I need some serious marriage advice?

So, my hubby and I have completely different pasts. He slept with over 40 women before we got married, getting a girl pregnant (she had an abortion, so no baby in the picture) and also getting an STD...where I've only ever slept with him. He was into drinking/partying...I spent my nights studying in high school and college to make A's (yeah, I was kind of a dork haha.) I accepted our differences when we got married (or so I thought,) but I can't seem to totally make peace with his past. Plus, he still likes to go to college-oriented bars without me, with his single guy friends. I still have a nagging voice in the back of my head, asking myself why I ended up with someone who has such different values than I do. Can anyone give me advice on how to get over this, because I know that I need to for the sake of my marriage. Thanks!I need some serious marriage advice?
Sounds like you picked a real winner......I need some serious marriage advice?
Frankly, I am not so sure you SHOULD get over it. He has proven that he can be irresponsible and foolish, and you have presented no evidence whatsoever to show that he has changed. You may well have made a big mistake marrying this guy. But don't get upset that I said so. It's one perspective based on limited information, but it is something to think about.





That said, the way to make it work out is to talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and why. Make sure he is providing YOU with what YOU need in this relationship, then seek his assurance that he's not going to blow it. You'll know from his reaction how he really feels about you. You might even consider getting some relationship counseling. You should have done that BEFORE you got married, but it is not too late. A therapist or counselor can help you and your husband identify potential problems in your relationship and help you find constructive stategies for beating those problems. I highly recommend it.





Good luck!





p.s. The suggestion that you ask to come with him to the bars is a good idea! If he is itchy to keep you out of his extra-curricular life, it can be a big red flag.
Private counseling would work for you to help get over his past and then marriage counseling would work to get the kinks out of your marriage. But be sure to try and get over his past by seeing the private counselor first. Then workout the rest.





Sometimes finding that opposite person that you are helps the situation. You need that balance in your life the same way that he needs it.





As for the bars, first thing is let him know that you want to go to. Then go! If he refuses then something is wrong and you may need some marriage counseling... again.
We're all so different,%26amp; we can celebrate that difference,%26amp; enjoy your partners input into your relationship,as bringing a bit of the unknown %26amp; some spiciness into your life.. Can you love %26amp; accept him as he is,since I imagine you hope he accepts you,as you are...Maybe you can talk with him about your innocence in certain areas,%26amp; he may be able to support you,%26amp; include you in his circle of friends,so that you can feel more part of his current life...he could be in need of a reminder that he's now married to you,%26amp; you will appreciate more of a sharing in your social life together...BOL to you.
Tough question! Marriage is hard. But it sounds like a bigger question is: are you ok with the bars he goes out to and do you trust that he's faithful? If he's not being trustworthy, your going to have to decide where you need some boundaries (and maybe talk with a counselor). If he's trustworthy today, then you just need to process thru his past on your own. And mourn the loss of what could have been (meaning if he had ';waited'; for you)--once you mourn it, you can start to move on.
Forget the past because the past is no longer in the present! I have a hard time thinking that your husband slept with over 40 women and for what reason? Selfishness? I do not know why you would marry him, but that is your choice. You knew before you got married that you had these differences right? So stick with your marriage vows, because that will help you!
The key is to focus on the present and not the past. He chose to be with you and that is how you have to always think of it. I do think that perhaps it is time for him to stop going out to college oriented bars without you.
It's easy to say keep the past in the past, however, it sounds as if your husband won't by continuing to go to college bars and partying with his single friends.





Sounds as if your husband hasn't really grown up yet. Unfortunately, you went into this marriage knowing all of that and probably hoped that marriage would mature him which it obviously hasn't. I don't think this is a case where you can ';just get over it.'; You will need to seriously talk to him about it and your concerns. At the end of the day, he should be thinking about what's best for you two as a couple and as a family. Just because his friends haven't grown up yet doesn't mean he doesn't have to as well.
The past is the past and he married you. You need to pray my sister and pray for your husband, yourself and your marriage
The past needs to stay in the past. Whatever he did before he met you is the past. Now him going out partying, as long as he is not cheating on you or making it an everyday affair, then I would just let it go.
I gave several of the answers above a ';thumbs up';, so I won't repeat all that. But your choice of nick (armywife317) kind of worries me a little bit. I may be barking up the wrong tree, but you are telling the world that your identity comes from someone else. Be sure you are being your own person in your every day life and your marriage. That said, play to your hubby's sense of duty.... to you. Duty to family is duty to the nation, and vice versa. The army wants MEN, not boys. And if he ever gets deployed, he'll likely grow up real fast, but will definitely come home changed... so be ready for that.





P.S. Thank your hubby for his service, and thank YOU for the silent sacrifices you make to the military.
That little voice is your common sense telling you to leave. You need to get with someone that has your values too. Do not have a baby with this man you both will not be on the same page and you will feel like you are nagging him all the time to grow up.


You are smart and he is a child get out while you can.
Hello --





His past is his past ... if he married you then he found something special in you that those other women didn't have. That is the good news ...





I wouldn't worry too much about his nights out with the guys. That is fairly normal ... for now.





You see, men change over time ... and by finding you he might be starting to settle down.


Often time a man starts saying to himself ';If I keep on the way I'm going it will be the worst thing for me ... I had better find a nice girl and settle down to better lifestyle.';





Of course this is all sub-conscious, he doesn't completely understand it himself. Be patient and allow him to change from a guy into a man. This is in fact a change in values. He chose you to help him with this and you should be honoured.





Just my $ 0.02 (two cents) worth,





Bill
Serious Answer: He needs to get over his immature ways.
It sounds to me like you are about seventeen? hmmm I think you married the wrong guy, Why? I don't know, and you should ask yourself that question. Now, if he wants to go out and party without you, and to college bars of all places!, and with single buddies! You should be putting a stop to it, Nip it at the bud, be foolish no more, and grow up.
It's going to be hard to get over it sinceit happens on a regular basis. You are living with too many reminders that you are 2 completely different people. How did you meet him. Are you one of the girls he picked up in a bar?





It would be interesting to hear how this turns out in 2 or 3 years.
i'm very very sure that this was in your mind b4 u even walked down the isle so that way your first mistake ( aside from dating him in the 1st place) but if u r determined to make it work with him u need to lay down the law. he should NOT be going to bars with his single friends who are patroling for young stupid chick cuz its just too darn tempting given his past. if he can respect how this makes you feel and see his responsabilities as a husband then you know he is in this for real and loves only you. if he plays the ';whats the big deal'; card or says you should just trust him ';imma changed man baby'; then i would seriously consider hitting the door cuz it's just a matter of time b4 u start seeing numbers in his jean pockets as u do the wash.
He was honest enough to disclose his past and you decided to get married despite that. Why are you beating yourself up about this? If he goes to college bars every day or multiple times a week, then you may potentially have a problem. If this is occasional and he is a great husband the you have nothing to worry about.





My advice is only worry about the things you can change.
Well first of all, the past is the past! There's no changing the past. But you can change right now!! There's no reason for a married man to be going to college-oriented bar without his wife. Ask him if you could go with him. I f he doesn't let you go then you know he has bad intentions when he goes.
I imagine he was pretty exciting...doing things you could only dream about. And he liked your stability. But once the euphoria wears off all you have is each other. And that should be enough, but his bar hopping is a constant reminder to you of his past. Something you just can't flip off.


Big flag--why the bars with single friends? Not good.


And once a guy is in a habit of roaming, it's hard to break it. Do you give him reasons to want to be home? Make sure you're as exciting and as sexual as he needs and likes--you should know what that is by now, and don't be afraid to use it.


If that's not enough to keep him at home and to give you peace of mind, get counseling.


No women should have to wonder what her husband is doing when he's out with the guys.


Good luck
he's going to the college bars to see college girls.


tell him you want to come too.


i don't know if i would've married a man knowing he had an STD.....don't care how much i love him.