Recovering alcoholic needs marriage advice?

i am a recovering acoholic only 60 days sober now, i have been through therapy, and i go to AA meetings almost daily. i met my husband back in march of this year and we jumped into getting married in june. i thought that i loved him and that he was ';the one';. i havent been sober this year AT ALL until september 8th when i went into treatment, and through talking with my therapist i realized that i got married and have no idea who this guy is, why i married him, and if i love him. we have had a lot of fun the few months that we've known each other but i was always buzzed from alcohol. all the feelings i felt for him stemmed from the alcohol too. he is deployed right now in iraq and i dont know how to tell him all this, it will break his heart and it hurts me that my stupid disease dragged him down with me. what do i do?? Recovering alcoholic needs marriage advice?
I'm a recovered alcoholic (10 years), and I relate to what you are saying.





Right now you really aren't in a position to make a decision about this one way or another. If I were you, I would not do anything right now but continue to stay sober. I'm not a big fan of AA myself, but if you like it, keep going to meetings, make sure you have a healthy sponsor who is available to you (returns calls, doesn't want sex or money from you, etc.) and wait. You do not have to tell your husband anything yet.





Things have a way of working themselves out as you get healthier. Oh, and I'd also suggest you get back into therapy...it's tough to really get any insights in therapy while you are drinking, so you may find that there's a lot more still to learn when you do it sober.Recovering alcoholic needs marriage advice?
You have a couple of options.


One is to continue with your therapy and don't say anything until you're feeling more stable.


The other is to tell him right away and divorce.


Do whichever you feel strongest and able to do right now. Don't rush into an emotional show-down this early in your recovery
Just be honest, if it's not meant to be he'll understand.





Congratulations on your sobriety, that's a really good effort.





The best thing you can do is lay it down straight, exactly how you've told us. He can't not be hurt by it, but don't lie either.





He'll respect you more for being honest.





Good luck!
If it was me-------I would wait till he is home. You love him on some level- give him time. He may be a wonderful person. Wait till he is home. Fall in love again...so many of us wish we could. And good luck to you! In the words of Bridget Jones: ';You love me for who I am';.
Trust me the same thoughts are going through his mind from time to time, you are just as much a stranger as he is! Since he is not around you now I would just let it ride, focus on you and your recovery,
! My first question would be...is he a drinker? If not then he took advantage of your weakness. If he is also a drinker then you two shared something that you are now facing and moving away from . One way or the other you married him and he married you. Marriage is not all about having a lot of fun. He may be deployed but you must still have some sort of communication with him. You say that you have been sober 60 days and going to meetings.


Sorry, but you have had plenty of time to be sharing this stuff with him.


Time for you two to start making decisions together about your ';marriage';. This isn't just about you, it's about both of you. He deserves to be included in deciding what to do. Yes, things look different now then they did when you first got married...but, you got married for a reason (drunk or sober). Be strong. Give him his part in this. My very best to both of you. You could very well have something that a lot of people would give anything for....



It's been 6 years but I still consider myself a recovering alcoholic. Congratulations, too. Remember, there's a lot of support out there for you. Ever since I have been sober, my life has changed in ways I never thought was possible. I've been happily married for almost 3 years and have a 2 year old son and a 14-week old daughter.





It's understandable that this guy was just Mr. ';Right Now'; instead of Mr. Right. If what you felt for him stemmed from alcohol, that's not a good sign. You need to get your life back on track and you need to do what you can for yourself. You are probably right that he's not the one. Your feelings for him didn't come from the right place; therefore, you should know what needs to be done. Congrats again and good luck.