So many problems with their marriage of 30 years!! Advice please.?

My parents never really loved each other I believe. My mom married him because she didn't think she would ever get asked again, she was 19, and my dad married her when he was seeing two other girls and they were drunk at 4am so he proposed. Nice huh...


Fast forward to now. Dad is taking pills for ed....and Mom has RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) in her hips. It hurts her to have sex. She also has recently found out she has a blown dic in her lower back.


Mom found his stash of porn. Pills missing. Dvd player and more.....She is sooooo upset.


They never talk, he doesn't hear her and she can't do anything right....This sounds like doneville here but what do I, as the oldest, do??? Is there anything I can say to my mom in particular?? Thanks!So many problems with their marriage of 30 years!! Advice please.?
In my opinion, everyone has the right to a happy life. Situations enter in that can make that life seem intolerable. If you wish to be the mediator between them, then sit them down and ask them if they love each other. Tell them to be honest. Mom doesn't have to put up with his crap, and he can go find someone else to fulfill his fantasies since he's so absorbed with porn.


It's too bad this has dragged on for so many years....habits of life (what we say and do) are hard to break. If possible....if it looks like there might be hope for their marriage....suggest they see a counselor who could help them out of this mess.


Back to your mom....there is always a way out....there is always hope. If dad doesn't want to cooperate, then you and mom figure out what's best for her.


Keep in mind that when your life looks like hell today, it can, with God's help, look a whole lot better tomorrow. keep looking up!So many problems with their marriage of 30 years!! Advice please.?
Yes there is, if she cant give him sex, what is so wrong for him taking care of himself, rather than going to the nearest bar or street corner? Really tell her to put the shoe on the other foot, what if she was capable and he not? What would she do? If they dont want it to work, it wont there is nothing more you can do, they must put effort into it!
Wow. I'm sorry to laugh at that intro but it is kind of funny.





A blown dic ? Sorry that couldn't have been a funnier typo.





The only thing you can tell your Mom is that just because she doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean your father doesn't too, and porn is not a bad outlet for someone who can't get no satisfaction any other way.





Honestly, I think you should stay out of it.
your mom should not be confiding in you and you should not be encouraging her. it is unhealthy for you to be involved in your parents private business. your mother is doing something immoral by involving you. it is wrong of both of you. she should deal with her problems with her husband, not with you.





dont care what i think? you dont have to be in this situation, here you are writing a question about your mom, it is ....... sick.





this is the truth. get your own life. mind your own business.
Maybe Mom doesn't need you to ';fix'; it, she just needs you to LISTEN to her. Let her vent, rant and rave. Be sympathetic, but there is no way YOU can fix it. She is the only one that can do that.
Love them and be there for them no matter what. Your mom probably won't take your advice anyway. A fact she should have thought of when she was confiding in you. She probably wants validation and venting more than advice.





My parents have been married for 48 years and it is frustrating when they confide things to you and then don't take your advice anyway. In my experience with my own family, it doesn't even matter what your qualifications are.
Married 30 years!





Everything sounds about par for the course.





Are the pills really for ED or just a boost?


Does you mother think he should shut down because she wants it that way?





There are many, many related questions but they would be for them





After 30 years the concept that their marriage was somehow a mistake is a bit hard to accept for anyone. That information is not really a part of what is happening today.





If you want to help, schedule them in marriage counseling.


You would think that after that time has elapsed that it would not be necessary but I can attest to its effectiveness.





They have a lot of bad habits and history clouding the issues.


Presumably they have another 20 years or more. there is no reason to continue being dysfunctional. I also cannot believe that they are really prepared to throw 30 years away that easily or they would not still be together now.





Get them an appointment.
The only thing you should say to your mom is ';i'm here if you need me Mom'; and thats it. They may be your parents, but they are married to each other and its their business, not yours or your siblings. I find it rather strange that your Mom would confide that much in you about her sexual life with your father. She should never say anything that is going to belittle your father to you. Now you feel anger against your father and you don't even know if its justified. You need to put much distance between thier problems and you!
I can't figure out why she stayed this long. Help her to get out and get a life. She still has many good living years and should not have to deal with him.





As for the disc, (I can spell) check out the CHARTISE disc replacement surgery. My sister had it and she has not had any problems since with the back. If it is only one disc, they will enter through the stomach just below the belly button with a 2-3'; incision and completely replace the disc. There is little to no scar after a couple of months.