X-widower need advice on new marriage. my deceased husband didn't know my secrets i kept.?

my deceased husband cheated on be while i was pregnant with our 2nd child.,17yrs ago. (it was my sister) i caught them!,in our house,they where in engaging while i was sleeping. then a few months after that i started firting with a neighbor, phone conversation ,touching ,and kissing ';ONLY'. out of anger, but i never told him. should I tell my new husband what did?I only told him half of this story. what do you think?X-widower need advice on new marriage. my deceased husband didn't know my secrets i kept.?
What you did in the previous marriage has no bearing on the new. You also obviously feel guilty about it, so I doubt there is very little chance of you doing it again.





I say don't tell.X-widower need advice on new marriage. my deceased husband didn't know my secrets i kept.?
Just let the past go. Don't say anything. What good would it do?
I wouldn't, all it may do is make him question your faithfulness to him! I'd let your secret die with your husband! Sorry for your loss and your sister, had a simular experience and it's not an easy one to deal with. Hope you have a very happy faithful new life with your new man!
I dont think you should disclose this. It will only make him not trust you, and if it was only this one time in the past, then leave it in the past. We dont need to share every detail of our past with each other.
You are getting a fresh start with someone new, no need to muck it up with old drama, it has no bearing on this relationship.
Even if it is in the past, you shouldn't keep secrets from someone you're going to marry or are already married to. I would just sit him down tell him the whole truth %26amp; move on.





He might feel like you can't trust him if later on down the road you two have an argument %26amp; for some reason it blurts out of your mouth -- he might question why you didn't tell him before. Either way you're going to get caught in the middle of it if you tell him now or later. I'd do it now to get it over with %26amp; out of my head.


I don't know how long you two have been together, but if it's been a couple of years I don't know how you've made it through by keeping a secret like that from him. And maybe while you two are talking just simply ask him if there's any secrets he has just so you guys are fair. You should be open with each other -- the longer you keep secrets like that the more likely they'll come back to haunt you later on in life. Just get it over with, trust me you'll be much happier to get it off your shoulders.
I think the past is past. Let it go. It is never good to discuss past loves with a current love. Tell new hubby that you are looking forward to a bright future with him, and avoid all discussion of past loves.
Truthfully that is up to you. I my mind's eye it is the past between you and God. Many people have things that they have kept from loves, parents,and friends. What matters is the present..the now. If you feel that you must share the information, trust that it will work out .. for the best. Pray and let God led you is really the best advice I can give!!
Is it relevant to your relationship with him? If not, then don't.





If you're feeling guilty now because you only told your new guy half the story and now he thinks you're a saint and your ex is a bum, then just tell him you began flirting with the neighbor because you were furious at your husband (who wouldn't be?) and you wanted revenge.





If your new guy doesn't understand how you felt after that and can't understand why you were mad and why you did something negative like flirting with the neighbor, then you have to ask yourself if this is really the guy for you. If he doesn't understand the dark side of you, or you're afraid to show him that you even have a dark side, how are you gonna get through the next 20 to 30 years of marriage?





What's your relationship with your sister like now I wonder?
Just so you know, you are an EX-WIDOW, not an ex-widower. Widower is for a man. widow is for female.





the answer to your question though is...you can tell him if he is secure in himself as a man. Being that you didn't cheat anyways, shouldn't be a big deal. but if he is a whiney baby boy, then keep it to yourself.
I believe you should be honest to your spouse about who you were as well as who you are. Life is wonderful when you don't have to worry about ghosts from the past coming back to haunt you.
He didn't need to know any of the story, but now that you told him half, you should tell him the rest. You could have always stood by your desire to not bring disgrace to the deceased, but you already blew that excuse. Now your just being dishonest with him. At any rate, make your decision now and stand by it. Telling him later will only make him wonder how dishonest you really can be. I'm not a Saint, just telling you what I think the bitter truths of this scenario are.
If he asks, you have to be honest. Otherwise, just let sleeping dogs lie (literally). (that was a pun with lie and lie)
I don't think this is something you have to reveal unless it is eating at you and you feel like you need to. People getting into new relationships often carry some baggage. That is to be expected.
no reason to bring it up ;


new partners only need to be told if child was conceived before you met them.
yes u should have been up front about the whole thing, tow wrongs dont make it right. and if ur thinking of new relationship be up front and honest about everything.





losing trust is something hard to get back and you have to earn it.





bge happy with the one person get things out in open and up front before committing to anything.
It's in the past, let it go. Your new husband wouldn't gain anything from knowing about it. It might make him not trust you as much.
I grew up with a southern grandma who gave me this advice ';Somethings in life you just keep to yourself'; for some reason in our culture we are being put in a position to share everything. Your past does not define who you are. Put what happened aside and move on. I would not tell anyone what happened other than a therapist.
Probably would have been best not to bring it up at all, especially since you kept your husband after all that. You can tell your new husband that while your deceased husband had faults, you were no angel, either. Then let it drop. No need in tarnishing someone's image of someone that's no longer with us to defend himself. This new husband is probably seeing your deceased husband in something of a bad light, so be sure and tell him that the problems weren't all his fault.
No! Might cause your new hubby to think about trust issues if he ever makes you mad.
No, you shouldn't. It doesn't concern him and will prove a burden.





If you feel the need to ';confess'; to someone, to get it off your mind, see your clergyman.





or go tell your sister....
I wouldn't. There really isn't anything good that can come of it and it serves no purpose. You acted out of anger and hurt as a reaction to what was going on.





Use that experience as a learning tool about how you should and shouldn't handle yourself, as well as what you will and will not put up with in a marriage. I'd keep the new husband away from my sister too.





Good luck!
Be honest and tell him. There should be no secrets between you. Patches.