Marriage advice and counceling?

To summarize, I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and manage well with Effexor XR 75mg., proper diet and rest for years. It seems that the medication has side effects that alter some fundimental personality traits that my wife apparently cannot live with and I cannot seem to change. Although I blame the medication, I also blame our lack of ability to fight fair and compromise on our issues.





Sleep. If I am not in bed by at least 10:00pm or sometimes by 9, I am my wife's worst enemy. she will wake me up from falling asleep and argue that she doesn't want me to sleep and I should spend time with her. I usually get very angry and sometimes don't even remember the first half hour after she wakes me up. Sometimes i get very angry and say things I don't even remember. I have tried to explain to her that I need my sleep or I am a grump all the next day, but she does not seem to respect or accept this. I attribute my extreme sleepiness at night to the medication but do not believe it is worth stopping the meds or changing them as she would suggest.





Sex. My Libido seems to have dissipated dramatically. Although I know I contribute, I have offered suggestions to spruce up our sex life and this only angered my wife as she takes it personally suggesting I am not happy with the sex we do have. I regret bringing up my suggestions, but thought she may be willing to hear me out without thinking only of herself. Still the Libido problem is there and I attribute the problem to the medication and she attributes it to me not being in love with her anymore which is absolutely NOT the case.





Lack of emotion. Everything can just roll off my shoulders and tomorrow is a new day. This is my attitude towards most things. While some suggest this is an awesome ability, I feel it is a complete opposite of my wife and this is rarely a positive for her. She hates the fact that if something goes wrong, I can absorb it and the emotions in which she feels, for me, they just seem to soak into a black hole. I actually think this is normal for most small things which she never can get over, but for some larger issues, I think my ability to shrug it off can be a problem. I also attribute this to the medication and myself learning to ';block'; stress in order to remain sane.





We had a daughter 5 months ago and since have been fighting non-stop and I believe at this rate, it cannot end good and I feel it is unfair to both of us as well as our daughter who will only pay for our mistakes.





Please let me know what I need to do to get us help. We are both very much in love (under the surface) and can survive this but I just cannot see how on our own. We need intervention. Can you help?Marriage advice and counceling?
It sounds like your wife and you are not sure what to expect from the other with these two major life changes. Your health and the new baby. Congrats by the way on the baby - I'm due in 7 weeks with my 3rd.





First step: Sit down with your wife (have someone watch the baby so you can talk) and acknowledge the changes.


2nd: Where are your strengths and weakness lie? You might be surprised how your weakness might be her strength. Fox ex: I have a bad poker face so when buying a new car I let my hubby get the best rate/deal. On the flip; he hates driving on long trips so I do the driving when we it takes more than 1 hour to get somewhere.


3rd: Put together a plan of how you will tackle issues and who is expected to tackle them. You need sleep which means she will have to get up with the baby during the night. Maybe you can watch the baby in the evening so she can get a early start on sleep. And maybe you take the baby out for a few hours on the weekend so she can have some time alone.


4th: Tell her you love her. I know it seems like our spouse should know this by now but it really does help calm the anxiety and take pressure out of the situation.


5th: Don't be scared to ask for outside help. If the baby kept her up 2 nights in a row; YOU find someone to help with the baby on that 3rd night. Grandma's can be so great and they get such a high knowing their children still need their help (sparingly).


Remember - it's easy to deal with situations if you know that your partner will find a way to help. My husband is so great. When I look worn down - he will send me to bed. He will serve me dinner in bed. He knows that I am no good to anyone if I'm running on empty. I do the same for him. He just had a weekend of boy scouts with our 10 year old. He's exhausted from trying to sleep in a tent. I sent him to bed a half hour after they got home.Marriage advice and counceling?
Life can be cruel sometimes. I lost a relationship myself because of health problems caused by a stroke. I recovered but the relationship was long over. Sometimes life is just not fair. Try counseling but don't be surprised if it does no good. Sorry!
Try and convince her to seek counseling with you. It may be that your dosage is to high. Your wife does need to try to be a little more understanding and want to help you which will help her, Best of luck. I still love my husband sooooooooooo much but he refuses any help and left me. Hurts sooooooooooooo much.