Need some advice with marriage/money differences?

Help! My husband has always made more money than me. He is a work-aholic. He works swing-shift and volunteers for every ounce of overtime he possibly can. He makes about 3 times more than me annually. I just finished school and with the economy, I am thankful to have the job I do. Not my dream job but it works. I also do most of the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids because he works swing shift. So he is gone ALOT! In the summers, I do all the running and taking the kids here and there, i do all the banking, bill paying, grocery shopping, dr's appts, everything. anyways, I tell him constantly that I want a better job and he knows that im depressed about having an MBA and not being able to move up past an entry level position in an office right now. Ive been trying though. the problem is, he constantly tells me that everything in the house hes paid for, and he makes rude comments such as ';i bail you out all the time'; I do not overspend nor am I very materialistic. WE have a nice house and not many bills and we chose to buy a nice house becaue of what he makes. he constantly makes me feel bad that i dont make the money he makes and honestly even with the MBA, i dont think I ever will because he works so much over time and stuff. When will it ever sink in to him that he is hurting me by saying the things he does about money? we have been married 12 years! its constant' I paid for this and that and you dont pull your weight.. he could be in the best mood ever then all of a suddent start thinkign about money and hes set off in a fight. and often times fights with me in front of the kids even when i tel him to stop! he doesnt realize what he is doing they are 11 and 8 and understand everything! i cant take it anymore,when things are good they are good then he snaps and just starts in with nonsense then wont talk to me about how i feel because he only sees it his way, i think he needs professional help! should marriage be so separate? i am never going to make the money he makes and he knows im depressed about not having my dream job right now because of the economy. i am not wrapped up in money, i feel we have what we need, we dont overspend but hes constantlytelling me, you dont have the money to do this or that.. well hello? its our money?


sorry, rambling now. how do i get him to stop and understand this is mean?Need some advice with marriage/money differences?
Man that sucks. Try to talk to him and say hey wed like you around more. If that means we have to eat pb%26amp;j sandwiches fine but you work too much. Also, point out for him all the work you do around the house, and how much is that worth? Bill his lazy butt for all the work you do there.Need some advice with marriage/money differences?
I would think you would be more suspicious of his behavior. He is picking fights with you. My radar went up just from reading your question. Maybe you should get some couples therapy, obviously, there is more going on than what he is telling you.
You are having a power struggle. He knows you have the education. You know he brings in the most money. You both need to show appreciation to each other for both of your sacrifices. He might be burned out on his job, but he might feel locked into the routine to keep up the standard of living. You two need to talk. He isn't around for the kids or for you. He doesn't see your contribution. He's not sure you see his contribution. Good Luck.
Have a maid service come to your house and give you an estimate for a daily and weekly cleaning. Check into going rates for baby sitters and taxi rides. Same for an accountant. Add it all up and present it to him. He may be working but so are you. Perhaps he should pay you for services and you can get separate checking accounts and split the bills.





I think if you do this, you will see that you ';make'; way more than him.





If he keeps going on about this, maybe you should remind him that when determining child support a judge will take into consideration all that over time....you don't ';need'; him to provide for you, only the kids and if he can't treat you with respect, you will leave and he can pay you child support.
It's the old ';Keeping up with the Jones's'; thing. He is trying to build a bankroll and resents anyone tapping into it. Lay off the ';It's our money talk'; that will guarantee a fight. Just be appreciative of the finer things you have and let him know that. Spend some time with him, not make the husband spend time with the family. Go on a motorcycle ride together-just an hour or two, have a picnic (low cost), have some fun without spending $$$. Don't make such a big production about your job, you should not be competing for a paycheck. In time a better position will come along. Smell the roses! not the race track.
You need a vacation. where's the words';I Love U'; Love first and keep the money.
If he doesn't understand how cruel and hurtful that is.. You can't Make him understand. He is destroying his marriage and doesn't even see it.... He apparently places more importance on THINGS than people (his wife %26amp; kids)


Either accept it or leave - Perhaps if you leave, he will get the idea... but it's his journey through life.. you can't MAKE him have awareness.
Ok so he doesn't think you pull your weight? Don't contribute any where near as much ';value'; as he does? Work out how much others would charge him for the hours that you cook, clean, babysit, and any other duties your working fewer hours allows you to perform. That should help him to find out where your added contribution to the marriage and the family is.


Research what the fair/going wage would be if he was paying someone else some people to do all that. How much for ironing, general cleaning, laundry, baby sitting, and if you want to, include your ';sexual duties'; too. Include time and a half for overtime (anything after your regular work hours) and double or triple time for holidays, etc. And don't forget those ';double shifts'; when the kids are sick. Work out the total number of hours each day, each week, each year you put into the family ON TOP of working too. Then tell him that's your part and when's he going to step up to the plate and match YOUR contribution?


That should help him put things into perspective for him.