Marriage Advice Needed! Do I separate to sort things out or stay?

I am 27 and in a rocky marriage. We have been married for almost 5 years, together for 10 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. We don't fight bad alot, but do disagree and have many different interests/values in life. My husband is very hard to talk to, and often takes me for granted. He isn't heartless, he just doesn't talk to me much. He is a great father. For about the past year, I have not been happy. I see a psychiatrist and am on depression meds. I am torn what to do. We have tried to work this out over and over. My main concern of course is our daughter and what it would do to her if we split up. But yet, if i am not happy that isn't good for her either right? I have thought about a separation to sort it all out and maybe it would help decide. About the only person I can stay with around my job is my brother-in-law. He isn't close with my husband and offered me to stay at his apt. I can't get my own place because I would still have to help pay for our house.Marriage Advice Needed! Do I separate to sort things out or stay?
what is your therapist saying you need to do...... you are paying him or her to big bucks... listen to them.





Sometimes it is a good idea to seperate for a while... on contact...... so that you can both have quality time to think about what it is that you want and need in your relationship.





then..... get back together.... and talk... talk.... talk.





joint counseling is also a great thing..... makes both of you think before you say.... what you really think.... and what you want to say....... it forces you to listen to each other.... and teaches you how to talk to each other.Marriage Advice Needed! Do I separate to sort things out or stay?
In my experience separation is the first step to divorce. I don't think separation should be used as a ';time to think';. Many times the other person takes this to mean that you've already got one foot out the door and just want to prove to yourself and often to them that you can make it on your own. You can't run away from your problems, unfortuantley, and separating is doing just that! Many times people think that when separating that their lives are getting better, well, they aren't facing the problems head on and if they choose to get back together, they've really solved nothing. It only seems better because the issues weren't there when they were apart! You really need to sit down and talk with him about your issues. Communications barriers is a very common problem! I don't recommend staying with your brother n law whether or not he is close to your husband or not...this is sure to cause both of you plenty of problems!! See if he will consider going to a marriage counselor. If he's not interested, then try getting a book on common problems in marriages...this might give you some communication tips on how to talk to him!!
You two need to try some counseling first....always try everything possible before you get a divorce...
sounds like you have tons to sort out with yourself right now
First of all, you need to think about your daughter. By allowing your so-called husband to stomp all over you, you're setting a terrible example for her regarding healthy relationships between men and women. Yes she is young, but she is most certainly watching and absorbing what is going on.





He can't be a great father if he treats his daughter's mother like crap. It simply is not possible.





For your own well-being, you need to get the hell out. Not as a separation, but as a divorce. You do not need this in your life.





Good Luck.
What this sounds like an affair sugar coated.





If I am wrong then this is what I would do. Get help to get your own apartment and care for your child. You do need the time apart and then time will tell.





Keep your head. Good Luck.
So what did he do? You sound like your projecting your issues onto him. You need to get your self in order before making any further life-altering decisions!
Sounds like your looking for someone to say it is OK to leave your husband. If you leave, it's a step closer to divorce than a step closer to working things out. You've already starting making plans to move out and maybe gave up on fixing the relationship. As long as you feel you could look your daughter in the eye when she's a grown woman and say you did everything to save the marriage, then go ahead. If not, reevaluate and give it one last try, for real this time.
I have to say that getting separated is just a different way of saying I am done. If you want it to work stay and make it work. Have you read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. That is great as well as Divine womanhood.
First question: Do you really love this man and do you see your self with him 10-20 years from now? That is the question you need to answer yourself before going any further. I don't care if he is a great father I do not mean that is a bad way but that should not be a part of the decision because he will still be a good father if you split. It seems like you are looking for the right answer from someone but this is a decision you need to think about. You say you have not been happy....Why? Is it him, have you fallen out of love with him, he does not communicate and let me tell you something about people...........they do not change, you can not teach him to communicate that is him, his personality something that cant be changed. My husband does not like to talk about his past so I just ask him mom and were all good. No matter what I say to him he will not go there but I am fine with that are you? Also it is like you are looking for excuses like, cant get a house, have to live with BIL WHATEVER IT TAKES, Do not spend the next 10 years un-happy because it will reflect on your children if that is what you need to do make it happen and make yourself happy and that will make your daughter happy, ad don't care what people think it is your life to live as you choose!


Go Girlfriend!
This may be of interest:





http://is.decenturl.com/5-secret-reasons鈥?/a>
You have to face several problems. But, I think it all boils down to this: Would you be better off WITHOUT HIM? or WITH HIM? Those are tough answers to come up with, and only you can answer the question. But, whatevere you do, I don't think moving in with your brother-in-law is the SMARTEST thing you can do. I agree with Cowgirl on that,,,,,Good Luck,,,,,,
Don't stay with your brother in law. First of all, your husband does not get along with him and so he would look at this as a betrayal. Second, you are depressed and vulnerable and this leave you easy pry to an affair. Even if you both were to decide to seperate it would be easier on you and your daughter to have your husband to be the one to move. Some how I sense an urgency an excuse to stay with this brother in law. I do hope I am wrong. Stay home and work this out with your husband. You and him need to both get into therapy.
Now I don't know about the staying with the brother in law that would cause some major issues probably. But then again it's not helping your daughter to be in the situation you are in either. I would talk to him and tell him what I'm thinking and put my foot down. Maybe if you both could seek counseling then it would help him open up some. Good Luck.
I recommend a book ';Created To Be His Help Meet';. This book has helped so many people with their marriages.
I think this has more to do with your opinion of yourself than your marriage.





Stop expecting your husband to MAKE you happy and PLEASE do not move in with his brother, sorry but you are PLAYING WITH FIRE !!!!
Have you tried joint counseling? If you've exhausted all options, I'd go for the separation and let there be a ';sorting out'; period of your feelings (and his). Just be honest with him about why you are doing it and exactly what's going on. As for your daughter, kids are resilient and as long as she has structure and stability, things should be fine. And no, it's not good for a child to be in a home with unhappy parents.
I would really look into a legal separation. Let him have a chance to miss you. Maybe you'll realize it's better to be alone than in a rocky marriage. You'll never really be alone because you'll have your daughter.
well your daughter is still very young and wouldnt understand what separation is so it wouldnt really be a big deal to her as long as she saw her father a lot, and it was a short separation. also, have you let your husband know how you feel completely? if you have and yet he shrugs it off thats also something to think about. i always say that two separate parents who are happy, is better for a child, then two parents that are together but unhappy and fight a lot. children sense when parents are unhappy. by no means am i telling you to separate, just make sure thats what you want to do before you do it. also ask yourself if you've tried at making this work as best you can before you decide. hope i've been of some help.
get counseling and he needs to go also...god bless...if you want to talk, im me.