i have been with my significant other for 9 years and have been married for 1 year, we have two beautiful children, andwe just found out i was pregnent again.. But, my problem is he is always late coming home from work, we always argue, he puts me down all the time, i am at my wits end!!! I am planning on leaving him but we have been together for so long, i don't know what to do... Please, someone help!!!!!Really need advice on what i should do about my marriage?
Well why is he late?
He could be coming home late cause he doesn't really want to come home at all but needs to.
Yes that is kinda mean but if all you do is argue why would he want to come straight home?
You need to find out the real reason you are so angry with him and if its him who is angry with you he needs to figure that out. I don't believe that you are ready to get a divorce right now marriage gets tough even if you have been together for a long time it doesn't matter! Your going to have good days and bad and the trick is to take the good with the bad or the bad with the good how ever that saying goes!
But you need to communicate with each other whether that is with a counselor or just with each other you need to get to the root of this.
Ever think that he is more stress with a new baby coming and is afraid to tell you. Men are not like women with their emotions they aren't going to come out and tell you that their scared or worried about something. So Talk to each other and keep trying! Good LuckReally need advice on what i should do about my marriage?
Ask him, why he is coming home late. Maybe he has to work long hours to support you and the kids. Stress could be another factor and especially when there is another baby on the way. Did you discuss this before you got pregnant? Nobody here has an answer for you, but you could go and see a therapist with your hubby or by yourself. You have been together for so many years so don't throw in the towel just yet.
Go to a marriage counselor. Since communication is missing in your relationship, a counselor can help the communication process.
He is being verbally and emotionally abusive, and you are going to have another baby with him! Well done, you win the 2007 gold medal for utter stupidity.
Get yourself and your kids out of there and never mind how long you've been together. Picture the typical stuff that goes on between you two and ask yourself if that is what you want your kids to learn. Do you think he's a good role model for them? Or do you think you are, showing them by your behaviour that taking abuse is what a woman should do?
Grow a spine and move on.
I don't see where you have asked a question. You stated you are planning on leaving him, so what's keeping you? Do you want us to affirm your decision? Either you need to talk to him and find out what is wrong in your marriage and agree to work it out or do what you have decided.
Why do people think of things like this after they bring innocent children into the world????
You should have never had a child with him until you were married for starters. You should have never taken the chance of getting pregnant this last time because of the problems in the relationship.
I feel so bad for your children who are going to suffer in ways that you really aren't thinking of.
I don't want to sound like I'm attacking you, but you need to fix the problems together and you both need to realize that the safety and well being of your children are the highest priority in life. Not your having fun in life. When you make the decision to have children, it is like saying , ';ok, I have grown up and I am responsible, and I would love the chance to bring a child into this world and to help guid that child into being a loving and respectable person. I am willing to forgo a wild lifestyle and devote myself to my child';
People actually used to think like that, and the funny thing is that people used to be nice to each other. Personal greed and selfishness leads people to not care anymore, it is so sad to see.
I would definatly say you talk to him before you leave. You guys may mutually decide that being together is not the best thing for you. But no matter what happens with your marriage you need to stay on good terms for the children.
You ';always argue.'; That implies it has been going on for quite some time.
You say ';at wit's end'; which implies lots and lots and lots of time being frustrated.
You say he is ';always coming home late'; which implies it has been going on for quite some time.
You say he ';puts me down all the time'; which means it has been going on for a long period of time.
So why do you let someone who is stepping out on you, who puts you down, who always argues with you, who has you at your wit's end, knock you up AGAIN?
Honestly, nothing anyone here will say is going to change you or your crazy-as-a-sh*thouse-rat attitude towards life.
Here's what you will do: complain and whine and p*ss and moan to all your girlfriends and here on Y/A, then stay with him and keep popping out kids and never take any real action to get away from him or improve your life.
So skip us, the middle men, and do that.
ok first dont leave him you have a baby on your way and you need all the help you can get . just dont even think about it if you want you can just talk about it with him or just leave it as is because if you accuse it's not going to get any better
Glad i could help (congrats wit the baby!)
Good Luck !
Hi there, since your pregnant and feeling this way its only going to get worse if you stay with this mentally abusive man, please for the sake of your unborn child and the rest of your kids leave that arrougant man you and your children will be thankful. This day and age there is alot of outside help i will pray for you that everything will turn out just fine. Iknow you cannot imagine how it will be on your own but give it awhile things always turn out for the best if you have faith,take care and may God bless you.
http://www.loveandrespect.org
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://marriagerestorationministries.org
God bless.
Its a little to late for what should I do now.why would you get pregnant when the other children already suffer with you two fools acting like that.Now you want to leave?All because you cant hack him coming home late?
S T O P WHINING AND FIX THIS!
Don't argue!
Grow up ! Someone needs to be the adult in that relationship.
Poor kids!
maybe see a marriage consoler. Your right 9 years is a long time to and a lot of work, seems a waste to through in the towel now. If he won't see a consoler, you know your answer
He might be stressing out. Three children are expensive and he might be worried about finances.
If you think he's up to no good after work, why don't you go to his place of work right before he gets off, and follow him to see what he's up to. If you catch him doing something he shouldn't confront him with your findings. If he's innocent keep quiet.
You have to do what is best for you and the children. Staying in a relationship where you are constantly put down and degraded is not a healthy relationship. Sounds like you have already made up your mind to leave him and are just lookng for someone to tell you that you are doing the right thing..... YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING......it will be difficult in the beginning but in the long run it will be better for you and your children.
You better make sure the reason he's coming home late, isn't the reason you two are arguing all of the time.If he's putting you down, I could give you some things to say, that will take paint off the wall, but that isn't the way to go. You need to think about your self worth and the kids. If the pain and the lesson the kids is learning is worth staying, then by all means, stay and take it.
OK so how many years are you willing to throw away to someone that puts you down and is most likely cheating on you?? Time doesn't make a relationship love and trust do.
You need to counsel with a very good pastor. Divorce is not the will of God. Your children will suffer. Most problems are because of pride and we are not living up to God's expectations as a spouse...husband and wife. Nothing is too hard for the Lord....unless you do not know the Lord.
IF you were to die right now do you know if you would go to heaven?
Don't try to do this all on your own. You don't have to. When you are afraid there is someone close by who understands, when you feel sad there is someone close by who understands, when you feel like not coming out of your room there is someone close by who understands........
It is the Lord.
The Lord tells us to take our troubles and lay them at his feet. When Christ is in our hearts and we are living a life for him, he will help us in our struggles. We will still have trials and tribulations, but the Lord will be there to pick you up and give you the peace that passes all understanding. It is a peace that no drugs, doctor, or anything else could give you. To have a personal relationship with the Lord....(Who loves and cares for you) here is what you need to do....
1. You must realize you are a sinner. (Romans 3:23) ';For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.';
(Romans 3:10) ';As it is written, There is none righteous, no not one.';
2. Second you must accept that as a sinner you owe a penalty. (Romans 6:23) ';For the wages of sin is death....';
This is an eternal death in Hell. See everyone lives forever somewhere...either Heaven or Hell. Those who reject Christ and never ask for repentance of their sins go to Hell. Those who ask Christ to come into their lives, thank him for dying on the cross for their sins, and turn from their sin...will go to Heaven. You just pray to the Lord a simple prayer like this:
Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, and I deserve to pay my own sin debt, but I do believe that you died for me to pay the debt that I owe. Today, the best that I know how, I trust you as my savior. I will depend on you from this moment on for my salvation. Now help me to live for you and to be a good Christian. Amen
If you really believe that Christ died for you, and you are ready to repent of your sins and to turn to Christ...pray...and ask him to come into your life. When no one is there he will be.
God Bless You
well if your just going thru a bad time you don't want to throw
10 yrs away if you can help it. counseling or sitting down with him and finding out whats wrong. work on it before giving up
it does sound like he's hiding something. when he's not around check his pants pockets, start snooping around usually if you suspect he's cheating they usually are
Does he have a legitimate reason for coming home late? Like if he's a schoolbus driver, he can't claim coming home late during the Holidays. If working late seems reasonable for his job, thank him for working so hard rather than giving him a hard time about being gone so much...or accusing him of cheating. I'm sure many women would jump to this conclusion, but fight off that urge as best you can.
Ask him what would make him happy when he walks in the front door. Do your best to give him space and see if that's what he needs. Don't nag him for at least a couple of days and see if that makes a difference.
Don't assume that you know what he wants--ask him so that you can be sure that he's getting it. If he tells you that he's just tired all the time, then do NOT shoot back that you're tired too. Try to understand how he's feeling and offer him your support.
Maybe instead of leaving you could talk to him about going to marriage counseling. You need to address your issues and try to come to an agreement of what is acceptable and what is not. Hopefully, you are both vested in the relationship enough that you would want to try to work through your problems instead of just ending it. Good Luck.
You need to find out why he is coming home late and why you are arguing so much. Running from your problems won't solve them, and certainly wont do your children any good.
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