Married Muslimahs: What advice can you give me about marriage?

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.Married Muslimahs: What advice can you give me about marriage?
1)Obey your husband.


2)Remember that if you get a divorce your husband has automatic custody rights to his children.


3)Don't get into arguements(Not healthy for children).


4)Honor your husband by obeying your mother in law.


5)Remember that it's a man's right to get married again if his wife is barren and don't deny him that right. Children is his right over you.


6)Be considerate of his feelings and needs.


7)Don't invite strange men or strange women over without him there as he might have a jealousy issue.


8)Remember that prophet Muhamamd(Salla Allahu alahi Wa Salaam) stated that the best way a woman honors her husband is by obeying his mother so don't make your mother in law upset.


9)Remember that your husband should obey his mother and take her side over yours as she is the one who gave birth to him, and Jinnah is under the feet of the Muslim mothers.


10)Teach your daughters how to be wives and mothers(Cooking, cleaning, raising children, how to please her husband).


11)Go to your husband when he calls you to his bed even if you are cooking or tending the children as there's a Hadith that says if you don't go to your husband and he is angry with you, then the Angels curse you until morning.Married Muslimahs: What advice can you give me about marriage?
INTRODUCTION





A happy and successful marriage is a necessary goal for anyone who is either already married or is thinking about it. Building the family is essential for the complete establishment of our religion Islam, as the family is the cornerstone of the social structure. A successful and purposeful marriage is the indispensable foundation of this cornerstone.








MARRIAGE IN ISLAM





When Islam came with guidance for mankind, it came with a complete and comprehensive legal system.


Allah says in the Holy Quraan :





“Today, I have perfected for you your religion.”


In Islam, there is a solution for any legal problem. Hazrat Abu Zarr says





“ The Prophet left us with such knowledge that even if a bird changed course in the sky we have already been given signs for it.”


( Musnad-e-Ahmed )


Married life, like other issues, has been given its due share of legislation and Islam has tackled all its aspects such that it makes for a happy and prosperous life.








A GOOD CHOICE





Hazrat Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet said:





“ A woman is married for one of four reasons: for her beauty, her wealth, her genealogy or her faith. So be successful with a woman of faith. May Allah bless you.”


( Bukhari )


No one disagrees that the right choice has to be made. The issue is what constitutes a good choice.


Many people give importance to beauty, wealth and genealogy. This is fine except when they are given priority over faith. Faith is the most important criterion in the choice of a spouse. Just as men are advised to make a good choice for a bride, the parents or guardians of the girl should also consider the right choice for their daughter.





It is disappointing that people ask many questions about how much a man earns and what kind of house he will provide for his wife but do not care to ask about the state of his faith. The principle in marriage is faith. The Prophet said :





“ When a man whose character and faith you like approaches you ( for marriage) then marry him. If you do not then there will be great trials and widespread disruption on earth.”


( Tirmizi )


When looking for a good choice, the family of the spouse-to-be should also be considered. Sometimes, the family of the spouse may influence their children so much that they can break up the marriage.














MUTUAL ADVICE





This plays a very big role in the development of marriage and the household in general. Spouses should advise one another and even take account of and check one another. It is a mistake to think that this role is reserved for the husband and the wife should tolerate the mistakes of the husband. Each should point out, with affection, the mistakes of the other and each should accept their own faults.











TRUE LOVE BETWEEN THE COUPLE





Marriage cannot be successful without this. Although this is an issue which does not follow any rationale, each spouse should at least express love towards the other. The Holy Prophet Muhammad used to offer words of love and affection towards His wives. We should follow Him and not be shy or reluctant about the matter.





MAY ALMIGHTY ALLAH MAKE MUSLIM MARRIAGES A MEANS OF LONG LASTING HAPPINESS FOR THE COUPLE AND THEIR


FAMILIES


AMEEN.
Assalamu Alaikum,





My advice for new Muslims and New Muslimahs both is that





''DO THE BEST YOU CAN FOR YOUR SPOUSE AND


DON'T EXPECT ANY THING IN RETURN';.





If you both look after each other and don't complain or even think I do so much for him and he doesn't do this or that. Eventually your intimation and love will gain strength gradually. Marriage is life long commitment, don't mess it for minor wants that one forgets to do or doesn't have habit of doing. You need first two years atleast get to know each other with complaints and getting unhappy for minor things.





May Allah guide we all to straight path of Allah that leads to eternal life in heaven. Remember this life is shrot and temporary for our test only. Don't mess your eternal life for the pleasure of this short life.
Strive to be the best wife you can be, and that isn't easy. But the fruits of this effort is beyond you'll be able to imagine. Be cool headed and patient. Always be honest. Do not keep secrets from each other, especially if they will be harmful if they were to be discovered accidently. Love his family like your own, including all the bads amongst them, at the end of the day NO ONE is perfect. Just adjust and learn and learn to adjust.
more expectations more dissappointments..therefore expect least and get less diappointed,dont try to tame your husband like a puppy,enjoy life and pray to allah to make your marriage a loving and successful one,and ask for Righteous children.be contented.just be yourself,normal, !!
be realistic, know that marriage is a partnership, be flexible but not a door mat, be patient, and above all make sure you marry Mr right, not Mr right now.
totally agree wiht pakistani chap and communication compromise time spent aprt on your own away from your partner and a good bedroom life understandting the other partners pont of view pateince
erm dont let anyone boss you about!


try to be happy with your husband if your not well then you know what you might do!
Don't do it unless you can imagine kissing him
:) Agree with Wolf's advices .


And Congratulations :))
Put the seat down.
be specific about what you want to know
watch out for this sort of thing:





The Qur'an:


Sura (4:34) - ';Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great.';











From the Hadith:











Bukhari (72:715) - A woman came to Muhammad and begged her to stop her husband from beating her. Her skin was bruised so badly that she it is described as being ';greener'; than the green veil she was wearing. Muhammad did not admonish her husband, but instead ordered her to return to him and submit to his sexual desires.











Muslim (4:2127) - Muhammad struck his favorite wife, Aisha, in the chest one evening when she left the house without his permission. Aisha narrates, ';He struck me on the chest which caused me pain.';











Abu Dawud (2141) - ';Iyas bin ‘Abd Allah bin Abi Dhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) as saying: Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens, but when ‘Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said : Many women have gone round Muhammad’s family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you.'; At first, Muhammad forbade men from beating their wives, but he rescinded this once it was reported that women were becoming emboldened toward their husbands. Beatings are sometimes necessary to keep women in their place.











Abu Dawud (2142) - ';The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife.';











Ishaq 969 - Commands that a married woman be ';put in a separate room and beaten lightly'; if she ';act in a sexual manner toward others.';





The Qur'an:


Sura (4:11) - (Inheritance) ';The male shall have the equal of the portion of two females'; (see also Sura (4:176)).





Sura (2:282) - (Court testimony) ';And call to witness, from among your men, two witnesses. And if two men be not found then a man and two women';





Sura (2:228) - ';and the men are a degree above them [women]';





Sura (5:6) - ';And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it'; Men are to rub dirt on their hands if there is no water to purify them following casual contact with a woman (such as shaking hands).





Sura (24:31) - Women are to lower their gaze around men, so they do not look them in the eye.





Sura (2:223) - ';Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will...'; A man has dominion over his wives' bodies as he does his land. This verse is overtly sexual. There is some dispute as to whether it is referring to the practice of anal intercourse, which it has been used historically to justify. If this is what Muhammad meant, however, then it would appear to contradict what he said in Muslim (8:3365).





Sura (4:3) - (Wife-to-husband ratio) ';Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four';





Sura (53:27) - ';Those who believe not in the Hereafter, name the angels with female names.'; Angels are sublime beings, and would therefore be male.





Sura (4:24) and Sura (33:52) - A man is permitted to take women as sex slaves outside of marriage.











From the Hadith:











Bukhari (6:301) - ';[Muhammad] said, 'Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?' They replied in the affirmative. He said, 'This is the deficiency in her intelligence.'';











Bukhari (6:301) - continued - ';[Muhammad said] 'Isn't it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?' The women replied in the affirmative. He said, 'This is the deficiency in her religion.''; Allah has made women deficient in the practice of their religion as well, by giving them menstrual cycles.











Bukhari (2:28) - Women comprise the majority of Hell's occupants. This is important because the only women in heaven ever mentioned by Muhammad are the virgins who serve the sexual desires of men. (A weak Hadith, Kanz al-`ummal, 22:10, even suggests that 99% of women go to Hell).











Bukhari (62:81) - ';The Prophet said: ';'The stipulations most entitled to be abided by are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the (women's) private parts (i.e. the stipulations of the marriage contract).''; In other words, the most important thing that a woman brings to a marriage is between her legs.











Bukhari (62:58) - A woman presents herself in marriage to Muhammad, but he does not find her attractive, so he ';donates'; her on the spot to another man.











Abu Dawud (2:704) - ';...the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: When one of you prays without a sutrah, a dog, an ***, a pig, a Jew, a Magian, and a woman cut off his prayer, but it will suffice if they pass in front of him at a distance of over a stone's throw.';











Ishaq 593 - ';From the captives of Hunayn, Allah's Messenger gave [his son-in-law] Ali a slave girl called Baytab and he gave [future Caliph] Uthman a slave girl called Zaynab and [future Caliph] Umar another.'; - Even in this world, Muhammad treated women like party favors, handing out slave girls to his cronies for sex.











Ishaq 969 - ';Men were to lay injunctions on women lightly, for they were prisoners of men and had no control over their persons.';