Marriage Advice - Communication?

My husband comes home sometimes upset and when I ask him whats wrong he says he doesn't want to talk about it. In the past I have just left him alone but usually stuff that hes was upset about ends up being a situation where I end up blindsided cause I didn't know what was going on in the first place.





I really do love my husband and care. So when i see him upset the whole family gets upset because we do not know the seriousness of the matter. It could be something very little or something big. For me I get so frustrated because I don't know what to do and I just end up going to bed because I don't wanna keep asking him.








I talk to him today but he said he feels like he doesn't have any freedom and he doesn't have to answer to anybody and that he does it out of respect. He also said that he should be able to be mad and not tell anyone why.





I understand his points but its just very hard when you have a family and theres this big dark cloud over you constantly. And you dont know what to do to make it go away or make it better.Marriage Advice - Communication?
I am in the same type of situation with my wife. She hates her job and gets treated poorly. So, she is crabby when she gets home and takes it out on me and the kids. Sometimes I wonder if there is something more going on, but she won't open up either. It is to the point where if it keeps up, I might be moving on. The kids even walk on egg shells....wondering what type of mood she will be in from day to day....not good to raise kids in that environment.Marriage Advice - Communication?
I'm sure your husband respects your feelings but ma'am please remember like everyone he needs space too. I'm sure he realises that you're there by his side. Only when he gets out of his depression that you should ask him about what happened and remind him that you're there for him no matter what.
Give him some space!
well 1st off sweetie he does need to talk bout it keeping it all in is not a good idea it can lead to something much more 2nd u guys can not have a good familly n relationship without communication hae u guys tried marriage cousling and he is right he does have the right to be mad and not tell anyone but ask him this does he want to push away to the point he looses the ones he care for the most cus that all thats gonna do it push u guys away if for 1 he always has negative energy and not communicating with you guys letting yall know that he is ok or letting u kno if it is serious or not just tell him what he is doin is not healthy for u two him and his kids basically the whole family and all he gonna do is push u guys away from him and that leads to being alone
You did the right thing by giving him space early on.


Approaching him WHEN he is angry might not be his best time to communicate.





However, you both do need to communicate some more.





Try saying this a day or so AFTER he is angry:





';Honey, sometimes I get really moody or pissy and I just want to explode. I don't always know why or what I should do...what do you think?';





By asking him HIS advice on your frustrations, you take away the judgmental feeling of being attacked...you are asking for his advice.





If he answers that you should talk about it, then go ahead...after a while you can GENTLY ask him about his issues only AFTER you give him your side first.





By opening up yourself, you make it a little bit easier for him to.





NOTE:


Men rarely like to talk about their feelings. It often takes a real dramatic event to have them open up and share. My affair and near divorce was the catalyst for my ';new communication'; with my wife. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary.
Just from what you wrote I got the picture of you living your life looking towards your husband for constant reassurance that all is well with him, because if all is well with him then your world feels more safe and secure. I know you do not see this but I being on the outside looking in (according to what you wrote) sounds very much of a dependency issue on your part. You dependency is causing your husband to harbor feelings of resentment and feelings of being smothered. I know this was not your intention, but if you want to fix your problem then you simply stop looking to your husband for constant reassurance. He is human and is entitled to a bad day here and there. Whenever your husband is having a bad day you simply kiss him and ask him if there is anything he wants to talk about. If he says no, then simply leave it all alone and ignore him and go about your business happily. This will make him feel less tension with having to always prove to you he is happy. You also might want to find help in working on your dependency issues. No ill intent here, you sound like a loving caring wife, but too much concern can smother and you need to work on the reasons why your husband's mood upsets your world so much. Good luck to you!
I am sure that he understands and knows your feelings on this but the bottom line is that he is getting upset with you because you are not giving him any space when this stuff happens. There are things that upset my husband at work and I usually give him some space when he comes home upset. Especially if he asks me too. Just give the man some space. You need to remember too that with the job market being bad right now that a lot of people are stressed about their jobs. They are out there doing everything they can to keep it while living in fear of losing it. My husband and I just went through some of that earlier this year and he was stressed and crabby for a couple of months until it blew over. So, just have some patience and back off of him a little bit.
I think that the best way for you to make your husband understand your feelings is to tell him about your feelings, without making any accusations and putting him on the defensive.





There is a special vocabulary of feelings, one that most women know because they discuss feelings with each other all the time. There are at least forty or fifty different feelings in the English language.





However, the vast majority of men have an extremely limited vocabulary of feelings; most of them were taught and learned to get by with just ';mad, sad, glad.'; From early childhood on, most men are taught to hold in their feelings, so they grow up into strong, reliable ';macho men'; who can take care of all problems by themselves, without asking for any help from anybody.





Say things to him like: ';When I see you upset about something, I get all upset too, because it hurts me to see you upset. It makes me all worried and anxious and I want so much to help you take care of the problem, whatever it is. But, I can't do that if I don't know what the problem is. Sometimes just talking about a problem to someone else is a big help. Won't you give me a chance to help you?';





Any husband who truly loves his wife almost has to respond favorably to a sincere entreaty such as that. If he doesn't, then your marriage is in deeper trouble than any of us can help you with.