ive been with a guy for over 3 years. he %26amp; i are finally moving together n our own place in dec... we've been separated alot due to school and such . but now we are finally going to be together. im beyond excited. and i know hes excited 2 cause he says ';2months! 2 months'; and.. ';we need to buy a media center %26amp; book shelf for the apartment'; and stuff like that...
you know.. LOL.
we're young im 19 %26amp; hes 23. but we've been together since forever (thats the way it feels like). and ive been through so much in my young age.. im very mature. (i have my occasions of silliness but everyone does).
but the thing is...i want babies.
and marriage. and not in that order.
im going to school .. im studying to become a nurse
%26amp; weve been through so much ups %26amp; downs. now that we are finally moving together
all i can think about is being his wife.
i tell him that. he doesnt say nothing he just looks @ me.
i tell him i dont want a wedding or proposal or ring or nothing. i just want to go to the city hall. and then maybe a nice dinner just us 2. that day and just be happy.
he snapped %26amp; said dont tell him how to do things...(what does he mean by things? i wasnt even trying to i was just. . telling him what i wanted)
and babies. he gives me an outright NO. says we're too young. i guess.. we are too young. but im talking about Planning a baby for we can have it by the time hes 25. and the time im 21. is that such a bad idea considering the fact
he doesnt use protection when we have sex ';Cuz Condoms Sucks'; that how he responded when i asked him why doesnt he want to use them.
the way we act most likely we will get pregnant by ACCIDENT.
i bought condoms. and everything but he never uses them i really want a baby. so i dont mind. and when he told me recently that he will become the god father of his bestfriend's son.. my heart hurt? i was jealous? am i wrong to be jealous.. i want to be happy for him but at the same time im angry @ him.. i know god sons are different from your own children but somehow someway it still hurt me.
he %26amp; i may be young..but.. i do want to do everything right. i want to have marriage %26amp; kids. he never seems to want to talk 2 me about it. i LOVE HIM.. but i cant take being with someone who doesnt show what he wants with me. . .
these are alot of questions i hope someone can answer them all. Thankyou. and please excuse my grammar errors. i am typing really fast.MARRIAGE ADVICE.!! (SERIOUS QUESTIONS ONLY)?
You need to realize men can not handle so much at the same time! he is for now happy that you two are moving in together and you all of the sudden throw the marriage, and baby out there. You should have not even talked about it. Now he knows you are despred to get married and that is not the way to go. First move in together and see how it goes. You two need to get to know one another before thinking about marriage and babies!...MARRIAGE ADVICE.!! (SERIOUS QUESTIONS ONLY)?
are u sure he is serious about the whole arrangement of living like
husband and wife? living together and building a family is a two different
scenario. if i were you, i will consider finishing your nursing degree
first so if anything happens, you are ready financially.
Well, I really think you guys need to communicate. It's important to have the same goals in a relationship. Something like marriage and kids is something you have to see eye to eye on or one of you will be left unhappy.
if he dont want to talk about those things he might not see his future with you or he might not be a woman and plan 10 years ahead.
They way your acting now.... Your boyfriend is going to run the other way.. GIRL YOU JUST MOVED IN TOGETHER RELAX!!!.. Both of you need to graduate from college first.!!!
be patient and enjoy the next step in your relationship
For real, just take it a moment at a time, us women always seem to put a timing on things, I was tHE SAME EXACT WAY, guess what, life doesn't go that way, need to keep concentrating on YOU FIRST, you already have your dude...IT WILL COME SO JUST LET IT. That is tooo much for a guy of his age to think about, you have to remember HE IS THE ONE that WANTS to be the supporter of the family, he is thinking about what he needs to do not with emotions, he is trying it out with you by moving in to see how both of you will be together. Then that will tell him rather or not he CAN live with you. Did you know to take care of ONE CHILD is 10,000 more in income? You didn't think about that one huh..and you said ';babies'; so times that by how many you want.. That is too much of a worry for BOTH OF YOU right now. Just let it flow... I mean there is alot of woman out here who wish they had a relationship, and you are trying to PUSH him away by rushing.. don't do it. Just live for the moment and TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST.
Get on the pill right now!
You need to finish school first before making marriage and babies plan. All you need to know at this point is that he wants to have children eventually....that is it! Once he says yes he's the kind of man that wants to have a family YOU stop talking about it! You don't make plans at 23 to have kids at 25!! Ask HIM when he wants children, this union is not only about you!
You're setting yourself up for a faillure, he's gonna feel pressured and he'll stop enjoying being with you! JUST be happy you are together, learn how to live together FIRST! There is plenty of time for babies!
ADD: About your jealousy toward the god son, it's the most selfish, immature comment I have ever heard! You should be proud he was picked as God Father by the parents! and you should encourage him to take this role seriously instead of feeling jealous like a 15 y/o.
Ok, I understand where you are coming from. You sound very mature for 19.
1. You may be scaring him with so much you want out of the relationship. Wait and see how things go when you move in together. Give it some time.
2. Use birth control pills for protection of getting pregnant.
3. yes, having a baby is a wonderful experience, but they are also very expensive and time consuming (mom of 3), you need appropriate child care, you will hardly sleep at night, and all this cost a lot of money.
4. You stated you were studying to be a nurse, being a nurse is a very difficult and stressful career, what time will you have to take care of the baby, and yourself and a husband, I am sure you will not want your newborn baby, in child care from 7am to 6pm,.
Having an idea of having a baby, is great and wonderful, but realistically, its a job in itself.
What you are expressing is not wrong, maybe just too much to take in all at once. Advice, get yourself a little diary and write what you are feeling and your wants for the future. This helps me gather my thoughts and ambitions without scaring my husband, and when the time is right, I start working on the things I wrote. Oh, remember some men are not as mature as women, and he may need some time to enjoy life with just you.
Guys are rational thinkers and problem solvers by nature. They are not always good at the ';What If'; parts of life. (There are exceptions to the rule...). He's ready and excited for the big move in - go with it. He's probably just not thinking ahead that far, maybe a little - but not seriously. As for a baby - take your time! My husband and I moved in together when I was 18 (he was 22); married when I was 21 and did the house and baby thing 4 years later. Take you BC pills for now, finish your degree and enjoy being young and in-love. There is plenty of time for you to get married and have it all - for now just enjoy BEING.
I'm sorry, but you aren't going to get any advice here that you are actually going to listen to. You don't agree on your plans or life ambitions. At 19 you are as fertile as you are ever going to be and you guys are not taking solid steps to prevent pregnancy. You want babies before you marry. You haven't gone to school yet.
You are setting yourself up for a total mess. It MIGHT work out, but I would put money on it it won't. You are both insanely immature, even for being that young, and completely absorbed with yourselves. Long-term happiness will never come from this.
You say you want to do everything right. Take everything you are doing and don't do it. That would be right.
And for CRYING OUT LOUD GET ON THE PILL!
ok, congrats on moving in together. may i give you a bit of advise. i was pregnant in college. and it was very hard. so just try (even though you want a baby........ to avoid it till you finish.) if you do this and your income gets better maybe you will see your man agree in the future. men see babies as $$$$$$$$$$$$$ where we se it as love. if you get your degree he may change his mind.
but now i must say something else............ does he even want kids? you must get an understanding about where he stands on marriage and kids. to me it seems like he doesnt want marraige at all cuz he just looks at you. and kids means NO WAY.......... so ask him point blank. as in the future..............does he ever want to get married? what would be the goal you and him would have to work toward together to get married.????? also kids. ... does he want any in the future? and tell him your not having B. control. what would happen if you did get a child? would be blaim you? or would he agree it was both you and him not using protection? i must inform you if he doesnt ever want marriage........or if he doesnt ever want kids. you may have to look at him as just a boyfriend. and when the time comes you may want to leave him to find a man who will fit into tyour goal of what you want in your future/ sometimes we fall in love with men, but we learn we dont want the same goals............... then we have to ask ourself if the man is worth giving up our goals in our life. most times we convince ourself that we rather the man..........but in truth it never works out because we want out life plan. and wanting kids can be so srtong you will leave him for a man who likes to have a child. only time will tell dear. but you must get him to tell you point blank if he wants marriage and kids in the future. if he says no then you need to think. ok
he prolly just wants to do things his way and you two are a little young to be talking babies and all that jazz, wait until after you have been living together for awhile and see what happens, moving in together changes alot for ppl
Firstly your too young to be thinking about a child. Enjoy your relationship just the two of you for a few years. Work on your studies, get a good career and be financially stable before you bring a child into the world. Having a child is a wonderful experience but its a huge responsibility.
As for not using condoms that is irresponsible on both parts.
As for your suggestion about how you would get married I would guess you ruffled his feathers. Maybe he had more elaborate ideas for marriage.
I would not worry too much about things. Enjoy your relationship and in time everything will fall into place.
If you are wanting/expecting all of those things to happen fairly quickly and he won't even talk to you about it, do not move in with him. It's only going to make it harder to convince him to marry you. And if he doesn't want kids and you accidentally become pregnant, he's liable to bail on you and believe me, being a single parent is no cup of tea, especially being as young as you are.
Just make sure you know that by moving in with him, you will not be getting married anytime soon. Just be prepared for that. So many people think that by moving in together, you're getting that much closer to him popping the question. Not so.
Good luck.
your wrong. if a pregnancy happened, it wouldn't be by accident. it's never by accident if protection, birth control isn't used. so maybe your not as mature as your saying.
anywho, you shouldn't move in then if the 2 of you want totally 2 different lives. why would you?
ok i know ur not gonna like hearing this but not only are YOU too young for all this ..... but ur bf here also feels the same way - which is why he shoots down every idea u have regarding a marriage and babies
and if u didnt know alreddy, a lot of relationships break up eventually because of diferent priorities and the more u push ur marrige and kids priorities onto him and the more he realizes that this is not what he wants, the faster he will leave this relationship
and the whole godfather thing ... thats really not a big deal ... its not the same as raising a child on your own, paying the bills the costs of diapers, cleaing up after him taking care of him etc etc .... so if he feels he wants to be a godfather to someone else, i dont think tis a big deal because he knows he isnt really technically responsible unless the parents die
i just dont think he has the same goals as u in life (i.e. regarding a family) and he thinks moving in together is just fun and games ... and hes really not taking this as seriously as you are .... i would suggest to take it slow and dont get your hopes up ...because you dotn wanna get hurt in the end
gluck
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