ok now if he had truly loved me he would not have wanted to see me with anyone else. I know that now. I think we should be apart, but the thing is i am on disability due to a blood clot and i don't get much money and he knows that. He even said well he could take his money and go anytime. knowing i can't survive yet on my own. I'm waiting to hear about state disability now which will be great if i receive it. my son graduates this year also and i was hoping we could keep ourselves together for that, he said he didn't care, he'd go anytime. I think he's looking for a reason to go. He says you can have it all i'll take the car and go. He says i'm trying to blame him, but it is both of us to blame of where our relationship has ended up. please don't suggest counseling, no money to do that anyways. I need suggestions not anyone to beat me down more. things change and i wish they didn't have to but i don't see hope for us. too much said and done. words he can't take back . helpppMarriage questions?? any advice/?
If you see no hope then get divorced. Judging by your other post (other posters please read before you post http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a> ) , you cheated on him and he is still willing to give your everything. You weren't thinking of your son when you were with the other man, so why are you now? Because things aren't going in your favor? And your son is old enough to know what is going on?
You don't want people to put you down , but after what you have done how can you expect them not to. If you were an man people would be throwing rotten food at you and calling you horrible names...I don't see how you think you deserve any less.
Get divorced. You are not in this relationship for the right reasons, and probably haven't been for a long time.Marriage questions?? any advice/?
Why did your husband want to try swinging to begin with?! Maybe he wasn't happy in the marriage, and was looking for a way to get out or something? Maybe you could go see a pastor or someone like that, I don't think they all charge. But based on what you said, it doesn't seem like you want the marriage to work anyway. ';I think we should be apart. . . '; ';Things change and I wish they didn't have to but I don't see hope for us. Too much said and done. words he can't take back.'; If both of you want the marriage to fail, it's going to. The fault lies with both of you. Him for suggesting it and not letting it go with the first 'no', and you for giving in. If you decide you want the marriage to work, then you *must* cut-off contact with this couple. You will both need to get over your past issues. Think of what made you fall in love to begin with, and see if those things are still there. You've been married for over 8 years, and that's pretty good, considering that a lot of marriages don't even make it past the 2 or 3 year mark. We often strike out at the ones we love, which maybe why your husband is striking out at you. He's probably hurting as well, and just doesn't know how to react to everything, especially knowing that he is a big part of why you're in this mess anyway. You need to ask yourself if you still love him, and if the marriage is worth working on and trying to save. If the answer is yes to both, then ask him the same questions. Put it all on the table. He hasn't left yet, so that's saying something. If both of you have decided that you don't love each other anymore, then it's time to just walk away. You're son is old enough to understand what happened, and it ends up being harder on the child if they find out the only reason his parents stayed together was because of him. Neither of you obviously thought of the negative things that could come from your sexual escapade. If you're both wanting a divorce, it's not his fault your on disability. That should not be a factor in why you stay together. There are millions of women who leave their abusive husbands everyday, and they start over with no money and no where to go, so you can do it, too.
Obviously, this guy doesn't want to be with you. If it were me, I would hang with him for awhile to get the financial help you need at the moment, but just don't nag him and piss him off with relationship talk. Call daily for those benefits. It's better to prepare now while you have a roof over your head. Call those close to you and ask if you can have a place to lay your head at night.
sounds like hes kicking u out go live with family member for a time get rid of a person like that sounds horrible
no he don't truly love you because if he did he would not be putting you through the bull crap that he is putting you through. When he married you he married for better or worst for richer,poorer and in sickness and health and now if he wants to walk out on you in your time of need with your sickness than he do love you like he should and he should be ashamed of himself and you can survive to you need to get in with your local vocational rehab in your area and they can help you to get an low income apartment that is based on your income and if you need handicap assitable you can have that also if he leaves you contact your local vocational re had in your city or town and they will help you.
first thing, let him go
2. ask the state to help you through this with foods card and help to pay your bills and doctor's bills,
3. go to legal aid and tell them about it all and you can give him what he wants.
4. make him pay you out for then next fifty years.
let that dog go
What about family to help you out? I will pray for you.
Surely your husband would have to pay you some sort of support? If he is willing to leave you everything other than the car, you would at least have a place to stay and furniture. Keeping everything together until your son graduates doesn't really seem necessary, as I am sure he already knows there is major tension, and would be far better off if your husband did leave. Don't feel too guilty about the swinging, since you did it because your husband asked you to. It honestly does sound like your husband is trying to make you feel as if this is all your fault, and YOU know that it is not. Keep on pursuing the state disability, and in the future, until your husband leaves, do NOT go into situations with him again where he can try and persuade you to swing again, or else you may be left with him suing you for infidelity, and saying he did not take part in the swinging ! If you can genuinely say there is no hope for this relationship, then it would really be in the best interest of you and your son to get a divorce. Good luck.
Can you borrow money from the bank or relatives? Do you have friends who will help you? He's really going for the jugular with you, deliberately hurting you. He needs to go for your sanity, even if you have to sell every last scrap of things you own.
I hope your disability comes soon!
You need to talk with an attorney and a counselor or psychiatrist/psychologist and/or both of you need some serious marriage counseling. They have places where you can go for free and/or on a sliding scale. Start by contacting your state or county social services or welfare agency. They should be able to steer you to someone. If you're together and have no money, how do you think you can live apart and make it? Even if your state allows alimony and you're considered a dependent spouse, it will not be enough for you to live off of comfortably. Also, think about what you're going to do about medical insurance when you're divorced. I do not know of a state or an insurance company which allows a divorced spouse to keep the medical insurance from the other spouse. Once you are divorced, you are no longer his dependent or his spouse and will not qualify. If you're disabled, the chances of you remarrying go down too. Do you really want to be by yourself, sick, living in a one room apartment and not being able to receive proper medical care? Sometimes becoming disabled messes you up mentally and emotionally, because it's not something you planned on happening and you don't feel well and can get easily frustrated. Talk to someone who's not involved and try to get your head straight before making a decision like this. It is possible you may be able to work it out if you can make the effort. Also, usually a blood clot will not get you permanent disability -- usually it's temporary at best., and you will probably not get disability from the state or federal government for it because they have different standards.
To give you an example:
My aunt became disabled. It took three years for her to get social security disability and she had to hire an attorney and give him a commission off the top. She and her husband separated and then divorced. While they were separated, she still qualified for his medical insurance, but had no money to pay the co-pays because the amount of temporary alimoney she was entitled to was $600 per month. He allowed her to keep the house, the furniture and one vehicle; all of which was paid for. She soon found out that the $600 per month would not pay the property taxes, the homeowner's insurance, the utilities, the car insurance, tags and required yearly inspection, let alone any maintenance on anything. Because she owned property and was receiving the $600 per month, she did not qualify for any state/federal help, but for $35 in food stamps. Her car broke down and in order to pay the mechanic, she left the homeowner's insurance lapse Since she didn't have the money to pay for all her prescriptions -- medical insurance had copays and decuctibles -- she couldn't get all the scipts on time. Since she didn't have the moeny to pay the copays and deductibles for the hospital, doctors, clinics and labs, eventually they would not schedule an appointment for her. Her utilities eventually got shut off. She ended up in the hospital emergency room and now has quite serious medical problems, not just temporarily disabled, and will never be able to work again. They did get divorced. Then she was no longer covered under his medical insurance. The courts allowed her $100 per month in alimony because she was now receiving $550 per month in social security disability. After 18 months, she had MEDICARE coverage -- Part A was free and only covers hospital stays, Part B deducts about $90 per month from her $550 check and covers doctor visits, Part D for prescriptions deducts $50 a month; and of course, MEDICARE has deductibles and copays, and you have to pick from a list of medical providers or it pays less. Do the math. Her income is now $510 per month and still $35 in food stamps. She ended up losing the house and car and everything in it. She had to let it go so she would qualify for state assistance. In this state you can only have $2500 worth of property in your name. If you transfer your property into someone else's name, it has to have been at least five years ago to qualify without adding it in. She's 39 years old and in what they call an assisted living facility. The state pretty much picks up the tab for her after they've taken everything from her, including her checks, but for $30 per month. She's allowed $30 per month to pay for her extras -- And that's defined as clothing, shoes, toiletries, snacks, a TV in her room and cost of cable if she desires same, and personal grooming needs. She shares her room with a stranger, and has no choice as to who her roommate is. They simply put two people in each room. She gets three squares a day, clean sheets, a bed, laundry services and medical care.
Think very hard about it. Wouldn't it be better if you could get on your feet before making that decision? Stop trying to find blame and fault. Work on yourself. Work on getting your health back. You may have to bite your tongue sometimes, but be as nice as you possibly can and do as much as you can to keep him as happy as possible until you've regained your health (physically, mentally and emotionally). Tell him how much you appreciate him taking care of you (even if it's only financially) until you're on your feet again and can take care of yourself. Stroke his ego, whether you mean it or not.I know it looks pretty bleak to you now, but it could get worse -- much worse -- if you try to do something right now. Wait until you're better off. You can always leave when you're in a better position to do so. Have a ';game plan'; before you even talk about leaving. You're in no position to do so right now!
My answer is that you had better read Save My Marriage Today written by Amy Waterman first( http://save-the-marriage.info ).I believe that you can solve your problems after reading that book.
Good luck!
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