Well love it's not your place to change him, he has to want to change on his own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were woman enough some time ago to bring things to a head and separate, you can't fall back on financial situation to stay in this dead end relationship! You were a woman first before you were anything else, so allow no man for that matter to take your womanhood and become co-dependent on what he can do for you and your children! Say what you mean, and mean what you say! Gain your self-respect for you and your children and get it together..... Allow him to figure his own destiny with his relationship with you and your children.... Don't be sooooooooo needy because as long as you are healthy willing and able you can do it!!! My advice to you is, don't warn or tell him anything further, there's nothing else I am sure at this point to discuss and I am sure you sound like a broken record! Regroup and set the pathway for your future as gainning your self-respect and womanhood back! Do what you need to do for you and your children without him! Stop living your life in the not knowing and somehow allowing him to make all the decisions and being unhappy and stop you from being the only person that realizes there is a problem, heck he knows, he has the additude of indifference, and guess what let him have the attitude all by himself! Don't allow your children to believe that you can't make it without him, always depend on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God Bless and Good Luck!!!!!!!! But at this point there really isn't anymore advice, me or anyone can give you, you have to want things to happpen for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Marriage advice...for the serious ones only!?
And you know this and guess what if you want a real straight up answer I'll give it to you and hold no punches.............. Straight talk from the heart! Report Abuse
stay. for the kids as well as for you. at this age, you will not get a better husband.
Have you ever consider the possibility that he might suffer from depression??? You had a wonderfull husband and now, hes not there?? thats a common sign of depression and he might not even know it. this happens everyday to common people, one night they go the bed happy and the next morning they wake up as zombies and they have no idea why?
think about that possiblity, there are a lot of treatments out there that might help him
good luck
this is very common in marriage either the woman or the man gets comfortable in the marriage and doesn't do the things they once did. Have your tried just focusing on yourself. Going back to college, gym or doing something you have always wanted to do. There are alot of things out there that don't cost much. Sometimes when we take the attention off the guy and sees your having fun and enjoyment anyway. He starts to smarten up. If that doesn't work you will at least have outside interest other than your husband if you have to separate again. Also look at financial books and financial assistance in your town so you don't feel like you have to settle for less just because it is better financially. The reason I say this is because children watch their parents you don't want your children to mimic your life unless it is positive.
You can't change him. He ';changes'; just long enough to get back in and then it's the same old ****. Maybe one of these days you'll get tired of it and then you will do something about it.
he sounds just like i was in my marriage,come home ,shower ,eat and sleep .My ex thought it was her too ,but it was all me. Come to find out I was very depressed and didn't even know it.The way I figured this all out was when i finally went to get help and got on meds ,but by then it was too late,she'd already given up and took my son and was gone.All I can really say is try to find out what is bothering him and do whatever you can.
It sounds like you've already tried everything.....counseling, separating, leaving, etc....
I think it's time to call that lawyer. It's not healthy (or sane!) for you to remain with this guy just for the sake of your children.
Good luck honey
The only way to change him, is to leave him.
Stop trying to change yourself for him but instead, learn to start living a life of your own.
I don't agree with those who say stay in the marriage...If you have done everything that you can think of to get your husband to plug into your marriage...and nothing has worked...and he reverts back to him old self....you are teaching your kids that it is ok to be in a marriage no matter how unhappy you are....why wait for them to grow up...and ask why didn't you leave their father earlier? Kids deserve to be in a happy home....where BOTH parents are happy, love, and respect one another....not in a home where one is emotionally absent....
';finances and childerns well being got back together.'; To very wrong reasons to go back into a relationship. However, I have always been a strong advocate for marriage and kids so here is my only advice and please take heed of it..get the book ';The Divorce Remedy'; by Michele Weiner Davis. I can assure you, after reading this book, YOu will know what to do for YOU! A lot of peeps will be jugedmental in their answers, I won't. I trust you will try to care for yourself first,,and then the kids and the husband will fall into place. good luck and never give up hope!
Men generally are not lifelong talker to begin with. (marriage rule #1)
Don't ever try to get him to change. When a wife does that it antagonizes and emasculates him little by little (marriage rule#2)
You CAN encourage him to change. That is different than number two, and many women fail to make that distinction.
He sounds depressed. I think he wants to change but without help he's going to continue to go downhill. Wives were created by God to be our best encouragers. If we're the head, then they are the backbone allowing the whole body to work and providing support. Divorce isn't the answer. It may take time with you subtly promoting some of his better attributes, doing things together (not asking much from him at first) and pay attention to his non verbal communication. He's a guy, a different species. We talk differently. I think in time you will see a door open to approach him about counseling and getting help. In fact with a deeper understanding he may start to come around by himself. God said a wife can win over a disobedient husband without using her words. That some strong stuff.
Honey, in your message have you realized it's I, I, I...? you've tried this and that, you've tried counseling, what can you do??? Do you see my point...? You can't make someone love you.. all you can do is try again to talk with him, tell him exactly what you need and want ... tell him that you need change and you are thinking of leaving again.. tell him precisely what you want changed... if he doesn't you'll have to live with it or leave.. hopefully, he'll try...
Best of luck,
Wildflower
Ok, it could mean that he has a girlfriend he is always thinking about... wanting to be with her rather than at home... now there is a way to make him forget about her...
-If you are over wieght, get back into shape by Joining Jenny Craig, my wife lost 30lbs, and looks hot...
-Plan small trips like to Amusement parks with the kids and him and ask other families to join you.
-Go out at least once a month, so you have a date to look forward too... no kids...
-make sure you have enough sex with him so that he dosen't have the energy for any bimbo that comes his way.
Thats for starters.. think positive, be happy... Can you handle all that??? Are you willing to work at it? I have a feeling he has given up on you.
Honey it breaks my heart to tell you this... cause I may be in the same situation.... you just need to hold it till the kids grow up. =(
You've already wasted nine years, why spend another day in what is obviously not a happy situation.
You can't change your husband, that's something only HE can do and has to WANT to do.
Seriously, do you want your kids do grow up in this type of environment? Wouldn't you want them to see you happy so that they know what possibilities of happiness are out there? Get out, don't waste another minute.
Don't give up yet, have you tried to make special alone time. and for the alone time do something , some activity specifiably for him, and make it a sharing experience with him. It doesn't even have to involve sex . may be a sport event he likes, just you and him together.
If he's not abusive, then don't divorce him!!
Use the free time you have (since he's not communicating with you) to take some classes, join a gym, make new friends, volunteer, etc.
Live your life and try to bring him into it.
It sounds like he's doing the best he can do... so remember, till death do us part!
He sounds like he may be depressed. He really might want to be there for you but he cant because of his depression. You might see if he will go to the doctor. If that's not the case and he wont go to counseling then it might be better for you and the kids to leave.
This is about the kids. He's not abusive? You dont fight in front of them? Some guys[ and girls] are just that way. When you yell he listens Im sure.
Aside from the kids, Figure if you want and can do better. Tricky! Make yourself happy.
you never even say what is wrong with him, which leads me to believe you may be the problem as much as him, if not more,
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