I need some marriage advice please... Is this a deal breaker?

Me %26amp; my husband are currently separated but are going to marriage therapy with the goal of getting back together. In my therapy I realized that I was always the person after the fight to try to be amicable and mature regardless of how bad of a fight or who was at fault. He doesn't have it in him to be the ';bigger person'; as far as taking responsibility for his actions or acting remotely sorry. He tends to stay pist of at me for a long time if I don't break the ice with him first. I used to ask him for apologies but now I realize that its pointless because it if isn't from him naturaly I couldn't accept an apology any other way. Well what hurts me is that he can say some pretty horrible things and then when I react to him by being hurt he holds a grudge on me even though he started it. So he told me not to expect him 2 apologize to me because he is selfish and in the heat of the moment or even the next day he probably still won't. Is this a deal breaker if we stay together?I need some marriage advice please... Is this a deal breaker?
Me and you have a lot in common. My wife is the very same way. Like you I am always the one who has to break the ice and be the bigger person. However, I vowed to love my wife ';for richer or for poorer';, ';for better of for worse'; and ';in sickness and in health';, and I plan to honor those vows. What you like many of us are experiencing is the worse. Through it all I will continue to love and respect my wife. I will honor my vows even if it means I have to be the bigger person because I love her just that much. Over time I hope that my being a good example will rub off on her. Until then all I can really do is pray, give God the glory and continue to shower her with love. I commend you on being the bigger person and will continue to pray for you and your family. Peace and God bless.I need some marriage advice please... Is this a deal breaker?
He sounds like a big baby! No, it is not a deal-breaker..Hitting you is a deal-breaker....I would definetly keep going to therapy and work on fixing your relationship before you both have regrets and lose each other..But I would definetly set some ground rules! Good luck!
In a marriage each person has to give 100% to make the relationship work. And having trust is an key issue. Maybe, you can get your therepist to ask him why he has problems of saying sorry.
Sounds like the marriage has been over for a long time now and I don't know why you stick around to be his beating post. You deserve so much better!
He will add something hurtful just to be in control and manipulate you...
Yes it can be if and when you really get sick of all the drama.
leave him if you don't have kids.
Sounds like this guy has issues with admitting fault. He's has a problem accepting and taking responsibility for his actions. This guy is only gonna get worse. How can you deal with someone so prideful and stubborn?


This is something you cant change... Only he has to be willing to open his eyes and change for himself and your relationship.
We should constantly review our actions and the impact


that our actions have on others .





Winning is losing .





If I win , and the price for winning is losing my partner , family, job , self respect , then I have lost


something more valuable and therefore lost .





Am I so insecure that I have to hear apologies from


someone else to know that they are sorry or remorseful





Their pain is obvious , so having them say it would be redundant . So , again , Is winning , worth the


price of losing ?
I wouldn't want to live with a man like that ever. In a partnership each person has to own up to what it is that hurt the other person. You can't just say I'm not going to apologize because that's not the way I am. BS!! Then if he wants to get back together you tell him that he has to change that part of himself so he CAN be that kind of person.
This sounds like my ex boyfriend. I loved him so much and tried so hard, I just wanted it to work. But his mouth is horrible, he says the meanest stuff to me if he's mad and treated me like dirt. He said things I would never say to someone I love. He just kept losing more and more respect for me when I never even did anything so wrong. And he never apologized or cared about how I felt, and said I caused it all. I kept blaming myself and trying. Eventually he went away and I gave up, and everyone would say, ';It's not you it's him, he just doesn't like you that much';. And I really believe that. I could try till I turned blue, loved him as much as I could till i turned blue, but he was just being an immature baby, or a player... He just didn't want me that much.





I feel sorry for you because you're married and have children already. You can't just simply walk away. I don't know what to say but I agree with the other people here, a relationship is 50/50. If he's going to be a baby holding grudges and not meet you halfway, then you know you're not in the wrong here. To me this is a deal breaker. We all just want someone who will love us back equally as much as we love them. You shouldn't have to be 99% of the effort and he is the 1%. What kind of a relationship is that?? Good luck to you.
Sounds like he's a verbally abusive man who enjoys having control over you by using silence as his weapon of choice. You must decide if you can continue living under these circumstances, because he admits he's not going to change. Trust me they don't change. The problem is him not you. Stop blaming yourself!
oh i do hope you stay in therapy.


i don't know about ';deal breaking';..is the deal that you try and work things out and work on yourself, admitting when you're wrong and taking responsibility for your actions while he ';doesn't have it in him'; to do the same and intends to have no self control, etc...? is that the deal?


surely your therapist won't advise that this is a healthy way to have a relationship. i think the ';deal'; should be to keep going until your husband starts to make some breakthrough.