Ramadan: i need some advice (marriage)?

about 20 days ago, i was introduced to a suitor who could possibly be a husband in the future. Ever since that day, my heart and my brain have been at war with each other. My head says yes, accept him and my heart says no.





Although nobody is perfect and finding a good muslim man is scarce in the West, he is a good practicing muslim. to make it short, he has so many of the good qualities that I look for. logically speaking, he would be an excellent choice for a spouse.





My problem lies here: I have only seen him and been out with him once because he lives very far. I do not enjoy talking to him (we have been chatting online everyday for a month now) and he cannot speak much english, rather urdu, my second language (which is a challenge for me to use). Because he comes from pakistan, he is very in touch with the culture, while i am more westernized.


I just cant picture myself being in love with him!!!!!!!





I do not know whether to go with my heart or my brain with this one. What do you think I should do?Ramadan: i need some advice (marriage)?
I know how you feel! I was in this situation a few months ago... The guy was very attractive and was a good muslim he did Omra twice and overall a good guy the problem was that he did not speak one word of english, just arabic!


Dont get me wrong i speak very good arabic but its not great and his arabic was way different then what i was used too he used words that i never heard of before so it was very frustrating for me to communicate with him. Also there was no sparks between us and he was way too shy.


I am also a lil westernized and he was a FOB who expected me to be a house wife and to move to his home town in Jordan. So what i did was the Istikhara prayer and that made my decision for me, i didnt feel right that whole night i had a horrible nightmare and decided not to go for it, so i turned him down and do not have any regrets. Follow your heart and if it doesnt feel right ,then it must not be right. Good luck!Ramadan: i need some advice (marriage)?
My advice would be to let him know you are not interested. Wait until you find a guy that both your brain and heart tell you he's right for you. You should not marry someone just because they are a good person when you are not in love with them or have no emotional feelings for them because there is no guarantee that love will ever come and marriage without love is not worth it.
So there will be a language barrier?? No way, communication is the biggest part of a marriage and you don't speak urdu well, and his English sucks so....maybe hold off wedding until he learns English better, sorry this just seems off.





You can't picture yourself being in love with him...there's a reason for that. Follow your heart....
Take the seed of ';love for the sake of Allah'; embed it in your heart. Add some hydration of ';respect';. Combine with a little light of ';patience and prayer';. In time love can bloom to a beautiful flower . If you tend your garden well. Clearing weeds of doubt. Nourishing it with devotion, understanding,and patience.
Salam,





love does play a very important part in life....


...but then again you may love him when you're married to him.





but love is what will make you want to fight for your problems later on in life.





but you can always love him later on.





Peace and good luck.
Do Istikhara . . Allah(SWT) knows best.
Go with your heart....you can't force yourself to love anyone you know?





Plus its plenty of good Muslim men in the West..
that's a really hard choice.


Sorry don't wanna give u the wrong advice!
Assalamu alaikum. I can give some advice to you (1)you must collect some information as much as you could about him and his family from the suitor or any one who is close to him and to his parents (2)you must continue your chatting with him in your internet (3)you must learn urdu as your second language and as your own country's language (4)you must urge him to learn English as his second languageand (5)you must make several istikharah prayer at mid night or at 3 AM for asking help of Allah to show whether he is good or bad for you.You brain will have the same opinion with your heart.


I hope you will accept the sign from Allah that he is fit for your spouse because you told me that he would be an excelennt choice for a spouse although really there is no single perfect human. You and him are imperfect but you can fill up each other with him so it will be united in a strong synergy.Insya Allah..
Wow...this is a pretty tough choice i have to say. And i am a pakistani living in the US, and most likely i will be in an arranged marriage set up by my parents although i am westernized. but i am still in touch with the Paki culture.


I do agree that theres not many men in the west, BUT i think he is a great choice for a husband becuz well u listed all those qualities. A good muslim is definetly the base of all good so i think you are really safe marrying him.


You may not see urself falling in love but Life is unpredictably full of surprising girl! you never really know plus I think that the fact that you are modernized can be over come if you refer to Islam when solving problems. Sometimes, being a Muslim can help you smooth out differences. I firmly believe that but both sides should follow n not take advantage of Islam and NOT play the sexist game.


Anywayz...he will become westernized when he's here a while...happens to everyone so i think u can stop worrying about that.


Hope this helped...


In case all that wasn't clear, i'm saying GO for it Lolz and everything will turn out fine inshAllah..


oh..btw do istikhara if ur REALLLy stuck
I think you should take your time until either your heart of your brain wins. You should never make a a quick decision that you may regret for the rest of your life. If you are having a second thoughts about him or you think he is not the type of the man you would be happy with, that is probably right. If you talk to him long enough, things will clear up - may be he turns up to be the prefect one. Marriage is a once in a life time decision and should be regarded as such. Also stay positive. You said that you are more westernized. While I do not know what you mean by that, look at your propective spouse from an other angle. Is he going to strengthen and solodify your deen/religion - if that is so, there is no better reason to look in a man.