more distance between the both of you and his daughter. This is not good. For him to rather watch porn than spend time with you is an indication of his self serving persona. Since he does not see or is not willing to see this as a problem and is content with pretending there is no problem and expecting you to bury them deep inside is like sweeping problems under the carpet, not caring how you feel. Most men respond to conflict this way, but most sooner or later show concern. Your husband is refusing to see or even to care there is a problem. The only solution is for him to get professional help to set him on the right path or this marriage is headed for a divorce. You must demand he gets into counselling or decide to live this way the rest of your life or leave. Good luck to you!
It is sad that he sees no problem with the relationship.
Seriously, if he doesn't go, YOU go and get the help you needNeed advice about marriage.?
Everyone has to work on their relationship. Sometimes it can be hard but both the man and woman have to give a little. You should check out this blog: http://winningyouback.blogspot.com
It has a lot of relationship information that has helped me and some of my friends.
Believe it or not, but deep inside your husband does not think he is doing anything wrong. He is typical of a guy who has learn-ed that men are there only to provide for their families. To him, he is doing what he is expected to do, and spending time with you and his daughter is not one of them. This must be hurtful for you and this can only lead to resentment on your part. Your husband needs to get himself into counselling as he needs someone other than you to intervene and show him that what he is doing is putting more and more distance between the both of you and his daughter. This is not good. For him to rather watch porn than spend time with you is an indication of his self serving persona. Since he does not see or is not willing to see this as a problem and is content with pretending there is no problem and expecting you to bury them deep inside is like sweeping problems under the carpet, not caring how you feel. Most men respond to conflict this way, but most sooner or later show concern. Your husband is refusing to see or even to care there is a problem. The only solution is for him to get professional help to set him on the right path or this marriage is headed for a divorce. You must demand he gets into counselling or decide to live this way the rest of your life or leave. Good luck to you!
MORE ADVICE PLEASE! Marriage or friendship?
So I am 23 my husband is 24, we've been married for two yrs. We were best friends for 6 yrs before we married, dated for 1 MONTH then got married. Crazy yes i know. I am at the point where i truly feel like we are just friends. He is unaffectionate and unloving even after addressing the problem a yr ago. He doesn't like to have sex and i am pretty much a nympho.I haven't had an orgasm in 2 yrs because once he's done were done. We have a good time together but i am always wanting more. I tried being super affectionate to him in hopes it would rub off.. no luck. I don't want to do counseling bc i feel like love is an emotion/feeling and if you care about someone you act on it, someone shouldn't have to tell him how to love me when i am telling him what i need. On top of it all i work with someone who i just have a very strong attraction to. He doesn't even know but i feel something towards him that i don't towards my husband. And that scares the crap outta me. I grew up in an environment that affection was non-existent in and refuse to do the same when i have kids. I feel like getting divorced now while no children are involved would be better. Please any advice will be appreciated.MORE ADVICE PLEASE! Marriage or friendship?
Try marital counseling. How is it all good for 6 years and then it turns to crap in 2? You owe it to yourselves to try some therapy. Nothing you have mentioned here can't be fixed.MORE ADVICE PLEASE! Marriage or friendship?
Yep... sounds like a ';friendship marriage';... but it takes a lot more than that to hold it together......and yours has come apart. I agree.. time to leave before children are involved. Good luck !
why keep asking this?
until someone tell you that its ok to give up and get a divorce before you've tried counseling?
Go cheat then.
its a hard decision. But I think you should go with what your heart is telling you!
It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. I strongly encourage you to see professional help before making any choices or decisions that could drastically damage or end your marriage. I understand you are in need of a loving and intimate relationship, and I would imagine your husband is feeling this need as well, but may be displaying his dissatisfaction in other ways. Since you are not getting what you desire from your relationship, you naturally are turning to outside sources to fill that void, and while this seems enticing, you will only be hurting yourself and your 'best friend'; by allowing yourself to fall into what seems to be temporary need satisfaction relationship.
You do have a very positive point of hope in your relationship. You say you are ';Best Friends'; with this man. How amazing would it be to have your ';best friend'; become the husband you so desire? Please seek counseling. Open the lines of communication and clearly define what you need from your marriage. Exhaust all options before allowing yourself to ';give up'; o the marriage, preventing your from future regret that you didn't do enough or made a hasty decision.
Best Wishes,
Coach Jenna
www.seedsofhopelc.com
even if you decide to get out of the marriage, your still not ready to go off and date anyone there is a healing process I wouldn't want to be a rebound be sure your willing to end your marriage, theres always going to be someone else out there your attracted to.. does that mean to end marriage every time, you knew your were marrying your Friend. work on your marriage or leave it but do it because its the right thing not because there someone else your attracted to
';On top of it all i work with someone who i just have a very strong attraction to. ';
Why did I know that was coming? You, my dear, are looking for a prelude to end the marriage or if anything have an affair. You don't need advice. You already have a damn good idea of what you're going to do.
Tell me something. Known each other for 6 years. Six goddamn years...so marriage in a month is no big deal in my book. During that entire time, you never saw this lack of sex drive, no affection part? Or are you confusing sex with affection? Which seems to be the case as the major factors are lack of orgasms and you're a 'nympho' as you so delicately put it.
So...it boils down to the fact he can't satisfy that itch between your legs.
Then either divorce or buy a vibrator. That's the best advice I can offer. Oh..and make sure the guy in the office meets your sexual qualifications and you miss the possibility he may have the makings of a wife beater or be unfaithful.
I have mixed feelings for an answer. My gut is to say-yes, leave him before you get kids involved. But, I believe you only get married once. Also, if you were friends for six years....Why would you marry him if it took that long to feel something more than friendship? Especially after a month. Friendship and relationships take different kind of commitments and feelings. So I am more inclined to say that this is your fault for not taking the time that making that kind of decision requires. Also, it sounds like you have seen something better, which is why this is coming up after 2 years of a loveless marriage. The grass is always greener, right? None of us can tell you how to live your life. But it sounds like you don't know what you want just yet, and if you are going to pull out of a marriage, know what you're getting into the next time. And THINK!
Before trying the ';divorce'; option, try actually talking to your husband about how you feel about your marriage feeling more like a friendship than a loving marriage. Maybe if you actually talked it over he may be more aware to your needs OR he may help you get to a decision of the marriage just not working out. Maybe you two could try marriage counsling to help work on the things needed, such as attention sexually and emotionally. Hope the best.
Try marital counseling. How is it all good for 6 years and then it turns to crap in 2? You owe it to yourselves to try some therapy. Nothing you have mentioned here can't be fixed.MORE ADVICE PLEASE! Marriage or friendship?
Yep... sounds like a ';friendship marriage';... but it takes a lot more than that to hold it together......and yours has come apart. I agree.. time to leave before children are involved. Good luck !
why keep asking this?
until someone tell you that its ok to give up and get a divorce before you've tried counseling?
Go cheat then.
its a hard decision. But I think you should go with what your heart is telling you!
It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. I strongly encourage you to see professional help before making any choices or decisions that could drastically damage or end your marriage. I understand you are in need of a loving and intimate relationship, and I would imagine your husband is feeling this need as well, but may be displaying his dissatisfaction in other ways. Since you are not getting what you desire from your relationship, you naturally are turning to outside sources to fill that void, and while this seems enticing, you will only be hurting yourself and your 'best friend'; by allowing yourself to fall into what seems to be temporary need satisfaction relationship.
You do have a very positive point of hope in your relationship. You say you are ';Best Friends'; with this man. How amazing would it be to have your ';best friend'; become the husband you so desire? Please seek counseling. Open the lines of communication and clearly define what you need from your marriage. Exhaust all options before allowing yourself to ';give up'; o the marriage, preventing your from future regret that you didn't do enough or made a hasty decision.
Best Wishes,
Coach Jenna
www.seedsofhopelc.com
even if you decide to get out of the marriage, your still not ready to go off and date anyone there is a healing process I wouldn't want to be a rebound be sure your willing to end your marriage, theres always going to be someone else out there your attracted to.. does that mean to end marriage every time, you knew your were marrying your Friend. work on your marriage or leave it but do it because its the right thing not because there someone else your attracted to
';On top of it all i work with someone who i just have a very strong attraction to. ';
Why did I know that was coming? You, my dear, are looking for a prelude to end the marriage or if anything have an affair. You don't need advice. You already have a damn good idea of what you're going to do.
Tell me something. Known each other for 6 years. Six goddamn years...so marriage in a month is no big deal in my book. During that entire time, you never saw this lack of sex drive, no affection part? Or are you confusing sex with affection? Which seems to be the case as the major factors are lack of orgasms and you're a 'nympho' as you so delicately put it.
So...it boils down to the fact he can't satisfy that itch between your legs.
Then either divorce or buy a vibrator. That's the best advice I can offer. Oh..and make sure the guy in the office meets your sexual qualifications and you miss the possibility he may have the makings of a wife beater or be unfaithful.
I have mixed feelings for an answer. My gut is to say-yes, leave him before you get kids involved. But, I believe you only get married once. Also, if you were friends for six years....Why would you marry him if it took that long to feel something more than friendship? Especially after a month. Friendship and relationships take different kind of commitments and feelings. So I am more inclined to say that this is your fault for not taking the time that making that kind of decision requires. Also, it sounds like you have seen something better, which is why this is coming up after 2 years of a loveless marriage. The grass is always greener, right? None of us can tell you how to live your life. But it sounds like you don't know what you want just yet, and if you are going to pull out of a marriage, know what you're getting into the next time. And THINK!
Before trying the ';divorce'; option, try actually talking to your husband about how you feel about your marriage feeling more like a friendship than a loving marriage. Maybe if you actually talked it over he may be more aware to your needs OR he may help you get to a decision of the marriage just not working out. Maybe you two could try marriage counsling to help work on the things needed, such as attention sexually and emotionally. Hope the best.
Legal advice regarding marriage consummation?
Since i was having sex for the first time,i found it v.painful.his penis never went inside.
but i never refused him sex.only had pain.he had only anal/carnal sex with me but never sought any help of counsellor or sexologist.we lived abroad,so i had no source of guidance.
wen i came to india alone,he deserted me and is also seeking annulment of marriage on grounds on non consummation of marriage.he and his parents have also been mentally abusive.he is an indian passport holder,posted abroad.
can he really seek annulment on this ground when he himself has been non cooperative?my doctors have said that i m capable of having sex %26amp; children both.please advise.Legal advice regarding marriage consummation?
Supposedly this a Hindu Marriage where the husband %26amp; wife have only indulged in anal sex not actual vaginal sex.
The issue of not indulging in normal sex by them is a matter of evidence, however there has not been the consummation of marriage in this case as for the purpose of consummation of marriage normal sexual activity between husband %26amp; wife is to take place, merely penile insertion in the vagina will not be enough to define consummation of marriage it has to be more then that.
There has not been any insertion of penis in the wife's vagina, by the husband due to pain as stated by the wife, however she is having normal sexual organ for normal sexual activity %26amp; hence this alone cannot be sufficient for the husband to blame her for non-consummation of the marriage.
The anal sex although happened between them cannot be considered normal sex for the purpose of consummation of marriage from legal sense.
Section 12(1) (a) of the Hindu Marriage Act,1955 provides:-
Voidable marriages. (1)Any marriage solemnized, whether before or after the commencement of this Act, shall be voidable and may be annulled by a decree of nullity on any of the following grounds, namely:-
(a) that the marriage has not been consummated owing to the impotence of the respondent
The pertinent question asked here is whether the husband get the marriage dissolved by decree of nullity on the ground of non consummation of marriage as the wife was not cooperative?
Here the two ingredients to be proved by the petitioner/husband are, firstly consummation of marriage; secondly owing to the impotency of the respondent/wife.
The wife is supposedly normal %26amp; is not medically impotent as such,however the very fact the wife may be suffering from partial impotency when it comes to normal sexual relationship with her husband cannot be denied, this can even be proved in the court taking help of medical authorities/evidence by the husband.
In simple words if one of the partner in marriage has problem in relation to normal sex with the other partner which can be defined as partial impotency by medical experts then this can be taken as for proving non-consummation of marriage owing to the impotency of the respondent.
The respondent/wife may not have a similar deficiency with other person but with her husband she may be suffering the tendency of the said partial impotency.
The medical treatment of such deficiency may be available %26amp; if this get cured the marriage can be saved.
Doctors in this case have assured the wife she is normal for all purposes of indulging in normal sexual life %26amp; bearing children, but the point I have raised here is medico-legal in nature where as stated above a otherwise normal person may have deficiency of impotency when it comes to a particular person %26amp; if such particular person happens to be his/her spouse who is unable to enjoy normal sex in his marital life then this not only make the marriage voidable but even amounts to mental cruelty where the other spouse is deprieved of normal sexual life for no fault of his while remaining in such marital relationship, this is nothing less then breaking up of the matrimonial life irretrievebly between both of them.Legal advice regarding marriage consummation?
Indian passport holder posted abroad
they feel they have achieved the sky, doing mean jobs with low salary
they bully their wives and treat them like dirt
they flirt with other ladies unsucessfully,
and niether knowing love, nor any knowledge of sex, being selfish and absolutely now knowing how to do it, they blame the wife and other soft tragets, and the parents also behave as they can mentally abuse their daughter-in-law, because of the great worthless son they have.
Dear Buddy,
As long as you are normal and organs are perfect, the annulment might be very difficult. However, are you really co-operating with your Hubby ? This is also to be taken into when it comes to annulment.
Regards %26amp; Best of Luck
May God Bless
Senthil EG Iyappan
28 Aug 09
Source : Self
I dont tell sorry fro ur situation. But pls try to set urself as soon as possible and just come out of that thoughts.U cant feelhappy or spent ur life pleasant Its confirm that he knows abt his own problem very much. Contact ur lawyer for further proceedings. no doubt justice will be with u.
Better to cancel ur marriage and save ur life. pls consider ur parents advise also. ok take care think leisurely and decide stromngly.
gudluk.
but i never refused him sex.only had pain.he had only anal/carnal sex with me but never sought any help of counsellor or sexologist.we lived abroad,so i had no source of guidance.
wen i came to india alone,he deserted me and is also seeking annulment of marriage on grounds on non consummation of marriage.he and his parents have also been mentally abusive.he is an indian passport holder,posted abroad.
can he really seek annulment on this ground when he himself has been non cooperative?my doctors have said that i m capable of having sex %26amp; children both.please advise.Legal advice regarding marriage consummation?
Supposedly this a Hindu Marriage where the husband %26amp; wife have only indulged in anal sex not actual vaginal sex.
The issue of not indulging in normal sex by them is a matter of evidence, however there has not been the consummation of marriage in this case as for the purpose of consummation of marriage normal sexual activity between husband %26amp; wife is to take place, merely penile insertion in the vagina will not be enough to define consummation of marriage it has to be more then that.
There has not been any insertion of penis in the wife's vagina, by the husband due to pain as stated by the wife, however she is having normal sexual organ for normal sexual activity %26amp; hence this alone cannot be sufficient for the husband to blame her for non-consummation of the marriage.
The anal sex although happened between them cannot be considered normal sex for the purpose of consummation of marriage from legal sense.
Section 12(1) (a) of the Hindu Marriage Act,1955 provides:-
Voidable marriages. (1)Any marriage solemnized, whether before or after the commencement of this Act, shall be voidable and may be annulled by a decree of nullity on any of the following grounds, namely:-
(a) that the marriage has not been consummated owing to the impotence of the respondent
The pertinent question asked here is whether the husband get the marriage dissolved by decree of nullity on the ground of non consummation of marriage as the wife was not cooperative?
Here the two ingredients to be proved by the petitioner/husband are, firstly consummation of marriage; secondly owing to the impotency of the respondent/wife.
The wife is supposedly normal %26amp; is not medically impotent as such,however the very fact the wife may be suffering from partial impotency when it comes to normal sexual relationship with her husband cannot be denied, this can even be proved in the court taking help of medical authorities/evidence by the husband.
In simple words if one of the partner in marriage has problem in relation to normal sex with the other partner which can be defined as partial impotency by medical experts then this can be taken as for proving non-consummation of marriage owing to the impotency of the respondent.
The respondent/wife may not have a similar deficiency with other person but with her husband she may be suffering the tendency of the said partial impotency.
The medical treatment of such deficiency may be available %26amp; if this get cured the marriage can be saved.
Doctors in this case have assured the wife she is normal for all purposes of indulging in normal sexual life %26amp; bearing children, but the point I have raised here is medico-legal in nature where as stated above a otherwise normal person may have deficiency of impotency when it comes to a particular person %26amp; if such particular person happens to be his/her spouse who is unable to enjoy normal sex in his marital life then this not only make the marriage voidable but even amounts to mental cruelty where the other spouse is deprieved of normal sexual life for no fault of his while remaining in such marital relationship, this is nothing less then breaking up of the matrimonial life irretrievebly between both of them.Legal advice regarding marriage consummation?
Indian passport holder posted abroad
they feel they have achieved the sky, doing mean jobs with low salary
they bully their wives and treat them like dirt
they flirt with other ladies unsucessfully,
and niether knowing love, nor any knowledge of sex, being selfish and absolutely now knowing how to do it, they blame the wife and other soft tragets, and the parents also behave as they can mentally abuse their daughter-in-law, because of the great worthless son they have.
Dear Buddy,
As long as you are normal and organs are perfect, the annulment might be very difficult. However, are you really co-operating with your Hubby ? This is also to be taken into when it comes to annulment.
Regards %26amp; Best of Luck
May God Bless
Senthil EG Iyappan
28 Aug 09
Source : Self
I dont tell sorry fro ur situation. But pls try to set urself as soon as possible and just come out of that thoughts.U cant feelhappy or spent ur life pleasant Its confirm that he knows abt his own problem very much. Contact ur lawyer for further proceedings. no doubt justice will be with u.
Better to cancel ur marriage and save ur life. pls consider ur parents advise also. ok take care think leisurely and decide stromngly.
gudluk.
I need some advice on Marriage?
So me and my girlfriend are thinking about getting married, we both have full ride scholarships to the same school and are enlisting in the military. Were all for getting married (due to us having dated for 4 years now) but were not sure if we should do it before we finish college. However, due to her getting an MOS that causes her to go to the DLI in california for 1 year, were really considering swaping vows. Also we believe due to both of us being gone for a while for training we are intitled to benefits (money, being able to see one another, ect.) Were researching all possible pros and cons but i thought id get some honest opinions. I love her with all my heart and shes my best friend. Someone i want as a lifelong companion.
Thanks to all answerers.I need some advice on Marriage?
';I love her with all my heart and shes my best friend. Someone i want as a lifelong companion.'; - It's what you said here that really counts. All the rest is just details.
Marry the woman you love - I think it's marvelous!I need some advice on Marriage?
You lost me at MOS %26amp; DLI
But you should get married if you're sure you want it to by you and her against the world. Otherwise, don't do it. All the rest of this stuff shouldn't be considered.
I would have a small wedding now, and when you both finish college, I would have a big reception to celebrate your wedding, and your graduation from college.
Weighing the pros and cons is a mature way to approach decisions. After 4 years together, you both should have a good understanding of each other. If the two of you are sure your love will see you through all the challenges life has in store, I wish you the best and send my congratulations. You may want to keep in mind that with both of you making commitments to the military, there may be added stress to the relationship. Planning ahead and considering the best choices should serve both of you well and insure the best chances for a wonderful marriage.
Do you think your love is strong enough to endure the separations that come with the military. What if you are both sent in two different directions, will you be able to handle that, because it is hard enough when one is at home, but with both of you gone love has to be strong. I hope all works out for you, and it can if you both put the other person first. Congratulations on a live with each other.
Thanks to all answerers.I need some advice on Marriage?
';I love her with all my heart and shes my best friend. Someone i want as a lifelong companion.'; - It's what you said here that really counts. All the rest is just details.
Marry the woman you love - I think it's marvelous!I need some advice on Marriage?
You lost me at MOS %26amp; DLI
But you should get married if you're sure you want it to by you and her against the world. Otherwise, don't do it. All the rest of this stuff shouldn't be considered.
I would have a small wedding now, and when you both finish college, I would have a big reception to celebrate your wedding, and your graduation from college.
Weighing the pros and cons is a mature way to approach decisions. After 4 years together, you both should have a good understanding of each other. If the two of you are sure your love will see you through all the challenges life has in store, I wish you the best and send my congratulations. You may want to keep in mind that with both of you making commitments to the military, there may be added stress to the relationship. Planning ahead and considering the best choices should serve both of you well and insure the best chances for a wonderful marriage.
Do you think your love is strong enough to endure the separations that come with the military. What if you are both sent in two different directions, will you be able to handle that, because it is hard enough when one is at home, but with both of you gone love has to be strong. I hope all works out for you, and it can if you both put the other person first. Congratulations on a live with each other.
I need help/advice with marriage...?
My wife and I have been married for 7 years. Some good, some bad. For the last few years it has been going downhill. Bad. She went away for a month (professional school) and when she came back, she didnt want to be married anymore. It hurt alot at first, but now I could care less. She said she would give it a month to ';work it out';. Well the month is up and now she is just mean. She makes comments about everything I do and we are both miserable. We have 2 little girls that we both adore.
Now for the problem. I met someone. We kinda work together. Not directly, but our jobs depend on each other. Nothing has happened physically. I made it clear that I was married and that nothing can happen until a divorce is final, if we even go that route. She understands completely. We just talk about anything and everything. But recently, I have become somewhat fascinated with her. I know this is not good, but...
I dont know what to do. Do I stay with my wife and hate it, or do we move on...I need help/advice with marriage...?
Put forth every effort so that you can not look back with regret. (ie. counseling)
If the marriage ends and you gave it your all...then find whoever fascinates you and move on.I need help/advice with marriage...?
If she wanted a divorce a month ago and now from what you say, things aren't any better. Let her go before it gets real bad and the kids suffer. Put the fascination on hold until things are over with you and your wife. If you're still ';fascinated'; at that point, then proceed.
I would not suggest staying with someone you hate but I know what it is like to live with someone you know longer respect.
Have you tried counseling? If you can't go together, can you affort to go alone? Just having someone to talk to that is not attached can be helpful.
Move on
Well...divorce is the last option. However, I say you ONLY LIVE ONCE and you need to do what makes you happy. Do not stay in a relationship just because of children or because of money, etc. I know a lot of people that wish their parents would have split to be happier earlier than watching them fight their whole lives or watching one of them cheat. Don't go after the other girl right away though...it sounds like she may be your re-bound girl and that may end up bad. It may feel like love at first, but she is probably just filling the gap that your wife cannot fill. Good luck!makeup techniques
Now for the problem. I met someone. We kinda work together. Not directly, but our jobs depend on each other. Nothing has happened physically. I made it clear that I was married and that nothing can happen until a divorce is final, if we even go that route. She understands completely. We just talk about anything and everything. But recently, I have become somewhat fascinated with her. I know this is not good, but...
I dont know what to do. Do I stay with my wife and hate it, or do we move on...I need help/advice with marriage...?
Put forth every effort so that you can not look back with regret. (ie. counseling)
If the marriage ends and you gave it your all...then find whoever fascinates you and move on.I need help/advice with marriage...?
If she wanted a divorce a month ago and now from what you say, things aren't any better. Let her go before it gets real bad and the kids suffer. Put the fascination on hold until things are over with you and your wife. If you're still ';fascinated'; at that point, then proceed.
I would not suggest staying with someone you hate but I know what it is like to live with someone you know longer respect.
Have you tried counseling? If you can't go together, can you affort to go alone? Just having someone to talk to that is not attached can be helpful.
Move on
Well...divorce is the last option. However, I say you ONLY LIVE ONCE and you need to do what makes you happy. Do not stay in a relationship just because of children or because of money, etc. I know a lot of people that wish their parents would have split to be happier earlier than watching them fight their whole lives or watching one of them cheat. Don't go after the other girl right away though...it sounds like she may be your re-bound girl and that may end up bad. It may feel like love at first, but she is probably just filling the gap that your wife cannot fill. Good luck!
Help i need advice with marriage problems.?
my husband and i are going through alot of problems again.which we both have been through alot together over the past 20 years together. we started dating at a very early age and now we are in our early 30's.trying to find a way to manage out our problems without losing one another.
i'm always giving him a hard time over his out of town job. he tours with phil vassar. he's a lightning designer. well he lost this job twice and now he got it back. when he comes home i will get into a fight with him over it. now he's to the point to where he's done dealing with it.i'm upset because we never spend anytime together. when he's home he'll run with his friends rather then see i'm need his time as well so i'm tired of it as well. he tells me i need to work on alot of things between our marriage. he says that just because we dont talk a whole lot and that we are not like we used to be doesn't mean he doesn't love me anymore. he says that he's done with me hurting him and that he will continue to stay married to me until he decides on if he wants to continue to stay married to me. i dont know if he's testing me to see if i'll change my ways about his job or if he wants to leave me. he says he's not leaving because this is his home as well. it's so hard to live with a man you love sooo much and not really communicate. please help.Help i need advice with marriage problems.?
I can very well understand what you must be going through as i have been through same when i got married and it was only 2 months to our marriage and my husband got a new project in his off.He remains too busy that he could not find out any time to communicate with me.I used to spend my all time with his family members and and in night waiting for him till 11-12 so that at least we could have dinner together....but it continues till 6 months of our marriage.I used to fight with him saying that ';you do not have time for me....etc etc....';
He was always like '; I am not going to club to enjoy... i am in office doing lots of work and going through lot of stress...I need some peace of mind at least at home';
Then i realized that how stupid i was... i was thinking only about me and me and me... i was so selfish that i was not able to see how his condition was...................
What i will suggest you to see from his point of view...why he is doing all this? To save his Job so that you both can live happy together without any financial problems in your family....
I think it is time for you to help him.... He needs you more than you need him ... cooperate him. If he cannot give his time to you then you can call him and talk to him over the phone ... ask him how he is doing his Job.. is he OK... has he taken lunch/dinner?.Ask him to call him whenever he gets 5-10 minutes free....Be in touch with each other and most important TRUST him........
I hope you got my point...
All the best....
Help i need advice with marriage problems.?
why are you on his case about his job? i dont get it. communication is key if hes out of town a lot. But you cant call him up and ***** at him time and time again and expect him to want to call you. I dont think hes testing, sounds pretty real to me.
it is not any serious problems in your married life.
he kissed you today shows his love towards you.
it is his time to work and grow for himself and you.
best is to plan kids...he shall spend a lot of time at home than with friends.
Go see the movie Fireproof together. It's a great movie for struggling couples. After talk to him about going to counseling.
You two stuil need counseling together. too many issues can make this implode and it must be solved rapidly.
lay off atleast he is working could be alot worseand maybe you might have answered you own ????
Your husband tries to show you how much he loves you by having a good paying job to put a roof over your head and does his best to provide for you. That's how men show love.Yet by you criticizing his job it makes him feel unappreciated.He's doing the best that he can and in his mind he feels like his best is not good enough or you wouldn't keep putting it down.He works hard while he's away, then comes home to hear you complaining and he needs an escape from it, so he goes out.Maybe he's giving you the benefit of a doubt for you to change your ways before it's too late and not only you lose everything but him all together.I think you need to get a more active life to fill the loneliness and make yourself happy, no one can else can or will make you happy.I would also recommend marital counseling before it's too late and make a date night every week that he's there.Also , give him an hour when he comes home to unwind of silence, then talk for an hour about his trip, heart to heart talks, etc.If you want to really make it work it's going to take a lot of work and effort and marriage counseling if need be, good luck
This sounds just like my marriage of 11 years. It sucked. My ex would go offshore to work. That, I was fine with. What I was not fine with was when he did come home, he would leave and spend most all of his time running the roads with his friends and family. Ignoring his own family at home. He really did not want the responsibility of a family, house, ranch, repairs, school function, etc. He really wanted a drinking hanging out buddy and that is the skank he is married to now.
I got tired of telling him we needed more time together and he blamed the job. It took forever to convince him it was not the job. It was how he treated me when he was home from those jobs. He didn't get it until after the divorce.
Men are clueless and sometimes, they just don't get it until it is too late. Grab him by the wavoos and take him to a marriage counselor before it is too late. You do need to get off his back about the job and more on the time he has at home.
Print up this story for him to read, maybe this will get through to him. I hope so.
Well chickie boom boom. Get the book ';The Five Love Languages'; read it. Absorb it. Highlight passages. Think long and hard. You yourself pointed out what you are doing to antagonize. Learn about what you want to feel loved and then see if you can identify what he wants. Sounds like he is trying. Say thanks. Kiss him, pat his tush. Tell him you can't wait till he gets home and you will have a surprise for him. Address his love language, is it gifts, words, touch, quality time, service. You go girl. Love is a choice. You have a treasure worth keeping and he does too.
Tell him you'll do anything to keep your love alive. Go get some counciling, and then at some point bring him into it too. Tell him you are doing this and its part of your commitment to change yourself. It sounds like you realize you have a problem with nagging him, so its good that you are being introspective, because usually the problems we complain about really problems we have with ourselves.
You need to ask him if he would like it if you were together on the road, and if he says yes, then you should quit your job and be on the road with him. A compromise might be for you to meet him on the road for a couple days here and there. This gives you more time to share. He can share with you the experience of his daily job, and that will make him feel closer with you. It also will show him that he is important enough to you that you will make the effort to go where he is, and that will make him feel good.
Sounds like your situation is totally workable. I think that is so cool and sweet that you can be with your childhood sweetheart after all these years. I'm sure, even if he has messed around on you on the road, that he feels a deep connection with you too.
i'm always giving him a hard time over his out of town job. he tours with phil vassar. he's a lightning designer. well he lost this job twice and now he got it back. when he comes home i will get into a fight with him over it. now he's to the point to where he's done dealing with it.i'm upset because we never spend anytime together. when he's home he'll run with his friends rather then see i'm need his time as well so i'm tired of it as well. he tells me i need to work on alot of things between our marriage. he says that just because we dont talk a whole lot and that we are not like we used to be doesn't mean he doesn't love me anymore. he says that he's done with me hurting him and that he will continue to stay married to me until he decides on if he wants to continue to stay married to me. i dont know if he's testing me to see if i'll change my ways about his job or if he wants to leave me. he says he's not leaving because this is his home as well. it's so hard to live with a man you love sooo much and not really communicate. please help.Help i need advice with marriage problems.?
I can very well understand what you must be going through as i have been through same when i got married and it was only 2 months to our marriage and my husband got a new project in his off.He remains too busy that he could not find out any time to communicate with me.I used to spend my all time with his family members and and in night waiting for him till 11-12 so that at least we could have dinner together....but it continues till 6 months of our marriage.I used to fight with him saying that ';you do not have time for me....etc etc....';
He was always like '; I am not going to club to enjoy... i am in office doing lots of work and going through lot of stress...I need some peace of mind at least at home';
Then i realized that how stupid i was... i was thinking only about me and me and me... i was so selfish that i was not able to see how his condition was...................
What i will suggest you to see from his point of view...why he is doing all this? To save his Job so that you both can live happy together without any financial problems in your family....
I think it is time for you to help him.... He needs you more than you need him ... cooperate him. If he cannot give his time to you then you can call him and talk to him over the phone ... ask him how he is doing his Job.. is he OK... has he taken lunch/dinner?.Ask him to call him whenever he gets 5-10 minutes free....Be in touch with each other and most important TRUST him........
I hope you got my point...
All the best....
Help i need advice with marriage problems.?
why are you on his case about his job? i dont get it. communication is key if hes out of town a lot. But you cant call him up and ***** at him time and time again and expect him to want to call you. I dont think hes testing, sounds pretty real to me.
it is not any serious problems in your married life.
he kissed you today shows his love towards you.
it is his time to work and grow for himself and you.
best is to plan kids...he shall spend a lot of time at home than with friends.
Go see the movie Fireproof together. It's a great movie for struggling couples. After talk to him about going to counseling.
You two stuil need counseling together. too many issues can make this implode and it must be solved rapidly.
lay off atleast he is working could be alot worseand maybe you might have answered you own ????
Your husband tries to show you how much he loves you by having a good paying job to put a roof over your head and does his best to provide for you. That's how men show love.Yet by you criticizing his job it makes him feel unappreciated.He's doing the best that he can and in his mind he feels like his best is not good enough or you wouldn't keep putting it down.He works hard while he's away, then comes home to hear you complaining and he needs an escape from it, so he goes out.Maybe he's giving you the benefit of a doubt for you to change your ways before it's too late and not only you lose everything but him all together.I think you need to get a more active life to fill the loneliness and make yourself happy, no one can else can or will make you happy.I would also recommend marital counseling before it's too late and make a date night every week that he's there.Also , give him an hour when he comes home to unwind of silence, then talk for an hour about his trip, heart to heart talks, etc.If you want to really make it work it's going to take a lot of work and effort and marriage counseling if need be, good luck
This sounds just like my marriage of 11 years. It sucked. My ex would go offshore to work. That, I was fine with. What I was not fine with was when he did come home, he would leave and spend most all of his time running the roads with his friends and family. Ignoring his own family at home. He really did not want the responsibility of a family, house, ranch, repairs, school function, etc. He really wanted a drinking hanging out buddy and that is the skank he is married to now.
I got tired of telling him we needed more time together and he blamed the job. It took forever to convince him it was not the job. It was how he treated me when he was home from those jobs. He didn't get it until after the divorce.
Men are clueless and sometimes, they just don't get it until it is too late. Grab him by the wavoos and take him to a marriage counselor before it is too late. You do need to get off his back about the job and more on the time he has at home.
Print up this story for him to read, maybe this will get through to him. I hope so.
Well chickie boom boom. Get the book ';The Five Love Languages'; read it. Absorb it. Highlight passages. Think long and hard. You yourself pointed out what you are doing to antagonize. Learn about what you want to feel loved and then see if you can identify what he wants. Sounds like he is trying. Say thanks. Kiss him, pat his tush. Tell him you can't wait till he gets home and you will have a surprise for him. Address his love language, is it gifts, words, touch, quality time, service. You go girl. Love is a choice. You have a treasure worth keeping and he does too.
Tell him you'll do anything to keep your love alive. Go get some counciling, and then at some point bring him into it too. Tell him you are doing this and its part of your commitment to change yourself. It sounds like you realize you have a problem with nagging him, so its good that you are being introspective, because usually the problems we complain about really problems we have with ourselves.
You need to ask him if he would like it if you were together on the road, and if he says yes, then you should quit your job and be on the road with him. A compromise might be for you to meet him on the road for a couple days here and there. This gives you more time to share. He can share with you the experience of his daily job, and that will make him feel closer with you. It also will show him that he is important enough to you that you will make the effort to go where he is, and that will make him feel good.
Sounds like your situation is totally workable. I think that is so cool and sweet that you can be with your childhood sweetheart after all these years. I'm sure, even if he has messed around on you on the road, that he feels a deep connection with you too.
Anger-marriage issues, any advice?
I'm 19, my husband is 21. We've been married for 10 months, together 5 yrs. He recently went active duty, and we moved 5 hours away from our home town. I've NEVER lived on my own before so this is a big change for me. I never had to run a household! I'm overwhelmed and frustrated by everything that has to get done. I'm also incredibly lonely because I don't know anyone here, and I miss my girlfriends back home. I try to tell my husband this, and I try to stay calm but I end up in tears. It's hard for me to watch him happy with all his drinking buddies, while I'm at home trying to figure out how the hell to clean the oven. And now he's been getting ANGRY with me. He tells me that I'm part of the problem that its MY fault I'm lonely, and that he DOES help. He lists the same 3 things over and over. I take out the trash, I throw away food, and I unload dishes. I keep telling him I need MORE from him. Last nightAnger-marriage issues, any advice?
Try to relax. You and your husband are both young, and are still learning to be married adults. I'm NOT faulting either of you, but it hasn't been all that long ago, that you both were schoolkids worried about homework. Now, you are dealing with being away from everyone you knew all your lives, and also with being military, during a war. That IS stressful. Add in being newlyweds, and you would have a lot to deal with, even if you were Ann Landers, and you were married to Dr. Phil. So, you aren't the only ones having these problems; and the military has people to help. Talk to a Chaplin. There ARE support groups around. Get help!!!!! A kid will decide they can handle things themselves. Adults have the sense to know they aren't perfect, and CAN'T do everything. I hope you two laugh about these problems, fifty years from now. And, thank you both for your sacrifices to be in the military. It ain't an easy job. EDIT EDIT EDIT Lady, I've got to apologize. My answer is OK, but so incomplete, it's wrong. I glossed over the temper stupidness totally. No, it isn't OK. It isn't ok cuz he beat the towel racks instead of you. That isn't OK every day, or even every decade. It's just as wrong to scream in your face. Being stressed, or being young isn't ANY excuse. So, HE must get help. Again, the military has people. You have to sit down with your husband and talk. Not scream- talk. Don't raise your voice, or get excited. TELL him that things WILL change. Your marriage will get better, or your marriage will end. Honestly, divorce is much easier than fixing a marriage, so unless BOTH of you are prepared for hard work, just get divorced. Even though a good marriage is better than anything on earth- getting there will take work. Now, I've given attention to hubby's mistakes- How about you? Are YOU crazy? Why nanny? You need to do something to get you out of the house. Look for a job. You are married to a military man, which makes you different from other women. Military women as a group, are the last group to mess with. Get out of the nanny business, talk to some of your felow wives, and take charge of your own life. You don't mention children. If you don't have kids, wait at least a year before stopping birth control. First things first.Anger-marriage issues, any advice?
QUIT the nanny job,Do your best at keeping the house clean.That's somthing you should have discussed before playing house.
Might be time to get a divorce. I don't recommend staying with anyone with a temper like your husband. Not only is his locking you in the bathroom wrong, it is illegal in the US.
You're so young, that's why you are having trouble - you simply haven't the maturity that was needed in a marriage.
Your husband is right - it IS up to you to cultivate new friendships and get involved in the community. He should not required to do much housework, it's not his job - it's yours. And, no, it's not a matter of being a Stepford wife, it's about being a LOVING wife who wants to do the best for her husband and family to be. If you could bring yourself to have a more positive attitude and appreciate what your husband is and what he is doing, then he will STOP the anger, because he will have nothing to be angry about....
You are in control of your own life, and need to grow up FAST! You chose to become married so young, so now just work really hard, and keep your home and marriage together, with a BETTER ATTITUDE!
Good luck, girl!
Maybe you should try talking to him in a public place like a restaurant. He is less likely to show his temper and yell in front of other people. You both have to compromise and sacrifice in a marriage. You should also get to know some of the other women on base and become friends with them. That way you have people to be social with as well as he does and feel so lonely when he is out with his friends.
Ok well first of all the house doesnt have to be spotless every single day. Set up(on paper) a schedule of the house work. Then set it up so that at max you work on the house work for no more than two hours a day. Unless you live in a huge house that should be enough. Vaccuum only the areas where the children played every day- the bedroom etcs can be done only twice a week. Try to get in some housework during the morning-yes I know you have kids so do most of us and we manage to do some housework with them around. Clean the kitchen after the kids have lunch. Dont worry about after breakfast-just stack them up and wait until after lunch. Make the bed and straighten up the bedroom first thing in the morning- then its done.
Take those kids to the park - make it one near the other service mens homes so you can meet other women in the same position. Then you can start to meet some new friends.
Most men dont really worry about the house being spotless -they seem to care more about clutter. Most men hate clutter!! I dont know why. But straighten up the living room as soon as the kids leave for home.
Now at this point what is left to do? The bathrooms, any extra bedrooms you dont use do not need daily cleaning.
It really is a matter of getting used to doing the daily stuff. And most of us do not do every room every day. Laundry can be done while you watch TV unless you have to go to a laundromat. I always watch tv while I fold clothes, and I watch 4 kids every day just like you do.
Write down a housework schedule for yourself and then follow it for a while - if something isnt working for you then you can change it around until you find the schedule working and your load will seem lighter.
Your husband has his job and you have your job and while it doesnt seem fair -in most homes the wife has the housework too. Or at least the majority of it. Recently when I was ill and hospitalized -my husband had to have our neighbor show him how to use the diswasher. He does no housework-but he never complains about the house either.
Good luck I hope some of this helps you some.
If your husbands anger management problem continues -you can go to the base and talk with a counselor BUT I warn you they will talk to him about any problem they think he might have and it will be put in his case file. So if you need to talk with a counselor its usually best to go to a private one-then no problems with his job. However if the pushing and shoving and controlling gets too bad -pack up and go home. Service personnel are notoriously bad when it comes to domestic violence because they are being trained to hurt people. Dont wait too long before going and if it gets real bad talk to someone at his base-his commanding officer's office can refer you to the right person.
My Dear lady,
Both of you are still in your salad days and that's a problem.
I have known exact the same incidences and could relate to them some how.
With time you'll learn remember not to ask from him but to realize what he wants
Do not be a nanny get some better Full time Job.
I can understand that you have to do chores but sometimes you can seek his help on some of them.
Either be a fulltime Housewife or work fulltime and share household chores
Cheers
You are very young. There are alot of responsibilities to running a home. Be thankful at this point that you have not factored in your own children yet. I'm not sure why you are cleaning the oven. Basics to keeping your house clean are to vacuum, dust, keep dishes out of sink, keep laundry basket empty or at least not flowing all over the house. I'm sure with your husband on active duty, he must be in a constant state of fear that he will be called away. Your incessant nagging only makes the situation worse for both of you. It really does not take a trained chimp to run a household and if you are diligent, you don't need to do everything every day. As for your nanny job. I don't know if you are watching these kids in your home or someone else's, but you might want to find yourself another line of work...one where you are around people and can make new friends. Most husbands feel that because they are the breadwinners, their responsibilities at home should be bare minimum. I believe if 2 people work full time, then they should both share the responsibilities of the home, no matter how futile they are. If one works and the other stays home and either works from the home, or does not work, then the one who is home should hold the most responsibility for keeping the house in order. I am a stay at home mom with 2 kids. I clean every day, do laundry every day, make my kids beds and clean their rooms, make dinner, take care of the cat, vacuum every day and make sure the house is always tidy. This does not take me an entire day to do and by no means am I overwhelmed and expect my husband to help. I take out the trash, wash all the dishes...even if I didnt dirty them, straighten out the cushions on the couch...I do it all here. I don't expect my husbands help. But I do not work. If you are working outside the home, it is a different story.
NOW...as for the abuse you are going thru. I do believe there is only just so much nagging a person can hear before they start to lose it. I know this from my last marriage and I did not nag this man altho I accused him of alot of things. He would be good for awhile and then he'd go off and threaten to beat me, would corner me and threaten to kill me...all done in front of my 3 year old son. Abuse is abuse, and it only takes one incident to make it come forefront. Keep your eye on that, because once an abuser starts, he does not stop and it only gets worse and you will eventually feel a worse wrath that what you are getting now.
My advice to you are these few steps:
1. Stop nagging hubby for help. Do what you can during the day. Forget making sure the oven is clean, it is only going to get dirty again.
2. Remember that you are one person and can only do just so much while also holding down a full time job. Don't complain anymore about it to your husband. Find ways to vent your frustration somehow.
3. Watch the abuse. If it gets worse or you feel your safety is in danger of any sort, get out! Believe me, therapy will not help if this man is an abuser. He will run in cycles. One minute you'll think he's good as gold, next you'll think you married a psychopath. This is not a good way to live...trust me.
4. Find yourself a new job. Find something where you work with people your own age that you have something in common with. Do you live on base? There should be other women in the same boat as you that you can form bonds with. Look up support groups for military wives. You are not alone.
I think you should stop the nagging and crying. It is probably frustrating to your husband and is making the matters worse. Do what you can during the day. If he doesn't like the way things look at the end of the day, then tell him to pick up a rag and clean it himself or it is staying that way until tomorrow. Good luck.
Try to relax. You and your husband are both young, and are still learning to be married adults. I'm NOT faulting either of you, but it hasn't been all that long ago, that you both were schoolkids worried about homework. Now, you are dealing with being away from everyone you knew all your lives, and also with being military, during a war. That IS stressful. Add in being newlyweds, and you would have a lot to deal with, even if you were Ann Landers, and you were married to Dr. Phil. So, you aren't the only ones having these problems; and the military has people to help. Talk to a Chaplin. There ARE support groups around. Get help!!!!! A kid will decide they can handle things themselves. Adults have the sense to know they aren't perfect, and CAN'T do everything. I hope you two laugh about these problems, fifty years from now. And, thank you both for your sacrifices to be in the military. It ain't an easy job. EDIT EDIT EDIT Lady, I've got to apologize. My answer is OK, but so incomplete, it's wrong. I glossed over the temper stupidness totally. No, it isn't OK. It isn't ok cuz he beat the towel racks instead of you. That isn't OK every day, or even every decade. It's just as wrong to scream in your face. Being stressed, or being young isn't ANY excuse. So, HE must get help. Again, the military has people. You have to sit down with your husband and talk. Not scream- talk. Don't raise your voice, or get excited. TELL him that things WILL change. Your marriage will get better, or your marriage will end. Honestly, divorce is much easier than fixing a marriage, so unless BOTH of you are prepared for hard work, just get divorced. Even though a good marriage is better than anything on earth- getting there will take work. Now, I've given attention to hubby's mistakes- How about you? Are YOU crazy? Why nanny? You need to do something to get you out of the house. Look for a job. You are married to a military man, which makes you different from other women. Military women as a group, are the last group to mess with. Get out of the nanny business, talk to some of your felow wives, and take charge of your own life. You don't mention children. If you don't have kids, wait at least a year before stopping birth control. First things first.Anger-marriage issues, any advice?
QUIT the nanny job,Do your best at keeping the house clean.That's somthing you should have discussed before playing house.
Might be time to get a divorce. I don't recommend staying with anyone with a temper like your husband. Not only is his locking you in the bathroom wrong, it is illegal in the US.
You're so young, that's why you are having trouble - you simply haven't the maturity that was needed in a marriage.
Your husband is right - it IS up to you to cultivate new friendships and get involved in the community. He should not required to do much housework, it's not his job - it's yours. And, no, it's not a matter of being a Stepford wife, it's about being a LOVING wife who wants to do the best for her husband and family to be. If you could bring yourself to have a more positive attitude and appreciate what your husband is and what he is doing, then he will STOP the anger, because he will have nothing to be angry about....
You are in control of your own life, and need to grow up FAST! You chose to become married so young, so now just work really hard, and keep your home and marriage together, with a BETTER ATTITUDE!
Good luck, girl!
Maybe you should try talking to him in a public place like a restaurant. He is less likely to show his temper and yell in front of other people. You both have to compromise and sacrifice in a marriage. You should also get to know some of the other women on base and become friends with them. That way you have people to be social with as well as he does and feel so lonely when he is out with his friends.
Ok well first of all the house doesnt have to be spotless every single day. Set up(on paper) a schedule of the house work. Then set it up so that at max you work on the house work for no more than two hours a day. Unless you live in a huge house that should be enough. Vaccuum only the areas where the children played every day- the bedroom etcs can be done only twice a week. Try to get in some housework during the morning-yes I know you have kids so do most of us and we manage to do some housework with them around. Clean the kitchen after the kids have lunch. Dont worry about after breakfast-just stack them up and wait until after lunch. Make the bed and straighten up the bedroom first thing in the morning- then its done.
Take those kids to the park - make it one near the other service mens homes so you can meet other women in the same position. Then you can start to meet some new friends.
Most men dont really worry about the house being spotless -they seem to care more about clutter. Most men hate clutter!! I dont know why. But straighten up the living room as soon as the kids leave for home.
Now at this point what is left to do? The bathrooms, any extra bedrooms you dont use do not need daily cleaning.
It really is a matter of getting used to doing the daily stuff. And most of us do not do every room every day. Laundry can be done while you watch TV unless you have to go to a laundromat. I always watch tv while I fold clothes, and I watch 4 kids every day just like you do.
Write down a housework schedule for yourself and then follow it for a while - if something isnt working for you then you can change it around until you find the schedule working and your load will seem lighter.
Your husband has his job and you have your job and while it doesnt seem fair -in most homes the wife has the housework too. Or at least the majority of it. Recently when I was ill and hospitalized -my husband had to have our neighbor show him how to use the diswasher. He does no housework-but he never complains about the house either.
Good luck I hope some of this helps you some.
If your husbands anger management problem continues -you can go to the base and talk with a counselor BUT I warn you they will talk to him about any problem they think he might have and it will be put in his case file. So if you need to talk with a counselor its usually best to go to a private one-then no problems with his job. However if the pushing and shoving and controlling gets too bad -pack up and go home. Service personnel are notoriously bad when it comes to domestic violence because they are being trained to hurt people. Dont wait too long before going and if it gets real bad talk to someone at his base-his commanding officer's office can refer you to the right person.
My Dear lady,
Both of you are still in your salad days and that's a problem.
I have known exact the same incidences and could relate to them some how.
With time you'll learn remember not to ask from him but to realize what he wants
Do not be a nanny get some better Full time Job.
I can understand that you have to do chores but sometimes you can seek his help on some of them.
Either be a fulltime Housewife or work fulltime and share household chores
Cheers
You are very young. There are alot of responsibilities to running a home. Be thankful at this point that you have not factored in your own children yet. I'm not sure why you are cleaning the oven. Basics to keeping your house clean are to vacuum, dust, keep dishes out of sink, keep laundry basket empty or at least not flowing all over the house. I'm sure with your husband on active duty, he must be in a constant state of fear that he will be called away. Your incessant nagging only makes the situation worse for both of you. It really does not take a trained chimp to run a household and if you are diligent, you don't need to do everything every day. As for your nanny job. I don't know if you are watching these kids in your home or someone else's, but you might want to find yourself another line of work...one where you are around people and can make new friends. Most husbands feel that because they are the breadwinners, their responsibilities at home should be bare minimum. I believe if 2 people work full time, then they should both share the responsibilities of the home, no matter how futile they are. If one works and the other stays home and either works from the home, or does not work, then the one who is home should hold the most responsibility for keeping the house in order. I am a stay at home mom with 2 kids. I clean every day, do laundry every day, make my kids beds and clean their rooms, make dinner, take care of the cat, vacuum every day and make sure the house is always tidy. This does not take me an entire day to do and by no means am I overwhelmed and expect my husband to help. I take out the trash, wash all the dishes...even if I didnt dirty them, straighten out the cushions on the couch...I do it all here. I don't expect my husbands help. But I do not work. If you are working outside the home, it is a different story.
NOW...as for the abuse you are going thru. I do believe there is only just so much nagging a person can hear before they start to lose it. I know this from my last marriage and I did not nag this man altho I accused him of alot of things. He would be good for awhile and then he'd go off and threaten to beat me, would corner me and threaten to kill me...all done in front of my 3 year old son. Abuse is abuse, and it only takes one incident to make it come forefront. Keep your eye on that, because once an abuser starts, he does not stop and it only gets worse and you will eventually feel a worse wrath that what you are getting now.
My advice to you are these few steps:
1. Stop nagging hubby for help. Do what you can during the day. Forget making sure the oven is clean, it is only going to get dirty again.
2. Remember that you are one person and can only do just so much while also holding down a full time job. Don't complain anymore about it to your husband. Find ways to vent your frustration somehow.
3. Watch the abuse. If it gets worse or you feel your safety is in danger of any sort, get out! Believe me, therapy will not help if this man is an abuser. He will run in cycles. One minute you'll think he's good as gold, next you'll think you married a psychopath. This is not a good way to live...trust me.
4. Find yourself a new job. Find something where you work with people your own age that you have something in common with. Do you live on base? There should be other women in the same boat as you that you can form bonds with. Look up support groups for military wives. You are not alone.
I think you should stop the nagging and crying. It is probably frustrating to your husband and is making the matters worse. Do what you can during the day. If he doesn't like the way things look at the end of the day, then tell him to pick up a rag and clean it himself or it is staying that way until tomorrow. Good luck.
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