I was in love - or so I thought - with this girl 'A' and she being my colleague I never approached - to not mix business and pleasure - though I indicated my interest through flirting she never replied back.
One day I get engaged to another girl 'B' - arranged by parents - and within a week after this, girl 'A' lets me know her interest - through her eyes - on her last working day in my office, but I go ahead with my commitment to girl 'B' - once a commitment is a commitment - and get married with her in next six months
But I could not resist my urge to share the disappointment of missing girl 'A' in my life and say it all to my wife, I also told her how I would have been happier if she did not rush me to get engaged with her - incidentally she did rush me -. To which she promptly calls her parents and cries woefully. The disturbed parents warn me in phone and caution me to pull out her daughter if this kind of incident happened again.
continued ...Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
wow. First of all, I don't get the whole ';arranged marriages'; purpose. It seems like it would always be such a disaster. Kind of like your situation.
Your first mistake was to even think about this first woman.. and then tell your wife about it. It served no purpose to tell her and it only obviously upset her. It put a wedge between you when you didn't even have a strong bond to begin with.
She sounds like she's immature... how old is she? You hurt her with what you said to her, and she is still hurting... and from the sounds of it.... trying to make you suffer for her hurting. She can be mad for a while.... she can even go back to her parents for a while and they can all be mad about it. But if you've made genuine efforts to show you love her and want to make it work with her... and they STILL don't want anything to do with you, then maybe it's time to move on.
Sounds like they are using this issue as an excuse to try to get out of a marriage she doesn't want. Personally, if she just doesn't want to be with you, then she should just say so and stop with the dramatics.Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
Um lets see, you had a affair you said right? Well no wonder your marriage is in jeapordy. If i were her I would not even bother to see you. so be grateful that she is talking to you.
Why are you still in this marriage your miserable and lonesome .I would move on with my life . your not getting anywhere with her, she just doesn't want you and you will have to move on...
You sound like a weak, selfish, individual to me.Try to have a little empathy!
Your mistake was to share with the girl 'B', who you married, your disappointment of missing girl 'A' and that you would have been happier if she (girl 'B') had not rush you to get engaged and married.
You did not have an affair with girl 'A' but you have clearly told girl 'B' that she was not your choice and only second best. Girl 'B' then feels that you do not love her at all.
I don't have first hand knowledge of the protocol of arranged marriages but I do know about female emotions. To have shared your thoughts about girl 'A' was not a sensible thing to do. After all, if your new wife had told you that she was in love with boy 'A' but had got engaged and married to you because you had pressured her so she had married you boy 'B' how would you feel?
In my view, you should have never got married in the first place. Rushed things never work out to the be best. As for your situation..... Do you love girl ';B';? I don't think you do, so the best thing you should do is to be honest to her and to yourself! Its time for you to take control over your own life and make your own choices!!!
just get a solid prenuptial and sleep with both women and decide later who you want. Or you can ';do the right thing'; and get married and stay true to your new wife, and suffer in silence over what could have been over the next 20 years.
Let me tell you my opinion about females in your situation or similar.
Once she makes up her mind she needs time to feel what is right for her. You want to change and make things better that's fine, but you have to wait on her.
The more you pressure her the worse it gets and personally I think your a little whipped in the butt to chase her down guy. Wake up...smell the Coffee...she is not the only fish in the sea swimming.
My wife left me and you know what I did???? I banged a girl in bed while she was gone and had fun.
Now make up your mind,.
So you were never in love with girl 'B' but now that she has left you you can't live without her? Give 'B' a divorce and let her find someone else. Call up 'A' and see if you can make a go of it. This way you and 'B' might both find happiness, rather than live years of resenting each other.
ok.
I think she is devastated and heartbroken about your lasting love with girl 'A', and she now has a black cloud over your relationship due to the presence u made of girl 'A'.
I would feel the same if i was in your wifes shoes. I would have felt betrayed that you went ahead and married me, when you knew you still had feelings for someone else.
Your wife will still love you, however her trust for you has gone. and without trust a relationship will never work, especially a marriage.
The best thing to do is give her a proposition. tell her how much you love her and that you want to give it another go. tell her that you know it will take alot to build bridges and trust, but you are willing to go ahead with it because u think that your marriage is important. Also tell her what she wants to hear. that this break up has made u realise how much u really do love her, and only her. it was in the past and u are willing to leave it in your past, and move to the future with your wife.
If she is not willing to accept that, then there is nothing else you can do apart from feel guilty about what you did. and then there is the worst possible scenario, let her go forward without you.
You also need to think what you really want too. whether u are only trying to win your wife back because of guilt, then it is not worth attempting.
If you really love her and want to make things right, she needs to feel the same, and the past needs to be left in the past.
good luck with everything, i hope i helped.
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