What advice can you give to to someone who has just entered a marriage and has step children?

what advice would you give on creating and maintaining a healthy blended family?What advice can you give to to someone who has just entered a marriage and has step children?
Be honest and fair. Don't play favorites. And don't try to replace the real parent, you never will and should not try.





If you get the ';you're not my parent, you can't tell me what to do'; just reply, ';I'm not your parent, but you will do as you're told because I am your guardian';What advice can you give to to someone who has just entered a marriage and has step children?
be honest about the situation with everyone. the adults have to be the adults and know that the children will have some difficult feelings. you have to allow everyone to feel the way they feel while also ackowledging that the new way is the way it is.
I don't have any first hand experience in this type of situation per-se.... but my best friend does... and her father re-marrying tore her family apart..... i think you should be involved... but, make you don't try to do too much too fast.... remember they are new to this too... u don't wnt 2 scare them off..... don't try to be controlling.... i'm not saying let them do whatevr they please.... but, yelling or ordering them around never works.... it only makes the situation worse.... You want them to see you as a mother figure... but, remember they already have a mom.... you need to try to be their friend too..... ask about their day give them advice.... that kind of thing... Good Luck....
try spending time with the kids.
Work with the spouse who is the parent. Make sure there are clear rules for behavior that you both stand upon as a united front. Don't allow the children to play you off one another.


Be friendly with the children and assure them that they are welcome in your home, but don't let them walk all over you. Don't force a relationship, just treat them fairly and schedule family events and activities for them when they visit.


Also it might help to keep physical affection to a minimum when they are visiting. PDA's are uncomfortable for everyone in general, but may be especially troubling to children of divorce.


Good luck.
Make sure your partner does his share of discipline. My husband has a son from his previous marriage and insisted on leaving all the discipline to me. This made him look like the 'good guy' and made me into the 'evil stepmother'. His son was very defiant and would go out of his way to undermine me because he knew that his dad would do nothing at all to back me up.





This caused some serious problems and in the end i had to give my stepson a case of tough love where i stopped doing anything at all for him and made dad take all responsibility for him. (no new clothes, no trips out, no favourite foods etc) After a short while my stepson realised just how much he was missing out because of the way he had been acting, and his behaviour changed drastically for the better.





Another word of advise is to tell your husbands ex to keep her nose out of your business. My stepson would tell his mom all sorts of wild stories when he hadn't got away with things at our house, to get her sympathy, and then she would phone my husband and complain about the 'abuse' i was subjecting her son to. You can imagine what my response to her was.
Treat the children like they are you own. Don't play favorites and don't talk bad about the other parent in front of them, remember that is their other parent. Just be there for them. That's what my second wife did for my 2 daughters from my first marriage. They grew up calling her ';mommy'; on their own terms, we never ran down my ex-wife (she did a good job on her own) and my wife treated the kids like they were her own (she's been more involved in the girls lives then their biological mother). And if you need it, counseling can do wonders for unbearable situations. Good Luck.
Run while you still can!
There will be an adjustment period. Realize that while you are not their mother (they will remind you of this when angry). Be there to listen to them. Talk with your spouse about your boundaries. Then he should lay down the ground rules with the children. Their ages should be taken into consideration. If you are open with them and are firm when need be, all should work out.