my wife and i have been married for just over a year. befroe we met - she had had plenty of sex with at least 8 guys. i was a virgin when i met her and have only had sex with her. she knew this and we always would kindof play around and rub against her clit with my ';guy';. we have had real true sex with penetration maybe 4 or 5 times since we started dating (over 2 years ago). and now the sex is completely gone. i have talked to her about it and complained and told her i am so lonely without the sex and nothing ever changes. we have been in counseling too and i bring this up,, and we never get anywhere on the subject. i don't want t cheat on her, i just want to have a real relationship with her. including a great sex life. what is wrong? help!Sexless marriage - i need your advice and knowledge?
I often wondered where my ex-wife went. Now I see you married her. She hasn't changed a bit.Sexless marriage - i need your advice and knowledge?
First of all, dont put too much pressure on her, dont blame her too much. Focus on the fact that you love her so much and show it to her. The sex part may come naturally afterwards. Never insist on having sex, suggest and try to arouse your partner. If this does not work, you can still try watching porn together to get horny...maybe it can work. By the way, in case it might bother you that she's has sex before with other guys, this is something you should forget beccause she did all that before meeting you. It does not count. Now she's yours and yours only. To all the guys she slept with you can proudly say ';She's mine and mine only. She's with me and it's me she really loves!';
i know what you are going threw, just be carful as she is not normal, either that or she is seeing someone else .
but from experince i tell ya dont stay married to her if you are unhappy just be honest with her, and tell her like it is..
Man i made this point years ago about promiscuous women....it's that cycle...women at a young age need to ';find themselve'; or whatever that crap is...or just 'have fun' so they go and do just that...screw around, get experience, blah blah....lookin for those thrills from the ******* and thugs n what not. And DISMISS all the nice decent dudes....THEN when they get older and TIRED of all the fun and games, they FINALLY wanna settle down, and then all of a sudden the nice virgin guys are suddenly 'mr. right'. And just like in this scenario, you, it being the first time, want it all the time..while, since she's experienced, probably bored of it..and more in a 'companionship' relationship rather than the excitement you are NOW experiencing...don't wanna give it up, or make the effort cause it's no longer her priority or thrill....and now you have this issue.
I'm sorry man, it's either you find something to spark her fire again...or call it quits and look for someone just as inexperienced and eager for it as you. OR someone who still has their fire going, has experience, and is willing to work with you...but she's done man from the sounds of it....her happy freaky days are over...it's just pure companionship and stability.
Sexual incompatibility can really be a severe problem in a relationship, and over time make one feel more lonely and empty than ever.
BUT if I were you I'd try to seek a different therapist--both couple counseling AND individual therapy.
DId you go to a regular therapist OR a sex therapist? Many counselers claim to be an expert in all area's but they are in fact not. Make sure to go to a REAL sex therapist that actually specializes in sexual relationships.
The only way for now until hopefully your relationship heals in this area is to seek creative ways to relieve lonliness.
And you only live once, so if in time it proves that nothing has changed while settle for a celibate marriage?
You may want to be honest with her and tell her that in time you may feel vulnerable to other women. Because in all likelyhood this is what may happen.
I have no idea what her issues are but it sounds like a lot more is going on than just merely a low sex drive.
Good luck!!
If you've tried counseling and nothing happens then I think it's best if you end the marriage. You sound young still, and you deserve to be 100% fulfilled in your marriage...including having a healthy sex life.
there is nothing wrong with you...there is something underlying with her. she needs to work on this with a counselor with out you there....be patient, do not cheat...that will hurt your relationship so much more than the lack of sex.
You need to try a different counselor.
Do not bring another person (old boyfriends, family, etc) into your bedroom. This is your time to create a safe and energetic time to her. Start with safe. Meaning that she has too feel relaxed and safe. Maybe she does. Perhaps that was the reason the exploration before you. Is she safe with you? Talk about it.
When my daughter's relationship suddenly came to a halt, I suggested that each draw on a card with 4 sections: heart/mind/spirit/body and in each section write 4 needs or wants. They then exchanged cards and were surprised how the other responded. It opened their eyes to one another. They put the cards on the refridge and refer to it sometimes as even after they understood their needs and desires they still forgot and remember their own only. She thought he would enjoy ......... but he had no interest. He thought she thought and / but when he saw that she didn't... he stopped pushing that. They discovered things they they did like that they never knew. But it has to be written and posted. Now they enjoy each other a lot more. Try it. It may work. If not... move on.
My bf is your wife in disguise. It was 12 times a weekend, now its nothing. Nothing I do makes a difference. Makes me want to shoot him.
she might have a female problem u might ask her to go to the doc and get a check up..hope all is well ...
doesnt sound good.
I am sorry you are in this situation,I was in the same for 19 years until I divorced him and I missed many years of a sex life.Take it from me, it does not get better over time...
i would try to get her in tha mood if that doesn't work then i don't knoe what to tell you if your married you should want to have sex with your husband or wife you knoe.....
you need answer mate and all the counseling in the world is not going to help.she needs to deal with this i would be starting some major moves ,seperation whatever it takes for her open up you at least deserve that
I know you said you never get any where on the subject in couseling. She had to have said something though. Is it possable she is getting it outside the marriage? How about protection, is she affraid of getting PG? There is nothing like making love, however have or do you satisfy yourself to help maintain hornyness? Maybe stop bringing it up and in time she will be after you. She is the only one who knows for sure what is wrong. Maybe sex is not an easy subject for her talk about.
I'm sorry to hear about your problem! I think it's the amount of people involved. She must've gotten what she needed before and now she's okay without?
I'm not saying this to be ugly; just from the Very close experience!!!!!!!
Tell her that without sex in the marriage, it is not a marriage and
you want to be married...Does she want to be your wife ?
She needs to understand that unless she brings the sex back
into the marriage, that you are going to divorce her...
If someone doesnt want sex, or doesnt feel the need to have sex you cant force them to. Respect your partners wishes, if she does not want sex dont try to make her have it. If you truly love her you will stay with her, even if it means no sex. If sex is really that important to you then leave her and find someone else, but do NOT cheat on her.
I know this is probably the answer you are not looking for, but maybe she has problems she doesn't feel comfortable discussing with anyone. Maybe the idea of you being a virgin was exciting to her then and now that you are not the excitement has worn off. If this is the case you might want to get a divorce and find someone who really cares about you and doesn't care if you are or are not a virgin. I am so sorry about this, after only a year. T
wow, you wife sound like she sucks. I would divorce her *** in a second. she is either cheating on you, having a herpie out break, thinks your ugly, or was recently raped. Either circumstance is bad. divorce her
if she doesn't want help than you need to tell her that marriage and sex do go together and what is her problem. try something new porn seeing what her fantasy is and try and help her fulfill it so she knows you love her allot. I fulfilled my husbands fantasy it was to have to women at one time did that for him he was a virgin and i was not so i wanted him to experience that.
I do not think it is your inexperience that is keeping her from having sex with you. You may need to learn the art of seduction. There are many books on the subject. She may have something from her past that is inhibiting her sexdrive. She may have a hormonal inbalance...There are many factors that could be involved. Talk to your family doctor, make sure she isn't depressed or chemically inbalanced. Browse through your local bookstore for hints and tips on how to seduce or please her.
Please look at all the factors before you take the road towards cheating...that only ends in heart ache....Good Luck
she may not be interested at all anymore
Friday, January 8, 2010
I need advice on my marriage -- Should I stay or go?
I've been married for 28 years, have two grown children, but no grandchildren. I like him, but I don't love him -- not the way he wants. I married young, and now that my kids are gone, I've gone back to school, and am growing as a person. He doesn't like the change, and wants the ';old'; wife back -- the one who stayed home to cook, clean, do laundry, and doesn't want to do anything without him..She's not coming back. I've been married so long, and went from living with my parents to living with my husband. I'm so torn as to stay or go. Is it fair to stay with someone who you like but don't love? We fight so much, because I'm trying to find out who I am as a person, and not just ';his'; wife and my ';childrens'; mother. Any advice? And, yes..I have been in individual counseling, and no, I'm not going through the ';change'; and a midlife crisis. Please advise.I need advice on my marriage -- Should I stay or go?
You have to do what is best for you. After the kids are grown, you have to live for you. You married him a long time ago, but life changes and you are doing something positive for your life. He will not be around forever for you to depend on him, so going to school is a good thing. I would tell him that he needs to accept you or you are moving on, and mean it.I need advice on my marriage -- Should I stay or go?
You guys have it a lot better off than many couples. It sounds like he's not abusing you or stepping out on you, it simply sounds like you have different expectations for each other. I think that individual counseling is great, but have you considered getting counseling together? Please try to work it out if possible.
28 years is a lot invested into someone.
I understand that people grow and knowing this I too am worried that one day my wife and I shall grow apart.
I guess you have to look into the relationship and ask:
Can he change with you or learn to accept the changes?
Can he go to counseling with you? Maybe it will do him some good and/or learn how to understand and cope with your changes.
In the end IF you have to split no one has to be the bad guy. Just a simple understanding that you have both changed as a person and you are at a point where you need to break out on your own.
Wow, this is a tough but not unusual situation. There are a lot of women out there who spend so many of their early years dedicating themselves to their families then find out once the kids are grown they need more in life and need to figure out who they are beyond what they have been. I wish your husband were supportive of your need for more and wasn't stuck living in the path because I think he would find that there is so much more to you and more of you to love than he ever knew before. Ultimately I doubt if you have the desire to keep fighting with him over things that you are going to do and need to do. It may be that you will both be happier if you are no longer together. He can find someone to be that fantasy stay at home wife who takes care of his every need and you can find out who you are and find someone who can appreciate and love that person.
Sounds like you are more bored with yourself than you are with him.
You know my parents went through this for ever, and from a child's perspective, its unhealthy. they argue and fight for petty reasons and make each other miserable at times, even though they love each other for the same reason you still care for your husband. your kids are grown so you dont ahve to worry about your decision affecting them. I suggest you do what you already know you want to do. leave him, better to go on good terms while you are still friends than for it to get ugly. you can only make someone else happy if you are happy and youre not, so do something for yourself after alll of these years and move on. Im not saying you need to find a new man, but you should never stay with someone out of convenience, its not fair to the other person, and more importantly youre cheating yourself out of happiness. its a hard thing to leave someone you have spent the majority of your life with, but it seems like you are already emotionally and mentally prepared to do so. Stay in counseling youll need it, but I say go.
My God women you sure are messed up! You waited 28 years to figure out your not what you used to be and he ain't either. Why are you bothering everyone else with this. I suppose if someone gave you the advice you wanted now it would take another ten 3 decades for you to decide if it had any relevance. I think you would be doing both of you favor by jumping ship. Put it on your resume for the next shmuck to come along.
He told you what he wants, but did you tell him what you want? Does he understand where you're coming from, your view and thoughts? You mention individual counseling, but how about couples counseling if he's not understanding. I think he can adjust to the new you and even like it if he knows it makes you happy. Because if you're happy then he's probably going to be happy too. In short, it really sounds like from what you said that you two need more communication, not fighting, but a serious discussion, and you should at least try to make that happen before giving up on him.
Stop acting like a victim of life with your husband.If you are determined to learn then you can learn how to understand what is happening in the marriage AS A RESULT OF YOUR CHOICES to change the game.You are acting like a little girl who wants her way and nobody let me before.There are ways to save this with therapy and hard work.But you will probably pick being a new victimized woman and go in the direction that is most self serving.There are thousands of women groups out there that will tell you,YOU GO GIRL,dump the man who loves you, more than you will ever be mature enough to understand.Then maybe you will be fortunate enough to have somebody do the same thing to you!Grow Up!
Go! If you think you can be the way you were B-4 you got married,and not miss him,and be alone,If you can handle having to get to knowing and learning someone new,not having your husbands support(shoulder).If you think it's going to be easy er out there on your own,GO.Hey for all we know your husband can't wait for you to GO.It might be the best thing for HIM.Maybe he'll find someone who loves him opposed to just liking him.Maybe it's not fair that you STAY!!!!!GOOD LUCK! OH YEAH! 28 years thrown away, damn.
My friend.
I just want to point out to two things.
You have two lovely kids.
You're been married for more than 2 decades.
I think you should evolve your relationship with your husband. Life is too short. Think beyond. The fact that he's still with you does without doubt mean that he likes you. He might feel threatened by your recent return to school and that's natural cause he loves you.
Please don't break his heart and destroy with your own hands this union that has produced your two kids and that I'm sure had plenty of lovely moments. Remember the number of times you smiled at his jokes, and remember him smiling back at you.
You don't know what you've got until it's taken away, you realy don't know, seriously, until it's all gone and the dust has settled.
Stick by your man and allow him to stick by you.
First of all, if you have to ask, then you should probably go. Second of all, it is very VERY important to find out who you are as a person, I say good for you for going back to school! Keep growing, and if he doesn't like it, its his problem!!
Hello, my dear sometimes we go threw life backwards it dosen't make it right or wrong. The fact is it's very healthy to be feeling this way(new life changes) for you, you have decided to turn a different knob and walk threw the door but this is scary for someone who is so use to ';the old way'; Your husband might be feeling like ';left out'; people are afraid of change and this sounds allot like what's happening to your husband. He's been the bread winner and dad and the family life now it's just you and him.
I would do my best to involve him in my new ventures but also let him know that you still love him(and you do)and that you are still his mate and wife and this new adventure called your life is about to begin!! God Bless and good luck I hope this helps.
Honestly that is a pretty selfish reason to leave your husband. If he deserted you or kept having affairs on you or was abusive, then I would say go in peace.
28 years ago you made a sacred vow to your husband, you have shared many years together and have two, no doubt beautiful children. You do not have grandchildren...yet. Throwing all that away just because you are still growing as a person is not a viable reason or excuse.
You need to ask yourself, ';Why have I fallen out of love with my husband?'; Dig a little deeper as to why you really want to leave, I think you'll find the answer inside. It seems that there is a more profound, underlying reason for your wanting to leave, rather than him missing the way you used to be.
As husband and wife you should be ablet to communicate open and honestly with one another. If you cannot you have to at least try. Get away somewhere together. Do not try to communicate within your usual surroundings. Go somewhere intimate so that it's just the two of you and the rest of the world is on hold. You need to be able to focus on one another and be very open and honest.
If you find that it does not work (it is not going to be easy), I would advise marriage counseling. I realize you have been to individual counseling but my dear, if you are wanting to give up on the relationship you need to make him privy and seek help together.
Does he truly understand how you feel and that you are really questioning whether or not you want to give up? What if he truly doesn't realize how you feel? He has the right to know. You can't just give up on someone after 28 years.
Call it what you want: growing apart, going our seperate ways, changing, a new found self, etc. It's not worth sugar coating what it really is: giving up.
You need to really search deep inside yourself and find out what the underlying problem is. You should at least try. More often than not I have found in such cases that women (and men) are usually wanting to leave for more deep reasons than having fallen out of love or ';maturing.';
That is my open and honest advice. I am not sure what your spiritual beliefs are but I strongly suggest you seek the counsel or God (if you believe) and pray, or meditate.
Go to couples counseling.
If you would like to be heard (read) more and would like further help, I am available. Please let me know and I can contact you via email.
Do not give up on your life's investment. You can fall back in love, you can find out what is really making you want to leave everything behind.
Peace and comfort,
-CD
You need to grow as a person. What he is afraid of is growning himself.
When one partner starts to grow as a person, then other partner starts to grow too and then grow together, or they grow apart.
You need to talk with him, if he is not willing to let you grow and work on growing himself. I would then consider a temporary seperation ( this is not a time to go out and date and find someone new, but spend time working on you and let him work on him. ) The time spent apart should be agreed by both set a time frame for this at the end of the time frame come back together and talk, See if you both have grown. It may bring you closer together, and find the love you once had. OR it may grow you apart.
best of luck.
I believe that if he would take the time to understand your feelings that you would find that deep inside you still love. I can understand what you are going through. You put your life on hold to care for him and have children and raise them and now that they are grown you want to see what you can achieve in life and God knows you deserve it. I'm not going to say to go to counseling b/c that doesn't work. I think you need to tell your husband how it is and that he'll have to accept it or you two can call it quits. I think he is insecure and feels you don't need him anymore and that you will find someone else. You must love him or you wouldn't have stayed with him that long. Maybe a trial separation would help both of you to find your hearts and take a deep breath. I hope this helps.
first of all, not to be mean but stop being so selfish... remember when you signed up for that marriage thing you promised a lot. you have to work to be in love, it is not something that you just fall in and out of.. if that was the case it wouldn't be special. 28 years is a lot to throw away over some changes and school. you have to see his side and consider his needs over your own, somewhere in your changes i believe that you have forgotten that
well i knoe how you feel you are not the only person that feels like that well i think you should sit down with himalone or with him and a counsler well if you were to dit down alone with him than you mu tell him that you are not changing back to the other mother i knoe all men want really is slaves to do every little bit they need done but thats not always the case and maybe i did not help ou there but if you were to sit down with a counsler than you and him will have to explin every little bit of yalls problemo and she will tell you if you need to go or stay it will prolly be hard for you to leave him cause you have been wit him 4 28 yers
I admire you - you are a smart woman and I'm glad you are finally finding ';yourself'; not who you are with your husband or as a mother .. who you are as one whole person without anyone else. Keep it up and don't let him bring you down and turn back into that old wife. Honestly, if you only like him and don't love him why don't you leave him. I know that you know you can make it on your own - don't you love the fact that you havegone back to school. If he really truly loved you and cared and respect you he would love the fact that you are discovering yourself and doing all these great things for yourself and are growing as a person. He should actually find that attractive in a woman. But if you don't love him and he is not supporting you obviously, you should leave. It's the best thing you could do for youself - why do you stay?
He should be happy for u that u want to improve yourself by going back to school. I am glad u are not staying that woman u were thats good for u and your self-esteem. Sit down and explain to him how u feel and what doing these changes in your life means to u and the importants and if he refuses to allow u to grow then it just might be time to go.......If u like him but dont love him sometimes that ok to be comfortable in your relationship but if he loved u he would let u grow and become what made u happiest. Good for u!!! I hope u can find a common understanding then getting divorced but if u find yourself out growning the relationship and he cant be supportive then i guess u should go.
How about a time out? Take time away from eachother, time for you to reflect and grow, and time for him to see how he truly feels as well. After 28 years people become ';comfortable'; with eachother to the point where they may not realize they are drifting apart, or may think they are drifting when in reality all they need is to spice things up. Maybe you two could live apart lets say for a month, reflect on how you feel. See how you feel without him by your side. This alows you a chance to see if it's an issue of too comfortable and lack of spice, or you are in fact falling/fell out of love. The fact that your life is taking you in a different direction and his in another may just be an indication that you two need to keep some activities sepertate, but still be married. Meaning, not all hope is lost, you have a chance to either move on or stay, but I think it best you take time apart so you BOTH have a chance to see what feels right! Take Care, Good Luck!
you need to find yourself, i see so many women with the same problem.If he doesn't respect or like the new you then you should go. 28years is a long time to make someone else happy. you should spend the next 28 years on yourself....
If you are wanting to avoid counseling...then the only other option other than just packing and moving is to talk to your husband. Make an appointment with him to sit down and talk. Let him know how you feel about growing as a person. Let him know you would love for him to be a part of that journey- but that the journey WILL HAPPEN with or without him. Then give him a chance to be a part of it and encourage him when he does. If he chooses to not be a part of this next journey in life- then you might think about separation. If you don't give him a chance to be part of your transition- you will regret it forever.
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD GO BECAUSE ITS ONLY FAIR TO YOURSELF TO LIVE WITH HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM.
My Mom told me the same thing, so it's common. But anyway, try and think about how your life would be without him? Good? Bad? If the good out-weights the bad. I say, go for it.
First off - congrats on raising your kids and then going back to school!! Not many people have that kind of opportunity, time, energy or money!
So, your husband seems a little threatened by this new you. Perhaps he is jealous? Is there anything about himself that he would like to change? Have you asked him what it is about the new you that he doesn't like (besides that you're not picking up after him)? And have you been unhappy BEFORE you went back to school and discovered your new self, or are you unhappy NOW because you're learning all these new things and your husband is not very supportive?
If you were having a rocky time before you ';grew';, then perhaps you should call a timeout. But if this has all surfaced because you changed and he stayed put, then I would ride it out awhile. Pretend you're not married and go out on a date with each other, try to get to know one another again.
My sister went through something similar with her husband - married 17 yrs, they have 2 teen girls, one who was quite a handfull that made them both want to avoid home! She told him she wanted a divorce about 2 years ago, that they never did anything together and she didn't love him either. But they worked it out and started spending more alone time instead of with family and friends. They now have a stronger relationship - they go on daily walks and little weekend day trips together.
I don't want you to make the wrong decision, but I hope I helped somewhat!! And besides, even if you go your own way for a little while there's always a chance you can make ammends in the future.
Two ways to look at this.
1 - just love him (counselling for the two of you etc etc)
2 - move on (as long as you have tried your best)
Give him a LOT of sex to shut him up or leave,your kids will be sad but since they are grown up they should understand
You've been a wife and mother for 28 years.. Do what you want for change.. If he doesn't respect that then I'm afraid hunny... leave!!
And as long as your honest with him about you not loving him anymore then yes it is OK to be with him..
As long as you treat him with same respect you are asking of him..
I think you should go if you do not love him. You should not play with his emotions. You have a hard decision to make and should talk to a counselor. You all been together for a long time and I hope you can work it out. Good Luck!!!
change is good everything have to change or it will grow old like your marriage. Sometimes I don't know who my wife is but we work through it.acne cream
You have to do what is best for you. After the kids are grown, you have to live for you. You married him a long time ago, but life changes and you are doing something positive for your life. He will not be around forever for you to depend on him, so going to school is a good thing. I would tell him that he needs to accept you or you are moving on, and mean it.I need advice on my marriage -- Should I stay or go?
You guys have it a lot better off than many couples. It sounds like he's not abusing you or stepping out on you, it simply sounds like you have different expectations for each other. I think that individual counseling is great, but have you considered getting counseling together? Please try to work it out if possible.
28 years is a lot invested into someone.
I understand that people grow and knowing this I too am worried that one day my wife and I shall grow apart.
I guess you have to look into the relationship and ask:
Can he change with you or learn to accept the changes?
Can he go to counseling with you? Maybe it will do him some good and/or learn how to understand and cope with your changes.
In the end IF you have to split no one has to be the bad guy. Just a simple understanding that you have both changed as a person and you are at a point where you need to break out on your own.
Wow, this is a tough but not unusual situation. There are a lot of women out there who spend so many of their early years dedicating themselves to their families then find out once the kids are grown they need more in life and need to figure out who they are beyond what they have been. I wish your husband were supportive of your need for more and wasn't stuck living in the path because I think he would find that there is so much more to you and more of you to love than he ever knew before. Ultimately I doubt if you have the desire to keep fighting with him over things that you are going to do and need to do. It may be that you will both be happier if you are no longer together. He can find someone to be that fantasy stay at home wife who takes care of his every need and you can find out who you are and find someone who can appreciate and love that person.
Sounds like you are more bored with yourself than you are with him.
You know my parents went through this for ever, and from a child's perspective, its unhealthy. they argue and fight for petty reasons and make each other miserable at times, even though they love each other for the same reason you still care for your husband. your kids are grown so you dont ahve to worry about your decision affecting them. I suggest you do what you already know you want to do. leave him, better to go on good terms while you are still friends than for it to get ugly. you can only make someone else happy if you are happy and youre not, so do something for yourself after alll of these years and move on. Im not saying you need to find a new man, but you should never stay with someone out of convenience, its not fair to the other person, and more importantly youre cheating yourself out of happiness. its a hard thing to leave someone you have spent the majority of your life with, but it seems like you are already emotionally and mentally prepared to do so. Stay in counseling youll need it, but I say go.
My God women you sure are messed up! You waited 28 years to figure out your not what you used to be and he ain't either. Why are you bothering everyone else with this. I suppose if someone gave you the advice you wanted now it would take another ten 3 decades for you to decide if it had any relevance. I think you would be doing both of you favor by jumping ship. Put it on your resume for the next shmuck to come along.
He told you what he wants, but did you tell him what you want? Does he understand where you're coming from, your view and thoughts? You mention individual counseling, but how about couples counseling if he's not understanding. I think he can adjust to the new you and even like it if he knows it makes you happy. Because if you're happy then he's probably going to be happy too. In short, it really sounds like from what you said that you two need more communication, not fighting, but a serious discussion, and you should at least try to make that happen before giving up on him.
Stop acting like a victim of life with your husband.If you are determined to learn then you can learn how to understand what is happening in the marriage AS A RESULT OF YOUR CHOICES to change the game.You are acting like a little girl who wants her way and nobody let me before.There are ways to save this with therapy and hard work.But you will probably pick being a new victimized woman and go in the direction that is most self serving.There are thousands of women groups out there that will tell you,YOU GO GIRL,dump the man who loves you, more than you will ever be mature enough to understand.Then maybe you will be fortunate enough to have somebody do the same thing to you!Grow Up!
Go! If you think you can be the way you were B-4 you got married,and not miss him,and be alone,If you can handle having to get to knowing and learning someone new,not having your husbands support(shoulder).If you think it's going to be easy er out there on your own,GO.Hey for all we know your husband can't wait for you to GO.It might be the best thing for HIM.Maybe he'll find someone who loves him opposed to just liking him.Maybe it's not fair that you STAY!!!!!GOOD LUCK! OH YEAH! 28 years thrown away, damn.
My friend.
I just want to point out to two things.
You have two lovely kids.
You're been married for more than 2 decades.
I think you should evolve your relationship with your husband. Life is too short. Think beyond. The fact that he's still with you does without doubt mean that he likes you. He might feel threatened by your recent return to school and that's natural cause he loves you.
Please don't break his heart and destroy with your own hands this union that has produced your two kids and that I'm sure had plenty of lovely moments. Remember the number of times you smiled at his jokes, and remember him smiling back at you.
You don't know what you've got until it's taken away, you realy don't know, seriously, until it's all gone and the dust has settled.
Stick by your man and allow him to stick by you.
First of all, if you have to ask, then you should probably go. Second of all, it is very VERY important to find out who you are as a person, I say good for you for going back to school! Keep growing, and if he doesn't like it, its his problem!!
Hello, my dear sometimes we go threw life backwards it dosen't make it right or wrong. The fact is it's very healthy to be feeling this way(new life changes) for you, you have decided to turn a different knob and walk threw the door but this is scary for someone who is so use to ';the old way'; Your husband might be feeling like ';left out'; people are afraid of change and this sounds allot like what's happening to your husband. He's been the bread winner and dad and the family life now it's just you and him.
I would do my best to involve him in my new ventures but also let him know that you still love him(and you do)and that you are still his mate and wife and this new adventure called your life is about to begin!! God Bless and good luck I hope this helps.
Honestly that is a pretty selfish reason to leave your husband. If he deserted you or kept having affairs on you or was abusive, then I would say go in peace.
28 years ago you made a sacred vow to your husband, you have shared many years together and have two, no doubt beautiful children. You do not have grandchildren...yet. Throwing all that away just because you are still growing as a person is not a viable reason or excuse.
You need to ask yourself, ';Why have I fallen out of love with my husband?'; Dig a little deeper as to why you really want to leave, I think you'll find the answer inside. It seems that there is a more profound, underlying reason for your wanting to leave, rather than him missing the way you used to be.
As husband and wife you should be ablet to communicate open and honestly with one another. If you cannot you have to at least try. Get away somewhere together. Do not try to communicate within your usual surroundings. Go somewhere intimate so that it's just the two of you and the rest of the world is on hold. You need to be able to focus on one another and be very open and honest.
If you find that it does not work (it is not going to be easy), I would advise marriage counseling. I realize you have been to individual counseling but my dear, if you are wanting to give up on the relationship you need to make him privy and seek help together.
Does he truly understand how you feel and that you are really questioning whether or not you want to give up? What if he truly doesn't realize how you feel? He has the right to know. You can't just give up on someone after 28 years.
Call it what you want: growing apart, going our seperate ways, changing, a new found self, etc. It's not worth sugar coating what it really is: giving up.
You need to really search deep inside yourself and find out what the underlying problem is. You should at least try. More often than not I have found in such cases that women (and men) are usually wanting to leave for more deep reasons than having fallen out of love or ';maturing.';
That is my open and honest advice. I am not sure what your spiritual beliefs are but I strongly suggest you seek the counsel or God (if you believe) and pray, or meditate.
Go to couples counseling.
If you would like to be heard (read) more and would like further help, I am available. Please let me know and I can contact you via email.
Do not give up on your life's investment. You can fall back in love, you can find out what is really making you want to leave everything behind.
Peace and comfort,
-CD
You need to grow as a person. What he is afraid of is growning himself.
When one partner starts to grow as a person, then other partner starts to grow too and then grow together, or they grow apart.
You need to talk with him, if he is not willing to let you grow and work on growing himself. I would then consider a temporary seperation ( this is not a time to go out and date and find someone new, but spend time working on you and let him work on him. ) The time spent apart should be agreed by both set a time frame for this at the end of the time frame come back together and talk, See if you both have grown. It may bring you closer together, and find the love you once had. OR it may grow you apart.
best of luck.
I believe that if he would take the time to understand your feelings that you would find that deep inside you still love. I can understand what you are going through. You put your life on hold to care for him and have children and raise them and now that they are grown you want to see what you can achieve in life and God knows you deserve it. I'm not going to say to go to counseling b/c that doesn't work. I think you need to tell your husband how it is and that he'll have to accept it or you two can call it quits. I think he is insecure and feels you don't need him anymore and that you will find someone else. You must love him or you wouldn't have stayed with him that long. Maybe a trial separation would help both of you to find your hearts and take a deep breath. I hope this helps.
first of all, not to be mean but stop being so selfish... remember when you signed up for that marriage thing you promised a lot. you have to work to be in love, it is not something that you just fall in and out of.. if that was the case it wouldn't be special. 28 years is a lot to throw away over some changes and school. you have to see his side and consider his needs over your own, somewhere in your changes i believe that you have forgotten that
well i knoe how you feel you are not the only person that feels like that well i think you should sit down with himalone or with him and a counsler well if you were to dit down alone with him than you mu tell him that you are not changing back to the other mother i knoe all men want really is slaves to do every little bit they need done but thats not always the case and maybe i did not help ou there but if you were to sit down with a counsler than you and him will have to explin every little bit of yalls problemo and she will tell you if you need to go or stay it will prolly be hard for you to leave him cause you have been wit him 4 28 yers
I admire you - you are a smart woman and I'm glad you are finally finding ';yourself'; not who you are with your husband or as a mother .. who you are as one whole person without anyone else. Keep it up and don't let him bring you down and turn back into that old wife. Honestly, if you only like him and don't love him why don't you leave him. I know that you know you can make it on your own - don't you love the fact that you havegone back to school. If he really truly loved you and cared and respect you he would love the fact that you are discovering yourself and doing all these great things for yourself and are growing as a person. He should actually find that attractive in a woman. But if you don't love him and he is not supporting you obviously, you should leave. It's the best thing you could do for youself - why do you stay?
He should be happy for u that u want to improve yourself by going back to school. I am glad u are not staying that woman u were thats good for u and your self-esteem. Sit down and explain to him how u feel and what doing these changes in your life means to u and the importants and if he refuses to allow u to grow then it just might be time to go.......If u like him but dont love him sometimes that ok to be comfortable in your relationship but if he loved u he would let u grow and become what made u happiest. Good for u!!! I hope u can find a common understanding then getting divorced but if u find yourself out growning the relationship and he cant be supportive then i guess u should go.
How about a time out? Take time away from eachother, time for you to reflect and grow, and time for him to see how he truly feels as well. After 28 years people become ';comfortable'; with eachother to the point where they may not realize they are drifting apart, or may think they are drifting when in reality all they need is to spice things up. Maybe you two could live apart lets say for a month, reflect on how you feel. See how you feel without him by your side. This alows you a chance to see if it's an issue of too comfortable and lack of spice, or you are in fact falling/fell out of love. The fact that your life is taking you in a different direction and his in another may just be an indication that you two need to keep some activities sepertate, but still be married. Meaning, not all hope is lost, you have a chance to either move on or stay, but I think it best you take time apart so you BOTH have a chance to see what feels right! Take Care, Good Luck!
you need to find yourself, i see so many women with the same problem.If he doesn't respect or like the new you then you should go. 28years is a long time to make someone else happy. you should spend the next 28 years on yourself....
If you are wanting to avoid counseling...then the only other option other than just packing and moving is to talk to your husband. Make an appointment with him to sit down and talk. Let him know how you feel about growing as a person. Let him know you would love for him to be a part of that journey- but that the journey WILL HAPPEN with or without him. Then give him a chance to be a part of it and encourage him when he does. If he chooses to not be a part of this next journey in life- then you might think about separation. If you don't give him a chance to be part of your transition- you will regret it forever.
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD GO BECAUSE ITS ONLY FAIR TO YOURSELF TO LIVE WITH HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM.
My Mom told me the same thing, so it's common. But anyway, try and think about how your life would be without him? Good? Bad? If the good out-weights the bad. I say, go for it.
First off - congrats on raising your kids and then going back to school!! Not many people have that kind of opportunity, time, energy or money!
So, your husband seems a little threatened by this new you. Perhaps he is jealous? Is there anything about himself that he would like to change? Have you asked him what it is about the new you that he doesn't like (besides that you're not picking up after him)? And have you been unhappy BEFORE you went back to school and discovered your new self, or are you unhappy NOW because you're learning all these new things and your husband is not very supportive?
If you were having a rocky time before you ';grew';, then perhaps you should call a timeout. But if this has all surfaced because you changed and he stayed put, then I would ride it out awhile. Pretend you're not married and go out on a date with each other, try to get to know one another again.
My sister went through something similar with her husband - married 17 yrs, they have 2 teen girls, one who was quite a handfull that made them both want to avoid home! She told him she wanted a divorce about 2 years ago, that they never did anything together and she didn't love him either. But they worked it out and started spending more alone time instead of with family and friends. They now have a stronger relationship - they go on daily walks and little weekend day trips together.
I don't want you to make the wrong decision, but I hope I helped somewhat!! And besides, even if you go your own way for a little while there's always a chance you can make ammends in the future.
Two ways to look at this.
1 - just love him (counselling for the two of you etc etc)
2 - move on (as long as you have tried your best)
Give him a LOT of sex to shut him up or leave,your kids will be sad but since they are grown up they should understand
You've been a wife and mother for 28 years.. Do what you want for change.. If he doesn't respect that then I'm afraid hunny... leave!!
And as long as your honest with him about you not loving him anymore then yes it is OK to be with him..
As long as you treat him with same respect you are asking of him..
I think you should go if you do not love him. You should not play with his emotions. You have a hard decision to make and should talk to a counselor. You all been together for a long time and I hope you can work it out. Good Luck!!!
change is good everything have to change or it will grow old like your marriage. Sometimes I don't know who my wife is but we work through it.
Really need advice on my marriage, wife always wants to say divorce.?
im in the military. im deployin to iraq in the next couple of months. been married 2 years.my wife is couple of months pregnant. we fight all the time about stupid sh*it. she is constantly talkin bout divorce or leaving me. im 22 she is 20.
i guess that was our first mistake. anyways. i want the best for my baby. i know we gonna end up divorcing soon. im just so tired of her costantly Threating to divorce me. i know im not perfect but i do admit when im wrong. she has never admitted being wrong in any fight. she never wants to work.
i've always paid all the bills. we also fight about money. she cant seem to want to save money she just want to buy,buy and buy. i'll be in iraq for a good 8-12 months. i will make more than 20,000 dollars not spending money and stuff. i have a car i bought during the marriage. i dont know what to do but i dont think its fair that if we do divorce she gets 1/2 or more of everything i have worked hard for and put my life in the line. what can you advice meReally need advice on my marriage, wife always wants to say divorce.?
First of all thank you for what your doing for us . Going to Iraq is bad enough but to have all this added pressure from your wife must be unbearable . In my opinion you two weren't ready for marriage . You seem way to young and now you have a baby coming . You said you think she will divorce you and it looks like you are right . You will have the baby and no matter what you will always have that bind between you . Try to get as much settled as you can before you leave . If in your state everything is fifty fifty she will get half of everything . The one bright spot here right now is your going to be a daddy . That's something so much better then any material thing you can buy . I wish you the best and May God Bless You and keep you safe .Really need advice on my marriage, wife always wants to say divorce.?
I'm a twenty plus year vet that's pretty much seen it all. My advice to you is to end it on your terms and not wait until she moves out without paying the bills and leaving you holding the bag. It sounds like divorce is gonna happen no matter what you do. Go to legal and get advice on how to protect youself, and you legal obligations / rights to your soon to be child. As you well know, the majority of the military marrages end in divorce. Good luck, and good hunting
don['t tell her, call a lawyer. have a plan before you leave.
act now. to delay will cause more problems.
any thing you own prior to the marriage give to a family member to hold for you for when you come home. keep your money separate.
she will have to get a job. you will have to pay the allotment and child support.
good luck!!!
First of all most states won't let a pregnant woman file for divorce. So maybe while you are away on deployment it will give you guy some time apart. Maybe you can get to know each other through the internet and phone calls. Another question is the car in your name or in both your names? Also have your money sent to your own bank account and just give her enough to get by on. Do you love her? Do you want to work things out or do you want a divorce? Use your deployment as a time to consider life. I mean I know your in a scary situation with that but maybe it will keep your mind off that stuff. Try to enjoy yourself when possible. I don't know if this helped. But I hope so. I have been married for 4 years and I am 24 and I use to threaten to divorce him all the time to. I grew up and he finally got his stuff together. I would say we are happily married 94% of the time. Remember everyone fights.
i agree call her bluff next time tell her to go ahead and file
call her bluff
Try counseling, if that doesnt work then you can still be a great dad without being married to her. Good luck.
My advice for you is to try and reason with her and talk to her calmly if you start yelling then she will to, its hard to deal with people who are acting childish so be patient... tell her you'd like for her to stop bringing up divorce because you'd like to try and work it out, since you have a child on the way.. if she keeps bringing it up then maybe iits her thats wants the divorce.. and you cant control that , you can only do what you can do..
I would suggest that you make an appointment at the SJA's office to see an attorney, and try to get some advice on what to do about the possibly of divorcing your wife. Also tell the attorney that she is constantly telling you she wants a divorce, and your just trying cover all the bases. Also speak about your baby is going to be born while your over seas in Iraq. See if you can have an allotment made out for her rather than giving her half of your income while you are gone. Try and see if you can put your overseas and hazardous duty pays put in a separate bank account. You will be able to live off of hardly nothing except for toilet articles, and cigs while your there. This way you will at least saved something while your away. Thanks for going over to Iraq, doing what is required of you. Keep on your toes while you are there, and come home safe and sound. I'll pray for you, and good luck. I sure Hope you don't get a Dear John letter while you are there. I would like to see you handle that situation before you leave. That would be one less thing for you to worry about. You have to focus on what you are there for. Again, Good Luck, be safe.
Yeah, I agree with you that it wouldn't be fair for her to take 1/2 of all YOU did..yah know but...Thank you for fighting for our country by the way i have all the respect in the world for you guys but...to me it sounds like for your good you should get out of the marrige..but its always better to try and stick it out i know my parents were going throught a stage in which they were contimplating divorce, but they didn't for me and now they are happy as ever..so its up to you man..GOOD LUCK and thank you
Dont give up, she is probobly stressed. Go out to dinner and discuss it, tell her you love her and want to work on the marriage.
Your only 2 years married and it takes time to get used to each other.
If you are that freaked out about money start taking some out in cash and put it in a different bank where noone knows you.
i guess that was our first mistake. anyways. i want the best for my baby. i know we gonna end up divorcing soon. im just so tired of her costantly Threating to divorce me. i know im not perfect but i do admit when im wrong. she has never admitted being wrong in any fight. she never wants to work.
i've always paid all the bills. we also fight about money. she cant seem to want to save money she just want to buy,buy and buy. i'll be in iraq for a good 8-12 months. i will make more than 20,000 dollars not spending money and stuff. i have a car i bought during the marriage. i dont know what to do but i dont think its fair that if we do divorce she gets 1/2 or more of everything i have worked hard for and put my life in the line. what can you advice meReally need advice on my marriage, wife always wants to say divorce.?
First of all thank you for what your doing for us . Going to Iraq is bad enough but to have all this added pressure from your wife must be unbearable . In my opinion you two weren't ready for marriage . You seem way to young and now you have a baby coming . You said you think she will divorce you and it looks like you are right . You will have the baby and no matter what you will always have that bind between you . Try to get as much settled as you can before you leave . If in your state everything is fifty fifty she will get half of everything . The one bright spot here right now is your going to be a daddy . That's something so much better then any material thing you can buy . I wish you the best and May God Bless You and keep you safe .Really need advice on my marriage, wife always wants to say divorce.?
I'm a twenty plus year vet that's pretty much seen it all. My advice to you is to end it on your terms and not wait until she moves out without paying the bills and leaving you holding the bag. It sounds like divorce is gonna happen no matter what you do. Go to legal and get advice on how to protect youself, and you legal obligations / rights to your soon to be child. As you well know, the majority of the military marrages end in divorce. Good luck, and good hunting
don['t tell her, call a lawyer. have a plan before you leave.
act now. to delay will cause more problems.
any thing you own prior to the marriage give to a family member to hold for you for when you come home. keep your money separate.
she will have to get a job. you will have to pay the allotment and child support.
good luck!!!
First of all most states won't let a pregnant woman file for divorce. So maybe while you are away on deployment it will give you guy some time apart. Maybe you can get to know each other through the internet and phone calls. Another question is the car in your name or in both your names? Also have your money sent to your own bank account and just give her enough to get by on. Do you love her? Do you want to work things out or do you want a divorce? Use your deployment as a time to consider life. I mean I know your in a scary situation with that but maybe it will keep your mind off that stuff. Try to enjoy yourself when possible. I don't know if this helped. But I hope so. I have been married for 4 years and I am 24 and I use to threaten to divorce him all the time to. I grew up and he finally got his stuff together. I would say we are happily married 94% of the time. Remember everyone fights.
i agree call her bluff next time tell her to go ahead and file
call her bluff
Try counseling, if that doesnt work then you can still be a great dad without being married to her. Good luck.
My advice for you is to try and reason with her and talk to her calmly if you start yelling then she will to, its hard to deal with people who are acting childish so be patient... tell her you'd like for her to stop bringing up divorce because you'd like to try and work it out, since you have a child on the way.. if she keeps bringing it up then maybe iits her thats wants the divorce.. and you cant control that , you can only do what you can do..
I would suggest that you make an appointment at the SJA's office to see an attorney, and try to get some advice on what to do about the possibly of divorcing your wife. Also tell the attorney that she is constantly telling you she wants a divorce, and your just trying cover all the bases. Also speak about your baby is going to be born while your over seas in Iraq. See if you can have an allotment made out for her rather than giving her half of your income while you are gone. Try and see if you can put your overseas and hazardous duty pays put in a separate bank account. You will be able to live off of hardly nothing except for toilet articles, and cigs while your there. This way you will at least saved something while your away. Thanks for going over to Iraq, doing what is required of you. Keep on your toes while you are there, and come home safe and sound. I'll pray for you, and good luck. I sure Hope you don't get a Dear John letter while you are there. I would like to see you handle that situation before you leave. That would be one less thing for you to worry about. You have to focus on what you are there for. Again, Good Luck, be safe.
Yeah, I agree with you that it wouldn't be fair for her to take 1/2 of all YOU did..yah know but...Thank you for fighting for our country by the way i have all the respect in the world for you guys but...to me it sounds like for your good you should get out of the marrige..but its always better to try and stick it out i know my parents were going throught a stage in which they were contimplating divorce, but they didn't for me and now they are happy as ever..so its up to you man..GOOD LUCK and thank you
Dont give up, she is probobly stressed. Go out to dinner and discuss it, tell her you love her and want to work on the marriage.
Your only 2 years married and it takes time to get used to each other.
If you are that freaked out about money start taking some out in cash and put it in a different bank where noone knows you.
I need advice, on my marriage!?
My hubby is well unaffectionate person to me. In another words it, he doesn't show it unless I complain about it. We are in our early 20 and our relationship inamate peak is well once a week. He always playing video games, on the omputer and watching tv. He makes plans with his family and friends. Nothing romantic with me. I've tried telling him and he gives this thing that he doesn't know what to do to fix it, he tried everything. Well feb of 2006 he cheated somewhat on me, I caught him before it went further. He tried to hook up with this girl. The affection in his writing, is what I have been trying to get out of him. I distance my self from him and he thinks we are fine. I hurt , I'm lonely , sad . At night I cannot wonder if what he is doing. I try hard to stop thinking what if he is doing this or that. We even have a child together. Great dad, but sucky hubby. How can I fix it if I can ? what to do? Please.......I need advice, on my marriage!?
I have written this several times, you guys need to go to therapy. I was the same way except for the cheating aspect of it. I neglected my wife and she left me on 9/3/06 and I am the one in so much pain, the worse pain that I have felt in all of my 45 years. I love her and would be willing to get rid of the computer, all the TVs and anything else standing in my way of making my wife happy. I say that now that she is gone, but I didn't realize that I was neglecting her in so many ways. You need intervention to help save your marriage. Please do it now before you get fed up like my wife did. After 12+ years of marriage I still love my wife with all of my heart, I just didn't show it and I am hurt and ashamed. I would hope that my wife would give me another chance to prove that I love her more than TV, the computer or beer. Try and save your marriage, good luckI need advice, on my marriage!?
He is very young and remember woman mature faster than men.... However, that is no excuse for cheating... you are too young to be thinking about what your husband is doing....If you are not happy get out while you can or seek help...... If you say I dont think that he will change he does not care about yur feelings at all b/c if he did he would have done something about by now....
I'm very old fashioned you know what they say turn the other cheek and act like you dont see it if you really want to be with him bbut its not worth it is it?
You have to weigh out some things the good and the bad and see which one is heavier
Don't wait get to a marriage counselor now if you think the marriage is worth saving. If he will not go just go by yourself never hurt's to have someone to talk to.
Trust me!! Get the book titled ';The Five Love Languages'; by Gary Chapman....no venus %26amp; mars bs, no Dr. Phil or Oprah...this book is wonderful, interesting and a pleasure to read. You will discover ways to communicate %26amp; share feelings in a much different way than you do now....
%26amp; never underestimate the power of prayer :)
Well sweetie..Coming from a previous marriage such as yours..I can tell you that things will only get worse..But that me for warn you that about 95% of all men do NOT show emotion no matter what the situation.But If he almost chested on you then he probably is planning to do so,and that trust once it is broken you will almost NEVER regain it.. I suggest maybe counseling,most men don't see what they are doing is wrong..and it sometimes takes an outsider to open their eyes..I really hope things work out for you..
there's a quote that says look deep before you leap obviously you didn't do that.and once a cheater always a cheater maybe next time you won't be able to caught him in time
Unfortunately you can not change people. If you are that unhappy leave him. The same thing happened to me though I have no kids.
hi there, sounds like he just isnt interested in you anymore. Or he is peroccupied by other things as you mentioned.
IM me in yahoo if you like
six7foru
Try and write to him about about everything you feel and tell him to reply to it. List everything it gives you time to write down everything however small or big.
Good luck
Your young so get your kid and get out of this marriage. He not going to change be honest to yourself on this one. How many people go for counseling and it still doesn't change anything. Start making plan for yourself your young. Why wait another ten years only to be angry with yourself thinking I should have left years ago. Wait any longer you be making excuse i.e I stayed for the kid sake etc etc.
The problem with your situation is that your husband does not see anything is wrong with what he's doing, so he thinks everything is fine and dandy. U may want to try marriage couseling if nothing else changes.
I don't think there is any way of fixing the situation. He doesn't love you anymore, and there is nothing you can do about it.
You should not stay in the marriage for the sake of your child. If he is a good father, he can be a good father even if the two of you are divorced. You should not tie yourself to this man who obviously has no respect for you at all. He won't even listen to your complaints seriously. You have to leave him. In the long run, even your child will benefit from it. How would you feel if you had found out at some point in your childhood that your father was cheating on your mother even though she treated him well.
Good luck.
You married at the young age, One thing bout getting married early was that your hubby still thinks that his single and can do anything he fancy. He should have a good lecture from his dad or mom perhaps, but then better consult a professional, considering you've got a kid. Try to work it out with him.
Sounds like you both have some growing up to do... Have you considered marriage counseling?
talk him about ok
You need to take initative on the romance thing.
Complaining just makes things worse.
Find good ideas and have fun with your husband.
Get to know him and what he likes.
What makes him tic and do what he wants to do with him.
Your marriage sounds like it is in serious trouble. He is giving you clear signs that there is a problem. Get into marriage counseling before it is too late.
He isn't going to change.
I am a guy and at my early 20's even thou I played video games and was on the puter..I made time for my wife....i would fix supper for her, go talk walks with her...take her to a movie..and we even had a a baby girl then...my family %26amp; friends them selves took 2nd place to her...she's my wife, Lover and my best friend. and he should feel that way to you to.
and even now I work 40+ hrs a wk help raise 2 kids....I still play games and this saturday we our going to a festival...it was my idea.I'll always make time for her and I'm 37 now and i said it then and i will now,,, a real man will take care of his wife...she should be his pride and joy...in life
It's his job to fix what is wrong not you..and if he doesn't some guy will come along and sweep you off your feet and treat you like a real lady should be treated,,,,I've seen it before...
You have to go to counceling to fix! Period.
Yikes. I agree w/the other people who have suggested marriage counseling. I'm concerned for you both. You may want to try a trial separation, at least suggest it and see what he says.
All this talk about counseling is really good advice. You are probably feeling alone and scared and are isolation yourself for fear that people will blame you for complaining instead of working things out. Don't be scared to reach out to your family for help. Seek out people that u know and trust and get yourself some self help books. You are not alone in this situation, we as women are taught to be patient and responsible and deal with things. But if u are not happy, then its up to you to seek and find what makes you happy. If your husband is too caught up in his own sh*t and can't see what he's got in front of him, then forget him. Live your life and do what makes you happy. Don't settle. You'll regret it.
I must say, the same thing happened to me when I was also in my early 20's which is the reason why I left him also in my early 20's. We had 2 baby girls and now they are 23 and 20. They don't miss or see their father. The choice is yours and insight tells us that these guys never change: leopards never change their spots!
Theres a good chance that you can't change him. I'm kind of in the same situation, only my husband hasn't cheated on me. I've talked to him about the lack of affection, until I'm blue in the face. I would suggest marriage counseling, but he needs to want to make it work too. I'm sorry but if he doesn't really love you, no amount of counseling is going to work. Good Luck.
Married too young, hes tired of the married and family life and is thinking is this all there is in life. Hes starting to hate the responsibilty of being a husband and father. This is very normal for couples who marry young before theyre truly ready to settle down. Hes now experiencing what he thinks he missed before marrying you. Hes getting rid of his ';what ifs'; here and there really isnt much you can do other than wait and see if he grows up before its too late. Only you can decide the point in time when enough becomes enough and youre tired of his games and its time to move on. Thats the point where you have to decide if youre really better off with or without him. Your child is yours no matter what and he will have to pay support. Hes probably thinking the same things too. Good luck
Go to counseling. Either try to work it out, separate for awhile and try to work it out, or chalk it up to experience and move on. It is all in what you can live with.
tell him you are unhappy and if things don't change you are going to look for the affection elsewhere
First of all hun, you cant fix it alone, marriage is something that has to be met halfway.
I understand you have a child with this man, and everything, but you have told him how you feel, and told him what he can do to make it survive, and its almost like he isnt even trying, he says ';he dosen't know how to..'; but you have given him suggestions haven't you? on how you would like him to change and what he could do to make it better. Maybe try asking him what you can do to help him or if there is something he would like you to try changing?.
You cant put yourself through it over and over, and considering he already cheated , well almost cheated on you is not cool, even if he didnt go through with it, he had planned to and you had to stop it, when it should have never even began!. I can understand why you would distance yourself from him, however I dont think thats going to make the situation any better for you guys, I would stongly suggest maybe going to councelling, or something like that, maybe he just needs a little ';push';.
If that dosen't work then you need to think twice about this! is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?.. lonely, and miserable with no affection?. Your still so young the marriage should be on fire still. I am sure there are still ways for him to be great father without having to be put through this. I wish you luck!
I have written this several times, you guys need to go to therapy. I was the same way except for the cheating aspect of it. I neglected my wife and she left me on 9/3/06 and I am the one in so much pain, the worse pain that I have felt in all of my 45 years. I love her and would be willing to get rid of the computer, all the TVs and anything else standing in my way of making my wife happy. I say that now that she is gone, but I didn't realize that I was neglecting her in so many ways. You need intervention to help save your marriage. Please do it now before you get fed up like my wife did. After 12+ years of marriage I still love my wife with all of my heart, I just didn't show it and I am hurt and ashamed. I would hope that my wife would give me another chance to prove that I love her more than TV, the computer or beer. Try and save your marriage, good luckI need advice, on my marriage!?
He is very young and remember woman mature faster than men.... However, that is no excuse for cheating... you are too young to be thinking about what your husband is doing....If you are not happy get out while you can or seek help...... If you say I dont think that he will change he does not care about yur feelings at all b/c if he did he would have done something about by now....
I'm very old fashioned you know what they say turn the other cheek and act like you dont see it if you really want to be with him bbut its not worth it is it?
You have to weigh out some things the good and the bad and see which one is heavier
Don't wait get to a marriage counselor now if you think the marriage is worth saving. If he will not go just go by yourself never hurt's to have someone to talk to.
Trust me!! Get the book titled ';The Five Love Languages'; by Gary Chapman....no venus %26amp; mars bs, no Dr. Phil or Oprah...this book is wonderful, interesting and a pleasure to read. You will discover ways to communicate %26amp; share feelings in a much different way than you do now....
%26amp; never underestimate the power of prayer :)
Well sweetie..Coming from a previous marriage such as yours..I can tell you that things will only get worse..But that me for warn you that about 95% of all men do NOT show emotion no matter what the situation.But If he almost chested on you then he probably is planning to do so,and that trust once it is broken you will almost NEVER regain it.. I suggest maybe counseling,most men don't see what they are doing is wrong..and it sometimes takes an outsider to open their eyes..I really hope things work out for you..
there's a quote that says look deep before you leap obviously you didn't do that.and once a cheater always a cheater maybe next time you won't be able to caught him in time
Unfortunately you can not change people. If you are that unhappy leave him. The same thing happened to me though I have no kids.
hi there, sounds like he just isnt interested in you anymore. Or he is peroccupied by other things as you mentioned.
IM me in yahoo if you like
six7foru
Try and write to him about about everything you feel and tell him to reply to it. List everything it gives you time to write down everything however small or big.
Good luck
Your young so get your kid and get out of this marriage. He not going to change be honest to yourself on this one. How many people go for counseling and it still doesn't change anything. Start making plan for yourself your young. Why wait another ten years only to be angry with yourself thinking I should have left years ago. Wait any longer you be making excuse i.e I stayed for the kid sake etc etc.
The problem with your situation is that your husband does not see anything is wrong with what he's doing, so he thinks everything is fine and dandy. U may want to try marriage couseling if nothing else changes.
I don't think there is any way of fixing the situation. He doesn't love you anymore, and there is nothing you can do about it.
You should not stay in the marriage for the sake of your child. If he is a good father, he can be a good father even if the two of you are divorced. You should not tie yourself to this man who obviously has no respect for you at all. He won't even listen to your complaints seriously. You have to leave him. In the long run, even your child will benefit from it. How would you feel if you had found out at some point in your childhood that your father was cheating on your mother even though she treated him well.
Good luck.
You married at the young age, One thing bout getting married early was that your hubby still thinks that his single and can do anything he fancy. He should have a good lecture from his dad or mom perhaps, but then better consult a professional, considering you've got a kid. Try to work it out with him.
Sounds like you both have some growing up to do... Have you considered marriage counseling?
talk him about ok
You need to take initative on the romance thing.
Complaining just makes things worse.
Find good ideas and have fun with your husband.
Get to know him and what he likes.
What makes him tic and do what he wants to do with him.
Your marriage sounds like it is in serious trouble. He is giving you clear signs that there is a problem. Get into marriage counseling before it is too late.
He isn't going to change.
I am a guy and at my early 20's even thou I played video games and was on the puter..I made time for my wife....i would fix supper for her, go talk walks with her...take her to a movie..and we even had a a baby girl then...my family %26amp; friends them selves took 2nd place to her...she's my wife, Lover and my best friend. and he should feel that way to you to.
and even now I work 40+ hrs a wk help raise 2 kids....I still play games and this saturday we our going to a festival...it was my idea.I'll always make time for her and I'm 37 now and i said it then and i will now,,, a real man will take care of his wife...she should be his pride and joy...in life
It's his job to fix what is wrong not you..and if he doesn't some guy will come along and sweep you off your feet and treat you like a real lady should be treated,,,,I've seen it before...
You have to go to counceling to fix! Period.
Yikes. I agree w/the other people who have suggested marriage counseling. I'm concerned for you both. You may want to try a trial separation, at least suggest it and see what he says.
All this talk about counseling is really good advice. You are probably feeling alone and scared and are isolation yourself for fear that people will blame you for complaining instead of working things out. Don't be scared to reach out to your family for help. Seek out people that u know and trust and get yourself some self help books. You are not alone in this situation, we as women are taught to be patient and responsible and deal with things. But if u are not happy, then its up to you to seek and find what makes you happy. If your husband is too caught up in his own sh*t and can't see what he's got in front of him, then forget him. Live your life and do what makes you happy. Don't settle. You'll regret it.
I must say, the same thing happened to me when I was also in my early 20's which is the reason why I left him also in my early 20's. We had 2 baby girls and now they are 23 and 20. They don't miss or see their father. The choice is yours and insight tells us that these guys never change: leopards never change their spots!
Theres a good chance that you can't change him. I'm kind of in the same situation, only my husband hasn't cheated on me. I've talked to him about the lack of affection, until I'm blue in the face. I would suggest marriage counseling, but he needs to want to make it work too. I'm sorry but if he doesn't really love you, no amount of counseling is going to work. Good Luck.
Married too young, hes tired of the married and family life and is thinking is this all there is in life. Hes starting to hate the responsibilty of being a husband and father. This is very normal for couples who marry young before theyre truly ready to settle down. Hes now experiencing what he thinks he missed before marrying you. Hes getting rid of his ';what ifs'; here and there really isnt much you can do other than wait and see if he grows up before its too late. Only you can decide the point in time when enough becomes enough and youre tired of his games and its time to move on. Thats the point where you have to decide if youre really better off with or without him. Your child is yours no matter what and he will have to pay support. Hes probably thinking the same things too. Good luck
Go to counseling. Either try to work it out, separate for awhile and try to work it out, or chalk it up to experience and move on. It is all in what you can live with.
tell him you are unhappy and if things don't change you are going to look for the affection elsewhere
First of all hun, you cant fix it alone, marriage is something that has to be met halfway.
I understand you have a child with this man, and everything, but you have told him how you feel, and told him what he can do to make it survive, and its almost like he isnt even trying, he says ';he dosen't know how to..'; but you have given him suggestions haven't you? on how you would like him to change and what he could do to make it better. Maybe try asking him what you can do to help him or if there is something he would like you to try changing?.
You cant put yourself through it over and over, and considering he already cheated , well almost cheated on you is not cool, even if he didnt go through with it, he had planned to and you had to stop it, when it should have never even began!. I can understand why you would distance yourself from him, however I dont think thats going to make the situation any better for you guys, I would stongly suggest maybe going to councelling, or something like that, maybe he just needs a little ';push';.
If that dosen't work then you need to think twice about this! is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?.. lonely, and miserable with no affection?. Your still so young the marriage should be on fire still. I am sure there are still ways for him to be great father without having to be put through this. I wish you luck!
Advice for my future marriage plans?
hi am21 years old,i have 1and half years daughter and a husband but not wedded yet.Amalso planning to have another baby as i proceed with ma travel and tourism course so that after i give birth i can get enough time to work.He says we can weed when he is ready financially.He loves me so much thats why i decided to stay with him.He is 36 years old.Do you think its a nice ideaAdvice for my future marriage plans?
Personally, I think you need to drop out of your travel and tourism class, and get into a remedial English class. Then we might have a clue what the heck you are talking about.Advice for my future marriage plans?
You say he loves you but nothing about how you feel for him he is 15 yrs older than you and whilst I know age gap relationships can work you do not sound commited
don't understand what your taling about! Too old for you!
absolutely not girl, he's way too old for you, are you going to love him when he's 50. theres a 15 yr age difference.by the time your 30 you'll have changed alot in your way of thinking,i don't think you'll love him anymore your young only once, don't give your youth to someone so much older
Question is do you love him ? After that all falls into place in its own magic way
I don't think he has any intention of actually marrying you.
He will probably never be ready ';financially'; to marry you.
You are already providing the full services of a wife.
You have already taken away any impetus for him to actually marry you. Don't have a baby with him until her does.
Living together as a couple for ';X-amount of time'; makes you common-law married in most states... but with all of the risks and none of the benefits. You can be saddled with his debts. If he dies, you don't have the ability to collect the life insurance, and if he is on life support, you don't have the ability to pull the plug... yet they can hold you responsible for all the hospital bills.
Believe it or not, that little piece of paper (marriage certificate) provides a lot of protection for you. You can collect life insurance and social security benefits, and make all kinds of decisions on his behalf as a married wife.
Hmmmm i have no idea what your talking about?
You don't have to be married in todays society, just be happy!
You are not married yet, so that makes him your fiance, not your husband. I think you should not proceed with your plans with travel and the tourism course. What you should do is stay home and take care of your baby and the baby to come. You have babies to take care of and you should not to leave them with a stranger to raise them. They are yours to love and to nurture, not a strangers job.
I think he should marry you now instead of waiting. Why bring up babies into a relationship that is not husband and wife??
Plus, if he loves you so much, money shouldn't be the issue here. Not sure if this will ever work since he is way older than you. I don't know about that, you are way too young for him. Hope it works out if you two get married.
I would consider reading ';10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives.';
i think it sounds like a great idea if it happens but it sounds like he's stalling. also, be married before you have another kid because if not, it'll take even longer to be ';financially ready';.
Personally, I think you need to drop out of your travel and tourism class, and get into a remedial English class. Then we might have a clue what the heck you are talking about.Advice for my future marriage plans?
You say he loves you but nothing about how you feel for him he is 15 yrs older than you and whilst I know age gap relationships can work you do not sound commited
don't understand what your taling about! Too old for you!
absolutely not girl, he's way too old for you, are you going to love him when he's 50. theres a 15 yr age difference.by the time your 30 you'll have changed alot in your way of thinking,i don't think you'll love him anymore your young only once, don't give your youth to someone so much older
Question is do you love him ? After that all falls into place in its own magic way
I don't think he has any intention of actually marrying you.
He will probably never be ready ';financially'; to marry you.
You are already providing the full services of a wife.
You have already taken away any impetus for him to actually marry you. Don't have a baby with him until her does.
Living together as a couple for ';X-amount of time'; makes you common-law married in most states... but with all of the risks and none of the benefits. You can be saddled with his debts. If he dies, you don't have the ability to collect the life insurance, and if he is on life support, you don't have the ability to pull the plug... yet they can hold you responsible for all the hospital bills.
Believe it or not, that little piece of paper (marriage certificate) provides a lot of protection for you. You can collect life insurance and social security benefits, and make all kinds of decisions on his behalf as a married wife.
Hmmmm i have no idea what your talking about?
You don't have to be married in todays society, just be happy!
You are not married yet, so that makes him your fiance, not your husband. I think you should not proceed with your plans with travel and the tourism course. What you should do is stay home and take care of your baby and the baby to come. You have babies to take care of and you should not to leave them with a stranger to raise them. They are yours to love and to nurture, not a strangers job.
I think he should marry you now instead of waiting. Why bring up babies into a relationship that is not husband and wife??
Plus, if he loves you so much, money shouldn't be the issue here. Not sure if this will ever work since he is way older than you. I don't know about that, you are way too young for him. Hope it works out if you two get married.
I would consider reading ';10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives.';
i think it sounds like a great idea if it happens but it sounds like he's stalling. also, be married before you have another kid because if not, it'll take even longer to be ';financially ready';.
Need help or advice on spicing up my marriage!?
my husband and i have a 4 month old....but we are still young parents. 18 and 19. my husband says im no fun anymore, and i want to be..he wants me to do things with him ..his big thing is cars as he is a mechanic in the army. what can i do to be more fun???Need help or advice on spicing up my marriage!?
tell him its a two way street and maybe find something that interests you both .try to spend time with just the two of you hope that helpsNeed help or advice on spicing up my marriage!?
You guys are so young that carrying a life of raising kids seems boring! But it`s because you are still so young. Your husband wants to have fun and wants you to be the fun young girl you used to be, but now with your baby, you have bigger and more important things to do! You can still be fun and have babies, for sure...but what seems fun for 30 year olds, isn`t for teenagers like you guys.
Whether you decided to get married this young or because you had a baby...the important thing here is taking care of your child before wanting the fun. Your husband telling you that you`re just not fun anymore is very immature, typical of a guy his age. He needs to grow up and mature fast unlike other single 19 year olds who`re partying, still in college, enjoying life! His life and yours for that matter, have changed dramatically and you just have to grow up, get it together and realize that your life is a different life now, it is a grown up life and so that`s how you should carry it. There are fun things you can still do, but ask him to be specific, is it fun going out like partying, or fun while being intimate...because whatever it is, it`s not fun because you`re taking of a third person too, not only him! He needs to realize that before he can tell you that you`re no fun!
Ah! Kids!
I think he misses you. he's probably conflicted... on one hand he has to be a mature adult/parent... but then again you guys are soo young.I know how that feels. im 19 and my husband is 21. we have a three year old and a three month old.try finding some time for just the two of you. that should really help. good luck.
see if there is a car show in town. find a sitter and go for the evening. buy some a sexy nighty and when the baby is in bed, shower, put it on and go to bed yourself........... have fun. he misses you so let him have a whole evening just you two.
tell him its a two way street and maybe find something that interests you both .try to spend time with just the two of you hope that helpsNeed help or advice on spicing up my marriage!?
You guys are so young that carrying a life of raising kids seems boring! But it`s because you are still so young. Your husband wants to have fun and wants you to be the fun young girl you used to be, but now with your baby, you have bigger and more important things to do! You can still be fun and have babies, for sure...but what seems fun for 30 year olds, isn`t for teenagers like you guys.
Whether you decided to get married this young or because you had a baby...the important thing here is taking care of your child before wanting the fun. Your husband telling you that you`re just not fun anymore is very immature, typical of a guy his age. He needs to grow up and mature fast unlike other single 19 year olds who`re partying, still in college, enjoying life! His life and yours for that matter, have changed dramatically and you just have to grow up, get it together and realize that your life is a different life now, it is a grown up life and so that`s how you should carry it. There are fun things you can still do, but ask him to be specific, is it fun going out like partying, or fun while being intimate...because whatever it is, it`s not fun because you`re taking of a third person too, not only him! He needs to realize that before he can tell you that you`re no fun!
Ah! Kids!
I think he misses you. he's probably conflicted... on one hand he has to be a mature adult/parent... but then again you guys are soo young.I know how that feels. im 19 and my husband is 21. we have a three year old and a three month old.try finding some time for just the two of you. that should really help. good luck.
see if there is a car show in town. find a sitter and go for the evening. buy some a sexy nighty and when the baby is in bed, shower, put it on and go to bed yourself........... have fun. he misses you so let him have a whole evening just you two.
Marriage problem whats your advice?
me and my husband has been married for 7 years. i got married at 16 and him 18 now we have three girls 6, 3 and 9 months old. throughtout these years he's broken my heart once, and hes addicted to his pc and playstations, and hes not working right now. he still acts like a little kid. to me i feel that there is really no more spark left. i've told him many times how i would like to be treated, just some flowers or surprise but never once, all these years he's never given me a gift i really appreciate, not even on my birthday or anniversaires, he doesnt do those things. our sex life is not the best either. i just dont know what to do anymore, i'm so confused, i dont wanna do something to hurt him either like cheating but at times i just wanna know what it would feel like being with someone else, but i've got my kids.Marriage problem whats your advice?
He in his mid 20's with a wife and 3 children. Tell him that you need an adult for a husband. Give him a firm time limit to shape up, get a job, and start being a better husband. Be prepared to leave him if he fails to meet your demands. Tell him you will no longer raise him as the 4th child!Marriage problem whats your advice?
You know what, I have been married for 37 yrs and have NEVER gotten flowers. Maybe a card for my birthday. You two were very young and have made it longer then when some adults got married. There has to be a great commitment there or it wouldn't have lasted this long. Unfortunately some men take longer to grow up then others. My husband is 58 and just bought a motorcycle. Go figure. Sex is important in a marriage but it is not the most important thing. You sound like you are depressed. If you don't work, go get a job. My husband was never the bread winner in the family, I was. He stayed at home with the kids. Now that I have retired, he takes care of me. It all works out in the end. Hang in there kiddo, SOMEDAY, he will grow up and you will reap the benefits.
Try to fix it!!!!!!! DO ANYTHING IT TAKES TRUST ME YOU DON'T WANT DIVORCE................................ GO TO COUNCILING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!鈥?Talk it out trust me.....
Sincerly,
Concernd writer
Well the first thing that has to happen is he has to step up and be a man and by that i mean get a job and stop with the video games. He needs to stop acting like a 12 year old boy and start acting like a father to those children. Spark is gone because you are more of a mother than a wife. Hubby needs to grow up he is not a man he is a boy
Hi! I would try sitting down and talking to him again! Tell him how fed up you are with how is treating you. Tell him that he needs to striaghten up. I would go on a vacation for a week and when you come back see how he acts when you come back. Then maybe you two can talk. He doesn't have a job? That might be the problem there, he might feel depressed and worthless. Tell him to do soemthing to even just take the kids out, get out of the house that might help him. Then maybe he'll feel better about himself and then he can treat you better. Hide his pc and playstation tell him he can't have them until he gets a job and starts helping you more. Put your foot down don't let him treat you like that!
this is why kids should never get married. and there are other ways to be affectionate than flowers, geez that's a bit selfish, even him scraping the ice off your windows in winter is the same thing, and when was the last time you did something nice for him, remember that marriage is 2 people not just one. you have to do something for him too.but you got married to young. you should have waited until you both matured.sorry.
You need some martial counseling. Ask your husband if he is willing to go with you to seek the help you need to keep your marriage together. Its possible that your husband was never taught how to treat a wife and things that women like. You are always responsible for your own actions.Adultery is not the answer under any circumstances. Try counseling and talking with your husband. Maybe you could also tell your husband some things that you like.
Sorry flower...this IS the marriage curse.
And people tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'll never ever recommend marriage to anyone I know for the rest of my life.
Yes, with kids, you have to think of them. Personally, if my parents broke up, my own life would be shattered. I rather that you be the catalyst in your relationship. I suggest you not wait for your husband to pick up the sex/sparks..since he's obviously clueless. It's in your power, girl! Make it your goal to try surprising him! Give him a suprise hug when he's on the pc. Get yourself a new makeover (hairdo...lingerie even) when your kids aren't home (like at their grandmother's or friend's house or something) Put random love notes on your husband's computer screen. Have your girls help you make a project like a cake or painting just for daddy. Maybe your husband will see that you girls really appreciate him, even though he's jobless, and a light bulb will ring in his head and he will return the loving and the fun. And don't expect things from him (like the perfect birthday gift....trust me, most men are clueless to those things). Instead, make it your goal to surprise him with the littlest things.....like random hugs or kisses on the cheeks. Or all of the sudden waking up, giving him a juicy kiss and say ';Rise and shine my Sexy beast.'; Doesn't have to be elaborate. Make yourself feel sexy for yourself and everyone will notice a difference, including your husband. Learn to flirt again. there are books out there about flirting I'm sure. Or new sex moves for the bedroom. Try new things with your husband. Decorate your bedroom to be more romantic. ....many many ways to change yourself and your surroundings to make you get the spark back, without having to divorce or get involved with another man.
You're about 23, you got three kids. You have time to fix things. As long as you don't pop out another one and yeah...maybe you shouldn't gotten married that early. But you in there now. So tell his *** off or something or move on with your kids.
It seem to me that he is not appreciating you as a wife anymore. Maybe the reason is that yall got married too soon. That was a very young age to get married at and now he feeling like he really didnt get to live his life as being young and not settled down.so he is making up for time lost. if he knows that this is how you feel and he still hasn't changed the way he is treating you, i would seperate from him for a while. you need some space. he is not working so that means you are handling everything, there is no attention been giving to you(attention expresses love), he plays games all the time like a kid instead of taking care of his family like a man. Sweety he do not want any responsibility anymore. he is feeling tied down and no he is not happy. put the shoe on the other foot and make the truth come out. find you a baby sitter and just go out for a minute with friend girls sometime. show him that this is not getting you down. you need to be appreciated for baring his kids. it seems like you really love him, but he is a man. this is what men do when they are looking at things differently than what they did in the past. if you just let go for a while, you will see the truth of every question you have in your mind. if he really wants a family and is willing to change, he will come to you and ask for your forgiveness, but if he doesn't then he wanted to be free, so let the bird fly. God will always make a way for you and your family. If you keep looking back from what you left in the past, you will always miss whats in your future!!!!!!
Two overgrown kids trying to raise 3 little kids. What do you expect?
Sounds like the ';seven year itch'; to me. He never got the chance to sow his oats and it sounds like he's never grown up. It's too bad that so many years have gone by and that there are children involved, but.....there is so......Don't try the ultimatum thingy, it never works and he would only resent you and the kids too. I would talk to a marriage counselor and if your husband doesn't want to go, you and the kids go without him. I don't see a lot of changes going on with him. You will have to make the move and whatever it is, don't look back.
My husband %26amp; I just celebrated our 7 year anniversary this year, %26amp; while we arent in the same situation as you (no kids, married @ 25), what you are going through is normal.
What you need to do is find a way to reconnect with your husband, so that you %26amp; he are listening to each other and responding to each others needs.
It may make perfect sense to you that he needs to stop playing on the computer %26amp; start working, but to him, it may be a way for him to escape the feelings he might be having about not supporting his family right now. Sometimes getting our spouses to listen has more to do with how %26amp; when we say something, instead of what is being said %26amp; how important it is.
Do you go to church, or have another couple that you can turn to as mentors? (someone who will commit to helping you stay together, not commiserate about how lousy the other person is being). A minister is a great place to go for support, %26amp; they will work with you to help redevelop communication.
On your own, or together with your husband if he would be willing, read through some books. I personally recommend ';His Needs, Her Needs'; %26amp; ';Five Languages of Love';, both are designed to help partners work through their differences and love each other inspite of them.
Best of luck to you.
well, don't wait 20 yrs. then decide, he sounds like he is a very selfish person. I can relate. It isn't pretty and doesn't get any better. the more you do for him the more he won't change. it's your decision.
You need to get into some couples counseling. Don't cheat on him, it's never the right thing to do and you'll be racked with unnecessary guilt the rest of your life with him.
You're just a little depressed , counseling does help, if he doesn't want to go then go by yourself, it's better than living this way.
You did get married young and the pressures of marriage only get harder. He needs to get off his PlayStation and spend more time with you, have you ever talked to him about it?
You know PlayStation's break all the time ....
seriously though, you two just need some counseling so you can learn how to deal with all of this together, it won't last if you don't get help.
Your have four kids.
He takes you for granted and I don't know how you can change that unless you leave, or kick him out...seperate for a while and hopefully he'll realize what a good wife he has.
it sounds like both of yall are unhappy.your tired of him and he cant be to happy with himself not working and all.yall married so young and have 3 kids maybe yall need some time apart to see what happens then.good luck!
He in his mid 20's with a wife and 3 children. Tell him that you need an adult for a husband. Give him a firm time limit to shape up, get a job, and start being a better husband. Be prepared to leave him if he fails to meet your demands. Tell him you will no longer raise him as the 4th child!Marriage problem whats your advice?
You know what, I have been married for 37 yrs and have NEVER gotten flowers. Maybe a card for my birthday. You two were very young and have made it longer then when some adults got married. There has to be a great commitment there or it wouldn't have lasted this long. Unfortunately some men take longer to grow up then others. My husband is 58 and just bought a motorcycle. Go figure. Sex is important in a marriage but it is not the most important thing. You sound like you are depressed. If you don't work, go get a job. My husband was never the bread winner in the family, I was. He stayed at home with the kids. Now that I have retired, he takes care of me. It all works out in the end. Hang in there kiddo, SOMEDAY, he will grow up and you will reap the benefits.
Try to fix it!!!!!!! DO ANYTHING IT TAKES TRUST ME YOU DON'T WANT DIVORCE................................ GO TO COUNCILING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!鈥?Talk it out trust me.....
Sincerly,
Concernd writer
Well the first thing that has to happen is he has to step up and be a man and by that i mean get a job and stop with the video games. He needs to stop acting like a 12 year old boy and start acting like a father to those children. Spark is gone because you are more of a mother than a wife. Hubby needs to grow up he is not a man he is a boy
Hi! I would try sitting down and talking to him again! Tell him how fed up you are with how is treating you. Tell him that he needs to striaghten up. I would go on a vacation for a week and when you come back see how he acts when you come back. Then maybe you two can talk. He doesn't have a job? That might be the problem there, he might feel depressed and worthless. Tell him to do soemthing to even just take the kids out, get out of the house that might help him. Then maybe he'll feel better about himself and then he can treat you better. Hide his pc and playstation tell him he can't have them until he gets a job and starts helping you more. Put your foot down don't let him treat you like that!
this is why kids should never get married. and there are other ways to be affectionate than flowers, geez that's a bit selfish, even him scraping the ice off your windows in winter is the same thing, and when was the last time you did something nice for him, remember that marriage is 2 people not just one. you have to do something for him too.but you got married to young. you should have waited until you both matured.sorry.
You need some martial counseling. Ask your husband if he is willing to go with you to seek the help you need to keep your marriage together. Its possible that your husband was never taught how to treat a wife and things that women like. You are always responsible for your own actions.Adultery is not the answer under any circumstances. Try counseling and talking with your husband. Maybe you could also tell your husband some things that you like.
Sorry flower...this IS the marriage curse.
And people tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'll never ever recommend marriage to anyone I know for the rest of my life.
Yes, with kids, you have to think of them. Personally, if my parents broke up, my own life would be shattered. I rather that you be the catalyst in your relationship. I suggest you not wait for your husband to pick up the sex/sparks..since he's obviously clueless. It's in your power, girl! Make it your goal to try surprising him! Give him a suprise hug when he's on the pc. Get yourself a new makeover (hairdo...lingerie even) when your kids aren't home (like at their grandmother's or friend's house or something) Put random love notes on your husband's computer screen. Have your girls help you make a project like a cake or painting just for daddy. Maybe your husband will see that you girls really appreciate him, even though he's jobless, and a light bulb will ring in his head and he will return the loving and the fun. And don't expect things from him (like the perfect birthday gift....trust me, most men are clueless to those things). Instead, make it your goal to surprise him with the littlest things.....like random hugs or kisses on the cheeks. Or all of the sudden waking up, giving him a juicy kiss and say ';Rise and shine my Sexy beast.'; Doesn't have to be elaborate. Make yourself feel sexy for yourself and everyone will notice a difference, including your husband. Learn to flirt again. there are books out there about flirting I'm sure. Or new sex moves for the bedroom. Try new things with your husband. Decorate your bedroom to be more romantic. ....many many ways to change yourself and your surroundings to make you get the spark back, without having to divorce or get involved with another man.
You're about 23, you got three kids. You have time to fix things. As long as you don't pop out another one and yeah...maybe you shouldn't gotten married that early. But you in there now. So tell his *** off or something or move on with your kids.
It seem to me that he is not appreciating you as a wife anymore. Maybe the reason is that yall got married too soon. That was a very young age to get married at and now he feeling like he really didnt get to live his life as being young and not settled down.so he is making up for time lost. if he knows that this is how you feel and he still hasn't changed the way he is treating you, i would seperate from him for a while. you need some space. he is not working so that means you are handling everything, there is no attention been giving to you(attention expresses love), he plays games all the time like a kid instead of taking care of his family like a man. Sweety he do not want any responsibility anymore. he is feeling tied down and no he is not happy. put the shoe on the other foot and make the truth come out. find you a baby sitter and just go out for a minute with friend girls sometime. show him that this is not getting you down. you need to be appreciated for baring his kids. it seems like you really love him, but he is a man. this is what men do when they are looking at things differently than what they did in the past. if you just let go for a while, you will see the truth of every question you have in your mind. if he really wants a family and is willing to change, he will come to you and ask for your forgiveness, but if he doesn't then he wanted to be free, so let the bird fly. God will always make a way for you and your family. If you keep looking back from what you left in the past, you will always miss whats in your future!!!!!!
Two overgrown kids trying to raise 3 little kids. What do you expect?
Sounds like the ';seven year itch'; to me. He never got the chance to sow his oats and it sounds like he's never grown up. It's too bad that so many years have gone by and that there are children involved, but.....there is so......Don't try the ultimatum thingy, it never works and he would only resent you and the kids too. I would talk to a marriage counselor and if your husband doesn't want to go, you and the kids go without him. I don't see a lot of changes going on with him. You will have to make the move and whatever it is, don't look back.
My husband %26amp; I just celebrated our 7 year anniversary this year, %26amp; while we arent in the same situation as you (no kids, married @ 25), what you are going through is normal.
What you need to do is find a way to reconnect with your husband, so that you %26amp; he are listening to each other and responding to each others needs.
It may make perfect sense to you that he needs to stop playing on the computer %26amp; start working, but to him, it may be a way for him to escape the feelings he might be having about not supporting his family right now. Sometimes getting our spouses to listen has more to do with how %26amp; when we say something, instead of what is being said %26amp; how important it is.
Do you go to church, or have another couple that you can turn to as mentors? (someone who will commit to helping you stay together, not commiserate about how lousy the other person is being). A minister is a great place to go for support, %26amp; they will work with you to help redevelop communication.
On your own, or together with your husband if he would be willing, read through some books. I personally recommend ';His Needs, Her Needs'; %26amp; ';Five Languages of Love';, both are designed to help partners work through their differences and love each other inspite of them.
Best of luck to you.
well, don't wait 20 yrs. then decide, he sounds like he is a very selfish person. I can relate. It isn't pretty and doesn't get any better. the more you do for him the more he won't change. it's your decision.
You need to get into some couples counseling. Don't cheat on him, it's never the right thing to do and you'll be racked with unnecessary guilt the rest of your life with him.
You're just a little depressed , counseling does help, if he doesn't want to go then go by yourself, it's better than living this way.
You did get married young and the pressures of marriage only get harder. He needs to get off his PlayStation and spend more time with you, have you ever talked to him about it?
You know PlayStation's break all the time ....
seriously though, you two just need some counseling so you can learn how to deal with all of this together, it won't last if you don't get help.
Your have four kids.
He takes you for granted and I don't know how you can change that unless you leave, or kick him out...seperate for a while and hopefully he'll realize what a good wife he has.
it sounds like both of yall are unhappy.your tired of him and he cant be to happy with himself not working and all.yall married so young and have 3 kids maybe yall need some time apart to see what happens then.good luck!
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