Let's see. I'm 19 and my husband is also 19. Both families approved. We've known each other since 5th gd. And have been together for 5 years. We got married on June 30th, 2007. We both work full time and go to school full time. Any advice for a long happy marriage. I'd like to hear from people that have a long marriage. NOT someone who is going to tell me i'm to young and i'm unsure of myself.I'm 19 and I'm married. Any advice for a LONG marriage?
Congrats! Me and my husband married at 18 and are still together and happy almost 12 years later. Always communicate with each other. If something is bothering you, speak up, don't keep it in to fester. Always make time for each other no matter how tired you are. Treat each other with love and kindness. Don't knit pick over silly things like he left his socks on the floor. (My hubby still does that, I just turn a blind eye.) You both have faults and little things that seem odd to the other, being able to accept that and not complain is also key.I'm 19 and I'm married. Any advice for a LONG marriage?
Keep treating each other with the same love and respect that you did on your wedding day. When things get rough, take a break %26amp; get that connection back with each other.
Laugh with each other.
Remember that you want each other to be happy. Honor %26amp; be excited as your spouse grows. Grow together with each other. Learn together.
Treat life as an adventure that you are going on together.
love is life
The answer is simple, but hard to follow. Find out his wants and needs, then fulfill his needs, and work on the wants. Aslo find out what your needs and wants are, then share them with your husband. As long as your both working on this for both of you, you will find that you will have a very fulfilling and good marriage. Good luck to ya.
Love each other.
Tell each other you love them every day.
Set a budget and agree to follow it.
Agree on how you will discipline your children before you need to.
NEVER argue in front of the children.
Go on dates.
COMMUNICATE.
A lot of give %26amp; take...communication is also vital, once comminication stops, problems will arise.
Remember :
Compromise-Compromise-Compromise
yes stay as far away from each other as u can, lol just kidding, always be able to talk to eachother, never do anything to lose your trust between u two, good luck
Open communication and trust are requirements for successful marriages. Keep flirting like you did when you first got attached...it keeps things interesting, and fun!
Wow Wayne B hit the nail on the head.
I have been married 14 yrs and together 18, everything he said is right. I just want to add pick your battles. Let go on the little things and accept each other as you are and not what you want them to be.
First, don't do your full time stuff for too much longer. In working with couples, one of the most obvious trials come simply because both partners are spending so much time away from each other, and active in doing so. Yes, it's ';good'; to do school, work, etc. but realize that over time, the simple principle of being more apart than together will greatly impact your ';long happy marriage';. Period.
Second, you and your spouse MUST do one more schooling... learn to communicate properly. This includes totally learning how to understand each other, why you both say and do the things you do, how to listen, etc. Books, web, counseling, etc.
Third, always meet the other's needs, not your own. It's not a 50/50 to make 100. It's a 100% on each part, meeting each others needs, whatever it is. Don't do to him what you want done to you. That's meeting ';your'; needs. And vice versa.
Fourth, NEVER make decisions if only one wants to and the other does not. That's a recipe for disaster.
Fifth, DO lots of activities (interactive) that you BOTH enjoy!
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Its just like a full time job, ups and downs, do not count on your emotions, and stay faithful no matter what. Never quit talking to one another, always communicate. Most the time you ignore the small stuff that gets in the way.
I was in a marriage for almost 8 years just be honest and trust that is all I can give you good luck hope things work out between you too
Always communicate with each other and never be completely honest no matter how they say it wont affect anything...
Yes, my advise:
Never marry til you are AT LEAST 25.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
Excuse me for a long story
I was in love - or so I thought - with this girl 'A' and she being my colleague I never approached - to not mix business and pleasure - though I indicated my interest through flirting she never replied back.
One day I get engaged to another girl 'B' - arranged by parents - and within a week after this, girl 'A' lets me know her interest - through her eyes - on her last working day in my office, but I go ahead with my commitment to girl 'B' - once a commitment is a commitment - and get married with her in next six months
But I could not resist my urge to share the disappointment of missing girl 'A' in my life and say it all to my wife, I also told her how I would have been happier if she did not rush me to get engaged with her - incidentally she did rush me -. To which she promptly calls her parents and cries woefully. The disturbed parents warn me in phone and caution me to pull out her daughter if this kind of incident happened again.
continued ...Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
wow. First of all, I don't get the whole ';arranged marriages'; purpose. It seems like it would always be such a disaster. Kind of like your situation.
Your first mistake was to even think about this first woman.. and then tell your wife about it. It served no purpose to tell her and it only obviously upset her. It put a wedge between you when you didn't even have a strong bond to begin with.
She sounds like she's immature... how old is she? You hurt her with what you said to her, and she is still hurting... and from the sounds of it.... trying to make you suffer for her hurting. She can be mad for a while.... she can even go back to her parents for a while and they can all be mad about it. But if you've made genuine efforts to show you love her and want to make it work with her... and they STILL don't want anything to do with you, then maybe it's time to move on.
Sounds like they are using this issue as an excuse to try to get out of a marriage she doesn't want. Personally, if she just doesn't want to be with you, then she should just say so and stop with the dramatics.Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
Um lets see, you had a affair you said right? Well no wonder your marriage is in jeapordy. If i were her I would not even bother to see you. so be grateful that she is talking to you.
Why are you still in this marriage your miserable and lonesome .I would move on with my life . your not getting anywhere with her, she just doesn't want you and you will have to move on...
You sound like a weak, selfish, individual to me.Try to have a little empathy!
Your mistake was to share with the girl 'B', who you married, your disappointment of missing girl 'A' and that you would have been happier if she (girl 'B') had not rush you to get engaged and married.
You did not have an affair with girl 'A' but you have clearly told girl 'B' that she was not your choice and only second best. Girl 'B' then feels that you do not love her at all.
I don't have first hand knowledge of the protocol of arranged marriages but I do know about female emotions. To have shared your thoughts about girl 'A' was not a sensible thing to do. After all, if your new wife had told you that she was in love with boy 'A' but had got engaged and married to you because you had pressured her so she had married you boy 'B' how would you feel?
In my view, you should have never got married in the first place. Rushed things never work out to the be best. As for your situation..... Do you love girl ';B';? I don't think you do, so the best thing you should do is to be honest to her and to yourself! Its time for you to take control over your own life and make your own choices!!!
just get a solid prenuptial and sleep with both women and decide later who you want. Or you can ';do the right thing'; and get married and stay true to your new wife, and suffer in silence over what could have been over the next 20 years.
Let me tell you my opinion about females in your situation or similar.
Once she makes up her mind she needs time to feel what is right for her. You want to change and make things better that's fine, but you have to wait on her.
The more you pressure her the worse it gets and personally I think your a little whipped in the butt to chase her down guy. Wake up...smell the Coffee...she is not the only fish in the sea swimming.
My wife left me and you know what I did???? I banged a girl in bed while she was gone and had fun.
Now make up your mind,.
So you were never in love with girl 'B' but now that she has left you you can't live without her? Give 'B' a divorce and let her find someone else. Call up 'A' and see if you can make a go of it. This way you and 'B' might both find happiness, rather than live years of resenting each other.
ok.
I think she is devastated and heartbroken about your lasting love with girl 'A', and she now has a black cloud over your relationship due to the presence u made of girl 'A'.
I would feel the same if i was in your wifes shoes. I would have felt betrayed that you went ahead and married me, when you knew you still had feelings for someone else.
Your wife will still love you, however her trust for you has gone. and without trust a relationship will never work, especially a marriage.
The best thing to do is give her a proposition. tell her how much you love her and that you want to give it another go. tell her that you know it will take alot to build bridges and trust, but you are willing to go ahead with it because u think that your marriage is important. Also tell her what she wants to hear. that this break up has made u realise how much u really do love her, and only her. it was in the past and u are willing to leave it in your past, and move to the future with your wife.
If she is not willing to accept that, then there is nothing else you can do apart from feel guilty about what you did. and then there is the worst possible scenario, let her go forward without you.
You also need to think what you really want too. whether u are only trying to win your wife back because of guilt, then it is not worth attempting.
If you really love her and want to make things right, she needs to feel the same, and the past needs to be left in the past.
good luck with everything, i hope i helped.facial
I was in love - or so I thought - with this girl 'A' and she being my colleague I never approached - to not mix business and pleasure - though I indicated my interest through flirting she never replied back.
One day I get engaged to another girl 'B' - arranged by parents - and within a week after this, girl 'A' lets me know her interest - through her eyes - on her last working day in my office, but I go ahead with my commitment to girl 'B' - once a commitment is a commitment - and get married with her in next six months
But I could not resist my urge to share the disappointment of missing girl 'A' in my life and say it all to my wife, I also told her how I would have been happier if she did not rush me to get engaged with her - incidentally she did rush me -. To which she promptly calls her parents and cries woefully. The disturbed parents warn me in phone and caution me to pull out her daughter if this kind of incident happened again.
continued ...Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
wow. First of all, I don't get the whole ';arranged marriages'; purpose. It seems like it would always be such a disaster. Kind of like your situation.
Your first mistake was to even think about this first woman.. and then tell your wife about it. It served no purpose to tell her and it only obviously upset her. It put a wedge between you when you didn't even have a strong bond to begin with.
She sounds like she's immature... how old is she? You hurt her with what you said to her, and she is still hurting... and from the sounds of it.... trying to make you suffer for her hurting. She can be mad for a while.... she can even go back to her parents for a while and they can all be mad about it. But if you've made genuine efforts to show you love her and want to make it work with her... and they STILL don't want anything to do with you, then maybe it's time to move on.
Sounds like they are using this issue as an excuse to try to get out of a marriage she doesn't want. Personally, if she just doesn't want to be with you, then she should just say so and stop with the dramatics.Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
Um lets see, you had a affair you said right? Well no wonder your marriage is in jeapordy. If i were her I would not even bother to see you. so be grateful that she is talking to you.
Why are you still in this marriage your miserable and lonesome .I would move on with my life . your not getting anywhere with her, she just doesn't want you and you will have to move on...
You sound like a weak, selfish, individual to me.Try to have a little empathy!
Your mistake was to share with the girl 'B', who you married, your disappointment of missing girl 'A' and that you would have been happier if she (girl 'B') had not rush you to get engaged and married.
You did not have an affair with girl 'A' but you have clearly told girl 'B' that she was not your choice and only second best. Girl 'B' then feels that you do not love her at all.
I don't have first hand knowledge of the protocol of arranged marriages but I do know about female emotions. To have shared your thoughts about girl 'A' was not a sensible thing to do. After all, if your new wife had told you that she was in love with boy 'A' but had got engaged and married to you because you had pressured her so she had married you boy 'B' how would you feel?
In my view, you should have never got married in the first place. Rushed things never work out to the be best. As for your situation..... Do you love girl ';B';? I don't think you do, so the best thing you should do is to be honest to her and to yourself! Its time for you to take control over your own life and make your own choices!!!
just get a solid prenuptial and sleep with both women and decide later who you want. Or you can ';do the right thing'; and get married and stay true to your new wife, and suffer in silence over what could have been over the next 20 years.
Let me tell you my opinion about females in your situation or similar.
Once she makes up her mind she needs time to feel what is right for her. You want to change and make things better that's fine, but you have to wait on her.
The more you pressure her the worse it gets and personally I think your a little whipped in the butt to chase her down guy. Wake up...smell the Coffee...she is not the only fish in the sea swimming.
My wife left me and you know what I did???? I banged a girl in bed while she was gone and had fun.
Now make up your mind,.
So you were never in love with girl 'B' but now that she has left you you can't live without her? Give 'B' a divorce and let her find someone else. Call up 'A' and see if you can make a go of it. This way you and 'B' might both find happiness, rather than live years of resenting each other.
ok.
I think she is devastated and heartbroken about your lasting love with girl 'A', and she now has a black cloud over your relationship due to the presence u made of girl 'A'.
I would feel the same if i was in your wifes shoes. I would have felt betrayed that you went ahead and married me, when you knew you still had feelings for someone else.
Your wife will still love you, however her trust for you has gone. and without trust a relationship will never work, especially a marriage.
The best thing to do is give her a proposition. tell her how much you love her and that you want to give it another go. tell her that you know it will take alot to build bridges and trust, but you are willing to go ahead with it because u think that your marriage is important. Also tell her what she wants to hear. that this break up has made u realise how much u really do love her, and only her. it was in the past and u are willing to leave it in your past, and move to the future with your wife.
If she is not willing to accept that, then there is nothing else you can do apart from feel guilty about what you did. and then there is the worst possible scenario, let her go forward without you.
You also need to think what you really want too. whether u are only trying to win your wife back because of guilt, then it is not worth attempting.
If you really love her and want to make things right, she needs to feel the same, and the past needs to be left in the past.
good luck with everything, i hope i helped.
Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
Our relationship is going on five years, married a month shy of 2 years. The week of Thanksgiving, 2007, his sister went bullistic on me, accusing me of many things I never did, including deliberately moving him away from them, lying, and at least 20 more things. I didn't argue much, but I did consider leaving my husband. The truth is, since Thanksgiving, our marriage has been barely holding on. His sister put such a huge wedge between us, I don't know if I can save my marriage. He feels so pulled. To my face, he's on my side, but I know the moment he's alone with them, he's on theirs. Why are there 2 sides? I just wish they would give me a chance. They didn't. They never even tried. The accusations wedged against me were completely untrue, with the exception of one, which was that I do not like his sister's best friend. Well...true. She wrote my husband a letter putting me down and saying bad things about me. How am I supposed to like her? I never did a thing to her...Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
I would go to counseling. It can't hurt and it is a safe third party. It truly did save my Sisters marriage. Ask around, try to get someone that someone else has had a good experience with.Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
Wow.That's alot to take in. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this mess. You lost your husband somewhere in the mess his sister caused. You are sleeping with the enemy honey. Sure they would be happy that you left him and they have him back in their claws again. You are doing all you can as a wife and when the pressure is on you coming from all sides. You just have to back off a little. I wouldn't put up with that. I wouldn't even go somewhere where I am not welcome. I would leave him and live out my life happy then put up with the misery.The sister and the family is dysfunctional.The feed off of you and you are the only one that can stop it. Yes, you may love your husband but how much more can you take?Really. Be honest with yourself-for once. You need to leave him and leave them alone with their bitterness. I feel sorry for the next ex-husband when she enters the galatine.
I think it might be too late for you to fix this. Obviously his family has an unnatural pull on him and you can't fight that in any reasonable way. He may have some good qualitities but uinfortunately he is weak of character.
Try waiting it out a bit more, but for heavens sakes stay away from those vindictive wretches. Politely decline any and all invites and stay home while he goes. But don't act like he need stay away from them. A simple ';you go have fun with your family, I am more than content to stay home'; said in a pleasant tone should suffice.
But prepare yourself for the worst, being prepared is always helpful.
Your husband needs to be a man and stand with you. If he needs to he needs to put a stop to it with his family. He is married to you not his family. He picked you and he needs to act like it.
Whenever my parents criticized anything about my wife they heard about it immediately. One time I told my dad that if he continued to talk like he was then he could leave. He did and he has never been the same. My family said that they did not know what I did but he has changed. He stopped the bad behavior and we have a good relationship today.
I would not go there to visit with them and your husband needs to understand that. You are his family now not them you should come first. Shame on your husband for not standing up for you and putting you in that situation.. He needs to decide if you are part of his life or his family.
You two need to take some time alone just the two of you to spend time together
Gracious ~ Good luck with the suggestions that will be coming. I suggest counseling! Period. Paragraph.
What a mess. The fault lays with your husband. The sister believes this because he has blamed it on you. This will never end and they will never like you because he will not allow them to. I could not stay with a man like this. He knows it is wrong and he still blames you and he let others believe lies about you that he started. I would get out and let him go back to them. I do not see it getting any better for you. I also do not think that I have a duty to sleep with my husband. Why do you think that? If you want to talk about duty he has one to you and he has not come through for you.
the moment a man gets married, his wife is his new family. although im not saying that he should totally detach himself from his mom and sisters but he should put his wife first priority. if your husband still listens to the crap his sis and mom put out, then thats major issue. its time you and your husband do serious talk.
wow, sounds like a lot is going on in your world. truth is he is not being true to you. you are his wife, and you should come first. if his sister and/or other family doesn't like you, that's their problem. he needs to get a backbone and set his family straight. if he doesn't, i can't see the marriage surviving.
I would go to counseling. It can't hurt and it is a safe third party. It truly did save my Sisters marriage. Ask around, try to get someone that someone else has had a good experience with.Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
Wow.That's alot to take in. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this mess. You lost your husband somewhere in the mess his sister caused. You are sleeping with the enemy honey. Sure they would be happy that you left him and they have him back in their claws again. You are doing all you can as a wife and when the pressure is on you coming from all sides. You just have to back off a little. I wouldn't put up with that. I wouldn't even go somewhere where I am not welcome. I would leave him and live out my life happy then put up with the misery.The sister and the family is dysfunctional.The feed off of you and you are the only one that can stop it. Yes, you may love your husband but how much more can you take?Really. Be honest with yourself-for once. You need to leave him and leave them alone with their bitterness. I feel sorry for the next ex-husband when she enters the galatine.
I think it might be too late for you to fix this. Obviously his family has an unnatural pull on him and you can't fight that in any reasonable way. He may have some good qualitities but uinfortunately he is weak of character.
Try waiting it out a bit more, but for heavens sakes stay away from those vindictive wretches. Politely decline any and all invites and stay home while he goes. But don't act like he need stay away from them. A simple ';you go have fun with your family, I am more than content to stay home'; said in a pleasant tone should suffice.
But prepare yourself for the worst, being prepared is always helpful.
Your husband needs to be a man and stand with you. If he needs to he needs to put a stop to it with his family. He is married to you not his family. He picked you and he needs to act like it.
Whenever my parents criticized anything about my wife they heard about it immediately. One time I told my dad that if he continued to talk like he was then he could leave. He did and he has never been the same. My family said that they did not know what I did but he has changed. He stopped the bad behavior and we have a good relationship today.
I would not go there to visit with them and your husband needs to understand that. You are his family now not them you should come first. Shame on your husband for not standing up for you and putting you in that situation.. He needs to decide if you are part of his life or his family.
You two need to take some time alone just the two of you to spend time together
Gracious ~ Good luck with the suggestions that will be coming. I suggest counseling! Period. Paragraph.
What a mess. The fault lays with your husband. The sister believes this because he has blamed it on you. This will never end and they will never like you because he will not allow them to. I could not stay with a man like this. He knows it is wrong and he still blames you and he let others believe lies about you that he started. I would get out and let him go back to them. I do not see it getting any better for you. I also do not think that I have a duty to sleep with my husband. Why do you think that? If you want to talk about duty he has one to you and he has not come through for you.
the moment a man gets married, his wife is his new family. although im not saying that he should totally detach himself from his mom and sisters but he should put his wife first priority. if your husband still listens to the crap his sis and mom put out, then thats major issue. its time you and your husband do serious talk.
wow, sounds like a lot is going on in your world. truth is he is not being true to you. you are his wife, and you should come first. if his sister and/or other family doesn't like you, that's their problem. he needs to get a backbone and set his family straight. if he doesn't, i can't see the marriage surviving.
I need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
I want to talk about it; he will not. He is a very good father toward the girls, but not a good husband. There is no affection, sex, surprises, nothing. He is selfish. He will accept but not give.I need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
All you can do is try. If he doesn't want to try or maybe go to any marriage counseling or listen to how you feel. Then you need to ask yourself if you can live with how he is. He will not one day miraculously change his ways without working to do s. So you have to decide if you can live with him and how he is. Sounds like you are a giver and he is a taker. Maybe stop giving so much, focus on your kids and yourself and tell him if he wants this marriage to work then he needs to come with you to some counseling to try to fix the problems. If he doesn't want to then like I said, you have to decide if you want to live like that. Good luck to youI need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
I would seriously reconsider this relationship*.....
see a counselor yourself even if he will not go
Tell him it is time for a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer take his pick.He sounds like he may be gay, or like he just doesn't love you anymore.
sounds like the best option would be some counseling, and after that fails, a divorce, but there's no limitation on seeing the kids for either of you.
Will he go to counseling with you, have you asked? I give you credit for hanging in there and trying to make it work.
i dont see a problem here, He is the man!!
I have the same problem...he refuses to go to counseling either, so I'm going by myself.
All you can do is try. If he doesn't want to try or maybe go to any marriage counseling or listen to how you feel. Then you need to ask yourself if you can live with how he is. He will not one day miraculously change his ways without working to do s. So you have to decide if you can live with him and how he is. Sounds like you are a giver and he is a taker. Maybe stop giving so much, focus on your kids and yourself and tell him if he wants this marriage to work then he needs to come with you to some counseling to try to fix the problems. If he doesn't want to then like I said, you have to decide if you want to live like that. Good luck to youI need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
I would seriously reconsider this relationship*.....
see a counselor yourself even if he will not go
Tell him it is time for a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer take his pick.He sounds like he may be gay, or like he just doesn't love you anymore.
sounds like the best option would be some counseling, and after that fails, a divorce, but there's no limitation on seeing the kids for either of you.
Will he go to counseling with you, have you asked? I give you credit for hanging in there and trying to make it work.
i dont see a problem here, He is the man!!
I have the same problem...he refuses to go to counseling either, so I'm going by myself.
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
My husband %26amp; I got married in October (2007). We were only together for about a year prior the the wedding. Why we rushed...I dont know?! There was really no reason for us to. We just both thought we were ready and that there was no reason to wait.
Neither of us have any kids, therefore, no stress there...No cheating, non of theat...For some reason, we just dont seem to get along like we use to...like there is no *spark* left. (yea, I know...pretty sad for only be 21 and married not even 1 year). our sex life is pretty much non-exsistent.
We do NOT communitcate whatesoever,He will not express any emotion to me or try to fix big arguments/fights...he just expects them to go away and for me to forget.
Over the weekend, we had the biggest fight ever!
He threatened to kill himself because life with me is a living hell....i'm boring/no fun/too uptight.....and he even mentioned the ';D'; word...
Not only did he mention it, he flat out said he wanted it!
After I about died from an anxiety attack, he must have felt bad for me or something and said that he didnt mean what he said and to just drop the whole situation...act like it never happened...
SOOO, to shorten this up (sorry)...obviously, this is something that is just not going to ';go away';. And apparently this is something that he has been thinking about quite often. And with the look that he had in his eyes when he said that he wanted a divorce, I truly believe he meant every word. I could probably go on forever...but here is my
QUESTION
? : What do I do from here? I want things to work so badly and i will not initiate a divorce. Am I happy living like this? No...%26amp; Obviously he isn't either...I feel like I've tried everything in the book and things just arent getting any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to myself...like I'm just living in a house with a stranger.
With him refusing to any kind of counseling, what more can I do to rekindle the old flame and be in love again?
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
You have four options that I see right now.
One, tell him that either you go to marriage counseling together or you will file for divorce. This may backfire as he may actually want the divorce.
Two, go to counseling alone and see what the therapist recommends.
Three, file for divorce now.
Four, and personally, this is the route I would choose first: I know it's hard to feel it right now, but pretend it's a year ago, when you guys were loving and affectionate. Act towards him the way you did when things were good...hug him, talk to him, tell him he looks nice today, cook for him, whatever it is that you used to do. I know you may not feel like being affectionate with him right now, especially when he's acting like a jackash, but just try it.
By acting like you are in love, you may begin to feel that way, and it may make your husband feel that way too. It's worth a try. Give it a good week or so of doing this. If there is any improvement at all in that week, keep at it.
If there is zero improvement, choose another option.Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
Go by yourself. When a marriage is in trouble, and one spouse refuses marriage counseling, the spouse who is willing to try can go by herself/himself.
You go to counseling.
It is possible that when he sees what it does for you, he will want to go.
IF u want it to work just go for couseling en mm be nice may be it will help
You're too young to be this miserable! In my experience things will only go downhill from here. Basically you're out of the ';honeymoon'; phase that we all experience in the first year or so of a relationship. For a marriage to work there has to be much more than that initial lust and it sounds like you are missing that. Go to a counsellor to work through your feelings but things really shouldn't be this tough so early on...... Really consider the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you and deserve to be happy with someone who you truly love. I wasted too many years of my life trying to fix a marriage that was fundamentally flawed (we mistook lust for real love). Now I'm with my soulmate I can see that love just isn't meant to be hard all the time!!!!
Here are some techniques you can try at home.
In the evening time, clear out the living-room floor. Turn off the TV and turn on some soft music. Throw some pillows on the floor for comfort. Give him a note pad and you take one. Have him write down 10 reasons why he was attracted to you. Then, 10 reasons why he married you. Each of you swap pads and read the answers out loud. Then, have him write down what is bothering him that is causing the lack of communication. You do the same about you. Tell him to be honest and kind. You too. Then, swap the pads again and read the answers out loud to each other.
If he resist any of this, ask him to please humor you this time. Saving your marriage is worth this try.
Hey if you want to, this is my email, lillmama_brokenglass7@yahoo.com yahoo messenger..
sounds like your going throw the same thing i am, but i have kids.. so that is the only thing that is differnt.. am 22.. but I might be able to give you some advise.. good luck.. have a nice day..
I have known my husband for almost 10 years now, we were dating for 2 and married at 4 years of being friends/ couple. at about 4 years we had been living together for 2 years and went through some tough times with some simular incidents. Often people get tired of each other, often its just an phase. This is an point to find out if they are gonna last.
It really sounds like the honeymoon phase is over. If you both want it to last keep trying to work it out.
There are a lot of ways to work on things. Try talking to some family to get an idea on how to deal with things differently. There have been a few times that I have broken down and talked to my father and mother in law to help get an idea of why my husband acts the way he does. No matter how long you have been with someone there are always flaws and problems.
They always say and its soooo true. ';Marriage is hard work'; Often you have to give something up or change something that you enjoy or like to make things work. I am an stay at home mother and dont have any real friends that I didn't have from before my marriage with my husband. My husband seems to be an jerk but is always just skeptical of people in the world and dont want to allow anyone that could hurt me or our children.
Sorry this is long.
I just think that you will get through it as long as you both try, he may not seem to be trying. give it an chance and time. My husband and I took an year to get through it and shortly after we got married we were better, there is nothing like the honeymoon phase, but you can get an good happy life. Your sex life will go up and down all though your lives together. It will be hard and you will think its the end many times, but you are determined you can keep it together.
Good Luck.
If your husband won't accept any help and refuses to talk to you about the situation, there isn't much you can do. You are not going to get any younger. You can choose to waste your life with this guy or divorce him and get on with it.
Just because he said that doesn't mean he has been thinking it people say stuff when they are angry. We always feel the need to talk out things and problems (Women). While men feel it is over and done with once the argument is over. I don't think one approach is better than the other you just have to realize there is different approaches and work around it. While you are thinking so hard about the fact that the situation with him saying that is still a problem and he is debating it. More than likely he thinks you know he said it in the heat of the moment and that moment has past and all is better. Everyday is a new day focus on better now and things to come don't waste your time on dissecting a conversation or argument that can't be changed.
Just get a divorce already.
I mean all these people who hold up marriage like it's the beginning and end of all life force. You shouldn't have to sacrafice your happiness for another person. If it isn't working, it isn't working...get out.
I went to marriage conseling 4 times. Did not work for me! It just made me even more sad and depressed, because me and my wife are extremely mismatched and have absolutely nothing in common with each other-she is closed minded and I am open minded husband. She is a homebody and I am an outdoormans. So anyways, I have tried everything nothing worked. Sometimes marriage conseling does not work for everyone!
Please don't laugh! But the only thing that really worked was for me to get her to sleep with me tightly every single night in the same bedroom. I got this small bed mattress for us. And now we snuggle up tightly with each other, everything fell into place. I no longer have frustrations, stressed out, sad, depressions, or angriness -getting pissed off all the time. Its like calm after the thunderstorm. I cannot believe a little tiny bed mattress improved our marriage together. Also our 3 kick @$$ children are so damm cute and awesome.
as much as i hate to say this but he would not have said that if he did not mean it i have been married for 17 years and a lot of fights later my husband and i never said that and we still have a great sex life i do not think that at such an early stage in marriage you both should be having a relationship together if he is staying because of your attacks that is not fair to either of you and the relationship will probably get worse you need counselling and do not drag him he has to want to go for it to work i wish you luck my opinion only
This happens to millions of married couples all over the world.
I'm a Disabled Veteran and served in the USAF. My income is $3,200.00 a month for the rest of my life.
I've been married 24 years and this is my first marriage ...it's her second.
She doesn't work and stays at home nagging me.
Our problem is similar to yours, but I my income is stable.
We have no sex life and misery loves company.
My income would make another marriage probably better or perhaps you would make my life better being with another woman that I can love and in that sense you have a better life as well.
The answers to your problem lay in your hands. Your decision to get married and live the American dream is one hell of a dream to accomplish if neither of you or your husband can sit down and work out your problems and stabilize your marriage.
Financially you both need money and without money you can't buy your house or buy a new car or even have the luxury of these things.
Then you have children and the problem financially escalates...it's no end.
Marriage is give and take and when your emotional concerns become imbalanced the misery flows down hill and everything in your path from your husband and viceversea is a living hell.
The result is loss of affection, loss of companionship, loss of sexual appetite and the list goes on. Your marriage becomes a living hell and then you come on yahoo answers and look for something or someone that has the right answer to solve your problems and it doesn't happen that way.
You are the divider of things to come and things past. You and you alone are the sole winner and you know what you are and what you want out of life...it's a matter of getting there with little complications and a bad marraige will definitely knock you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.
You work hard, but it's not enough, your marriage is still fragile.
Your husband trys, but he can't cope.
Both of you are in disagreement that will eventually lead to a perennial battle down the road and eventually end up in divorce.
If you're unsure of yourself right now in this marriage then bail out and save yourself before your tropical storm turns into a hurricane.
I wish you the very best of luck in your marriage. Win or lose...it's your call.
Hi,
To be honest, i dont see any serious issue. This is similar to a arranged marriage that happens in India. You both know just for a yar before marriage. What u both know abt each other as new lovers is diff from the reality u will see once u both live together. It takes bit of time to accept things and settle. Best way to come out of it is, just see what u need to do to mak him feel comfortable. when he is cool and easy, talk to him abt how he feels after marriage. tell him u will change urself to make things easy for him. trying to mak him feel that u will give up will make him think why he should not change a bit to accomodate u. Understand each others likes and dislikes and always respect his space around him. getting into each other too much also will mess up things.
when u say u hv arguments, remember that argumnt is possible only when u defend. Just accept what he says, it ends there.
relationship is abt gaining confidence with each other and accpt each other.
msg me in YM if u wish
my id is frndly20052010
Neither of us have any kids, therefore, no stress there...No cheating, non of theat...For some reason, we just dont seem to get along like we use to...like there is no *spark* left. (yea, I know...pretty sad for only be 21 and married not even 1 year). our sex life is pretty much non-exsistent.
We do NOT communitcate whatesoever,He will not express any emotion to me or try to fix big arguments/fights...he just expects them to go away and for me to forget.
Over the weekend, we had the biggest fight ever!
He threatened to kill himself because life with me is a living hell....i'm boring/no fun/too uptight.....and he even mentioned the ';D'; word...
Not only did he mention it, he flat out said he wanted it!
After I about died from an anxiety attack, he must have felt bad for me or something and said that he didnt mean what he said and to just drop the whole situation...act like it never happened...
SOOO, to shorten this up (sorry)...obviously, this is something that is just not going to ';go away';. And apparently this is something that he has been thinking about quite often. And with the look that he had in his eyes when he said that he wanted a divorce, I truly believe he meant every word. I could probably go on forever...but here is my
QUESTION
? : What do I do from here? I want things to work so badly and i will not initiate a divorce. Am I happy living like this? No...%26amp; Obviously he isn't either...I feel like I've tried everything in the book and things just arent getting any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to myself...like I'm just living in a house with a stranger.
With him refusing to any kind of counseling, what more can I do to rekindle the old flame and be in love again?
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
You have four options that I see right now.
One, tell him that either you go to marriage counseling together or you will file for divorce. This may backfire as he may actually want the divorce.
Two, go to counseling alone and see what the therapist recommends.
Three, file for divorce now.
Four, and personally, this is the route I would choose first: I know it's hard to feel it right now, but pretend it's a year ago, when you guys were loving and affectionate. Act towards him the way you did when things were good...hug him, talk to him, tell him he looks nice today, cook for him, whatever it is that you used to do. I know you may not feel like being affectionate with him right now, especially when he's acting like a jackash, but just try it.
By acting like you are in love, you may begin to feel that way, and it may make your husband feel that way too. It's worth a try. Give it a good week or so of doing this. If there is any improvement at all in that week, keep at it.
If there is zero improvement, choose another option.Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
Go by yourself. When a marriage is in trouble, and one spouse refuses marriage counseling, the spouse who is willing to try can go by herself/himself.
You go to counseling.
It is possible that when he sees what it does for you, he will want to go.
IF u want it to work just go for couseling en mm be nice may be it will help
You're too young to be this miserable! In my experience things will only go downhill from here. Basically you're out of the ';honeymoon'; phase that we all experience in the first year or so of a relationship. For a marriage to work there has to be much more than that initial lust and it sounds like you are missing that. Go to a counsellor to work through your feelings but things really shouldn't be this tough so early on...... Really consider the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you and deserve to be happy with someone who you truly love. I wasted too many years of my life trying to fix a marriage that was fundamentally flawed (we mistook lust for real love). Now I'm with my soulmate I can see that love just isn't meant to be hard all the time!!!!
Here are some techniques you can try at home.
In the evening time, clear out the living-room floor. Turn off the TV and turn on some soft music. Throw some pillows on the floor for comfort. Give him a note pad and you take one. Have him write down 10 reasons why he was attracted to you. Then, 10 reasons why he married you. Each of you swap pads and read the answers out loud. Then, have him write down what is bothering him that is causing the lack of communication. You do the same about you. Tell him to be honest and kind. You too. Then, swap the pads again and read the answers out loud to each other.
If he resist any of this, ask him to please humor you this time. Saving your marriage is worth this try.
Hey if you want to, this is my email, lillmama_brokenglass7@yahoo.com yahoo messenger..
sounds like your going throw the same thing i am, but i have kids.. so that is the only thing that is differnt.. am 22.. but I might be able to give you some advise.. good luck.. have a nice day..
I have known my husband for almost 10 years now, we were dating for 2 and married at 4 years of being friends/ couple. at about 4 years we had been living together for 2 years and went through some tough times with some simular incidents. Often people get tired of each other, often its just an phase. This is an point to find out if they are gonna last.
It really sounds like the honeymoon phase is over. If you both want it to last keep trying to work it out.
There are a lot of ways to work on things. Try talking to some family to get an idea on how to deal with things differently. There have been a few times that I have broken down and talked to my father and mother in law to help get an idea of why my husband acts the way he does. No matter how long you have been with someone there are always flaws and problems.
They always say and its soooo true. ';Marriage is hard work'; Often you have to give something up or change something that you enjoy or like to make things work. I am an stay at home mother and dont have any real friends that I didn't have from before my marriage with my husband. My husband seems to be an jerk but is always just skeptical of people in the world and dont want to allow anyone that could hurt me or our children.
Sorry this is long.
I just think that you will get through it as long as you both try, he may not seem to be trying. give it an chance and time. My husband and I took an year to get through it and shortly after we got married we were better, there is nothing like the honeymoon phase, but you can get an good happy life. Your sex life will go up and down all though your lives together. It will be hard and you will think its the end many times, but you are determined you can keep it together.
Good Luck.
If your husband won't accept any help and refuses to talk to you about the situation, there isn't much you can do. You are not going to get any younger. You can choose to waste your life with this guy or divorce him and get on with it.
Just because he said that doesn't mean he has been thinking it people say stuff when they are angry. We always feel the need to talk out things and problems (Women). While men feel it is over and done with once the argument is over. I don't think one approach is better than the other you just have to realize there is different approaches and work around it. While you are thinking so hard about the fact that the situation with him saying that is still a problem and he is debating it. More than likely he thinks you know he said it in the heat of the moment and that moment has past and all is better. Everyday is a new day focus on better now and things to come don't waste your time on dissecting a conversation or argument that can't be changed.
Just get a divorce already.
I mean all these people who hold up marriage like it's the beginning and end of all life force. You shouldn't have to sacrafice your happiness for another person. If it isn't working, it isn't working...get out.
I went to marriage conseling 4 times. Did not work for me! It just made me even more sad and depressed, because me and my wife are extremely mismatched and have absolutely nothing in common with each other-she is closed minded and I am open minded husband. She is a homebody and I am an outdoormans. So anyways, I have tried everything nothing worked. Sometimes marriage conseling does not work for everyone!
Please don't laugh! But the only thing that really worked was for me to get her to sleep with me tightly every single night in the same bedroom. I got this small bed mattress for us. And now we snuggle up tightly with each other, everything fell into place. I no longer have frustrations, stressed out, sad, depressions, or angriness -getting pissed off all the time. Its like calm after the thunderstorm. I cannot believe a little tiny bed mattress improved our marriage together. Also our 3 kick @$$ children are so damm cute and awesome.
as much as i hate to say this but he would not have said that if he did not mean it i have been married for 17 years and a lot of fights later my husband and i never said that and we still have a great sex life i do not think that at such an early stage in marriage you both should be having a relationship together if he is staying because of your attacks that is not fair to either of you and the relationship will probably get worse you need counselling and do not drag him he has to want to go for it to work i wish you luck my opinion only
This happens to millions of married couples all over the world.
I'm a Disabled Veteran and served in the USAF. My income is $3,200.00 a month for the rest of my life.
I've been married 24 years and this is my first marriage ...it's her second.
She doesn't work and stays at home nagging me.
Our problem is similar to yours, but I my income is stable.
We have no sex life and misery loves company.
My income would make another marriage probably better or perhaps you would make my life better being with another woman that I can love and in that sense you have a better life as well.
The answers to your problem lay in your hands. Your decision to get married and live the American dream is one hell of a dream to accomplish if neither of you or your husband can sit down and work out your problems and stabilize your marriage.
Financially you both need money and without money you can't buy your house or buy a new car or even have the luxury of these things.
Then you have children and the problem financially escalates...it's no end.
Marriage is give and take and when your emotional concerns become imbalanced the misery flows down hill and everything in your path from your husband and viceversea is a living hell.
The result is loss of affection, loss of companionship, loss of sexual appetite and the list goes on. Your marriage becomes a living hell and then you come on yahoo answers and look for something or someone that has the right answer to solve your problems and it doesn't happen that way.
You are the divider of things to come and things past. You and you alone are the sole winner and you know what you are and what you want out of life...it's a matter of getting there with little complications and a bad marraige will definitely knock you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.
You work hard, but it's not enough, your marriage is still fragile.
Your husband trys, but he can't cope.
Both of you are in disagreement that will eventually lead to a perennial battle down the road and eventually end up in divorce.
If you're unsure of yourself right now in this marriage then bail out and save yourself before your tropical storm turns into a hurricane.
I wish you the very best of luck in your marriage. Win or lose...it's your call.
Hi,
To be honest, i dont see any serious issue. This is similar to a arranged marriage that happens in India. You both know just for a yar before marriage. What u both know abt each other as new lovers is diff from the reality u will see once u both live together. It takes bit of time to accept things and settle. Best way to come out of it is, just see what u need to do to mak him feel comfortable. when he is cool and easy, talk to him abt how he feels after marriage. tell him u will change urself to make things easy for him. trying to mak him feel that u will give up will make him think why he should not change a bit to accomodate u. Understand each others likes and dislikes and always respect his space around him. getting into each other too much also will mess up things.
when u say u hv arguments, remember that argumnt is possible only when u defend. Just accept what he says, it ends there.
relationship is abt gaining confidence with each other and accpt each other.
msg me in YM if u wish
my id is frndly20052010
Need advice on what to do with marriage?
Back about 5 years ago I met a man on the opposite side of the country from me. We fell in love and I was going to move out there but he got scared, etc. Needless to say I didn't move. We kept in touch a little but hadn't seen each other since this past week at a work conference. Now here we are both married, him for almost 3 yrs, me 2 yrs. Seeing him was as if we picked up where we left off 5 yrs ago. I was able to ask the ';why's'; and we both admitted that we wished I had moved out there. Neither one of us are happy in the sexual part of our marriages. We rekindled old flames and now here is where I am at odds. I guess I feel like if two people have such strong feelings and chemisty why shouldn't we be together? We still love each other. Do we ignore it and go back to our lives as if all is normal? It was all I could do to be at home today and see my husband as I wished he was this other man. Advice?Need advice on what to do with marriage?
When you got married to your current spouses you made a commitment. Hopefully you didn't just get married for sex.
You need to stop talking to this other guy, and do what you can to rekindle your relationship to your husband. He needs to do the same with his wife.
If the two of you don't even make an attempt at your current relationships, there will always be something that will bother you. Likely you will not make it in a relationship together if you both feel that marriage is something that you just stop doing as soon as something else comes your way.Need advice on what to do with marriage?
wow that is weird i dont' know what quite to say. He could be lying and then he could be serious. i am not sure but some mend have big ideas and dont' come thorugh also
That is a easy question to answer - not such an easy answer to live with.
You married your husband knowing this man was out there - YOU married him. He married his wife.
You need to walk , no RUN away from him and forget it.
If you want to get a divorce, don't make it about someone else, You shouldn't jump from one man to another. If you divorced, you should definately spend some time alone and then if he is available, go for it.
you should both leave your spouses adn find happiness with each other.
Do either of you have children? How committed were you to the marriage before this man from the past showed up? Not very I suspect. If the two of you were to throw away your respective vows and get together, what assurance do you have that the two of you can form a lasting commitment? You have a lot of questions to answer to yourself - and to your husband.
Personally I believe that the addition of children into the equation makes a big difference.
I suggest counseling to figure out exactly what you want.
why did you marry then?
marriage isnt disposable!
remember those vows you took? KEEP them
You should respect your marriage and yourself and stay away from this man.
You can fix the sexual part of your marriage....but you can't fix cheating.
You already know the answer. You have already crossed that line with the other man and its too late to turn back now. Just like you said you was with your husband all day and wished he was the other man. Thats probably not going to go away. Its unfortunate that now its going to be much more complicated for the two of you to pursue a relationship together, since you would both have to end marriages.... but you both want to be together. So by staying married to the people you are currently with, wouldn't be fair to anybody. Just make sure he is positive this time before you go breaking up your marriage. Good luck to you!
Well, at the very least you owe your husband the truth. You should really tell him what happened and how you're feeling - I know it's scary, but you made a commitment to him, so you owe him this at the very least. After you two have talked, THEN see how you're feeling. You may realize after talking to him that you really don't want to lose him, or he may decide for you that the marriage is over. Either way, clue him in.
You been used. If you two wanted to be be together and it was meant to be,Dah?
When you got married to your current spouses you made a commitment. Hopefully you didn't just get married for sex.
You need to stop talking to this other guy, and do what you can to rekindle your relationship to your husband. He needs to do the same with his wife.
If the two of you don't even make an attempt at your current relationships, there will always be something that will bother you. Likely you will not make it in a relationship together if you both feel that marriage is something that you just stop doing as soon as something else comes your way.Need advice on what to do with marriage?
wow that is weird i dont' know what quite to say. He could be lying and then he could be serious. i am not sure but some mend have big ideas and dont' come thorugh also
That is a easy question to answer - not such an easy answer to live with.
You married your husband knowing this man was out there - YOU married him. He married his wife.
You need to walk , no RUN away from him and forget it.
If you want to get a divorce, don't make it about someone else, You shouldn't jump from one man to another. If you divorced, you should definately spend some time alone and then if he is available, go for it.
you should both leave your spouses adn find happiness with each other.
Do either of you have children? How committed were you to the marriage before this man from the past showed up? Not very I suspect. If the two of you were to throw away your respective vows and get together, what assurance do you have that the two of you can form a lasting commitment? You have a lot of questions to answer to yourself - and to your husband.
Personally I believe that the addition of children into the equation makes a big difference.
I suggest counseling to figure out exactly what you want.
why did you marry then?
marriage isnt disposable!
remember those vows you took? KEEP them
You should respect your marriage and yourself and stay away from this man.
You can fix the sexual part of your marriage....but you can't fix cheating.
You already know the answer. You have already crossed that line with the other man and its too late to turn back now. Just like you said you was with your husband all day and wished he was the other man. Thats probably not going to go away. Its unfortunate that now its going to be much more complicated for the two of you to pursue a relationship together, since you would both have to end marriages.... but you both want to be together. So by staying married to the people you are currently with, wouldn't be fair to anybody. Just make sure he is positive this time before you go breaking up your marriage. Good luck to you!
Well, at the very least you owe your husband the truth. You should really tell him what happened and how you're feeling - I know it's scary, but you made a commitment to him, so you owe him this at the very least. After you two have talked, THEN see how you're feeling. You may realize after talking to him that you really don't want to lose him, or he may decide for you that the marriage is over. Either way, clue him in.
You been used. If you two wanted to be be together and it was meant to be,Dah?
Any advice to save my marriage?
I met my husband online 3 years ago and we were married in a year and two months. I had always had bad luck with guys and was always hurt by the guys I truly wanted. I thought my husband was the most amazing guy in the world. I knew we had different interests but I didn't care because I saw him as honest, caring, hard working, smart, funny, reliable, and smoking hot. About a year ago (in November) we were at a wedding and I noticed him say something to some people at our table that kind of didn't make sense. Ever since then I've noticed it more and more. He has clear misconceptions about knowledge that is considered common knowledge or basic facts and sometimes he says things out in left field (like comments that don't fit with the conversation) or corny jokes that aren;t funny. I never noticed him doing these things for two years. He also has a hard time accurately explaining the way something happened or remembering things that to me are sooo easy to remember.
All of these problems make me doubt his ability to be successful and they take away my faith and confidence in him as well as my attraction to him. He is very sweet, my family loves him, he works hard and always takes care of his responsibilities. He is supportive of me and loves me very much. I never noticed any of these things for two years and now I just feel like it is getting worse everyday. I'm afraid of social situations because of what he might say, but no one ever (except one friend) has ever said anything bad about his personality (however my friends and family haven't been around him that much). He is neat and clean, doesn't break a promise to me, helps me with housework and would go out of his way for me in a heartbeat.
I also feel upset because I am a deep, philosophical, imaginative person and he is more take things with a grain of salt and let them roll off your back. Sometimes I find myself getting stuck when I try to get deep with him about religion, politics, philosophy, etc. He also sometimes finds things confusing that are so simple to me.
As I said, I never noticed any of this for two years. I know it was the honeymoon stage but I don't think I could miss someone being confused and making irrelevant comments. We go to therapy and I suggested that he get a psychological evaluation but the therapist doesn't think it is necessary. If anything he thinks I should go on OCD meds. Everyday I am more and more upset about this. I want to kill myself but I would never do that. I dream about being in a happier relationship and if I could I would fix things so I didn't feel so distant, detatched, and displeased. I don't know what to do...
Any adviceAny advice to save my marriage?
Yeah. Tell him to email me. I'll take him off your hands, hon., cause I like em kinda dumb.Any advice to save my marriage?
What you focus on expands. He sounds like a great guy. Start writing 5 things a day in a journal before you go to bed about what you love about him. See what happens after a month.
You've had bad luck with guys but this does so much for you. NOBODY';S PERFECT! Choose your battles and be grateful for what he does do/have.
i say that life is tooooo short to be unhappy i think you should get out fast as possible.
wow. sounds like you are just going thru one of the many chapters you will have in your marriage if you plan on staying in it. i am no expert but i have been married 23 years to my hubby and we went thru some stages.i remember a time would i could not stand the way he chewed his food to the way he was breathing while sleeping. if you want your marriage to work you are gonna have to learn to deal with it, by either crackin jokes when he does it or simply just turn the other cheek. by the sounds of it you have a reliable trustworthy husband and now a days that is hard to find. sorry sweetie but you have to take the good with the bad we are all not perfect...my hubby is not the smartest man out there but i like to look at it like we should...behind evry good man is the woman who got him there...good luck and best wishes...just wait next month you will find something else you dont like but you can get thru it
My husband and are the exact same way except i am your hubby and he is you i love him soooo much and i know he loves me too..you know that saying opposites attract? well you attracted at the end of the day i think do i love him and do we share the same morals for our feature and would i really miss him if he was gone the answer is yes and that is hard to find with guys someone who shares the same foundation you said yes to him for a reason when you married him try to find a girlfriend that you can share all of your';important'; subjects with or join a club or blog but nobody else right now will give you the love that he gives you...the kind only a husband knows how
Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You better pump your brakes and slow down.The very first words out of your mouth were how you ALWAYS have bad luck with guys and ALWAYS get hurt by them. Sounds to me like that luck changed 3 years ago FINALLY. Not sure how old you are but starting over gets old its self. Plus, don't sound to me like you have that many good relationships in your memory bank to sit around dreaming about being happier. You need to get your husband to another doctor, something is wrong with him. Then get yourself to the doctor because you are depressed. Before you do either of the above hit your knees and pray for your husband and your marriage. If you leave him, the next man may say all the right things in front of people and beat on you behind closed doors. God Bless and good luck to you.
You might need to go to another therapist because he need an evaluation from what you are describing here. He might have some kind of mental disorder that makes him not remember things. He might even be slow in some aspects of life. What I don't get is that you have a husband that sounds like he loves you very much why wouldn't you want to see him through this if there is a problem. He might not even know that there is something wrong with him. Furthermore if anyone said something upsetting about your spouse you shouldn't even want to be friends with them anymore. The truth of the matter is you have to weigh the pros and the cons. Which ever weighs the most that is what you need to go with. I hope you figure it out. Good luck
This man is your husband. If he has a problem why don't you reach out and support him, as opposed to wanting to run away and selfishly focus on your own needs. This man clearly loves you, if only he could be loved to in the same manner.
You obviously have deep seated issues that need to be discussed with a therapist. You need to come to terms with what you want and what you need. Do you realize in every relationship there will be compromise? It seems the good out way the bad. If you don't get help your gonna lose your good man and spend the rest of your life regretting it.facial
All of these problems make me doubt his ability to be successful and they take away my faith and confidence in him as well as my attraction to him. He is very sweet, my family loves him, he works hard and always takes care of his responsibilities. He is supportive of me and loves me very much. I never noticed any of these things for two years and now I just feel like it is getting worse everyday. I'm afraid of social situations because of what he might say, but no one ever (except one friend) has ever said anything bad about his personality (however my friends and family haven't been around him that much). He is neat and clean, doesn't break a promise to me, helps me with housework and would go out of his way for me in a heartbeat.
I also feel upset because I am a deep, philosophical, imaginative person and he is more take things with a grain of salt and let them roll off your back. Sometimes I find myself getting stuck when I try to get deep with him about religion, politics, philosophy, etc. He also sometimes finds things confusing that are so simple to me.
As I said, I never noticed any of this for two years. I know it was the honeymoon stage but I don't think I could miss someone being confused and making irrelevant comments. We go to therapy and I suggested that he get a psychological evaluation but the therapist doesn't think it is necessary. If anything he thinks I should go on OCD meds. Everyday I am more and more upset about this. I want to kill myself but I would never do that. I dream about being in a happier relationship and if I could I would fix things so I didn't feel so distant, detatched, and displeased. I don't know what to do...
Any adviceAny advice to save my marriage?
Yeah. Tell him to email me. I'll take him off your hands, hon., cause I like em kinda dumb.Any advice to save my marriage?
What you focus on expands. He sounds like a great guy. Start writing 5 things a day in a journal before you go to bed about what you love about him. See what happens after a month.
You've had bad luck with guys but this does so much for you. NOBODY';S PERFECT! Choose your battles and be grateful for what he does do/have.
i say that life is tooooo short to be unhappy i think you should get out fast as possible.
wow. sounds like you are just going thru one of the many chapters you will have in your marriage if you plan on staying in it. i am no expert but i have been married 23 years to my hubby and we went thru some stages.i remember a time would i could not stand the way he chewed his food to the way he was breathing while sleeping. if you want your marriage to work you are gonna have to learn to deal with it, by either crackin jokes when he does it or simply just turn the other cheek. by the sounds of it you have a reliable trustworthy husband and now a days that is hard to find. sorry sweetie but you have to take the good with the bad we are all not perfect...my hubby is not the smartest man out there but i like to look at it like we should...behind evry good man is the woman who got him there...good luck and best wishes...just wait next month you will find something else you dont like but you can get thru it
My husband and are the exact same way except i am your hubby and he is you i love him soooo much and i know he loves me too..you know that saying opposites attract? well you attracted at the end of the day i think do i love him and do we share the same morals for our feature and would i really miss him if he was gone the answer is yes and that is hard to find with guys someone who shares the same foundation you said yes to him for a reason when you married him try to find a girlfriend that you can share all of your';important'; subjects with or join a club or blog but nobody else right now will give you the love that he gives you...the kind only a husband knows how
Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You better pump your brakes and slow down.The very first words out of your mouth were how you ALWAYS have bad luck with guys and ALWAYS get hurt by them. Sounds to me like that luck changed 3 years ago FINALLY. Not sure how old you are but starting over gets old its self. Plus, don't sound to me like you have that many good relationships in your memory bank to sit around dreaming about being happier. You need to get your husband to another doctor, something is wrong with him. Then get yourself to the doctor because you are depressed. Before you do either of the above hit your knees and pray for your husband and your marriage. If you leave him, the next man may say all the right things in front of people and beat on you behind closed doors. God Bless and good luck to you.
You might need to go to another therapist because he need an evaluation from what you are describing here. He might have some kind of mental disorder that makes him not remember things. He might even be slow in some aspects of life. What I don't get is that you have a husband that sounds like he loves you very much why wouldn't you want to see him through this if there is a problem. He might not even know that there is something wrong with him. Furthermore if anyone said something upsetting about your spouse you shouldn't even want to be friends with them anymore. The truth of the matter is you have to weigh the pros and the cons. Which ever weighs the most that is what you need to go with. I hope you figure it out. Good luck
This man is your husband. If he has a problem why don't you reach out and support him, as opposed to wanting to run away and selfishly focus on your own needs. This man clearly loves you, if only he could be loved to in the same manner.
You obviously have deep seated issues that need to be discussed with a therapist. You need to come to terms with what you want and what you need. Do you realize in every relationship there will be compromise? It seems the good out way the bad. If you don't get help your gonna lose your good man and spend the rest of your life regretting it.
Need advice for 4 year marriage.?
My husband and I will be married for 4 years this December. We are going into counseling this month because we've hit some turn around in our marriage. We had our first son just about a year ago, and we haven't been the same since. I think our problems started before that, but have definately gotten worse since the birth of our son.
I can't seem to pinpoint what's bothering me about our relationship, except to say that I feel like I have ';cold feet'; about our future. On our wedding day I was as calm as can be and at this point, I feel like a nervous bride or something. I feel like I can't trust my husband with our future, like he will put his needs before his families. (Needs as in job, not other women.) I'm worried he won't be the type of father I want him to be to our son. Right now, I';m not sure what I want from my husband.
Is this normal or common to feel this way at this early in our marriage? Has anyone felt these things in your marriage and still had a successful one?Need advice for 4 year marriage.?
Yeah it is normal. You the thing with us women are that we spend too much time planning the future and how it should be and what should happen when etc. And we forgot that not everyone thinks like us and not everyone will behave the way we think. So, stop trying to think too much of what it'll be like in the future and how your husband will behave or do etc. Live in the present, see how things are going. Your husband has new responsibilities a kid and he is thinking of the future of the kids and what he wants to give you both etc.
So talk to him about your fears and worries and stop worrying. Things will get better. I experienced it too, but after talking to my husband, things improved. I suggest the same for u. Good luckNeed advice for 4 year marriage.?
i think that you need to talk to him, thats what marriage is all about. talking and communicating. its perfectly normal to feel insecure but you wont be able to get passed it unless you talk about it. Maybe he's waiting on you to make the move here. You have to remember you have control of your son's future just as he does. its going to take both of you together to raise him. You sound like maybe you just have kept things bottled up. LET THEM OUT GIRL....Talk to your hubby. I wish you well. Shannon ;)
All you need is love. You dont need money, or some kind of picture of what you think your future should look like. As long as you and your husband love each other, nothing else matters. You can be happy poor or happy rich as long as you love each other. But if you love money more than your spouse, then things could get shaky. I'm not sure what you are talking about that you cant trust him with your future like maybe he is spending too much time at work? or he is getting into a business that you think wont work and will put you into the poor house?
You need to love your husband so much that if he lost all your money and possessions you would be happy just to sleep next to him in a cardboard box and love him so much that even if a rich man came along and offered you 100 million dollars to leave your husbad, you would not. Once you love him that much and he knows it...everything else falls into place.
At least thats how it works for me %26amp; my wife.
ive been with my man for 5 years and sometimes it may have felt that way but i would say in the beginning never this far into the relationship.. but then again im having my baby on monday so i havent been in ur shoes all the way! im sure that maybe ur scared cuz u dont know what to expect but dont think it may end between u, just take it like this if u pass it u can make it through everything!!
good luck and please answer me!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtYsTX6OSk7Anq8vAikt3Nvsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20081018153142AAV9Ar3
I can't seem to pinpoint what's bothering me about our relationship, except to say that I feel like I have ';cold feet'; about our future. On our wedding day I was as calm as can be and at this point, I feel like a nervous bride or something. I feel like I can't trust my husband with our future, like he will put his needs before his families. (Needs as in job, not other women.) I'm worried he won't be the type of father I want him to be to our son. Right now, I';m not sure what I want from my husband.
Is this normal or common to feel this way at this early in our marriage? Has anyone felt these things in your marriage and still had a successful one?Need advice for 4 year marriage.?
Yeah it is normal. You the thing with us women are that we spend too much time planning the future and how it should be and what should happen when etc. And we forgot that not everyone thinks like us and not everyone will behave the way we think. So, stop trying to think too much of what it'll be like in the future and how your husband will behave or do etc. Live in the present, see how things are going. Your husband has new responsibilities a kid and he is thinking of the future of the kids and what he wants to give you both etc.
So talk to him about your fears and worries and stop worrying. Things will get better. I experienced it too, but after talking to my husband, things improved. I suggest the same for u. Good luckNeed advice for 4 year marriage.?
i think that you need to talk to him, thats what marriage is all about. talking and communicating. its perfectly normal to feel insecure but you wont be able to get passed it unless you talk about it. Maybe he's waiting on you to make the move here. You have to remember you have control of your son's future just as he does. its going to take both of you together to raise him. You sound like maybe you just have kept things bottled up. LET THEM OUT GIRL....Talk to your hubby. I wish you well. Shannon ;)
All you need is love. You dont need money, or some kind of picture of what you think your future should look like. As long as you and your husband love each other, nothing else matters. You can be happy poor or happy rich as long as you love each other. But if you love money more than your spouse, then things could get shaky. I'm not sure what you are talking about that you cant trust him with your future like maybe he is spending too much time at work? or he is getting into a business that you think wont work and will put you into the poor house?
You need to love your husband so much that if he lost all your money and possessions you would be happy just to sleep next to him in a cardboard box and love him so much that even if a rich man came along and offered you 100 million dollars to leave your husbad, you would not. Once you love him that much and he knows it...everything else falls into place.
At least thats how it works for me %26amp; my wife.
ive been with my man for 5 years and sometimes it may have felt that way but i would say in the beginning never this far into the relationship.. but then again im having my baby on monday so i havent been in ur shoes all the way! im sure that maybe ur scared cuz u dont know what to expect but dont think it may end between u, just take it like this if u pass it u can make it through everything!!
good luck and please answer me!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtYsTX6OSk7Anq8vAikt3Nvsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20081018153142AAV9Ar3
Need advice for my friends marriage problems?
My friend found a tex on her husband phone to another women, it was a women he worked with, it was using the same nick name he used for his wife and saying i miss you etc
He says it was just flirting and nothing ever happen and swore he was just being a old fool
His wife and I went to her work and spoke to her she said it was just silly and for fun and she did not think it would cause a problem,she appolagised,said there was nothing happening and she never had a interest other than having a laugh to pass the day in
My friend feels betrayed and does not no if she can trust him any more as she never no for sure there was nothing in it
I do not think anything happen but I not sure encouraging her to go back to her marriage is right either for she will blame me if there stuff comes out later
Can a man just send a tex and have no meaning behind itNeed advice for my friends marriage problems?
Trust in a marriage is hard to achieve in the best of circumstances. When that trust is breached in any way it is difficult to get back, but not impossible.. I think the best advice you can give him is to tell him to give her some space until she is in the right place to try and understand what has happened. It probably has come as a big shock, that this has happened and her mind needs time to process it before she can start to process the facts of the situation.
For her she just needs to be listened to her. Hold off on giving your opinion, even if she asks. Try and help her by asking questions so she can come to a conclusion on her own. Questions like, ';how are you feeling'; ';are you feeling any different now that you have had some time to think?'; stay away from questions like ';Do you think you can ever trust him again?'; ';do you think you are going to stay with him';.
Marriages can bounce back from a lot worse than this. And they can also end for a lot less.
You are doing the right thing. Giving them both an ear that will listen and a shoulder to lean on. I think you should hold off on giving either your opinion on whether or not they should stay together. That is entirely for them to decide as a couple.
Hope that has helped you some.Need advice for my friends marriage problems?
Ask your friend to make decision for herself and take full responsibility for those.. as you have said that you might be blamed later.
However, I might have advised her to ask her husband, what would he feel if his wife sends someone equally racy messages to someone else just for laugh, would not he be pissed of? Similarly, he should understand and respect the reaction of his wife.
Stop getting involved and tell your friend she better learn how to handle her husband.
When u have confronted with both the ppl involved and found nothing contradictory then it clearly shows tht nothing wrong between them and it is jus for time pass..... possible they r close to each other b'coz of the work nature but mentally they wud know tht they have their seperate lives.... so, there is no point to take this matter to make any silly mistake.... we must have to learn to keep our relations live b'coz there r so many factors or circumstances who r already working to create the gap in relations.... I hope, u understand my point.
He says it was just flirting and nothing ever happen and swore he was just being a old fool
His wife and I went to her work and spoke to her she said it was just silly and for fun and she did not think it would cause a problem,she appolagised,said there was nothing happening and she never had a interest other than having a laugh to pass the day in
My friend feels betrayed and does not no if she can trust him any more as she never no for sure there was nothing in it
I do not think anything happen but I not sure encouraging her to go back to her marriage is right either for she will blame me if there stuff comes out later
Can a man just send a tex and have no meaning behind itNeed advice for my friends marriage problems?
Trust in a marriage is hard to achieve in the best of circumstances. When that trust is breached in any way it is difficult to get back, but not impossible.. I think the best advice you can give him is to tell him to give her some space until she is in the right place to try and understand what has happened. It probably has come as a big shock, that this has happened and her mind needs time to process it before she can start to process the facts of the situation.
For her she just needs to be listened to her. Hold off on giving your opinion, even if she asks. Try and help her by asking questions so she can come to a conclusion on her own. Questions like, ';how are you feeling'; ';are you feeling any different now that you have had some time to think?'; stay away from questions like ';Do you think you can ever trust him again?'; ';do you think you are going to stay with him';.
Marriages can bounce back from a lot worse than this. And they can also end for a lot less.
You are doing the right thing. Giving them both an ear that will listen and a shoulder to lean on. I think you should hold off on giving either your opinion on whether or not they should stay together. That is entirely for them to decide as a couple.
Hope that has helped you some.Need advice for my friends marriage problems?
Ask your friend to make decision for herself and take full responsibility for those.. as you have said that you might be blamed later.
However, I might have advised her to ask her husband, what would he feel if his wife sends someone equally racy messages to someone else just for laugh, would not he be pissed of? Similarly, he should understand and respect the reaction of his wife.
Stop getting involved and tell your friend she better learn how to handle her husband.
When u have confronted with both the ppl involved and found nothing contradictory then it clearly shows tht nothing wrong between them and it is jus for time pass..... possible they r close to each other b'coz of the work nature but mentally they wud know tht they have their seperate lives.... so, there is no point to take this matter to make any silly mistake.... we must have to learn to keep our relations live b'coz there r so many factors or circumstances who r already working to create the gap in relations.... I hope, u understand my point.
Any advice for this strange marriage problem?
After 8 months of marriage and a total of two years of being together, I started to notice that my husband is not very intelligent and may have a learning dsability although in school it was never picked up on. He has his strengths, a decent job, and is a really nice guy and wonderful person. He is very calm and patient with me and every time his ignorance surfaces I lose my mind and start crying, even yelling at him and making him feel bad. He always stays calm and forgives me.
I just spent $275 on concert tickets for his b-day (its a surprise) and his friends are driving 5 hours to join us for the concert (they also spent $275 for tickets). This is all happening 3 weeks.
We have fights everyday when he has one of his ';crazy, rediculous, stupid'; moments. He's never mad at me but I'm constantly disappointed with him. I work with kids with learning disabilities and accept and love all of them but I just can't accept this about him. I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to leave him. We've gone to marriage counseling and I've gone to individual counseling. Noting has helped. Does anyone have some advice that can help me?Any advice for this strange marriage problem?
I'm trying to figure out how it took you this long to figure out this about him. I would encourage you to stick it out a little bit longer. Divorce will always be a possibility in the future. You were together over a year before you got married, so it's not like you rushed into things and then got surprised by this. Try to find what you loved about him in the first place. Is it possible that you are depressed or have some anxiety? Maybe you're projecting things on him. By the way, what does the middle paragraph have to do with the other two?
update:
I looked back on your other posts and you've posted similar questions over the course of the last month. You've gotten lots of advice, what exactly are you looking for? Is the answer going to be more clear the more times you hear it? I'm not sure what your motives are here. I'm starting to think that perhaps it is time to end your marriage. It doesn't really sound like you really want to make this marriage work and you may be treating him unfairly. Take care of yourself.Any advice for this strange marriage problem?
The marriage will not work unless you respect each other, and you don't sound like you respect him at all. Shame too, he sounds like a great guy, calm, working, wonderful person. Dump him so someone who truly appreciates him can have him.
What's the deal about the concert? Don't want to lose the money if you leave him? Wow.
turn to Jesus. pray and go to church together. The family that prays together stays together.
ya get out of it... 2 years total is not enough time to get married .... im sure you all can get a refund on the tickets....
my advice is leave him. Why would u be with someone u dont enjoy being around
You are not going to like my answer, but I don't like the way people look at disabilities and mental illness in the world today. Maybe its because of my past experience with it. I was a normal 14 year old teenage girl that was going thru the normal teenage things..such as detaching from parents, liking boys, not wanting to listen to adults like a kid anymore, etc. My parents quickly diagnosed me with ';oppositional defiance disorder.'; They were shoving syringes of liquid prozac down my throat in no time. You have no idea how hurtful this was, and the medication literally made me blank out ages 14 to 17. I can't think of ANY memories during that time that were pleasant, I just remember a lot of confrontation and seeing them as demons or something. I don't know how I talk to them to this day, I am 27 now but still when I think of it, I just want to scream at them and ask them how they could do it to me. The feeling you are having about your husband may or may not have some validity, but diagnosing him with a learning disability is not the right thing to do. He is who he is, and you knew that when you married him. Now you work with disabled kids and think you know something. Its really sad that you feel the need to pin a label on him with the disorder. Love him for who he is and stop looking at him like theres something wrong with him. The way I see it, everyone I have met suffers from one ';disorder'; or another because this society we live in today feels the need to have perfection, well people are who they are, doesn't mean its a disorder.
OK. Let me put some things in perspective for you.
1) You're crazy!
2) He knows you're crazy.
3) You know exactly what's wrong with your relationship.
I went to your profile and read all of your questions. Of 38 questions all but 4 or 5 of them are similar to this. All you seem to do is complain about him. That's probably the reason he's so calm and doesn't let anything you do get a rise out of him. His brain is numb from hearing you for so long and he is now deaf!
I can only imagine what the two of you argue about. One of your questions was something about unicorns being real. Are you serious? You are aware that they are fictional creatures, right? You probably told him they were real.
You get mad at him because he doesn't want to play Guitar Hero? Really? He doesn't want to play a freaking video game, and it makes you mad? Well maybe that's one of the questions you should have asked him when you were chatting on the internet.
I have so much more I could say to you but I'll leave it at this:
1) Stay in therapy for you. That's why his Dr told him he didn't need the meds. He doesn't! You might need a few though.
2) You keep asking should you leave him. Yes. Leave him and allow him the chance to find somebody who will appreciate the nice guy you say he is, but only complain about.
3) You didn't notice the stupid things about him because you were probably so desperate for a man you took the first one that came along. You didn't want to see them. All the newlywed phase means is- there's not much talking going on to know he's an idiot, because we spend so much time in bed.
Grow up and let the man go. You don't deserve him.
I just spent $275 on concert tickets for his b-day (its a surprise) and his friends are driving 5 hours to join us for the concert (they also spent $275 for tickets). This is all happening 3 weeks.
We have fights everyday when he has one of his ';crazy, rediculous, stupid'; moments. He's never mad at me but I'm constantly disappointed with him. I work with kids with learning disabilities and accept and love all of them but I just can't accept this about him. I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to leave him. We've gone to marriage counseling and I've gone to individual counseling. Noting has helped. Does anyone have some advice that can help me?Any advice for this strange marriage problem?
I'm trying to figure out how it took you this long to figure out this about him. I would encourage you to stick it out a little bit longer. Divorce will always be a possibility in the future. You were together over a year before you got married, so it's not like you rushed into things and then got surprised by this. Try to find what you loved about him in the first place. Is it possible that you are depressed or have some anxiety? Maybe you're projecting things on him. By the way, what does the middle paragraph have to do with the other two?
update:
I looked back on your other posts and you've posted similar questions over the course of the last month. You've gotten lots of advice, what exactly are you looking for? Is the answer going to be more clear the more times you hear it? I'm not sure what your motives are here. I'm starting to think that perhaps it is time to end your marriage. It doesn't really sound like you really want to make this marriage work and you may be treating him unfairly. Take care of yourself.Any advice for this strange marriage problem?
The marriage will not work unless you respect each other, and you don't sound like you respect him at all. Shame too, he sounds like a great guy, calm, working, wonderful person. Dump him so someone who truly appreciates him can have him.
What's the deal about the concert? Don't want to lose the money if you leave him? Wow.
turn to Jesus. pray and go to church together. The family that prays together stays together.
ya get out of it... 2 years total is not enough time to get married .... im sure you all can get a refund on the tickets....
my advice is leave him. Why would u be with someone u dont enjoy being around
You are not going to like my answer, but I don't like the way people look at disabilities and mental illness in the world today. Maybe its because of my past experience with it. I was a normal 14 year old teenage girl that was going thru the normal teenage things..such as detaching from parents, liking boys, not wanting to listen to adults like a kid anymore, etc. My parents quickly diagnosed me with ';oppositional defiance disorder.'; They were shoving syringes of liquid prozac down my throat in no time. You have no idea how hurtful this was, and the medication literally made me blank out ages 14 to 17. I can't think of ANY memories during that time that were pleasant, I just remember a lot of confrontation and seeing them as demons or something. I don't know how I talk to them to this day, I am 27 now but still when I think of it, I just want to scream at them and ask them how they could do it to me. The feeling you are having about your husband may or may not have some validity, but diagnosing him with a learning disability is not the right thing to do. He is who he is, and you knew that when you married him. Now you work with disabled kids and think you know something. Its really sad that you feel the need to pin a label on him with the disorder. Love him for who he is and stop looking at him like theres something wrong with him. The way I see it, everyone I have met suffers from one ';disorder'; or another because this society we live in today feels the need to have perfection, well people are who they are, doesn't mean its a disorder.
OK. Let me put some things in perspective for you.
1) You're crazy!
2) He knows you're crazy.
3) You know exactly what's wrong with your relationship.
I went to your profile and read all of your questions. Of 38 questions all but 4 or 5 of them are similar to this. All you seem to do is complain about him. That's probably the reason he's so calm and doesn't let anything you do get a rise out of him. His brain is numb from hearing you for so long and he is now deaf!
I can only imagine what the two of you argue about. One of your questions was something about unicorns being real. Are you serious? You are aware that they are fictional creatures, right? You probably told him they were real.
You get mad at him because he doesn't want to play Guitar Hero? Really? He doesn't want to play a freaking video game, and it makes you mad? Well maybe that's one of the questions you should have asked him when you were chatting on the internet.
I have so much more I could say to you but I'll leave it at this:
1) Stay in therapy for you. That's why his Dr told him he didn't need the meds. He doesn't! You might need a few though.
2) You keep asking should you leave him. Yes. Leave him and allow him the chance to find somebody who will appreciate the nice guy you say he is, but only complain about.
3) You didn't notice the stupid things about him because you were probably so desperate for a man you took the first one that came along. You didn't want to see them. All the newlywed phase means is- there's not much talking going on to know he's an idiot, because we spend so much time in bed.
Grow up and let the man go. You don't deserve him.
Immediate advice on an Uncertain Marriage!?
My brother (sorta like my brother but we're not really blood connected) told my mother he had some good news for her. We're guessing that he wants to tell us that he's getting married to the girl he has been dating for 3 to 6 months. I'm happy for him for what I know so far, she's a pretty nice girl.
Yet my mom (who had been taking care of him since his mom died and his dad ignores him) is unsure. She heard some information about his girlfriend from a very close friend that we've known for years. The girl has been with other guys and known to have multiple lovers. Even one of our other friends who gave a sermon to her group heard some things going about her, surprisingly enough. The girl's mother is pushing my mother into getting the two married, my mom found that very rude but didn't say anything. She's not his real mother and that decision should only be made between the two.
Now my ';brother'; has always been afraid to get into relationships and here comes the girl of his dreams but we're not sure if she's the one for them and maybe they're rushing too fast.
Should we tell him about what we've heard and tell them to go a little slower in their relationship, don't tell him and make him go through a possible bad marriage like most other people in my family including my mom, or just butt out of the business and give them our blessings (it's not our business)?
Please give me advice on what my mom should tell him!Immediate advice on an Uncertain Marriage!?
tell the man the truth now,no need to hide this important information.Immediate advice on an Uncertain Marriage!?
Love is blind. We don't see wrong things with the people we love and we sure don't believe what is told to us. Maybe you should have a talk with her. A nice talk. Tell her how you feel about her but that you have some things that you need to get off your chest. Things you ';hear'; aren't always necessarily true. After you talk with her then let it go. And by the way...what is the big rush. People in love seem to think they HAVE to get married. They need to spend at least a year together. At that point they will know how they really feel.
So, because she has had other sexual partners in the past, there's something wrong with her and she's not good enough for your brother? That's ridiculous. I suppose your brother is a virgin with a halo strapped to his skull then huh?
Yet my mom (who had been taking care of him since his mom died and his dad ignores him) is unsure. She heard some information about his girlfriend from a very close friend that we've known for years. The girl has been with other guys and known to have multiple lovers. Even one of our other friends who gave a sermon to her group heard some things going about her, surprisingly enough. The girl's mother is pushing my mother into getting the two married, my mom found that very rude but didn't say anything. She's not his real mother and that decision should only be made between the two.
Now my ';brother'; has always been afraid to get into relationships and here comes the girl of his dreams but we're not sure if she's the one for them and maybe they're rushing too fast.
Should we tell him about what we've heard and tell them to go a little slower in their relationship, don't tell him and make him go through a possible bad marriage like most other people in my family including my mom, or just butt out of the business and give them our blessings (it's not our business)?
Please give me advice on what my mom should tell him!Immediate advice on an Uncertain Marriage!?
tell the man the truth now,no need to hide this important information.Immediate advice on an Uncertain Marriage!?
Love is blind. We don't see wrong things with the people we love and we sure don't believe what is told to us. Maybe you should have a talk with her. A nice talk. Tell her how you feel about her but that you have some things that you need to get off your chest. Things you ';hear'; aren't always necessarily true. After you talk with her then let it go. And by the way...what is the big rush. People in love seem to think they HAVE to get married. They need to spend at least a year together. At that point they will know how they really feel.
So, because she has had other sexual partners in the past, there's something wrong with her and she's not good enough for your brother? That's ridiculous. I suppose your brother is a virgin with a halo strapped to his skull then huh?
Advice on child before marriage?
I'm a very mature 21 year old, i'll be 22 this year and my partner of 3 years is 25 in a few months. I've finished full schooling and have just completed a trade and my partner is a tradesman too, we bought our first house 6 months ago and just recently got engaged. Since a very young age i've been strongly maternal and cant wait for the day we hav a baby of our own, we've been talking aboutt our wedding and whether we should wait but we really really both want a baby, and think it would be nice if our baby was included in our wedding? anyone in similar situations or have any advice? at our age and situation do you think we would be shunned upon by others for not waiting? i know its our decision please dont just write that backAdvice on child before marriage?
Hi. You indeed do sound like a mature 21 year old and it seems like you have got it together! If the two of you are completely comfortable with it, I wouldn't be too concerned about what others think, unless of course if your families are very strict and against having children before marriage and if they are..will it be a big issue and cause any heartache as far as your immediate families are concerned? That's really the only other people that I would take into consideration because these people are the ones you have to live with and their opinions should be the only ones that really have an impact on your decision. In today's world, having children before marriage is so very common that most people don't even give it a second thought. With your age and with the fact that you seem to really have your lives together and your apparent level of maturity, I would think it would perfectly fine and acceptable to do this if you wish. I had my oldest son after marriage, and his father was killed in a motorcycle wreck when our son was 4 and one half years old. I didn't re-marry for 12 years but was in a nine year relationship and have a son from this relationship. I am no longer with my youngest son's father and did re-marry a few years after that relationship ended. My oldest son was 16 by this time and he walked me down the isle, my youngest was to walk down the aisle as ring bearer but something came up with his father and unfortunately he wasn't able to attend(that broke my heart), but it was so special to have my son walk me down the aisle even though my father is still living and we have a good relationship, he understood and it was a beautiful ceremony with the exception of the absence of my youngest son. I see no reason why anyone should or would shun you for not waiting. It is your family and your life. Do you think you would feel completely comfortable when your child is older and you are explaining the situation to him/her? It's all about your morals and values and I am not judging you in any way by saying that, I am just saying depending on how you plan to raise your child/children and if you think that this is something that you would give them your blessing on if they were to want to do the same thing years from now when they decide to marry and have children themselves, then I wouldn't see any reason not to do it the way you want. If you ask yourself this question and you think that you might not be completely comfortable seeing your own child do this in the future, then you might want to give it some more thought. So, I guess I am saying that the most important things to take into consideration are your beliefs and the beliefs and values as far as marriage and children are concerned and the way you intend to bestow these on your children in the future..to me, that would probably help me in trying to decide if this is what is right for you. Sometimes I'm not great at putting my thoughts into words..hope you can make sense of what I'm trying to say especially since I just woke up! lol But seriously, I do wish you the very best whatever you decide and personally I think either way is perfectly acceptable as long as it doesn't interfere with your beliefs or your immediate family's. Good luck to you and I know you will be a wonderful mother..it's so good to see someone your age that seems to have their lives so ';together'; at such a young age..sounds like your parents done something right!Advice on child before marriage?
If you have to ask the question, then you are not ready.
if u want a child just make sure u can provide and there is no book that comes along u will b fine
You guys seem like a really nice couple and the fact that both of you really want kids is great. However, I think that it would be best if you waited. I am only 17 and I LOVE babies and CAN';T WAIT to have one of my own. Everytime I see a baby I just want to go over and pick it up and I always love being around them. I mean I have more fun with my brothers 9 year old friends than I do with my own friends. I just really love kids! I would love to have a lot one day but although I wish that day was soon I know I have to wait. And although I really really really want a baby I know that if I got one now I could be ruining my life. That might not be the case for you but just wait until you are married and settled. Things will be a lot easier for both of you guys and your child that way. I know it sucks to wait but it is the right thing to do. Also, I don't know if you and your fiancee have slept together yet but if you haven't then good for you guys! I think it is really great to save yourself for marriage. It makes the first time something really special, or at least I believe it does. Good luck with your decision and congratulations on the engagement =).
If you get married when you are 3 months pregnant, the baby will be there with you at the wedding, only inside you. Wishing you best luck. You both sound like a very nice couple.
You know I am 21 also and I just got engaged on Christmas,%26amp; he's 29,big age difference but anyways,we had planned on getting married this coming year,in Feb or March but turns out last Wed. I just found out i was pregnant,so unexspected but now we have to deal with it and the responsibility,but anyways what im saying is its best if you get married first and then think about having a child, it would be best for you and your mate.
Hi
What people will think depends on the attitudes of the people where you live. BUT please consider your partner's opinions on you getting pregnant - have you discussed it with him? Because you seem very sure of what you want from life and you should check this is what he wants too - you wouldn't want it to end badly because you rushed into things. I am 23 and think 21 is too young - go out and enjoy yourself while you still can
im 22, i have a 6 month old girl and am 11 and a half weeks pregnant. i would love for my children to be included at my wedding...i think it would be beautiful. none of my friends or family are concerned about us not being married so i dont have to worry about anyone judging us in that way. it wouldnt be fair. im the happiest person in the world and i wouldnt have it any other way!
Condsider this also, there are many social and legal benefits to marriage. What if something were to happen (god forbid) during your pregnancy and your boyfriend has no legal say in your treatment. What if things are changed drastically during your pregnancy like your ability to get along and come to basic agreements. Marriage is more than a piece of paper. You will know this when you look into your husbands eyes for the first time and you try to make that baby : )
Good luck to you, it sounds like you are ready for it all!!!
Wait.
It has nothing to do with any moral opinion I hold about having kids for marriage, but a purely practical one. Give yourself a year of marriage before bringing a kid into the picture. That gives you time to get established in your career, settle into your new home and have a year out of school to do what you want to do. You're both young and if you wait one year it won't make you old parents...
But if you're ready do it... it really depends on you. I'm just giving my two cents.
I had a baby before marriage and I dont think it is shunned upon. More and more people are doing it now and it is more rare to get married first. I see marriage as just a piece of paper and I dont think it makes much difference. Go with your heart
I am 18 with a 5 month old i have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 3 years as well, we are not married, its just to much for a nice wedding these days, and i have always wanted a nice wedding, so we have waited, we are saving the money in the bank for a wedding as aposed to credit cards that way unless i want to wait untill im 30 to have a baby then i should have one now, and that ensures a nice wedding and a baby old enough to throw petals or carry a ring down the isle for me, i will probably have another before i get married and it shouldnt be looked down upon, spec since your child has every right to be included in your wedding day, the only downside is a babysitter when you go on your honeymoon ;) if you want your bubby now go for it dont let ONE day spoil it for you...
I'm 23, have 2 kids and am looking at getting married in December this year. I can't wait to have my boys as part of the ceremony, as it's not just me and my fiancee pledging a life together, it includes our kids too.
There is always a traditionalist around that will look down on you for having children before marriage, but I honestly haven't had many problems with others.
Hi. You indeed do sound like a mature 21 year old and it seems like you have got it together! If the two of you are completely comfortable with it, I wouldn't be too concerned about what others think, unless of course if your families are very strict and against having children before marriage and if they are..will it be a big issue and cause any heartache as far as your immediate families are concerned? That's really the only other people that I would take into consideration because these people are the ones you have to live with and their opinions should be the only ones that really have an impact on your decision. In today's world, having children before marriage is so very common that most people don't even give it a second thought. With your age and with the fact that you seem to really have your lives together and your apparent level of maturity, I would think it would perfectly fine and acceptable to do this if you wish. I had my oldest son after marriage, and his father was killed in a motorcycle wreck when our son was 4 and one half years old. I didn't re-marry for 12 years but was in a nine year relationship and have a son from this relationship. I am no longer with my youngest son's father and did re-marry a few years after that relationship ended. My oldest son was 16 by this time and he walked me down the isle, my youngest was to walk down the aisle as ring bearer but something came up with his father and unfortunately he wasn't able to attend(that broke my heart), but it was so special to have my son walk me down the aisle even though my father is still living and we have a good relationship, he understood and it was a beautiful ceremony with the exception of the absence of my youngest son. I see no reason why anyone should or would shun you for not waiting. It is your family and your life. Do you think you would feel completely comfortable when your child is older and you are explaining the situation to him/her? It's all about your morals and values and I am not judging you in any way by saying that, I am just saying depending on how you plan to raise your child/children and if you think that this is something that you would give them your blessing on if they were to want to do the same thing years from now when they decide to marry and have children themselves, then I wouldn't see any reason not to do it the way you want. If you ask yourself this question and you think that you might not be completely comfortable seeing your own child do this in the future, then you might want to give it some more thought. So, I guess I am saying that the most important things to take into consideration are your beliefs and the beliefs and values as far as marriage and children are concerned and the way you intend to bestow these on your children in the future..to me, that would probably help me in trying to decide if this is what is right for you. Sometimes I'm not great at putting my thoughts into words..hope you can make sense of what I'm trying to say especially since I just woke up! lol But seriously, I do wish you the very best whatever you decide and personally I think either way is perfectly acceptable as long as it doesn't interfere with your beliefs or your immediate family's. Good luck to you and I know you will be a wonderful mother..it's so good to see someone your age that seems to have their lives so ';together'; at such a young age..sounds like your parents done something right!Advice on child before marriage?
If you have to ask the question, then you are not ready.
if u want a child just make sure u can provide and there is no book that comes along u will b fine
You guys seem like a really nice couple and the fact that both of you really want kids is great. However, I think that it would be best if you waited. I am only 17 and I LOVE babies and CAN';T WAIT to have one of my own. Everytime I see a baby I just want to go over and pick it up and I always love being around them. I mean I have more fun with my brothers 9 year old friends than I do with my own friends. I just really love kids! I would love to have a lot one day but although I wish that day was soon I know I have to wait. And although I really really really want a baby I know that if I got one now I could be ruining my life. That might not be the case for you but just wait until you are married and settled. Things will be a lot easier for both of you guys and your child that way. I know it sucks to wait but it is the right thing to do. Also, I don't know if you and your fiancee have slept together yet but if you haven't then good for you guys! I think it is really great to save yourself for marriage. It makes the first time something really special, or at least I believe it does. Good luck with your decision and congratulations on the engagement =).
If you get married when you are 3 months pregnant, the baby will be there with you at the wedding, only inside you. Wishing you best luck. You both sound like a very nice couple.
You know I am 21 also and I just got engaged on Christmas,%26amp; he's 29,big age difference but anyways,we had planned on getting married this coming year,in Feb or March but turns out last Wed. I just found out i was pregnant,so unexspected but now we have to deal with it and the responsibility,but anyways what im saying is its best if you get married first and then think about having a child, it would be best for you and your mate.
Hi
What people will think depends on the attitudes of the people where you live. BUT please consider your partner's opinions on you getting pregnant - have you discussed it with him? Because you seem very sure of what you want from life and you should check this is what he wants too - you wouldn't want it to end badly because you rushed into things. I am 23 and think 21 is too young - go out and enjoy yourself while you still can
im 22, i have a 6 month old girl and am 11 and a half weeks pregnant. i would love for my children to be included at my wedding...i think it would be beautiful. none of my friends or family are concerned about us not being married so i dont have to worry about anyone judging us in that way. it wouldnt be fair. im the happiest person in the world and i wouldnt have it any other way!
Condsider this also, there are many social and legal benefits to marriage. What if something were to happen (god forbid) during your pregnancy and your boyfriend has no legal say in your treatment. What if things are changed drastically during your pregnancy like your ability to get along and come to basic agreements. Marriage is more than a piece of paper. You will know this when you look into your husbands eyes for the first time and you try to make that baby : )
Good luck to you, it sounds like you are ready for it all!!!
Wait.
It has nothing to do with any moral opinion I hold about having kids for marriage, but a purely practical one. Give yourself a year of marriage before bringing a kid into the picture. That gives you time to get established in your career, settle into your new home and have a year out of school to do what you want to do. You're both young and if you wait one year it won't make you old parents...
But if you're ready do it... it really depends on you. I'm just giving my two cents.
I had a baby before marriage and I dont think it is shunned upon. More and more people are doing it now and it is more rare to get married first. I see marriage as just a piece of paper and I dont think it makes much difference. Go with your heart
I am 18 with a 5 month old i have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 3 years as well, we are not married, its just to much for a nice wedding these days, and i have always wanted a nice wedding, so we have waited, we are saving the money in the bank for a wedding as aposed to credit cards that way unless i want to wait untill im 30 to have a baby then i should have one now, and that ensures a nice wedding and a baby old enough to throw petals or carry a ring down the isle for me, i will probably have another before i get married and it shouldnt be looked down upon, spec since your child has every right to be included in your wedding day, the only downside is a babysitter when you go on your honeymoon ;) if you want your bubby now go for it dont let ONE day spoil it for you...
I'm 23, have 2 kids and am looking at getting married in December this year. I can't wait to have my boys as part of the ceremony, as it's not just me and my fiancee pledging a life together, it includes our kids too.
There is always a traditionalist around that will look down on you for having children before marriage, but I honestly haven't had many problems with others.
Advice needed For my Marriage?
Me and my girlfriend are in love for the past 6 yrs. we both are in good job. The problem is her parents do not accept our love. Attempts to make our both parents to meet had ended in clash. Her Parents are not ready to take this matter furthur. But i cant loose her(ofcource she too doesnt want to loose me) but at the same she doesnt want to loose her parents.
Her father hates love marriage and inter-caste marriage.
I have fixed a final meeting with her father to discuss about marriage (in 2 weeks). But iam not sure what points to discuss with him so that he accepts. And what should i do if he insults me. Any Advice will be great.Advice needed For my Marriage?
The first thing you're going to do is look him straight in the eye and tell him why you are there. You may want to throw in a compliment with how well she turned out. After all, he did help raise her.
Next talk about your plans for the future and how they seem to be what she wants as well. Ask him directly, ';Is there anything that makes you apprehensive about us getting married?';. Be ready for his answer and come back strong with a positive response. Nothing negative, but confident in your ability to fulfill her needs and make her happy.
When you're done he might still not have given you his blessings, but you will have made an impact. Hopefully he goes to her and gives the blessings to her.
Good Luck.Advice needed For my Marriage?
nothing can come in between true love and if your parents or her parents doesn't agree with then that's their problem. you shell tell him how you feel about her and if he still doesn't agrees with then you tell him that you and your fiance are grown up people who can make decisions about how your life's its going to be... they might not like it but they gonna have to learn to deal with it.
Try your each %26amp; every efforts to convey them. I think that will be the only way to get married
As per my experience at some point of time, you need your parents, though you may keep her happy for whole life. She will miss parents on any ocassion. I think its better marriage should be with the consent of parents only. You want to make her happy for sure, but emotionally even if she moves out with you, but something will be missing always. If he insults you even then also you don't utter a work, because sometimes small bad words from the young ones creates a very bad scene. Have patience, may be you wait for some more years. All the best.
Here is the best advice I can give to you from a outsiders stand point. Her family has issues with the two of you being joined as man and wife (problem #1), the fact that both of your parents do not want to get together to even meet (problem #2) and lastly your fiance doesn't want to lose her parents, when she supposedly wants to be married to you (problem #3). I think you need to revisit the fact of is this really the best thing for the both of you even though you want to be together there has to be a separation of character. Do you understand? Maybe you need to not be so interested in trying to influence or make them like you (including your fiance, either she want you or she doesn't), wait a little while longer. The meeting of her dad to ask for her hand in marriage won't do you any good at this point (your fiance isn't ready to be your wife). I'm sorry to be so blunt but you need to hear the truth before you get yourself tied down to a woman who is more worried about hurting mommy and daddy than becoming your wife. She may not be the one for you or she needs to grow up some. Merry Christmas and good luck!
move on. i think that your not trustworthy so get lost. her father sees right through your little scheme
I think first of all your g/f should list out what good qualities you carry. She should be able to identify enough proof why she will be happy with you then any one else. Secondly It will be her first responsibility to convince her parents why she wants to marry you. You may give any numbers of promises but they will not be heard by her parents and they will think they are just false promises. Before you justify marrying her she need to justify marrying you. I am sure they will listen to her more then they listen to you. As you said they are objecting the marriage they have already created a biased opinion and attitude towards you. You can stand strongly in favour of marriage but by you pushing the issue their bias will become more strong then weak. If required find some common family friend or find some one from her family who is convinced about your marriage,that person can be a intermediator and help resolve the issue. Direct confrontation will only create more bitter relationship. Any way after marriage they are going to be your in-laws. You need to respect them as you respect your parents and will be part of your family. Do not rush for marriage by over stepping them it will only create further bitterness between the two families and your to-be-wife will have to pay the price for such move. You list your future plans but put them through your g/f to her parents. You need to discuss all your future plans with her and make a joint efforts for marriage. You are not only marrying she is marrying too, let her do her job you just support her getting her parents convinced for your marriage. I am sure they will be at your marriage blessing you and their daughter.
God Bless You.
Does she knows you are asking this Q on the blog, inform her and let her also know the answers you got it will increase her faith and confidence in you and your bonding will be stronger, she may at the last leave her parents and come to you with out hesitation.
Rest you are Free birdies go and have a happy married life.
The Bible says that when you marry you leave your mother %26amp; father a the two of you become one person. You form a new family. I don't know what kind of society or religious issues you are dealing with here but in my world even if the parent's are hesitant at first they can be won over after the marriage when they see the true love and intentions of the man. This is especially true when grandkids come along. God has a way of softening their hearts. I pray God will give you peace and guidance regarding this important decision in your life. God bless you!
well i dk since i nvr been ir REAL love but i wish u good luck and hope everything goes fine...
rember love conqures*sp* all
=)
Tell him that you and your girlfriend will get married with or without his blessing.
well the question is are you gonna risk true love over parents? Do what your instincts say! REMEMBER: you are marrying her not her father!
immiediatly you may (both ) meat marriege counsiler in you town/city they will help you or if your HINDU you may go to ARYA SAMAJ MANDIR in your city they will help you. thank u
any thing he does you will have to accept it . you can only convince him how well you both will be after marraige and how will you take care of every thing
Sounds like your culture does the prearranged marriage thing.....move to the US where anyone can marry (and divorce) anyone.
Good luck
love her as much as u can. that she can cope up with out her parents.
Force marriages some times do result in failures. If she loves her parents too much then she wont be able to live a peaceful and full of love life... It is also important what your own parents say in this matter. If you really love her and she too loves you very much then you must keep trying to convince her parents. AND SAY to them that you both will marry only each other but with their blessings otherwise you both will remain unmarried. Tell them that without their blessings there will be no meaning to life. The girl must also tell her parents that she won't marry any other person. IF YOU BOTH truly love each other then do not think of marrying agains her parents wishes, at least for now. DO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE IN BOTH THE FAMILIES AGREE AND CONVINCED TO MAKE AN OPINION IN YOUR FAVOUR. AND THEN ALL OF YOU, WIN OVER HER PARENTS...
Hi AKBoy,
Good thing to know you are pretty serious about getting a Life Partner whom you love and also going forward for the same in a Good manner by approaching Parents and discussing and sorting out with them.
Now coming to your Question:
1)You have not mentioned your Parents point of view in the whole matter.
2)About what all you need to discuss with her Father:
a) Does he love his daughter or not ?
b) Would he like to see her leading a Happy life with you?
c) Does ruining you life(by refusing his daughter in marriage to you) give him some Satisfaction ?
d) Did you both make a mistake by asking for their Approval(rather than actually getting marrried and then informing them)?
e) Does he think his Daughter is gonna be Happy if she married someone whom he chose for her?
f) Let him know that both you and she loves and respects them and hence you are seeking their permission and blessings to go ahead and get married.
Now incase all the above answers are given in Negative, what should your approach be are as follows:
1) Discuss with your parents and find out what is their opinion.
2) Incase they support your decision, discuss with her what is her requirement and opinion.
3) Only if she agrees in full that she wants to go away from her family should you approach the matter further because else in some cases people are depressed for life.
4) Know that incase she plans to walk out with you ignoring her family fully, you need to fully support her in all scenarios(good,happy,sad or bad) because she does not have her own family to fall back on as in other cases.
5) An after thought while making all your decision think about you being a Parent and your child asking you the same questions(or undergoing a similar scenario)
Planning will be easier and answers will be better in that manner.
Wish you all the Best for whatever the Outcome.
All the above statements are my point of view and you can defer with the same.
Tell both sets of parents that you are getting married and they should get over themselves and accept it. If not thats a big part of their childs life that unfortunatly they won't be a part of and if they have no love for your other half then they won't be able to love a grandchild made between the two of you. If he insults you then politly say that you regret the way he feels, get up and leave. It will make a bigger point to him if you don't sink to that level.
If both are Indians %26amp; above 18 then no need of fear.
Just put your final decision before them and do whatever you both want.
In India the love marriage is permitted provided both must be above 18.
In your case you both are working, so no fear of economic crisis also.
Move.
Go %26amp; directly say that you want to marry with heart %26amp; not for sexual use only.
Tell him what YOU want. Like....you want your wife to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen....that ought to make him happy.
I wish you but down what are the cultures you and gfs family are.
but if you and your gf have been together for the past 6 years and he still didn't give in, I don't think he will change his mind in 2 weeks.
the best way to go around it is to be friend him and learn the culture he is accustom too try to make your self one of them (i matter of speaking)
Let him know that you are a part of his family and your not going any were.
Make sure your gf soon to be wife are on the same page, is she going to be OK with the fact her dad may not talk to her any more?
And in the end let him know that with are with out them you are going to get married.
sometimes they will come around and sometimes they won't.facial
Her father hates love marriage and inter-caste marriage.
I have fixed a final meeting with her father to discuss about marriage (in 2 weeks). But iam not sure what points to discuss with him so that he accepts. And what should i do if he insults me. Any Advice will be great.Advice needed For my Marriage?
The first thing you're going to do is look him straight in the eye and tell him why you are there. You may want to throw in a compliment with how well she turned out. After all, he did help raise her.
Next talk about your plans for the future and how they seem to be what she wants as well. Ask him directly, ';Is there anything that makes you apprehensive about us getting married?';. Be ready for his answer and come back strong with a positive response. Nothing negative, but confident in your ability to fulfill her needs and make her happy.
When you're done he might still not have given you his blessings, but you will have made an impact. Hopefully he goes to her and gives the blessings to her.
Good Luck.Advice needed For my Marriage?
nothing can come in between true love and if your parents or her parents doesn't agree with then that's their problem. you shell tell him how you feel about her and if he still doesn't agrees with then you tell him that you and your fiance are grown up people who can make decisions about how your life's its going to be... they might not like it but they gonna have to learn to deal with it.
Try your each %26amp; every efforts to convey them. I think that will be the only way to get married
As per my experience at some point of time, you need your parents, though you may keep her happy for whole life. She will miss parents on any ocassion. I think its better marriage should be with the consent of parents only. You want to make her happy for sure, but emotionally even if she moves out with you, but something will be missing always. If he insults you even then also you don't utter a work, because sometimes small bad words from the young ones creates a very bad scene. Have patience, may be you wait for some more years. All the best.
Here is the best advice I can give to you from a outsiders stand point. Her family has issues with the two of you being joined as man and wife (problem #1), the fact that both of your parents do not want to get together to even meet (problem #2) and lastly your fiance doesn't want to lose her parents, when she supposedly wants to be married to you (problem #3). I think you need to revisit the fact of is this really the best thing for the both of you even though you want to be together there has to be a separation of character. Do you understand? Maybe you need to not be so interested in trying to influence or make them like you (including your fiance, either she want you or she doesn't), wait a little while longer. The meeting of her dad to ask for her hand in marriage won't do you any good at this point (your fiance isn't ready to be your wife). I'm sorry to be so blunt but you need to hear the truth before you get yourself tied down to a woman who is more worried about hurting mommy and daddy than becoming your wife. She may not be the one for you or she needs to grow up some. Merry Christmas and good luck!
move on. i think that your not trustworthy so get lost. her father sees right through your little scheme
I think first of all your g/f should list out what good qualities you carry. She should be able to identify enough proof why she will be happy with you then any one else. Secondly It will be her first responsibility to convince her parents why she wants to marry you. You may give any numbers of promises but they will not be heard by her parents and they will think they are just false promises. Before you justify marrying her she need to justify marrying you. I am sure they will listen to her more then they listen to you. As you said they are objecting the marriage they have already created a biased opinion and attitude towards you. You can stand strongly in favour of marriage but by you pushing the issue their bias will become more strong then weak. If required find some common family friend or find some one from her family who is convinced about your marriage,that person can be a intermediator and help resolve the issue. Direct confrontation will only create more bitter relationship. Any way after marriage they are going to be your in-laws. You need to respect them as you respect your parents and will be part of your family. Do not rush for marriage by over stepping them it will only create further bitterness between the two families and your to-be-wife will have to pay the price for such move. You list your future plans but put them through your g/f to her parents. You need to discuss all your future plans with her and make a joint efforts for marriage. You are not only marrying she is marrying too, let her do her job you just support her getting her parents convinced for your marriage. I am sure they will be at your marriage blessing you and their daughter.
God Bless You.
Does she knows you are asking this Q on the blog, inform her and let her also know the answers you got it will increase her faith and confidence in you and your bonding will be stronger, she may at the last leave her parents and come to you with out hesitation.
Rest you are Free birdies go and have a happy married life.
The Bible says that when you marry you leave your mother %26amp; father a the two of you become one person. You form a new family. I don't know what kind of society or religious issues you are dealing with here but in my world even if the parent's are hesitant at first they can be won over after the marriage when they see the true love and intentions of the man. This is especially true when grandkids come along. God has a way of softening their hearts. I pray God will give you peace and guidance regarding this important decision in your life. God bless you!
well i dk since i nvr been ir REAL love but i wish u good luck and hope everything goes fine...
rember love conqures*sp* all
=)
Tell him that you and your girlfriend will get married with or without his blessing.
well the question is are you gonna risk true love over parents? Do what your instincts say! REMEMBER: you are marrying her not her father!
immiediatly you may (both ) meat marriege counsiler in you town/city they will help you or if your HINDU you may go to ARYA SAMAJ MANDIR in your city they will help you. thank u
any thing he does you will have to accept it . you can only convince him how well you both will be after marraige and how will you take care of every thing
Sounds like your culture does the prearranged marriage thing.....move to the US where anyone can marry (and divorce) anyone.
Good luck
love her as much as u can. that she can cope up with out her parents.
Force marriages some times do result in failures. If she loves her parents too much then she wont be able to live a peaceful and full of love life... It is also important what your own parents say in this matter. If you really love her and she too loves you very much then you must keep trying to convince her parents. AND SAY to them that you both will marry only each other but with their blessings otherwise you both will remain unmarried. Tell them that without their blessings there will be no meaning to life. The girl must also tell her parents that she won't marry any other person. IF YOU BOTH truly love each other then do not think of marrying agains her parents wishes, at least for now. DO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE IN BOTH THE FAMILIES AGREE AND CONVINCED TO MAKE AN OPINION IN YOUR FAVOUR. AND THEN ALL OF YOU, WIN OVER HER PARENTS...
Hi AKBoy,
Good thing to know you are pretty serious about getting a Life Partner whom you love and also going forward for the same in a Good manner by approaching Parents and discussing and sorting out with them.
Now coming to your Question:
1)You have not mentioned your Parents point of view in the whole matter.
2)About what all you need to discuss with her Father:
a) Does he love his daughter or not ?
b) Would he like to see her leading a Happy life with you?
c) Does ruining you life(by refusing his daughter in marriage to you) give him some Satisfaction ?
d) Did you both make a mistake by asking for their Approval(rather than actually getting marrried and then informing them)?
e) Does he think his Daughter is gonna be Happy if she married someone whom he chose for her?
f) Let him know that both you and she loves and respects them and hence you are seeking their permission and blessings to go ahead and get married.
Now incase all the above answers are given in Negative, what should your approach be are as follows:
1) Discuss with your parents and find out what is their opinion.
2) Incase they support your decision, discuss with her what is her requirement and opinion.
3) Only if she agrees in full that she wants to go away from her family should you approach the matter further because else in some cases people are depressed for life.
4) Know that incase she plans to walk out with you ignoring her family fully, you need to fully support her in all scenarios(good,happy,sad or bad) because she does not have her own family to fall back on as in other cases.
5) An after thought while making all your decision think about you being a Parent and your child asking you the same questions(or undergoing a similar scenario)
Planning will be easier and answers will be better in that manner.
Wish you all the Best for whatever the Outcome.
All the above statements are my point of view and you can defer with the same.
Tell both sets of parents that you are getting married and they should get over themselves and accept it. If not thats a big part of their childs life that unfortunatly they won't be a part of and if they have no love for your other half then they won't be able to love a grandchild made between the two of you. If he insults you then politly say that you regret the way he feels, get up and leave. It will make a bigger point to him if you don't sink to that level.
If both are Indians %26amp; above 18 then no need of fear.
Just put your final decision before them and do whatever you both want.
In India the love marriage is permitted provided both must be above 18.
In your case you both are working, so no fear of economic crisis also.
Move.
Go %26amp; directly say that you want to marry with heart %26amp; not for sexual use only.
Tell him what YOU want. Like....you want your wife to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen....that ought to make him happy.
I wish you but down what are the cultures you and gfs family are.
but if you and your gf have been together for the past 6 years and he still didn't give in, I don't think he will change his mind in 2 weeks.
the best way to go around it is to be friend him and learn the culture he is accustom too try to make your self one of them (i matter of speaking)
Let him know that you are a part of his family and your not going any were.
Make sure your gf soon to be wife are on the same page, is she going to be OK with the fact her dad may not talk to her any more?
And in the end let him know that with are with out them you are going to get married.
sometimes they will come around and sometimes they won't.
Advice for helping my marriage?
Ok I have been married for 7 years been together for 10 years. Last weekend we had sex and just did not feel the connection there so we decided we needed some time apart. Lets start with my parents. They are very controlling and have never really accepted me . They have never really liked my husband. They have talked about and talked down to and to get there approval I have too. Big mistake. I have not always been the best wife ever. I have said things and have not always been there for him. He has always been there for me. we have now been apart for one week he called daily and several times a day to check on me and the kids. He is coming over this weekend to watch the kids so I can go to work. He says there is a chance for us. I cannot help but to ask him questions like if he loves me he says yes, are you coming home he says maybe. He said leave me alone let me come to you. He said like the first time I met you and I was coming over you were on the front prch sweeping cause u did not think i could come and I did. he said to stop asking me question u are driving me crazy. he said let me come to u.He said let me feel the connection again. let me come to you. I said what can I do to get u back and he said nothing. I just love him so much and just want him home. He came over yesterday and we had the best sex ever and he said he loved me several times. he said let me come to you. But what if he dont. I am so scared that he wont. I am so confused . I understand he needs some time and space but man this is killing me. When I cry he says to stop the bull ****. he said u are to emotional but I cannot help it. He says he is hurt and I have said over and over I am so sorry butit dont seem to help. he sent me a text last week that said I feel I can find my way back in time but u need to stop being so emotional and we need to focus on the kids right now. He said I cannot forget the last 11 years. and I cannot either. Is the 10th yr a dead end mark of the marriage or what . when he calls do I just listen to him and not show no emotions or what. What is the trick to win him back any advice please help meAdvice for helping my marriage?
Put the shoe on the other foot. Are you someone you'd come home to? If not start behaving like it.
When he calls sound happy to hear from him, be sweet, and don't apologize, don't hash up things from the past, don't tell him all the things you are going to do just do them without words. Men don't heal their pain with words or analyzing. They heal with actions. Act like the new and improved wife, act more loving, act sexual and he will see that you are willing to put the past behind you and move forward. I believe this is what he is looking for and why he is waiting to come to you.
This doesn't have to be the end. Work on a new beginning.Advice for helping my marriage?
Give him the space he is asking for, just make sure he know that you love him, if it is meant to be, it will be. Be there for him, I know how it is when you can't keep your emotions back, but tyr to, unless it is the right moment. I cry a lot, i always have ever since I was a little girl, if I am upset in any way, i cry. you just have to try to keep it under control. Good Luck.
there is no advice in the world that can help you WIN him back. If it's meant to be then he'll come back maybe he is just trying to rekindle what he felt and vice versa when you first got together so he thinks time apart will bring you closer after he comes home. Then again how long will the same feelings of the ';beginning'; last again? Maybe trying doing some marriage counseling even if it's just you going at first. I'm not saying it's your fault but it's a start!
Sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it too. Hes got the best of both worlds right now. He gets to get laid when ever he wants plus doesnt have to tell with you being so emotional and all of the neg stuff. But he needs to know that noone is perfect. We all have flaws. But the question is can he live with your flaws?
I know I am not perfect and neither is my husband but when you love someone you over look all of that. It really doesnt bother you that much because you are in love.
He basically wants you to play hard to get. He must have the 7 year itch. Being married so long he probably doesnt feel like its a challenge anymore. And guys like challenge. Make him work for it. I guarentee it will be like butter in your hands. He will love the work it takes to get you back. Its like a game to him. He will be happy in the end and so will you for you will love getting all that attention you get like when you were first together
Personally, I dont think you need to do anything. Hes coming home, its just a matter of when. Just calm down or you just might end up chasing him away because of it. His mind is made up so all hes aking is for you to stop being so emotional as for whatever reason, he cant handle it. So now its up to you to jsu stop doing what he asks and he will be there. Good luck
He wants to feel the chase again, and you are begging for him to come back. It's not going to work unless u stop. Take this time away from him to focus on YOU, make yourself a better person, start doing things that you like, gain some confidence. He will come around especially if he can see that you aren't beggin him too. Trust me. If he wasn't coming back, he wouldn't be talking to you at all right now. Take a deep breath and relax. People can't just move on after a 10 year relationship. You need to just be you.
Put the shoe on the other foot. Are you someone you'd come home to? If not start behaving like it.
When he calls sound happy to hear from him, be sweet, and don't apologize, don't hash up things from the past, don't tell him all the things you are going to do just do them without words. Men don't heal their pain with words or analyzing. They heal with actions. Act like the new and improved wife, act more loving, act sexual and he will see that you are willing to put the past behind you and move forward. I believe this is what he is looking for and why he is waiting to come to you.
This doesn't have to be the end. Work on a new beginning.Advice for helping my marriage?
Give him the space he is asking for, just make sure he know that you love him, if it is meant to be, it will be. Be there for him, I know how it is when you can't keep your emotions back, but tyr to, unless it is the right moment. I cry a lot, i always have ever since I was a little girl, if I am upset in any way, i cry. you just have to try to keep it under control. Good Luck.
there is no advice in the world that can help you WIN him back. If it's meant to be then he'll come back maybe he is just trying to rekindle what he felt and vice versa when you first got together so he thinks time apart will bring you closer after he comes home. Then again how long will the same feelings of the ';beginning'; last again? Maybe trying doing some marriage counseling even if it's just you going at first. I'm not saying it's your fault but it's a start!
Sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it too. Hes got the best of both worlds right now. He gets to get laid when ever he wants plus doesnt have to tell with you being so emotional and all of the neg stuff. But he needs to know that noone is perfect. We all have flaws. But the question is can he live with your flaws?
I know I am not perfect and neither is my husband but when you love someone you over look all of that. It really doesnt bother you that much because you are in love.
He basically wants you to play hard to get. He must have the 7 year itch. Being married so long he probably doesnt feel like its a challenge anymore. And guys like challenge. Make him work for it. I guarentee it will be like butter in your hands. He will love the work it takes to get you back. Its like a game to him. He will be happy in the end and so will you for you will love getting all that attention you get like when you were first together
Personally, I dont think you need to do anything. Hes coming home, its just a matter of when. Just calm down or you just might end up chasing him away because of it. His mind is made up so all hes aking is for you to stop being so emotional as for whatever reason, he cant handle it. So now its up to you to jsu stop doing what he asks and he will be there. Good luck
He wants to feel the chase again, and you are begging for him to come back. It's not going to work unless u stop. Take this time away from him to focus on YOU, make yourself a better person, start doing things that you like, gain some confidence. He will come around especially if he can see that you aren't beggin him too. Trust me. If he wasn't coming back, he wouldn't be talking to you at all right now. Take a deep breath and relax. People can't just move on after a 10 year relationship. You need to just be you.
Advice about a fragile marriage?
My husband is lazy. He has only 2 chores to do, and he can't ever seem to do them. I ask him to do something, and he just sits there and most of the time he ignores me. I try to talk to him about important stuff, and he just sits there and ignores me. I try to tell him how I feel, and he just sits there and ignores me. I feel like I'm constantly talking to a brick wall. Then I get angry and yell, and it only makes things worse. I do most of the chores, and he very rarely lifts a finger to help me. On top of that, he complains that I ask him to watch our 13 month old son while I get the chores done. He thinks he deserves a ';break'; because he works ';so hard';. He works 8 hour days. He is the manager at his dad's auto body shop. He has it pretty easy compared to all the stuff I have to do every day. I'm a stay at home mom, which means I'm the cook, the maid, the laundry girl and the teacher/babysitter. Plus I keep important dates like anniversaries and birthdays, so none are ever forgotten. I feel so helpless. We don't talk anymore, because there is no point, and when we do talk, it's mostly me yelling because I'm fed up with his laziness. He just sits there. He never even responds when I tell him how I feel or what is going wrong in our marriage. Now we have another baby on the way, and I know that things will just get worse. I sometimes feel that I'd be better off without him. My sister thinks I'm verbally abusive to him, but she doesn't see or hear the whole story. I'm not a mean person...I'm just tired of doing everything and never getting a break, while he just sits around doing mostly nothing. I'm literally at the end of my rope. Help me please? Advice about a fragile marriage?
Speaking from my own experience, It sounds like your husband is suffering from depression. Managing grown men can be worse than caring for a baby (they are selfish big babies). His only refuge from the day is to plop down on the couch and vegetate. He doesn't realize that it is also taking its toll on you, since you are the one pledged to love him.
I inspect heavy jet aircraft for airworthiness, sometimes going on test flights. When the day is over and I hit the couch, I'm wiped out. Household chores seem to stack up daily. I thank God when each day is over.
I understand your concerns about things at home. Life didn't improve for my poor wife until my (work induced) depression was treated.Advice about a fragile marriage?
You sound young, like you both married at a young age.
Seek counseling, if he wont go, go for yourself. If you have a church, you may use their services for counseling, if not look for agencies that specialize in marriage counseling.
This is not a problem that will go away. Get help now before you make decisions that you may regret later.
Comparing, being a stay-at-home-mom to, managing an auto body shop isn't fair and, visa versa.
You both have equally tough responsibilities.
Just that, when he gets home, you should share in the responsibilities of the home.
Sounds like you're a little harsh. You catch more flies with honey you know.
A friend of mine convinced her husband that cleaning up and doing chores makes her REALLY horny. Now he loves to clean.
I think you both need to step back and re-evaluate your roles together. Perhaps if you showed him what you do in a day he might understand. Conversely he might show you what he does in a day and you'd understand. I understand you are both young and at odds with each other about your roles but maybe through taking a job at nights when hes home you could show him your worth. If he were forced to watch your 13 month old he might see what happens when he's sitting around relaxing. Marriage is a partnership and it sounds like you have it confused as a pissing contest. I think you both have hard jobs but the work isn't always done during the week.
He wasn't lazy in getting you pregnant. Not much you can do. All he hear is your constant nagging. That stuff gets boring. You chose to be a stay at home mom so stop the nagging and complaining. If you don't want to be a stay at home mom than find a babysitter and get a job. He's lazy cuz you make him lazy. With all your blah blah blah he's tired of hearing it. So it tunes you out. I would do the same. I agree with your sister that this is a form of verbal abuse. You need counseling.
Marriage counseling! I totally understand where you are coming from. I know you probably here this all the time but hormones could play a big role in this. Maybe he needs a PSC. evalutation. When this was going on with my husband (and I have been there... I was pregnant with a baby/toddler) turns out my husband had depression.... really bad. Ask a friend or family member to watch your baby for you so you can have a break. Make sure that it is while your husband is at work so you get some real alone time. Don't stay home either. Go somewhere. Go get your nails done or something to pamper you. You deserve it. Remember that you are worth it and although this is stressful, you can do this. Keep going strong! It's ok to cry. My heart just goes out to you. Oh, one more thing.... I know that it is hard to find time to read but there is a marriage book called ';Purity and Passion: Truths about Intimacy That Will Strengthen Your Maggiage'; by Wendy L. Watson. This book can help. It helped me. Good Luck!
Hi, your mother married young, but when she got married it was a different world then with different expectations.
I think both of you, because you were so young going into this, never really had a chance to explore life or yourselves individually. You probably never did a whole bunch of things that you wanted to do - I mean have either of you ever lived for a good length of time on your own?
The responsibility of being married and having children and running a home and keeping a family financially are huge for both of you and you're both probably looking around at where you and what you have and asking yourselves: ';Is this it for the next 50 years?';
If you want this to work you're going to have to talk to each other without shouting or ignoring each other.
Go and see a counselor together and find out how to live together - that's if you love each other?
He didn't turn lazy overnight, no man or woman does. The signs were there all along for you to see if you had only opened your eyes. And you might be verbally abusive. If your own flesh and blood thinks it, who are we to say? She obviously knows you a lot better than the Cyber World. And why would you get knocked up again if things are tough? You have control of your own body. Why bring another child into a bad marriage? That is selfishness on your part. A child should be put before your needs. If you know you have a bad marriage and choose to have another child then you are responsible for all the pain they experience. And they will be put through hell just having to listen to you two.
As far as changing him, he is who he is. You got what you married. If he is not willing to go to marital counseling (at a CHURCH if you really want a blessed marriage) then you either live with it or divorce.
i'm gonna say: hang in there for ethan.
.
seriously, it'll be hard to do - but just *act* nicely toward him - even when you want to tear his head off. hold back any cutting comments, no matter how much he deserves them. ';act'; happy doing all the things you do (*NOT* sarcasm, just act pleasant) - when you get a chance or after you're all finished, ';hang out'; with him like you would if everything was sunshine. don't ask him to do something more than once, and don't act irritated when he doesn't do it (you already expect him not to, no surprise there)... for some months to come, be the worlds greatest actress.
.
trust me, you're going to want to pull your hair out. you're gonna feel like some weak stepford wife
.
we get into these funks %26amp; it's hard to realize when or how it gets to that ';end o the rope'; point. it's not about who started what %26amp; who's at fault %26amp; who's right. it's about family. you've got all the power, so bite the bullet %26amp; know you're taking 'one for the team'. act loving, even if you wanna scream! the very worst that could happen is that your son sees his parents being loving and getting along... i'll let you see what the ';best case'; turns out to be... it's amazing, i'm still in shock... i wouldn't bother writing this much if i hadn't tried the same thing myself
Speaking from my own experience, It sounds like your husband is suffering from depression. Managing grown men can be worse than caring for a baby (they are selfish big babies). His only refuge from the day is to plop down on the couch and vegetate. He doesn't realize that it is also taking its toll on you, since you are the one pledged to love him.
I inspect heavy jet aircraft for airworthiness, sometimes going on test flights. When the day is over and I hit the couch, I'm wiped out. Household chores seem to stack up daily. I thank God when each day is over.
I understand your concerns about things at home. Life didn't improve for my poor wife until my (work induced) depression was treated.Advice about a fragile marriage?
You sound young, like you both married at a young age.
Seek counseling, if he wont go, go for yourself. If you have a church, you may use their services for counseling, if not look for agencies that specialize in marriage counseling.
This is not a problem that will go away. Get help now before you make decisions that you may regret later.
Comparing, being a stay-at-home-mom to, managing an auto body shop isn't fair and, visa versa.
You both have equally tough responsibilities.
Just that, when he gets home, you should share in the responsibilities of the home.
Sounds like you're a little harsh. You catch more flies with honey you know.
A friend of mine convinced her husband that cleaning up and doing chores makes her REALLY horny. Now he loves to clean.
I think you both need to step back and re-evaluate your roles together. Perhaps if you showed him what you do in a day he might understand. Conversely he might show you what he does in a day and you'd understand. I understand you are both young and at odds with each other about your roles but maybe through taking a job at nights when hes home you could show him your worth. If he were forced to watch your 13 month old he might see what happens when he's sitting around relaxing. Marriage is a partnership and it sounds like you have it confused as a pissing contest. I think you both have hard jobs but the work isn't always done during the week.
He wasn't lazy in getting you pregnant. Not much you can do. All he hear is your constant nagging. That stuff gets boring. You chose to be a stay at home mom so stop the nagging and complaining. If you don't want to be a stay at home mom than find a babysitter and get a job. He's lazy cuz you make him lazy. With all your blah blah blah he's tired of hearing it. So it tunes you out. I would do the same. I agree with your sister that this is a form of verbal abuse. You need counseling.
Marriage counseling! I totally understand where you are coming from. I know you probably here this all the time but hormones could play a big role in this. Maybe he needs a PSC. evalutation. When this was going on with my husband (and I have been there... I was pregnant with a baby/toddler) turns out my husband had depression.... really bad. Ask a friend or family member to watch your baby for you so you can have a break. Make sure that it is while your husband is at work so you get some real alone time. Don't stay home either. Go somewhere. Go get your nails done or something to pamper you. You deserve it. Remember that you are worth it and although this is stressful, you can do this. Keep going strong! It's ok to cry. My heart just goes out to you. Oh, one more thing.... I know that it is hard to find time to read but there is a marriage book called ';Purity and Passion: Truths about Intimacy That Will Strengthen Your Maggiage'; by Wendy L. Watson. This book can help. It helped me. Good Luck!
Hi, your mother married young, but when she got married it was a different world then with different expectations.
I think both of you, because you were so young going into this, never really had a chance to explore life or yourselves individually. You probably never did a whole bunch of things that you wanted to do - I mean have either of you ever lived for a good length of time on your own?
The responsibility of being married and having children and running a home and keeping a family financially are huge for both of you and you're both probably looking around at where you and what you have and asking yourselves: ';Is this it for the next 50 years?';
If you want this to work you're going to have to talk to each other without shouting or ignoring each other.
Go and see a counselor together and find out how to live together - that's if you love each other?
He didn't turn lazy overnight, no man or woman does. The signs were there all along for you to see if you had only opened your eyes. And you might be verbally abusive. If your own flesh and blood thinks it, who are we to say? She obviously knows you a lot better than the Cyber World. And why would you get knocked up again if things are tough? You have control of your own body. Why bring another child into a bad marriage? That is selfishness on your part. A child should be put before your needs. If you know you have a bad marriage and choose to have another child then you are responsible for all the pain they experience. And they will be put through hell just having to listen to you two.
As far as changing him, he is who he is. You got what you married. If he is not willing to go to marital counseling (at a CHURCH if you really want a blessed marriage) then you either live with it or divorce.
i'm gonna say: hang in there for ethan.
.
seriously, it'll be hard to do - but just *act* nicely toward him - even when you want to tear his head off. hold back any cutting comments, no matter how much he deserves them. ';act'; happy doing all the things you do (*NOT* sarcasm, just act pleasant) - when you get a chance or after you're all finished, ';hang out'; with him like you would if everything was sunshine. don't ask him to do something more than once, and don't act irritated when he doesn't do it (you already expect him not to, no surprise there)... for some months to come, be the worlds greatest actress.
.
trust me, you're going to want to pull your hair out. you're gonna feel like some weak stepford wife
.
we get into these funks %26amp; it's hard to realize when or how it gets to that ';end o the rope'; point. it's not about who started what %26amp; who's at fault %26amp; who's right. it's about family. you've got all the power, so bite the bullet %26amp; know you're taking 'one for the team'. act loving, even if you wanna scream! the very worst that could happen is that your son sees his parents being loving and getting along... i'll let you see what the ';best case'; turns out to be... it's amazing, i'm still in shock... i wouldn't bother writing this much if i hadn't tried the same thing myself
Advice on love affair, marriage & family issue?
Iam 23yrs old working girl. My sister is in 12th standard and my mum iswidow, she is house wife. I have been leading my family right after12th class. I have been going around with my partner from past 2yrsapprox. His family has been pushing him since then to marry but afterone year he informed his family about our relation still they are inhurry. I told him to wait till the time my sister completes herschooling, guy agreed. One day my guy tells me that we should notincrease our relation for such a long time %26amp; he believes thatun-named relations doesnt last for more than 2yrs. He says we shouldmarry in 6months as your sister will be completeing her schooling. Nowi dont want to marry so early because of 2reasons.
a) I am not mentally prepared to handle the responsibility of a family
b) If i marry in 6months my family's financial condition will beextremely poor they have to depend on me %26amp; my husband foreverything
which i dont want, my guy doesnt want to wait for a long time but i amnot sure if he will wait even for 1yr 6months. Because my sister willgive exams in march %26amp; her result will be out by July 2010. Then shewill take admission in correspondence course, then she may take time toget a job. I want at least my sister should start earning before mymarriage what should i do?Advice on love affair, marriage %26amp; family issue?
It doesn't sound like you are ready for marriage and I can see why. Don't marry him.
If he wants to be with you he WILL wait. By some chance he doesn't wait.. it'll be okay. You'll find someone else to fill his shoes-someone better than he is. He has a warped way of looking at life and marriage. I'd leave him... your family and what YOU want to do should come first.Advice on love affair, marriage %26amp; family issue?
It seems that you now much better what is responsibility than your partner. And your gut says that this marriage is early. I never liked men who forced or urged his marriage. Even, I never liked men who are depending on his family's opinion or verdicts. So I think, it is time to look for an other partner. Sorry.
I can understand how you feel, but you also have your own life to live. Your mother can go out and get a job to help support her family, this is not up to you to do. If you really love this man and want to marry than do this, but don't marry if you are not ready. This all depends on you, and what you want for yourself. Don't worry about this guy if he really loves you he will wait, if he won't then he isn't the man for you. Don't be manipulated into doing anything you don't want to do. That includes taking care of your family.
Don't be pushed into something you are not ready for. If he and his family think it's the only way to go, then maybe he should be the one to go for he's not listening to you, he's listening to them. Is that the kind of husband you want, one who listens to his family first? You may be better off rethinking this whole relationship thing. It seems he may have found someone to marry and he is holding on for dear life and he doesn't know if he really loves you, he only knows he wants to or has to get married. That is no way to enter a marriage.
a) I am not mentally prepared to handle the responsibility of a family
b) If i marry in 6months my family's financial condition will beextremely poor they have to depend on me %26amp; my husband foreverything
which i dont want, my guy doesnt want to wait for a long time but i amnot sure if he will wait even for 1yr 6months. Because my sister willgive exams in march %26amp; her result will be out by July 2010. Then shewill take admission in correspondence course, then she may take time toget a job. I want at least my sister should start earning before mymarriage what should i do?Advice on love affair, marriage %26amp; family issue?
It doesn't sound like you are ready for marriage and I can see why. Don't marry him.
If he wants to be with you he WILL wait. By some chance he doesn't wait.. it'll be okay. You'll find someone else to fill his shoes-someone better than he is. He has a warped way of looking at life and marriage. I'd leave him... your family and what YOU want to do should come first.Advice on love affair, marriage %26amp; family issue?
It seems that you now much better what is responsibility than your partner. And your gut says that this marriage is early. I never liked men who forced or urged his marriage. Even, I never liked men who are depending on his family's opinion or verdicts. So I think, it is time to look for an other partner. Sorry.
I can understand how you feel, but you also have your own life to live. Your mother can go out and get a job to help support her family, this is not up to you to do. If you really love this man and want to marry than do this, but don't marry if you are not ready. This all depends on you, and what you want for yourself. Don't worry about this guy if he really loves you he will wait, if he won't then he isn't the man for you. Don't be manipulated into doing anything you don't want to do. That includes taking care of your family.
Don't be pushed into something you are not ready for. If he and his family think it's the only way to go, then maybe he should be the one to go for he's not listening to you, he's listening to them. Is that the kind of husband you want, one who listens to his family first? You may be better off rethinking this whole relationship thing. It seems he may have found someone to marry and he is holding on for dear life and he doesn't know if he really loves you, he only knows he wants to or has to get married. That is no way to enter a marriage.
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