I need a legal advice for my marriage and my age is 21 and her 20 ,both of our parents agreed for our marriag?

as i am going to abroad for further studies ,her parents are agreed only when i marry her before i leave to abroad ,so my problem is as we don't have minimum age for marriage and so please tell us where to marry her and as I am a cristian and she is an hindu. But marriage is compulsory so give us your valuable advice for me and i will be thankful for you ,and i will be leaving this month 30 only so give yor advice .I need a legal advice for my marriage and my age is 21 and her 20 ,both of our parents agreed for our marriag?
I am guessing that you are in India by your description of what is going on. If her parents only agree that you can marry her before you go abroad and this is what you definitely want, and you want their blessing; I would say that you should get married. But consider this, it is very difficult to maintain a long distance relationship, if you will not be gone long it will be easier for both of you. Now as for part of where to get married, can you do a civil ceremony where you are married by a judge so that it doesn't offend either one of you? Or what about coming to some sort of compromise that works for both of you, like having it in a church, but doing some of the marriage rituals that are Hindu?I need a legal advice for my marriage and my age is 21 and her 20 ,both of our parents agreed for our marriag?
Embrace to Hinduism and get married. In India a boy of 21 years and a girl of 18 years can be legally married under Hindu Marriage Act, 1956
Not enough info to give you an answer.
where are you from in the united states both you and her are legal to get married after 18 you can do whatever you want
wait till you get back. dont get married then leave thats just cruel to both of you.
wait till you grow up to marry and can speak better english!
get registered marriage
You can convrt to hindu and marry her
First go to school and learn how to spell 2Nd go see a lawyer. not a web site

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Marriage Back Home, Need Advice plz?

hiya, i live in United Kingdom, and last year in July i went back home for holiday but i ended up getting marriage there, but i want to bring my wife here in United Kingdom, so could anyone advice me what i really NEED to do, to bring her with me?? any idea plss, help me guys, thxMarriage Back Home, Need Advice plz?
whats the problem? you two are legally married and just sponsor her and within a few weeks she will be in U.KMarriage Back Home, Need Advice plz?
you guys are married now and you both have to have very good communication to understand where the other one is comming from to make decisions. I think that you should have a talk with her and it may take a while for her to come around if she doesn't at first, but don't forget to listen also.

I need serious advice on my marriage.?

I have been married to my husband 5years and together for 10. I just turned 30 yrs. old and he is 37. My family is in WIS. and his is in FL. We live in FL because he has a good job and I am currently a full-time student. I just started school. He is not a family guy and never see's his family. We are here only for his job. His only strive in life is money. I am very family-oriented. I met him when I was twenty and he has made all my decisions for me. I lack self confidence. He doesn't like me to have friends, work with guys or to ever go out. So he has been all I have known for 10years. I get a bad feeling when I think of having children with him. He acts like a father in our relationship. I want to move home so bad, but everytime I go home, I have this bad feeling, because I am so used to being told what to do and I come back to him. I am 30 and lost. I am scared to start over. I am homesick and I have nobody or nothing down here. Serious replies only. Thank-youI need serious advice on my marriage.?
As a full-time student, you should be eligible for counseling services through your school. I would strongly recommend that you take advantage of them to help build up the self-confidence to eventually break free from this controlling relationship (and make no mistake, it is controlling; he's isolated you from every possible source of support other than him). There are also hotlines you can call that can give you advice and help point you to other resources. If you don't feel you can do it where he might find out, try to muster enough resolve to get yourself home for a ';visit'; and start pursuing help from there.





Remember: it's never too late to start over, especially when your well-being is on the line. Good luck.I need serious advice on my marriage.?
Seriously, you should get counseling. I would suggest you make something up and go home for a while. Get some counseling there and talk to your family. I know it is scary to make your own decisions after so long, but if you don't do something about it you never will. Even if you have kids one day, you will always be at the bottom of the totem pole. You make think that you will never find someone to love you if you leave him. But, honey, you will. But before that you have to love yourself first. Seriously, your husband is not going to change, in fact he will get worse because he is feeding off of your insecurities. He may in fact love you, but he has some issues of his own that he needs to deal with. Good Luck!!!!
This alienation thing sounds like narcissistic personality disorder. Read about it. All of the things you are describing are classic signs of abuse.
Sorry things are the way they are.....I was in that type of relationship about 10 yrs ago...except I did have kids. He was not and still is not a good father. I did leave and did get a divorce and it was the BEST!! thing I ever done. Family is very important and you having friends is also important. Life is just to short not to be happy. I don't blame you for wanting to have kids w/ someone who you know will be a good father..The self confidence will come..but it might take some time. Be true to yourself...please make yourself happy, you sound so sad. Best of luck to you!
Get some professonal help, it will enable you to get your self confidence back and be able to do what is best for your well being. Good luck....
starting over can be scary. But if you're unhappy, you need to change that. Nobody can change that except for you. No person/marriage can make you happy until you're happy with yourself. Your husband should NOT be making all decisions for you. and he definitely should not interfere with you having friends. A good partner brings out the good in you, they don't bring you down. Sounds to me like that's what he's doing. I'd move home if I were you. if he really loves you, he'll go too.
This is actually relationship abuse, honey. Not physical, but mental abuse. He is not being fair to you, and is ENTIRELY too controlling.


You're thirty. You should have friends, be able to make your own decisions, without having to worry about what he thinks. Also, if the thought of having his kids makes you uncomfortable, that is a MAJOR warning sign.


My best advice here would be to, first thing, MOVE BACK HOME. Be close to your family. If you're a family-oriented person, I assume there's a reason for that - they must be fairly supportive, and I'm sure they'll understand.


Next, get a counselor. A professional will be able to help you a LOT in terms of learning to make your own decisions and bringing you out of your shell - and starting over. I can understand being homesick. But this guy is not good for you. Move home (with a relative if you can, or an apartment near them), start talking to a counselor who will help you, and get a divorce.


Best of luck, hun. YOU CAN DO IT.
So you are married to a control freak! Leave him...the sooner the better. It will only get worst...The last thing you want with this man is children.
Sweetie that is classic signs of physiological abuse. You need to start standing up for yourself as hard as that is going to be. This started when you were very young and has been going on for a long time so it will hard to do. You might try going to talk in support groups so you can gain your self confidence again. Good luck
I would leave him he is controlling you make some new friends when you move back home and maybe go to counseling for abuse
First of all you and your husband move to fl because he had a good job your a student right, he doesnt take time out to see his family but your close to your family and missing them you should have thought about this from the beganning, Dont have any children because it seems like your not ready to and the marriage is one sided. Your home sick and afraid of starting over again its up to you to decide what to do. Put your best foot forward and stop being afraid.


best of luck
Sweetheart, read your question again, because you have already answered it. Knowing the problem is half the solution. All you have to do now is look within yourself at what you want and need and don't have it told to you. That is the best place to start.
First you need to search your heart deeply and discover if this is true love that u feel for your husband or just staying with him because u fear the unknown? He is controlling you and your movements and over time it could get alot worse for u. Your right to worry about kids in this relationship. Kids cannot always be controlled and when he sees that he may totally lose his cool. If HIS family is close try to get to know them better. Just cuz he doesnt want to go over there doesnt mean you cant right? The reason he does control your thoughts- and movements is so it does break down your confidence. That way he has u where he wants u and your afraid to go out on your own! And apparently he has succeeded. Im sure your family loves u very much and would be right there to support your decision and be there to help u get thru it. I could never live without a close family either. Family is Number one to me. Search your heart and ask yourself if u r in love with him or not. If not- then its best to go home to your family where u r happiest. Life is way too short to live in a loveless marriage. You deserve so much better than that. Everyone deserves a happy marriage alive with passion. Good luck to u
You are a frightened ,unhappy,abused young woman.It cannot get much worst.You need to get out of this marriage before it is to late.Go home because your family is your only support.You need to be around them.You are young enough to get a job,go to school and start over.Its going to take a lot of strength to make these decisions but if you can do it you will have gained enough self confidence to get you through the difficulties ahead.
Years ago I made the same mistake as you. I up and left my family and friends to follow my children's father to another state cause of a better job and his family also lived there. I felt the same feelings as you are now. I have never felt so alone in all my life. Soon after I realized that my family meant more to me than any man ever could and moved back home. But there are risk in doing this. Since I moved back to my home town he has had nothing to do with our children or me which is fine by me. Stop and listen to your heart it will never tell you wrong. No matter what anyone tells you you have to do what makes you happy.

I need some advice on my marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and we spilt up 1 1/2 months ago and he was introdused to someone 3 days later bye someone who has me . and He moved her in 2 days after that . He tells me she is just a friend . That she is just there so he is not alone . When he is there he takes her to her moms on the weekend and wants me to stay with him While she is gone.He tells me that he loves me and wants to work things out but we have had so many broken promises. He is not ready .He says that we are so close to working this out but I don't know if he is lying to me about the relationship that they have . Is he telling me this so I will hang on so he can see if he has a future with this girl . He says that they are to the point where he is ready to take her home because all they do is argue . But What I need to know is should I hang on????????????????????I need some advice on my marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
If you love your man and are commited to working things out with him and he feels the same way that go for it. Keep in mind that healing a broken relationship is very hard and takes a very strong person. However, if there is another woman involved she needs to be GONE before any of this can start. Especially if this woman is living with him. Don't allow him to use you as his weekend woman. Before you start to work on a relationship you need to work on yourself. Be confidant in yourself and make sure that this relationship will live up to YOUR expectations. If it does not or you have doubts then let him go. Your man needs to be 100% commited to you and no one else!!!I need some advice on my marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
I think you need to ask these questions to your husband and make him be honest. Tell him that if he is not honest, then there can be no future for y'all and nothing will change so it's time to move on. But, this other girl has got to go.
You two need some serious counselling, for a variety of issues. I don't think it's just about money.
girl don't believe that crape , hes been cheating on you with this girl, run and run fast, you should consider you self lucky you got out of it with out catching something!
Why are you waiting for this man to make up his mind.If he loves you, she would not be living with him and you coming over only when shes gone.He wants his cake and eat it to.Go and find yourself and focus on loving you.This happened once what makes you think it won't happen again.You may love him but does he really love you. Love does not hurt.
Don't you already know what the answer is? He's playing you both. I bet when he's with her he tells her that he doesn't want to be with you at all, and is waiting for divorce. ';Just a friend';? Pleeease, give me a break!





File for divorce and stop seeing him. Why put yourself through this kind of cr*p?
This man is just stringing you along. He is probably just having sex with her because he can't with you. This whole she is just there because he is lonely story is a bunch of crap. If he needed someone so he wasn't lonely he should have got a dog, or moved in with one of his guy friends, or even found a guy that needed a place to stay and not some girl. He is just telling you what he thinks you want to hear so you will stick around in case things don't work out between him and this girl. You are his fallback plan. You deserve better and shouldn't put up with this any longer. File for divorce and move on with your life and find someone who deserves your love and loyalty instead of someone who is taking advantage of it.
I will tell you right now....I didn't even read your whole question because it got to the part where he wants you there when she is gone and I felt like throwing up.....





Think about it honey, you have been ';the one'; and now you are gonna be ';the other one'; if you aren't careful. If I were you, I would do some serious soul searching and decide if he can really give you what you need in life to be happy or if you are just trying to ';win';
Been there done that!! He's keeping u on the hook in case it doesn't work out with her. Get while the gettin' is good!!!
He is playing you for a fool girl!! Get out!!
Can't you smell the coffee? Get a divorce, you are being played for a fool.
Tell him you are uncomforable with the situation and if he wants to work on it he'll have to respect that. Trust me, been there done that. Not the living together part, but they were best friends. Now they're married. He still says that there was nothing going on back then. I don't believe him and neither does anyone else. Your case may be different, but I see it as the final test whether or not he is serious about getting back together. If he is, he will listen to you.
Of course not, this is ridiculous! Come on use some common sense here, what he is saying is that when I get tired of this other girl I will come back to you but you just sit there like a good puppy and wait until I feel like it. But that also means that when he gets tired of you again (and he will, it apparently is what he does) he'll replace you again. Besides your marriage didn't work in the first place, other girl or no other girl. What makes you think it will now? Time to move on honey! And he loves you?? Really?? Hmm is this what you consider love? Is this the way that you want to be treated by someone who claims to love you? I think you need to get clear on how you define love, what do you think it looks like and feels like? Is this it? I surely hope not. Talk is cheap, his actions are screaming that he does NOT love you, he probably isn't capable of truly loving anyone or anything (except his penis). If you don't want to be treated like this then move on, if you honestly believe this is what love should be enjoy (?).
tell him to kick the b*tch to the curb or your done
Hell no. You broke up for a reason, remember!
i agree with the user ';az1213';..


i am sorry :(
Honey, you are being played like a cheap piano! Cut this loser loose!
Honestly, I'm not digging that living arrangement. Why is he living with another women?
If my husband did that I would be filing for a divorce. I don't think there's any way a girl is living with him and he's not cheating on you. Sorry :(

Do people who give advice involving no sex before marriage annoy you?

Some of us believe in no sex before marriage, others dont. Personally I believe that you should get as much experience as possible before you can know you have found the right person, you only live once. However I dont enforce my belief on anybody, i dont care what others believe as long as they dont push their beliefs on to me. Just as I wouldnt give advice to people telling them something against their beliefs, who do some people assume thi holier-than-thou attitude and tell me to wait until marriage for sex, in response to questions that dont even have anything to do with sex??Do people who give advice involving no sex before marriage annoy you?
hell I just tell ppl that it isnt premarital sex if we dont plan on getting married...hehehe usualy shuts them up... xDDo people who give advice involving no sex before marriage annoy you?
I'm waiting till marriage myself, because it's right. I'm not perfect though, I've been close.... My girlfriend's also a virgin, and she's the same way. It's good advice to listen to, but people are gonna do what they want. It's your life, but I just pray you don't have a bunch of regrets someday.
I just smile and pay no attention to there comments.
..... your'e right........ These people are living in a fantasy world,... that's divorced from reality,.. because theyre blinded by their simplistic stupidity!...
totally agree wit u...

Help need advice for bff marriage!!?

my bff has been married for 8 years .about a year ago her and her husband seprated for a month during this time she met another man .she went back to her husband.she doesnt love him anymore but shes trying to do the right thing.but shes in love with the other man and her husband treats her like a dog they have three kids and she wants to make it work but she keeps talking to the other man she cant seem to let him go .she wants my advice but i cant please help.Help need advice for bff marriage!!?
It's hard, especially since you're so emotoinally involved. If she wants to do the right thing, the only way to do that is to avoid the other man. If he really cares about her, he'd understand and not insist that he can't live without her, thus giving her the guilt trip. If her husband is treating her like a dog, it might be that he realizes what's going on with her and that someone else.





My advice to her would be to make up her mind about what will work for her. If she wants to be with the Father of the kids for their sake, then she needs to get out of the other relationship or at least put it on hold for a little while. If she wants her children to see her in a good relationship with this other man, she would need to dump her husband and go with the new guy.





There is no easy answer here--that's the toughest part. But any decision that is made has to be made 100%. She can't just keep leading both of them on and think that things will work out in the end for her. It's impossible because the human heart can only be torn so much!Help need advice for bff marriage!!?
OK. First, lets be honest. A spouse that is trying to make their marriage work, doesn't keep a relationship going with a person they were involved with during a separation. And, people don't ';try'; to ';let another person go'; They do- or they DON'T. So, she ISN'T trying to do the right thing. I can't know IF she should stay married. But, I KNOW she won't, if she keeps playing with another guy while married.
Well she has two choices as I see it...1 stay with her loser husband and be miserable for every or 2. divorce his butt and marry the guy she really loves.
So it took 8 years for her to lose the love she had for her husband.


She's found someone ';new'; and can start that 8 year cycle again.


I am assuming she loved her husband to begin with.


He's treating her like a dog because why? There has to be a reason. He loved her at the beginning.


They made 3 babies.


Why not go back to the start and behave like you did then? Back when everything was perfect?
Marriages take work, from both parties. Her and her husband need to work on the marriage. Either through counseling or other means. It looks like she's not being appreciated or is not getting the affection she needs. Which is why she keeps holding on to the other man.





She needs to figure out what she wants and what is missing and needs to be able to communicate it.





If she can work on the marriage and get her husband to work on it too, perhaps both of them can find some happiness.
try to work it out, like a best friend would to a best friend that means you have something to cherish that money cant buy or replace, try going somewhere together long distance to get the feel of atmoshphere of the two of ya awl. most important what do you want to be remembered by your partner as???how about a great experience that keeps on growing and challenging each other, try not to be in a hurry, i know thats hard in this day and age, time usually is a healer in a healthy status of ethics and community.
Don't let her issues become yours... I know you're friends, but even so... she will have to make the right choice for herself, not what you think... or what I may tell you! Good Luck!
If her husband treats her like a dog tell her to get divorced and also suggest that she never get married again no matter what happens. We all know how that ends up!!! Divorced or lying to yourself and not in love anymore.

I need advice for my marriage?

We just had a baby 3 months ago, for me the sex desire is gone completley, I dont even really want to cuddle or be touched. I am working 4 hours a day, taking baby with me, and then i clean and cook, i feel like i do everything! I feel frustrated with my husband because he doesnt help that much and because i dont feel the same attraction to him. What can we do to help this? he is definatly always in the mood. has anyone gone through this before? Thanks!I need advice for my marriage?
Sure. You need a break. You need a partner. You need help. You lost your sex drive because you are tired, stressed and resentful. Makes perfect sense. Sit hubby down and come up with a plan that makes this marriage a partnership so that the responsibilities are evened up and fair. Have him help you solve this problem and come up with a good working plan. You need some fun, some rest, and some understanding. You are normal and deserve better than you are accepting. Take good care of yourself. You can't be a good mom, a good partner, or a happy person when your needs are not treated as important by yourself or your best friend (husband). If you make a list of all that you do and responsible and all that he does and is responsible for, you will see it is not fair or right. Fix that and get your partner back. When you are not so tired and angry, your love life will get better. Promise. You can make this better. He can help you.I need advice for my marriage?
Okay well first things first, you can't do it all so talk to him and make sure that he is doing his part. Its normal not to want to jump back in to sex after a baby. You need personal time to yourself so you can stop defining yourself with all the tasks that you must do and rememeber that you are a woman. Maybe start a regular schedule of daycare for the baby, not much just a few hours every other day would be enough. (the baby will learn a lot from being with other kids!) Then take time to do something for you, manicure, a walk, a movie, anything that lets you have time alone. After this you'll probably have more of yourself to give than now while your running on empty.
This is so normal so don't worry! Often after you have a baby your hormones are shocked and you just want to be left alone. You have a lot more to do now with a baby and you want to have help so talk to him about that, or better yet, write him a letter so he can take in the info and think about it. As far as the attraction, try to think about the earlier times and how you felt early on in your relationship and the excitement you would get to be around him. His hormones are the same as before most likely or even stronger because you just had his child....that's really special and attractive for men. So try to relax and not take it all on at once...deal with one problem at a time...having him help around the house will probably be the best place to start because you will appreciate him. Just open up and try to let him in...I hope this helps!
get some postpartum depression help soon or you will end up resenting your hubby...get some help! bring him please...or start with research....don't let it fester...good luck
Yes. Alot of women go through this. I understand how you feel completely!!!





You need to sit your husband down and tell him how you are feeling. You have a baby to care for plus a home, and a job.





Make him understand how tired this is making you and that he needs to step up and help out.





Tell him if he helps out more that that will help put you in the mood. Your tired!!!!





This happens to all women. But once you get a little extra rest you will feel better.





You may also be experiencing post partum depression. You may want to make an appointment with your doctor. He or she can ask you questions to determine this. They have medication that can help.





But even if you go to the doctor and find out that you have it there is still no reason for your hubby not to help do daily chores.





He helped make the baby,he helped make the mess, he can surley help clean up. There are 2 of you and the work load should be 50/50.





Tell him how you are feeling. Ask him to start helping out and I know that your sex drive will come back.





Men don't understand what kind of changes a woman's body goes through during pregnacy and after the birth of the child. A lot of times they think with there small head instead of the big one if you catch my drift. So we have to make there large head think before the small head gets it!!!!!





So embed the things he should know into his large head and tell him once he starts helping out and easing your work load that his small head will get a lot more attention!!!





I wish you Goodluck!!! I hope that this helps.
Your body needs time to recover for child birth, wait a few months for your body to heal itself. As for the moods that you are having it's normal for most women, you should try not to be frustrated this will make only make things worst plus your husband should help out a little, ask him to help you and explain how you feel.


Also if you can get your mom or his mom to help you out a little that will be a good help....
OK so you REALLY need to make your husband help with the baby. tell him ';OK so if i cook dinner and do the dishes, you can watch the baby'; or the other way around...its not fair to you as a mommy for you to have a job, come home cook, clean (oh yeah and then become super woman, save the world..) and then after all that come home and feel sexy for your turned on husband. Also, have you told him how your feeling? a lot of mistakes people make are not telling their partner how they feel, and when they don't realize whats going on we get angry with them. tell your husband exactly how you feel, then (because he's a man) tell him exactly how to fix it. i don't want to say men are simple, and he probably has no idea that he's making you so frustrated. but if there's a problem a good man will want to fix it and most of the time we cant just give subtle hints, we have to tell them exactly whats on our minds.





so good luck and do yourself a favor and take some time out for yourself, get a mani/pedi (believe me you will be thanking yourself later) just do anything that makes you feel like you again, and not like just a wife/mommy/superwoman. good luck girl!
This is normal. You are describing symptoms that could be linked to postpartum depression, a serious clinical illness. I suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist right away. You may even need medication. Also, talk to your husband and explain how you are feeling - exhausted from the work, overwhelmed by motherhood, etc. Don't blame him for anything. But maybe try to work out a way that would allow you to not work so much, or hire some part time help (housekeeper or babysitter). Good luck.
Try telling him how you feel and let him know that you need help taking care of the family. Noway he can expect you to be the mother, cook, cleaner, make money, and a lover with a 3 mo. old and not be frustrated. Definitely talk to him.
You don't feel the same attraction to him-or you are just a human being who is completely exhausted from everything you are taking care of right now and you feel that you need ';love time or intimacy'; when you are actually feeling that you are getting love. Right now your husband must earn that affection for leaving the grunt of the responsibilities on you when you've just had a baby. It's amazing how we feel that we must feel loved to give love. (I'd say it's actually called normalcy.) Trust me....in the next few months when that little perfect baby is sitting up and holding his/her own bottle and mom has a little more time to herself...things may begin to get better...until then....until then, just keep doing what you're doing and try to simply explain the situation to your husband.
Okay you just had a baby. You can't just start having sex all the time. Ask your doctor about this. He will tell you if your even ready for it. What your feeling is normal. Like I said YOU JUST HAD A BABY! You don't want anything going in or out of there!!! Now on feeling like your doing everything. You need to straight up tell him that he has to help you. Make him do some stuff. He helped you make that baby.
I would like to recommend reading ';the five love languages'; by Gary Chapman. What is so interesting that I think most couples don't realize is that everybody gives and recieves love in different ways (they communicate love to a spouse or friend in the way that they understand love to be). What ends up happening then is that each partner is speaking to each other in a different language! For example, my love language is quality time. So if my husband told me he loved me every day, was loving and affectionate, but would rather watch tv than sit and have a meaningful conversation with me, I would not believe he truly loved me because he was not demonstrating love in a way that would fill my love tank (quality time). And the same holds true if for example his love language was acts of service. Say I do his laundry, iron his clothes, and have a meal on the table every evening... he likely would never question my love for him. But what often happens is that he will try to love me in his language... for example, mowing the lawn and washing the car... and in his mind, he is loving me, but he doesn't recognize that my love language is different, my need different. Though for you, it doesn't sound like acts of service are his love language. Is it yours?





I want to encourage you to communicate with him. Think about his habits and his attitude when you do certain things... so that you can figure out what his love language is... and then communicate your own to him. Maybe you can read that book together.





The lack of sexual desire you feel is normal. Every marriage has its ups and downs of attraction. There is no living human that you will be attracted to 24/7. But I say ups and downs because that is exactly what it is. Your hormones are recuperating because your body has just undergone one huge undertaking! And it is a beautiful thing! Never doubt it for a second. But the passion can come back if you want it to. And I absolutely promise you that if you both can figure out your love languages, and communicate to each other in your respective languages, in your own individual dialects and needs, the passion WILL come back. And likely, it may be even more intense than before.





One last thought... miscommunication is a leading factor in divorce. When people don't communicate to their loved one that they are not feeling loved, resentment builds... they begin to withdraw emotionally and then when the partner feels withdrawal, they become edgy, unstable, afraid, easily angered and defensive. And then when this continues on for years often over something that could have been resolved in 10 minutes, they grow so far apart there is little hope to salvage. And a hint on how to affair-proof your marriage is to keep each other's love tanks full and over pouring. I often equate it to the fact that if you are sitting in a beautiful, fancy restaurant, just having eaten a huge 5-course meal, you are sooooo stuffed that you cannot even look at the tray of enticingly exotic desserts that pass by your table! It is the same with love. And if distance comes between you, feelings of dislike, resentment, frustration, etc... it is a sure sign that your love tank is low... possibly dangerously low... So the goal would be to identify how each of you love and in what language do you respond to love and then together, learn to truly love each other.


...hope this helps

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Marriage Falling Apart. Advice needed urgently!?

Married for 4 years, have one year old twins. Marriage is falling apart due to following problems in my wife:


Arrogance and Ego, Aggression and Anger, No respect of younger or elder, Lack of decision making power and changing decisions frequently, Non-adjusting and Non-compromising and Suicidal tendencies.


Is it a good idea to email her all these problems in detail citing examples, and ask her to work on them with a counselor or doctor with my full support if she agrees to work on them? But otherwise, mention to call for a divorce.





Please let me know if this is good idea or not or if you can think of any alternative ideas. Thanks much for you help in advance. Please do not make a joke of it and reply sincerely and seriously.Marriage Falling Apart. Advice needed urgently!?
If you have been together for 4 years then you must have had something good in the beginning that helped you fall in love in the first place. Try to keep in mind that love does not keep account of injury. If you want to work things out you might want to try reminding her of why you love her and asking her to do the same for you instead of telling her ';im angry because you did this or that'; let her know what she is doing right and then discuss what you can do together to fix whats wrong. I hope everything works out for youMarriage Falling Apart. Advice needed urgently!?
So the mother of your children has suicidal tendencies and you want to a write her an e-mail and tell her everything that's wrong with her? You know whats funny- not once do you mention anything you love about her- anything that makes you want to work it out and stay married. Seems you are too focused on the negative- which from your wife's point of view is probably a terrible way to live.
If you honestly think sending an email like that is constructive, then I don't think it would matter what you suggested, she's going to divorce you anyway. And a marriage doesn't fall apart due to just one person having issues-I'll bet she could give you a list and examples too. If you are actually interested in staying married, then go to a counselor TOGETHER and work on BOTH your issues, not just the ones you think she has. If you aren't willing to acknowledge your role in your marital problems, then get a divorce.
Your wife is passive-aggressive, this is very common in the women of today. She needs counseling and likely marriage counseling with you as well, this is the only way the problem will possible be corrected.


To ease your pain, I would advise having a girlfriend on the side as well, with the full understanding that you are married, don't lie! I know that sounds pretty hypocritical advice but I'm telling you man, it works, I've been where you are. You're a man you're not God!
When the women think her partner don't love her anymore or other women is invalid or Cheating . the become like this ! it is ok to email her the problem and more importing you have to prove her ,That you still love her and you can't love any one ales ,and you love your family you want to SUPPORT her at any time when she need that .


Good Luke
Wow, that is a TERRIBLE idea! You both need to go to marriage counseling TOGETHER, because I can guarantee that she has a list of faults in you that is equally long, if not longer. You mentioned a lack of respect, which makes me wonder how much older than your wife are you? I'm just curious. Anyways, my advice is marriage counseling before ultimatum. Good luck to you.
A separation under marriage counseling will be the most appropriate thing to do in your case. You have mentioned very serious issues with this woman which gives me the impression she does not have a good heart. Do not try to change things by staying under the same roof, she will feel very comfortable.





It will take a miracle to change all these negative traits, but, miracles do happen. If not, then you are better off divorcing and finding yourself a good woman with some humulity and decency in her.
Well, my first impression is that you're analysis is a bit cold and clinical. I understand that there's a place for that but I wonder if you're realizing that she's an emotional being and not just a pile of logic and rational thought.





I may be totally wrong but you may want to try some daiquiri mix, rum and ice in the blender, for both of you to chill out a bit and see how it goes from there.
Which of those problems did you contribute too? Good grief, she probably don't want to be married to you if that is how you really feel about her. I don't think you should email her, I think you should pretend to be an adult and try talking, it works wonders.
i'm sorry,i don't have any advice to give,i'm only fifteen!


But i just wanted to say i looove how you care enough to post a question to reach out to your marriage











i can tell you really care for this person%26lt;3


best wishes
It sounds as if she need serious counseling. I'm sure you tried a night out with her, and had a long talk. Above all else, be supportive and let her know that you're there for her. Good luck to both of you.
I hate it when my spouse sends those types of emails or texts. Be a man and say it to her. Take responsibility for your role in the relationship. Maybe you are cold and distant? I don't know. However, you do need to go to counseling.
So, all negative things point to her. I would like to know what she thinks about you.





Obviously professional help is needed for the sake of the children and the marriage.





Email her and see what transpires.
Marriage is a two-way street. Perhaps counseling is the answer. But, before that, you need to both sit down and talk. Emailing is the chicken way out. Makes me wonder how great you are in this marriage.
Dude, seriously, an email? Not a good idea. If she is all the things you say she is, she is liable to go off on you. Be a man and tell her face to face.
Not to sound sh*tty or cold it sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder. The only cure for BPD IS suicide...





Yeah, yeah...give me a thumbs down if you want but if you do that only means you've never met one of these monsters or are one yourself.





Let me guess, she victimizes herself and demonizes others?





If your answer is yes, she's probably BPD. Don't walk...RUN from this harpy. She will only make you and everyone around you miserable because that's what BPD's do best. They suck the life out of everyone unfortunate to come across one.





Get a good divorce lawyer and make sure you set strict guidelines for custody or visitation. You could get her baker Acted first so it will go in your favor when you file. Remember, the first one who files usually gets their way...
I wouldn't do it in writing, tends to show you are removed and wanting to avoid contact. If you have family or friends that could watch your twins for a few hours, take her out on a date - go to one of your old hangouts or a quiet dinner and don't talk about it. After dinner drive to a quiet area, a park, beach, wherever you won't be bothered and then tell her you love her and concerned and need to talk to her. Try not to argue and just tell her your concerns and how you want to make things better and would she be willing to go to counseling with you or on her own if she prefers for you, her and the kids. Hopefully she will talk with someone and appreciate your patience. Good luck.
Ok, I'm gonna focus on just one of these things: Suicidal tendencies.





That is serious business. If she feels suicidal, she needs to be getting treatment, and probably be on antidepressants. A lot of people feel like there's a stigma around mental health issues... but I think that you are well within your rights to tell her she must get treatment, or you will take the kids away from her. If she is suicidal, the children are in danger being with her, even more so if she's aggressive towards them and/or acts impulsively with them.





It is NOT a good idea to email this to her. Talk to her in person. Hopefully you can show her that you want this so that she can be happier, and that you still love her.
No I don't think e-mailing her is what needs to happen here. I think you need to sit your wife down and tell her how you feel. I'm sure there is more to this story then what is being said because there are always two sides to every story, however it doesn't change the fact that your marriage is in trouble. You need to express to your wife the importance in getting help to make your marriage last but that doesn't mean just her, that means the both of you together as a couple. She sounds as if she has alot of pent up anger inside her, so you need to question where that came from and why. The only way you guys can figure it out is honesty and communication.





Add on





Wow Chick A Deedle that was pretty harsh and no it's not because I am one but I do work with people who are and suicide is not the only answer for people with Personality Disorders. That was just down right cruel and heartless. Maybe you need to do some serious research on the problem so that you are informed. Suicide is never the answer no matter what type of problem they have. Everyone life has more value to it then that.
Married for 4 years and you are just now finding out she has all of these issues? I'm sure she had them before but you wanted to marry her anyway. The advice I have is that you work on yourself before you ask other people to change. I used to blame everything on my husband and his temper and ego. Then I worked on my own. Now when he starts to rare up and push my buttons I don't allow them to be pushed. I can control myself and accept situations as they are. I still have my moments when I blow up but they are a lot fewer than before. I take responsibility for my choices. I chose to marry him and I will work on it with him.





If you back her into a corner or send her an email you will only make her more angry. You have to find a way for her to be in control. If it is her idea she will be more willing. Some people just don't want to be told what to do.

I need advice on my marriage and what my future plans should be??

My husband is one of those sons, brothers, that is the good sheep of the family %26amp; he basically takes care of his mother, younger sister (who is older than me). They all are dependent upon him for different things. But the main thing, he is their savior. But when it comes to me, he basically, in his own way, has made me an independent woman %26amp; I cannot rely on him for anything. We recently purchased a second home over in my hometown %26amp; he encourages me to go over there which I do. I find peace there. After ten years of marriage, I have determined he will always be their savior, problem solver, mister money bags, etc. His mother is in stage 4 copd %26amp; emphezyma(after 45 years of smoking two packs a day). She is going into a nursing home. I have decided to move back home %26amp; live in my house in my home town. Do you guys think that when his mom does pass on, he will leave there %26amp; come live with me, or will he decide to stay to take care of his sister?


Not divorcing, just living seperately. ThnxI need advice on my marriage and what my future plans should be??
he hasn't done it yet...what makes you think he will then?I need advice on my marriage and what my future plans should be??
I think your husband has realized how dependant his family is on him and it was very important that you not be the same.





I've begged my husband to let me stop working now that we are married, and he always says that work is good and we both need to work. I just now figured out why - because he has a sister who is 36 years old and never held a job. She lives with their dad and mooches off his money left and right. His mom is now deceased but she also never held a job and took the dad's money.





Your husband probably wanted you to be all the things his family is not.
Smart girl! You may want to still have the company of a man, this will play into any plans to rid himself of you. Just be content and when you go out, make sure it is with many people, and not just a single man. You may not have any desire for a guy, but, appearances can be deceiving. Keep playing it smart!
I think any man who selfishly gets married only to carry on being more a part of his birth family and not the family he made by becoming a husband deserves to live on his own.





Why on earth didnt you put your foot down and say I dont put my own family before you so if you love me and are in love with me as you claim then why am I living like a widow while your mother and sister come 1st?.





His mother chose to smoke those 2 packs a day its not his job to be her main carer and why is he looking after the sister? does she have a mental disability? .





No he isnt coming to live with you his selfishness is more important then you otherwise you wouldnt be living alone now.
you are really i a dilema... i know that for a son to care for his mom... how about his other brods and sis... don't they pitch in with the helping??? and she was ur mom... i know that you wud care for her too... but the thing is... your married..as husbands and wife... he should know that... he has a responsibility to you and your kids... i think he must see to this... or he's too blind to understand???

Marriage proposal, any advice? (ramadan)?

A friend of mine proposed to me. He told me how was in love w/ me the whole 4yrs i've known him. We stayed on the phone longer than usual last night. He told me if he had the chance to marry me right now at this very moment he would.





The only problem is he's 23yrs with no job, goes to school on and off, and tends to party alot. Now when he told me this last night, I refused to give him answer, then he kept on insisting to meet him in person (go to movie, dinner, or talk in person).





If you were in my this situation, what would you do? Any advice?Marriage proposal, any advice? (ramadan)?
never proceed in doubt...





let's look at this..





he is 23


+


unemployed


+


on and off in school


________________


= Infatuated and irresponsible so def not ready for marriage








and how about you%26gt;? what do you do..are you ready for marriage or are just amused with the idea that omeoe wants to marry you?





marriage is a responsibility where two people become one..are you ready?Marriage proposal, any advice? (ramadan)?
whoa, you haven't met him in person? i would recommend first that you meet him if you are serious about him, but take a friend or parent with you just incase. if he is 23 with no job and still in school, tell him to finish school first and that you will consider it then. tell him you aren't ready yet. many times when people get married and are still in school, they wind up not finishing school either because their interests change or they wind up having kids and that changes everything. take your time.
If I were in your situation, I'd say no. IMO, the way you described him, he doesn't seem to be ready to actually settle down. And, I'm an old-fashioned type of person, he should propose through the right channels..i.e. parents/ relatives..


If he really wants to marry you, tell him to change his ways..





But that's just me..good luck =)
The most important thing is that the one proposing the marriage should be good in the Deen and in his character.





Insha Allah this article you will find beneficial:





http://www.troid.org/sisters/nikaah/choo…
He's about 7 years too young to get married even if he wasn't a party boy. SO, keep an eye on him to see if he develops into an adult (if you want to). But don't tether yourself to a loser this early in life.
Doesn't sound very mature of him. I would be uncomfortable marrying anyone if I had no job especially. I'd rather focus on getting my life together. Do you think you will not have serious problems with him, being the way he is?
id tell him he needs to smarten up. he needs to be way more responsible. u cant have a family w/ a guy like that! tell him 2 ask u when he has done that... then again it all daepends on wether u LOVE him or not! do u love him?????
He's not truly muslim if he doesn't pray five times a day, that's first. Second, what do u mean by partying? Mingling with girls and drinkings all haram. Don't trade ur religion for a guy.
Change your phonenumber, send your mahram to beat him up... Learn from this lesson, that it isn't for us as muslima to speak with the other gender...
Well, What do you think of him? I think you should give him a chance or at least talk more, then tell him your concerns about the partying. See what he says
If you're not sure, the answer should probably be no.
i would say NO!!


Come on!


he's not working


he cant afford getting married or supporting his own family
uh. please dont marry someone without a job
your age?


to me he looks a loser
Well...





If your not interested in Him...tell Him NICELY. Do not make Him feel stupid. Tell Him there are things that you need in a guy and have always wanted in a guy that He just doesn't have. Explain to Him that it isn't Him. Tell Him what a great guy He still is and you don't wanna take the chance to ruin your friendship because you have been great friends for so long and don't want to end it now.





But if you ARE interested in Him...and you DO want to marry Him. I would suggest your answer being .....YES! lol





I hope I was some sort of help to you my dear. =)





Good luck!





Blessings ~*Saira*~

Marriage discord- please advice?

I am a Hindu and I got married this year . she has become pregnant now. our relation was not good since 1st week of marriage. she is staying in her parents place sine 3 months and we are not in contact to each other. Now I am not interested to continue my relationship with her. I know its not easy to get divorce without her consent. But please guide me when I need to file the case. What are procedures related to divorce?Marriage discord- please advice?
Dear Kirugp,





Yes.. Now a days most of the girls are like that..


They have no patience and their level of maturity and understanding is so poor compared to the previous generation.





When we get married, we only give importance for the physical appearance and even though we want to know more about the girl, the chances are few and yet it s difficult,





So, we get into the most Vital chain of our life called Marriage just with a guess that everything ll happen smoothly.





But, when at certain point of time, we will get the clear picture of what our wife REALLLY is.





But at that time it will be too difficult to go back to get rid of the relationship.





Just We need to adjust with her, however she is. May be she too need to adjust with us however we are..





Its is really VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY Hard to get the exact girl who matches our frequency... Only few are blessed with that.. Almost 99% of the hubbies are just leading the life for the sake of their children and the society.





When years pass by you ll understand how to move with ur wife in a better way. Else u got ur kid to make u happy. She too may correct few of her mistakes and ll try to understand you. Hope everything will turn good for you and let the GOD give the patience till then....Marriage discord- please advice?
You have not enlightened about why your relation is not good and what and who is the cause for it. As it is said, You cannot clap from a single palm.


Whether your wife is working and economically independent.


Whether yours is love marriage and arranged marriage.


Whether you took dowry from your Parents in law?


Whether her mother is having a dominating role at her house?


If your Father in law is a muff and silent spectator for all the issues?


What about your Parents?Especially your Mother's attitude.


In many cases, the problem starts from Boy's mother such as quarreling, nagging and snubbing and disrespecting her daughter in law and you being a husband not taking care of such silly things of your Mother and letting her to all sorts of bad treatments from your mother. Not defending your wife in such circumstances so on and so forth will lead to dissatisfaction and bad opinion on you from your wife. Do not talk one way just for the sake of taking divorce. Your stand is not acceptable. You have to show love and sympathy to your wife and try to compromise in many things. Otherwise, there will be no end to such things and you will be marrying a girl every three months. It is not that easy to take divorce.
To my experience, I have seen several of these situations over silly marital disputes. Please do not make wrong in living her alone in her present pregnancy condition. Be sure and remained 100% assured, she will desire you after she delivers the baby. Please keep quite, rather visit her frequently, despite her rejections upon yourself and your parents. I assure you she will repent for the past ill behaviour on her own and will definitely beg apology on you. As well you are the sole guiding factor for her after she has been brought to your life as the sole mate. Thanks.
';Mahilao ki budhhi ulti hoti hai'; Lekin tum to pagal mat bano.She is going to become mother of your first child. 'Judai' me bhi pyar badhta hai. Let her live with her Mom for some time.Try to adjustment.Divorce is not a good option.It will be O.K. in due time.





Good Luck
If you are in a western country then it's a civil matter and you just get a lawyer and file the paperwork for divorce. You'll be owing child support, however, for the coming baby.
be very careful ..u say ur relation was not good since 1st week? Was it YOUR relation with her..or YOUR PARENTS?


that makes it a big difference..


when u guys marry n get ur wife home..keep in mind that she is new to everything..she needs some time to adapt ,and most of all a welcoming home...and not a nagging mother in law...








If they had some fights etc,did u show some respect towards ur wife?why would she make false allegations? Don't be blindly in love with ur mom..Most of the marriages which collapse are due to other family members...remember its ur child ,which will grow without YOU...





So visit ur wife,show some love n caring..after all she's carrying ur child ..try to keep her calm n relax..





And common sense tells that if ur family is so good,they will never let u abandon ur wife and ur child.





You say ,she will not give her consent..that itself shows that ,she does NOT want a divorce..so why are u wanting ??


you want to find out ways to get divorce without her consent??that puts u in a very bad light..sorry to say..





Also keep in mind,according to hindu marriage law..if ur wife goes n complains about ur parents within 7yrsof ur marriage or as u say she makes allegations ,in police,then they can go to jail .BUT she has not done anything like that,so she probably just needs some love n caring from you ..give her that.

Marriage Problem-need advice?

My husband is a good provider, good dad, doesn't cheat, fixes our house to make it nice, the only problem is that he is mean and selfish. He can be very mean, and selfish, for example when we didn't have enough money for me to have my own car, he spent $1200.00 on a sound system for his car, when I didn't even have a vehicle. This is just one of many many examples and is not even near the worst thing. People tell me that it could be worse and that there is no perfect marriages. What do you think?Marriage Problem-need advice?
I think he is selfish, but is it just with money. I have certainly seen worse, but if my wife needed a car I would not spend the money on a sound system. You also seem to contradict yourself, you say he is a good provider and a good dad but them that he is mean and selfish. Take an honest inventory of your relationship.Marriage Problem-need advice?
I agree that there are no perfect marriages. However, I think that he should have bought you a used car with the 1200 just so that you can get by instead of buying a unnecessary stereo for his car. In reality, I would expect my husband to drive the beat up car and give me the newer car. My husband is not perfect either but he is very generous and what's his is mine.





I suggest that to ameliorate you situation you should get a job and make your own money. This man will provide for your children but he will control you with his money and you can't accept that. Does it work if you make your own money and are very generous with it? Will it kill him with kindness?
Yes, he is selfish. And young and foolish. S stereo is nice, but not a necessity. In a marriage, that decision should have been made by both of you.





And he is also somewhat controlling you by not helping to get you a car, to find work or to go places. You need to talk openly and honestly and let him know how you feel now or things could get worse as the years go on.
this happened years ago and you are still stewing about it....let it go..





what he has done in the last 6 months...has he changed at all..





i bet he has..





we as women tend to hold on to all the ';crap'; that was done to us years ago..but as soon as the relationship is over we forget all about it and think of all the great stuff and how wonderful he was/is...





there will always be problems and hurts and if you ask him i am sure there is a lot that was done to him by you he could complain about..





let the past go ya can't change it..he sounds like a good catch and remember you know what you have and a lot of times it is waaaaaaaaaay better than what you could end up with...





we are all selfish in one way or another....let it go


good luck
Well, that's true. Nobody's perfect. Don't think that he is selfish, maybe after he is done setting up his car, he'll buy you a new one. who knows?
That sound system money could have got you a used car. As you seem ok with everything but this talk to him tell him if he can't give you money then you will find a part time job.
You're a baby.
how can he be a good provider if he didn't provide you with a car, sounds like he's selfish.
it could be worse and there is no perfect marriages. There,you made me say it!
I have the same issue. My husband is very hard to get along with because he wants things his way or no way. We fight constantly now because I put my foot down and fight for what I want as well. Slowly but surely we are learning to compromise. Since he put a sound system in his car, you tell him that you need to share the car, and when he is home from work you get to use the car at your own convenience. A marriage is 50/50 if you don't have yours you use his. Make up a schedule where you will need to use the car after his work hours. Or if possible take him to work,and pick him up. Therefore you have a car during the day. Try and sit down with him and think of solutions and compromise. I find that ever since I became a stay at home mom my husband has had the attitude of I pay the bills, I am the man, and what I say goes. The reason we fight is because he is basically treating me like a doormat. I mean how do you feel? I noticed that you listed your husband as being a good man in every other topic but as a good husband or how he is suppose to treat you. It's definitely a good thing that he doesn't cheat but he should still treat you great. My mother in law told me you have to pick and choose your battles. Right now your battle seems larger than the car stereo it seems like you need to get your husband to realize that you are important too, and that he needs to start thinking of you as much as he thinks of himself. I'm not trying to tell you to start a fight but if he is as mean as you state there will probably be fighting. I agree that there are no perfect marriages, but in a marriage your husband and you should be a team not one Superior to another. I hope I helped you in some way for the better. Good luck.

Marriage issues-need advice?

I have been married to my husband for 2 1/2 years, and we have been together for 5 years. We have a two year old son.





Neither one of us are happy anymore. It is not anything serious where we are even considering divorce. We are not the type of people that will get divorced over stupid little everyday problems that everyone has.





We also have no problem in communicating with each other, in fact, we are sometimes too honest with each other!! We have discussed what we don't like about the other person, but neither one of us seems to change.





My husband has very high standards for himself, which is a good thing, but he drives himself crazy when things aren't going his way and in his control, and he drives me crazy too! I sometimes feel like he tries to be my father.





Our fights are almost always about him criticizing me over something, and me calling him out on being an a-hole. Granted, somethings he is right about, but a lot of things he is just being crazy. I used to just brush this off, but now these fights are becoming a daily occurence, and it is really getting to me. I am normally a happy person, but he depresses the hell out of me. He gets upset that we don't have sex more often, but why would I want to have sex when he was being a douche to me just a few hours ago? He always seems to apologize at night, right before he asks for the sex.





I do love him, but it has got to the point that I don't like him as a person anymore. I am ashamed to feel this way, but I can't help it. He is a great father and an amazing provider. He just makes me hate him sometimes. Any one else go throught this? How did you deal?Marriage issues-need advice?
You could go to counseling....? And really, counseling is a much better and cheaper way to go rather than a divorce. Also, pick up the book called His Needs/Her Needs. $20 at the book store. It is written by a Christian author however it only has 3 verses in it and it only states the verse, no preaching. So I feel like its a great book for non-believers as well. Read it together, a chapter a night. And do what the book says. I LOVE to read but I can't read self-help books. This book, by far, was the easiet book I have ever read.





Marriage is about finding that ONE person you want to annoy for the rest of you life...LOL. And throughout the course of your marriage, you will fall in and out of love. Since it seems you like you two are OUT of love right now, at least you recoginize it and know something needs to change.





Again, get the book. And don't be so stubborn and say, ';oh a book can't help...'; If a $20 book can point you in the right direction, why not...?





That book is great for newlweds, premarriage reading and veteran couples. My husband and I read it together and we make sure to remind ourselves of each others needs. Another read is The 5 Love Languages.





GOOD LUCKMarriage issues-need advice?
Sometimes in your marriage you'll hit a rough patch...nothing that will destroy the marriage, but something that you just can't seem to get beyond on your own...It's those times that are good for some counseling sessions - to help you re-group in order to move forward. Try it.
Counseling would help a great deal. It would help him understand that high expectations are unrealistic and you to deal with ';his'; issues.
Simple. I bought a trailer and some property. No divorce, but no wife either. I saved thousands on legal fees.
I was just divorced, its a stupid thing to do. Never let that be a option. Take more time off work and spend time together. Maybe get outside more often and have someone watch the child. Dont talk about the problems, just enjoy the outdoors or a good movie together and relaxxx. Start by maybe sending himn flowers and explaining that your sorry things have been so confrontational at home. As a guy the sexiest thing is a woman who is strong... YET very humble and respectful to her husband. Try your hardest to never raise your voice to him no matter what he says. We guys tend to follow suit to a woman. So if your raised voices or confrontational attitude is never there.. we have nobody to argue with.. Sounds completely retarded yes i know. But its entirely the truth... Hope things get better.
You say that you have a great relationship. You say that you communicate very well. I think you need to listen to yourself and talk to him. If you don't get this off your chest it will continue to grow. I can tell you from experience that you are at the Crucial point in your relationship right now and if you don't fix it one or both of you will stray or want to end the marriage. If you don't think talking is working. Go to marriage counseling. You have the first part of the problem handled because you realize there is a problem.

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Marriage. College. Jobs. Advice?

My husband %26amp; I got married in March 2007. We are not having marital problems or anything like that. We're doing great (in that manner). He is 25 years old %26amp; has his bachelors degree. He's still working at the same job he had in college (cell phone rep). He has applied for about 65 jobs in the last year %26amp; hasn't been able to find a new job. His degree is in commercial aviation. He has a private pilot's license, but he doesn't want to fly for a living. He didn't realize that in school. He's planning on starting grad school for his MBA in January. I'm a senior in college, but not graduating till next year. I'm taking 18 credit hours a semester and absolutely do not have enough time to work b/c my grades will suffer and I'll lose my scholarships %26amp; financial aid (it happened last year...). His loans are at $103,000 %26amp; they're over a thousand dollars a month to pay back. Money is VERY tight right now and he's always stressed out. We don't use credit cards. Our cars are paid off. We're renting the cheapest apartment we can find. We're able to pay all our bills, but we never have any extra money. And he feels very insecure about it. I always try to encourage him. I don't complain about it (not often anyway). He's just always so bummed %26amp; feels worthless b/c all his hard work %26amp; education = nothing. Ideally, he'd like to get his MBA in leadership %26amp; work for an airline or aircraft manufacturer (like Lockheed Martin). I know we're only in our 20's %26amp; life will eventually get better. But he has a hard time realizing it. I grew up poor, so this is nothing new to me. But his family lives in an amazing house by the beach %26amp; make big $$$$$$$, so he struggles with the concept of being poor.





What would help him? Should he see about using anti-depressants or something? Life is going to be like this for at least 3 years...Marriage. College. Jobs. Advice?
1) Can you get by with ONE Car?





2) See about adding renters insurance to your auto insurance policy. This would cut your rate a little, and add coverage making your monthly payment cheaper.





3) Have you considered buying a house? Rent is usually more than a mortage payment, and if you shop around, you might be able to roll up some of the student loans with the house financing.





4) Would it be worthwhile for you to cut back on classes to take a part time job? Maybe take some classes on line?





5) Do his parents have a second home you could stay in rent free for the school year? Offer to pay rent during the summer, or be out by the end of the school year. Since they are wealthy and are making him pay his own way through school, this could be an option that you have not explored. Also look into house sitting, and things like that.





6) Try some Government job sites to get his dream job now. It is not very encouraging to see someone working as a Cell Phone Rep with a college education that cost 6 figures. Do a google search for USAJOBS and GI Jobs. There are several links for the kind of work he is hoping for. Also look under the company names. Everyone has their own site, and there is usually an email address / POC.





7) Have you tried to get a deferment on his student loans?





8) Did he qualify for any grants?





9) (This one is shitty, and I know it .... but I watch people do this all the time .....) Get a divorce.





Get a divorce, file bankruptcy, clear the student loans, and 6 months later ';work things out'; and remarry on your anniversary date. You dont have any other debts, and there is no way in hell you want to pay the minimum payments for this amount of money for the next 3 years. He will be 30, with no house, and you will be starting a family late in life. By the time your kids leave the nest you will be in your 50's. You will have 10 years to enjoy before retirement, providing your kids pay for their own college education. ';Can you say visious circle?'; The sooner you contribute to savings, and retirement plans, the earlier you can retire, or the more you will have.





70% of all jobs are found by networking. Resumes and education achievements are nice, but in the end, it is who you know. Your husband needs to make contacts NOW so that he can find something by the time you are ready to look.





10) You could always join the military. They have programs to pay off student loans instead of taking enlistment bonuses. Avation is a job in the military, and it would help your husband get to where he wants to be. It could be the option that you haven't considered. Marriage. College. Jobs. Advice?
My son went to College and has a bachelors degree in Electronics Engineering. He starting salary was $65K a year.


That was five years ago. Today he is making over 100K a year and what he learned in College he doesn't even use.





What my son does is program the big computers. One day he is in California and tomorrow he is NewYork.





The company pays his Motel, rental cars and food every day.





He wants to retire in ten more years. He is only 27 years old and that young man has more money than I do.





College is wonderful when you take the right course.





My son is not married yet, but he will find his sweetheart someday. Right now he is enjoying his life, his job and all the money he is making for a single man.





The reason why he makes so much money is because there is no room for errors. If you goof up one time you're fired. Only the best are allowed to program the computer.





He takes his lap top with him jumps in does his job and he's out of there on a plane flying to his next destination.





I encourage all young adults out of High School to seriously think about College and taking a course in Electronics Engineering...you will go far in this life I kid you not.
Try to refocus him by doing fun, relaxing or interesting things together. Show him that life can be good even w/out $, but give him confidence and reassurance that things will improve. Set goals and make plans for your future together so the 2 of you have those things to look forward to. Things are so much more greatly appreciated when it involves some struggle or sacrifice to achieve them.
YOU HAVE TIME ON YOUR SIDE. AN EDUCATION IS A VALUABLE THING AND OFTEN PEOPLE DO NOT GOT INTO WHAT THEY STUDIED FOR. WHAT IT DOES SAY TO AN EMPLOYER IS THAT HE SAW IT THRU!!!!!!!!!!! HE STUCK TO A COLLEGE CAREER AND THUS, JUST NEEDS A CHANCE TO PROVE HIMSELF. IF HE WANTS TO GO INTO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, THAT IS OK AND A GOOD DECISION. HE WILLL JUST HAVE TO GET REAL ABOUT LIFE AS IT IS TODAY. EVEN HIS PARENTS DIDNT START OUT WITH A GRAND HOME AND 3 CARS. HE JUST NEEDS TO GET REAL.
My advice:


We are in a service economy which means we are not manufacturing much but fixing what we have. Being adaptable in this struggling economy is a must. Being a cell phone rep is a service economy job. Repairing aircraft, automobiles, trades at a utility are the higher paying opportunities. Be real, there are plenty of MBA leaders with experience looking for jobs now. The best leadership training he will get will not be from college, it will be from leading his family through tough times by being strong and creative.

Marriage Woes. Any advice would be great.?

I've been married to my wife for over 15 years. We both work and many years ago she decided she wouldn't help pay the bills and spend her paycheck on herself. To make ends meet I started driving a truck which puts me away from the house a lot and she hates it. I've tried to talk to her about why she refuses to help financially but won't give me an answer and changes the subject to other things.


For the last eight years we've slept in separate rooms. And, when I'm home she spends all her time in her bedroom watching TV alone.


I'm done and ready to move on. What do you people think?Marriage Woes. Any advice would be great.?
I think you're a fool for staying that long, putting up with that much sh*t, and then asking other people what they think. Grow a pair, dude. The world's a waiting. There are thousands of fine women out there that will be GREAT partners to you. Time is wasting!Marriage Woes. Any advice would be great.?
It seems you have a very selfish wife and she had effectively abandoned you the day she moved to a separate bed room.





Tell her you still love her and want to put right the things that make her unhappy. If she refuses to talk, ask her to go with you for counseling. If she still refuses, you will have to see a divorce lawyer.
That is really sad you have been sleeping in separate rooms for 8yrs!


Sounds like it was over along time ago.


As for the income and her unwillingness to help is also very odd and wrong.There would have to be alot of changing on her part in order to make it work but it dose not sound good.
Man,


That is no life. How old are you? You've probably got years of potential passion and love ahead. Move on. You're being taken for a ride and I don't mean by your TRUCK!


She left you long ago-wake up and smell the coffee-make tracks dude.


Roll On Out!
dood you shoulda moved on 10 years ago.





give her an ultimatum. if she still loves you tell her to put herself in shape and start contributing to your household.





and if she won't tell her bye bye baby!!





that is totally unfair to you!
Looks like you guys need to go see a marriage counsler and if she doesn't want to go, go yourself. You need some professional help, Is divorce a possibilty? You may want to start looking around for a divorce attorney. Sorry.
Sounds to me like you were done eight years ago and


are just now realizing it.
Yes you should move on because it sounds like she already did.
Why did you agree to her not helping out with bills? You've been a pushover for the last eight years. Yes, get out now.
Sounds like it sucks to be you, what are you going to do about it?
you guys need counseling
a little late but better late than never.





rd
I think you need to pressure her into tallking to you and understanding why all this is happening, and if not suggest counseling. It seems there is lack of communication between you two, so that`s what you need to work on. Moving on is not an option when you can resolve this just by opening up. It be easy for me to say, yeah, move on, don`t even bother...but 15 years is a long time and all your energy spent shouldn`t be worthless. Your problem could be worse, like either of you having an illness or something as tragic as that. I think you should work on your marriage to make it work and work as hard as possible. Many people here might suggest you moving on because in these days, it seems that`s the only solution. People don`t want to work on their marriages, it it easier to divorce or separate, but these are immature people who want it easy, and marriage is not easy. Nothing is, but until you haven`t tried all options, you should not give up.
yeah, she's done too. sounds like she moved on eight years ago. look, you're the man...if you didn't like the way things were going you should have stepped up as leader of the home and decided where the money would go if it's putting you out working a second jobs to make ends meet. that's just rediculous. seems like this woman must have had a really bad example of what marriage is growing up. does she have another man on the side? ask her if she wants you to have another woman on the side since she seems to take no interest what so ever in you. don't actually have an affair or anything close though. be sure to break it off respectfully with her first and without any bitterness or resentment against her and then start dating again. good luck!

Need some good advice on my marriage issue PLEASE...men and women, thanks?

Hello, I wanted to get some opinions here. I am 25 and been with my hubby since I was 15. We have grown together and had lots of good and bad times..as most marriages do. But for the past year or a bit longer, my husband has been drinking pretty heavily. I have a problem with this. I have talked to him numerous times about this and help. He always says he will quit, but tomorrow. I am at my breaking point. He is a very good man, better than I can ask for. But this is a real issue for me. Its too much, everyday as soon as he gets home from work. I dont like the way he is, I feel like Im with another man all the time. Not who Im in love with. My feelings for him seem to be fading. I love him with all my heart, but I cannot stand another day of this. Money issues, fights, ect. Last night, after he had plenty..he wanted me to take my usual trip back up and buy more. I told him no and kinda freaked. All had built up and I finally told him I think I was falling out of love with him.Need some good advice on my marriage issue PLEASE...men and women, thanks?
Within a marraige every person changes, its part of growing up. Some turn out to be totally different people, some have mix of but new and old. We might like or not like this new changing person i.e. fall out of love, but that is all part of our growth.





You and your husband are on a similar track. The person you fell in love with and married is taken over by a person who is drunk all the time whom you dislike. If your timing for snapping at him was right or wrong it does not matter. What now matters is if he changes his ways do you still want to be with him?





If the answer is yes, then that is what you got to work on. I think you did hit the message home in anger, now you have to deliver the same message with love. Talk to him, tell him you love the sober person and hate the drunk. Tell him the drunk person is taking over his life and ruining our marriage. You are still in love but with the sober person and not with the alcoholic. Tell him once again, that you are there to help him and right beside him through his detox process. And that he is a strong man and he can do it. Tell him that you know deep down inside he is a very caring, loving and repectful husband, but the alcohol blocks it out. Tell him you love him and want to be with him only if he agrees to get some help for his problem. Tell him you know it wont be easy it might take a few tried, but you are right beside him to love him and hold him.





I hope this helps. good luckNeed some good advice on my marriage issue PLEASE...men and women, thanks?
I am glad it is going good for you. Hang in there both of you and good luck. Report Abuse

Not easy being married to a drunk, I know that first hand.


I can't tell you what you should do, I can only tell you what I did. I left...but he was also being abusive. May I suggest getting in touch with one of the support groups for families of alcoholics? That might be a good place to start...give you some sort of foundation for the choices you will have to make in your life and whether to live with or without an alcoholic.
You did say the right thing. Nothing to feel guilty about.


What is happening is that he is falling in self pity due to the alcohol and is trying to make YOU feel guilty. That's the thing with alcoholic. He won't admit he has a problem.





What you need to do now, is to leave him. To make him make a choice between alcohol and you.


A separation doesn't equal giving up on your marriage.


What you do when getting separated to someone you love, you are sending them a clear message: get your acts together OR...





He needs you to act tough with him.


He needs a reality check for the penny to drop.


If you are not strong enough, you'll end up supporting his addiction and he'll die or you'll just condemn yourself to a life of misery.





Tell him and mean it. : I'm leaving you until you sort yourself out. You have to make a choice. I love you, but you love the bottle more. So, it's me or the drink. Make up your mind.
been there, done that....my solution was to divorce him before i literally ended up in a padded room, and since i had 2 small children to think about, that was NOT an option!





i, too, loved him with all my heart -- until i began to hate him. but it's a personal decision that no one can make for you...everyone can deal with different amounts of different problems, i reached my breaking point and had to ask him to leave.





think long and hard, but chances are he won't quit soon, and may not quit at all. kinda weird, though, it sounds like he started drinking out of the blue...can you nail it down to anything particular that set him off to start?





don't give up quite yet, not until there's nothing to continue for...took me 10 years of marriage. you may want to try focusing on the cause of the drinking rather than the drinking itself to try to get to the bottom of it.
adjust in life and care your hus to help from drink
It sounds like your hubby might be having some problems of his own right now. If he is drinking more and more than what he ever did before, it might be due to depression. He could be trying to drink his feelings away. You said what you had to in order to get his attention. Maybe now that you have it, he will listen. Do not give up on him yet though, it really does sound like he might be suffering from depression and should see a doctor for it to get on medications. Another reason I think that might be the issue, besides the drinking, is also the way he put himself down after you said that stuff to him. Try to get him in for some help, before you give up on your relationship, especially if things are great without the alcohol.
I am RIGHT NOW in the same boat as you.





But, no matter how much we talk, hollar, tell him we don't like it...they're adults and gonna do it anyways.





I left mine for a while, he slowed down when I came back, but got comfortable again, (I am assuming never quit) and we're back to square 1...I still don't like it, and he's gonna do it.





I have just decided to not worry about him drinking, because I don't, and I know that I'll always be sober to take care of whats needed around here, he goes out and get's the ';bacon'; so he needs time to relax.





I have just one rule, He cannot drive when he starts drinking and he goes along with that one.





It's one of those, I just give up things, beccause he's gonna do it whether I like him to or not.





I have been and still am at my wits end with this, hoping someday he'll realize how friggin' stupid it is, and how much he's missed.





Things that helped, but caused a few arguments:





1. Don't run to the store for him, if he's got the problem, then he needs to go get what he wants before he starts drinking.


This one will piss him off, because once he's done with what he bought, you should have his keys (see no. 2) and he can't go anywhere to get any more. Hard sober up period.





2. Make him aware that he is not to drive while he's drinking and that if he wants to continue this you need his keys to his car. Form of punishment, they want a mom, now they got one.


Realize it's only for love, not really being nasty.





3. If he gets pulled over for any reason, DWI, wrong place wrong time, etc...


Let him sit there for the night or whatever.


Mine called me one nite, and I let him sit there for a while, when we woke up, we went to find his keys, he didn't know who had them. I yelled at him for about 2 hours (hangover period, head hurts, etc NEARLY got my own AZZ locked up cause I was not stop yelling at him), when he got out of my car (prolly the happiest moment in his life..LOL), and found his keys and truck, I told him, don't do this again, cause next time I am not savin' your AZZ.


Caused a fight the next day, but got my point across, I was pissed off and tired of all his drinkin' BS





Now he's careful and not get pulled over because everytime we pass that place, I tell him, DON'T FORGET..YOU'LL SIT IN THIS TOWN. (3 hours from home-he goes to school)








WE KNEW IT WHEN WE MARRIED THEM!!!





I personally have given up the fight wtih mine about this, as long as he doesn't drive after he starts.





BTW...mine is not physically abusive to me or my kids, except for us having to be watching him do it.
You are doing the right thing by telling him how you feel and how is alcohol abuse is affecting you. You have ten years together, your husband needs you now. Talk to him about counseling, tell him you want this marriage to work but if he doesn't get help you may have to leave. You have to be strong. Try to think if it was you with the problem, what would you want from your spouse? I wish you luck. It will be hard because he has to WANT help in order for this to work.
I suggest ala-non. It is free, there are meetings everywhere. You could call a counselor (any psychologist in your phone book) if alanon is not specifically mentioned. Good luck, this might help your marriage--it will definitely help you.
He's using guilt to make you feel sorry for him. By him saying he is not a good father, etc.





Tell him what you told us, that you would rather be single than deal with this stuff.





You are too young to deal with a lifetime like this. Do everything you can to make him get help before this gets out of control. He probably can quit this behavious on his own but he has to want to do it.





The longer you stay there and tolerate it, even if you get pissed at him, is just enabling him to continue being this way.





If you leave him, he will probably use that as an excuse to drink even more.





Gently suggest to him that if he is unable to keep his promise to quit on his own that there are ways to get help.





Check out AA's website, maybe you can get some ideas there


www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
I was once that guy! I am married to a wonderful woman and i think RebeccaD and theoptomist have some very good points. I bet there is alot more going on in his life than you know. Probably some financial issues, maybe he is balding a little or putting on some weight, maybe he got passed over for a promotion, maybe he feels he is on a dead end street with his career. I had all those issues and more and I ended up having an affair. It was the worst thing ever because it really hurt my wife when she found out. Right now he needs someone to listen to him and not judge him! He knows he is doing wrong and to judge him is likely to push him further away. Now that does not mean that you are not honest with him. You are exactly right to say what you did and be honest, now it is time for him to be honest with himself!!! My wife and I are still married and now we are stronger than ever. I have had several offers for affairs but have turned them down and even told my wife about the offers. Catch him when he is not drinking and tell him just what you said, you love him but you are not in love with him. Do not leave God out of this equation because I was once a minister and then after I left the ministry is when I started drinking and messing around. Pray like you have never prayed before and set the example for him. If he sees you praying for your marriage, it will touch his heart. He may never say anything publically but it will not go unnoticed. He likely does not like himself right now and that is his way of dealing with things. I pray God's blessings on your home.
if he's not willing too get help then there is no stopping Him but if he won't stop i hate to say the are there kids involved and if i were you i would probably get out of the situation then if he really changed and things could be the same again then try to go back to your normal life and tell him you want to get help and you go every step of the way with him and do it together and he needs to think about your feelings just you need to think about his feeling but there is a limit to the. drinking and i don't not minding a friend i have having a little but i do not and he is not aloud to get really drunk around my children they are not aloud to see the alcohol but i will realy think about how you want the rest of your life to be


he is not being a good fathe rif he showing his children this is waht life leads to but and he is trying to make you feel bas don/t stick to your guns it is going to get really rough i rally wish you alot of luck . i left my childrens father cause he would get of a drug and couldn't take it anymore best thing in my life i ever did
talk to him when he is not drunk... may be in the morning.


tell him that its taking your life away.


tell him how you are hurt.





Most important tell him that you are not controlling him.


tell that its our relation and its getting hurt and i feel lonely.
He sounds like he's on the road to alcohol abuse, if he isn't there already. Be firm with him and tell him that you two MUST seek help ';or else.'; Be down-right honest with him; you'd rather be single than put up with this for the rest of your life. You just love him too much to let him continue doing this to himself.





Good luck!
Life is not easy Some thing not right for him.He must love you a lot Get help. Look at the way his dad was. This well help. and tell you where you are going. A lot of time the past tell the future. Look in to his past.
Showing and explaining your real feelings- not the reaction feelings, but being really open and honest. Did you tell him the things you said in the question- ';He is a very good man, better than I can ask for...I feel like I'm with another man.[when he drinks]...'; You aren't doing anything wrong by being honest. Marriage should be about honesty and our husbands should be the only people that know us better than anyone. We should never be afraid to tell them how we feel or think our feelings are invalid.





I would also pray that God would soften his heart and open his ears to what you have to say before you talk to him. And that God would show you the reason he is drinking so heavily, because there is something at the root of it all that triggered it. When I started having episodes of getting drunk, I know it was because I felt like my life was done, I missed (never went) the college fun party time, got married right away, only had been with one person, had kids right away. The pressure can just build up on you. But when my husband told me his feelings about it and I realized how much I hurt him, I was like I didn't miss anything. I want to be with my husband and my kids and I don't need all that other stuff. Lots of people long to find their ';soul mate'; and have a family. And I am so grateful to have such a supportive husband and of course I love my beautiful children. And we need to be supportive wives (which I hadn't been for awhile) and stick by our men.
Nicki, do you have kids with him? If you do, then tell him for your children's sake they deserve a father who is willing to get help for his drinking problem and he must seek help or you will leave, then mean it.





If you don't have kids, it will be SO much easier for you to give him his space without worrying about your little darlin's missing Daddy. Just leave, give the relationship a healing period where he can hit his rock bottom and decide his future with you or not. Don't chase him and lead the relationship, I'm there and once you lead you ALWAYS have to lead and you'll feel no sense of fulfillment or happiness...
He sounds like my husband. You have two choices as I see it. Accept his behavior and stay. Or leave. If you have talked to him about his drinking and he continues, he has a problem and needs to get help. Him telling you that he's a failure and such is a ploy for you to build him up. Sure he feels bad, but he probably needs help to get over this. You have a tough decision to make. My husband talks about quitting all the time. I've decided to stay, but I know what you mean about wanting you husband back. Mine is a different person when drinking too. I pray alot for him and hope that someday he takes care of himself. Until then, I enjoy my sober times with him. I married him, I work it out.
I know you may not want to hear this but you may have to go see a doc. to work it all out. For the realtionship and his problem. My dad is doing this to my mom every night when he comes home. She calls me crying and upset. She said just like you that he has become a different man. I don't know how my mom does it but she puts up with it. But when she goes to bed it is on her mind and it drives her up the walls.





If that can't be done I wish be best for you and him! Good Luck Hun! : )
What did he say?
You need to talk to him when he's NOT drinking, maybe this weekend, and let him know that his drinking every day as soon as he gets home from work is becoming a huge problem. Let him know that he needs to take steps to GET HELP. Saying he's going to get help isn't the same as actually, physically getting help.
First, I don't think u were bad or being mean for what you said, it's true %26amp; his alcoholism makes him selfish...only caring about the drink when you have asked him repeatedly to quit drinking. My suggestion is that you do one of two things, give him an ultimatum that if he doesn't quit drinking or get help that you will leave him %26amp; take the kid(s). This is sometimes what it takes to get addicts to quit...and you shouldn't feel bad for this. If you guys don't have money for treatment, maybe go to interventiontv.com, its the website for that show intervention...i think it provides useful info on how to get help. I hope all goes well..your in my thoughts %26amp; prayers!
I dont feel like you said anything wrong. This has been a problem for over a year.





Sometimes it takes the one that person loves the most to get brutially honest so they open their eyes. You have a family, and he needs to realize this.





What I would do if I were in you place (and I understand that's easy to say) is try to find out why the drinking started in the first place. And why is have became an every night habit.





Since this has been going on for over a year, he might need further help than you. He might need counseling. And if he doesnt think it's a good idea I would simply ask him if it was worth it to him for you and his family.





My mother drank for many years...It was very hard to get her to stop, she did do it without counseling. But it did take alot. I hope everything works out for, and I wish you the best of luck
I think you did the right thing in telling him your feelings and refusing to get him more alcohol. He will have to choose what he wants, either to get help for his problems, talk about his problems with you, or straighten up and take you seriously, especially since he knows that your feelings are fading.





If he cannot do this, then I would think that living with situation is not something you would want, especially for another 10, 20, or 30 years, and you will know the time to take actions.





Good Luck.
He is an alcoholic- alcohol has ruined his marriage, so he has a serious drinking problem. Talk to a counselor as soon as possible. Join Al-Anon.





I suggest that you have an experienced counselor arrange an intervention. You get a group of family members together and surprise him and tell him he needs to go to rehab and have it all ready so he just goes then and if he doesn't go, then you go.





The old myth that he has to want to do it for it to work has been proven untrue. People can be forced into treatment and it can be just as effective as the people who do it on their own initiative.





Laura Bush forced George to do a Christian substance abuse program by threatening to leave with the kids. It happens all the time.





I work with people who have substance abuse problems (crim defense lawyer). I do not tell them to stop drinking. I tell them to go do substance abuse treatment. I tell them to get into programs like church, counseling, 12 step programs. The ones who think they can just do it on their own don't succeed usually. Then, they drink more because they feel that they are failures and will never be able to stop drinking.





It is better to find an effective program than just to rely on willpower. He needs more than willpower or he would have already stopped drinking.





Meanwhile, you need to take care of yourself. It is extremely difficult to live with an alcoholic. You need a support system. Try a good church and a good Al-Anon group and counseling.


Best wishes.
he's laying on the thickest guilt trip with you right now and you can even see it b/c you are so in love. the drinking most likely wont stop and what you need to do is get some counseling. but find a marriage councilor that also knows and can help with substance abuse


blessings and luck to you