I need some marriage advice?

Hello everybody. I just needed to ask a question concerning me and my wife, as I am having a very hard time at the moment. beforehand, let me give you a bit of backstory, we've been married for about 3 years, and beforehand, although we had our ups and downs, it was ok. the first 2 years of marrage have been ok, but it's starting to go downhill a bit now. I just wanted to tell you my story, and see, what would you do?





first of all, if this starts to sound like one of those tyrades where I go on about all my wife's faults, then i really don't mean it to sound like that, so I apologise. I love my wife very much.





The main problem is that she has serious anger management issues. for example, the other day, we were shopping, and I picked up a joint of meat for our sunday dinner, she said behind me, ';get this one instead';, but i didn't hear her, and when i look around, she's gone mad and is telling me how ignorant I am. i apologised for this, but she was in a rage for the rest of the day. this is one example. now before you judge me to be blaming all our problems on her, I will say, that i'm not a perfect husband, I can be a little spaced sometimes, and sometimes she'll ask me to do something and i'll forget to do it, but the one thing i have never done is lost my temper, as I believe that anger only makes situations worse (I am a buddhist) so the one thing that i can honestly and truthfully say, is that I have never lost my temper with her, as I believe that doing that would only make the situation worse.





but, this just brings me to the main reason that i'm writing this. I don't have a problem with her being angry a lot (that sort of episode I mentioned is repeated a few times a day, and granted,sometimes I'm at fault, if i don't hear her, or am concentrating on something else) but what is happening over the last few months, is I have started getting verbally abused by her. for example, a while ago, she lost her temper with me, because i was 15 minutes late coming in from work (I stopped off for a mcdonalds) and she was very angry, but then she starts saying things like ';you're and a**eh*le, you're an ignorant c*cks**cker, I hate you, you're a c**k) , as well as some things that I can't print, even if i star out some of the letters. this has happened more than once. now, I don't have a problem with her being angry, and if i've done something to upset her, I just wish she would talk civally about it, but it seems that the tiniest thing (me forgetting to indicate when turning into a junction whilst driving for example) sets her off into a tyrade of abusive language and name calling. I just don't understand how someone can claim to love someone and then talk to them like that. I should also mention, that it's not only me that gets this. we live with her mother (my mother in law) who contrary to the mother in law myth, is the nicest sweetest person you could ever want to meet, she never raises her voice, and never shouts, but she gets it sometimes too. i've heard my wife call her a ';stupid b*tch'; when she's been angry and shreaking at her in the past. I just want to know, what can be done, if anything. i know all couples argue, but surely no-one has the right to call me names, no matter what i've done. the problem that i've noticed is that the fact that i don't lose my temper when she loses hers makes her even angrier. the thing that gets me is , a long time ago, in high school, I was bullied, as were most of us i bet. that's not relevant to this situation, but my point is, not even the BULLIES at high school talked to me the way she does, and she claims to love me!! the thing that really frightens me is, we are planning to start trying for a family at some point in the future. and if that happens, how do i know that she won't speak to the kids the same way she speaks to me? after all, she says she loves me, but that doesn't stop her speaking to me that way.





my mother in law says that her father (who i've never met, they divorced 15 years ago) was a lot like my wife is now. but the problem is , I don't know how to make this any better.





and also, I'm not trying to suggest that it's like this 24/7, because it's not, sometimes we have great fun, but it's just that i feel she lacks the basic respect for me, another example of how i've come to this conclusion was, a while ago, her brother was round to visit with his family. he mentioned that he needed milk, and my wife just nodded at me, and said ';it's alright, he'll go to the shops'; it's not that i mind going to the shop, but shouldn't she ask me? rather than talk in the 3rd person about me, even though i'm sitting in the same room?





over the time this has been happening, i've tried talking about it to her, which just gets her angry again, i've suggested going to counselling, which meets with more anger, and its got to the point when i'm walking on eggshells around her, afraid to say something that's on my mind in case it sets her off. for example, iI need some marriage advice?
This sounds a lot like how my husband behaves towards me. It just gets a lot harder when kids come along because you are forever trying not to upset your partner for the child,a sake. It like your treading on eggshells all the time isn't it? With my husband, stress seems to make things worse, maybe it is a mental thing I don,t know. Try avoiding her getting stressed that might help a bit. With my husband, I reallly think he needs to get professional help but I know not to ask because he would't and it would just cause more arguing. It's sometimes just like you can't do anything right (from your partner's point of view) isn't it? Good luck.I need some marriage advice?
Man up!


When she abuses you, stop the tirade and point out what's happening. Then give her a deep, passionate kiss and tell her that you love her.


By the way ... Mildred sent me.
She sounds like she is bipolar and needs anger management theropy.
Way too long. Sorry.
Maybe she is bipolar and needs to be medicated. Good Luck!
Way too long...
Just ask yourself if you will be happy with current her for the rest of your life. If you do then suck it up, if not then you either have to make her change or move on.
You are right by trying to talk to her. I would imagine that you probably approach her in a very mild manor as that seems to be the way you are coming across to me. There is nothing wrong with that and I think it is great that you can stay so calm. I do not think that this is something that will just ';go away'; so you are going to have to 'take the bull by the horns'


Im not saying you have to scream and yell at the top of your lungs but you need to be very firm and tell your wife ';look, I do not appreciate the way you are talking to me. You know I am a mild manor ed person but the way you talk to me is unacceptable.';


You might want to have a little recorder on,just for one day and make her listen to herself. She sounds like she may have a lack of respect for you because you are so mildly mannered and she is mistaking you for a ';push-over'; and perhaps she is disrespecting you because she doesn't think she has to. WRONG on her part. Even if you aren't perfect yourself (DAH !!! no one is !!)


She will talk this way to your children in the future uf you have them. I doubt you will approve. She needs to HAVE to face her wrong doing here and like I said, you might have to be a little agressive in getting it across.


I don't mean for you to be abusive like she is being,because that is abuse,it is verbal and emotional abuse and it is NOT right.


I hope you can work this out.
She may be bipolar. Approaching her may make her feel ashamed, and its much easier to be angry. Maybe you should start going to counseling alone at first, and open her up to idea talking about how you feel you may have an inadequate marriage because you feel you dnt make her happy enough. get help finding a way to word things that will not make her feel under attack.
This is serious. You two don't need marriage counseling, she needs to see a therapist.





Tell her that you are going to have to leave her if she doesn't seek help. Get an intervention going if you have to. Are you the only person she treats this way?
I've given you advice about your wife before, and you chose not to listen. Sorry, but I'm not going to continue wasting my time typing 2 or 3 paragraphs of good, solid advice AGAIN if you're just going to ignore it AGAIN. :(
You might want to take a few minutes and check ';down there'; and see if you've got any balls. You're using your religion as an excuse to not be a man. Who's running your home anyway? Sounds like your wife is in charge. Maybe she learned this from her father, but she needs to unlearn it. Be a man, sit her down, and tell her that you're tired of her verbal abuse and demeaning you. Tell her that it's got to stop or you're taking you and your Buddhist ways out of there.