Nelp help with marriage advice! see i cheated...?

about a year ago my wife and I were having some pretty serious problems. we seperated for a few months and started the divorce process. I started seeing this other girl and we did have sex, so techinally that's an affair since we weren't officially divorced. what makes it bad is that my wife had been acusing me of cheating (while we were apart) which of course i denied for legal/divorce reasons. Well, by some miracle we worked things out and have been doing pretty much better than ever. We are both so happy. I've been lying about the affair this whole time and was wondering should I confess? I don't want to mess up what we have and we were both doing our own thing. she denies any affairs too, but really who knows. thought?Nelp help with marriage advice! see i cheated...?
This is a individual moral decision. You have to decide what to do. I will give you my opinion on the matter according to what I believe. Maybe it will help.





You separated with the intention of divorcing. Since you were in process of divorce and separated I see nothing wrong with having a relationship with another person. You are (in my opinion) free to do as you wish. You have to decide if you and your wife feel it truly was an affair. To me it wasnt. You worked out your issues yet on false pretenses. This will never lead to any good. You should man up to your actions and accept the outcomes. Good Luck.Nelp help with marriage advice! see i cheated...?
You never should have lied. I really don't think it would have hurt you legally to admit you were seeing another woman after you and your wife seperated, but I'm not a lawyer.





You should tell her. If you love her, she deserves to know. If she can't accept it, then maybe you need to find someone else.





Keeping it from her to keep the relationship stable is selfish. That's all about you, not about the both of you, because you have to keep lying to her to make it work.
I have serious SERIOUS morals against cheating.


However...


Seeing as you were'nt actually in a relationship at the time you were having the affair and you were separated, I don't actually think it is necessary to tell your wife what you did, unless of course the secret is eating away at you and you feel guilty, because then it will stay with you for the rest of your life.
as much as i believe honesty is the best policy, i would leave things the way they are. i wouldn't consider that an affair since at that time you thought it was over and should start moving on. i am glad to here you both are so happy, thats what marriage should be and you are lucky to find. maybe down the road you can tell her and who knows, maybe she will tell you and you can tell her at that time too. wishing you many happy years together.
You are human that is for certain. In fact, the most perfect human that graced the earth to my awareness was a guy named Jesus, so don't let all of the harsh man haters that will undoubtly respond to your question bother you, lest they too be judged.


So, you have shared your experience with us and therefore you have aired your dirty laundry. I never recommend that people make direct amends to others where it may harm them or others in any way.


However, you get the opportunity to make a living amends to your wife and this should include being a good husband, being faithful and honest.


For your part of it. Do a nice selfless deed for her each day for an entire month.


And finally, make sure that you forgive yourself for your mistake.
Honestly, I think you should come clean, especially about sticky situations like affairs. Plus, you are married, after all, and you do have vows you have to keep. If you are both doing so well, why not just tell her the truth right now? She might be upset, but then again, if she finds out on her own later, that would be an even bigger risk on damaging the great relationship you guys share now.





Good luck. :)
Morally you should tell her... and thats really the answer everyone is going to give you. But you need to analyze if you are willing to lsoe her again, because you have been lying to her for a year. So if you dont want to lose her again, and she cant find out, then you shoudlnt tell her.
You cheated, so thats on you. Personally, I do not believe in second chances. When you married her, you made alot of promises. Once you broke them, you broke the trust. So If she is smart, she will keep you out of her life and move on. You are at fault here.
OKAY, WELL I'M A GIRL AND I JUST GOT ENGAGED .BUT IF SHE ALLREDDY KNOW'S ABOUT IT AND YOU SAY KNOW AND THINK'S ARE GOING GOOD Y WOULD YOU TELL HER .CUZ SHE KNOW'S BUT SHE DISN'T WANNA KNOW AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I DONT BLAME HER SO JUS LET IT GO AND DONT DO IT AGain


cuz i dont think she gonna take you back the 2ed time so that's what i think i hope i helped ...
I would tell her nicely and calmly. Just say ';I really am ashamed of my actions and nothing like this will ever happen again because your mine and I love you, and would never want to hurt you';. :]
If you are happy, leave it alone! Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you should destroy her too. Some things are better left alone.
Don't ever mention your indiscretion again. Not even here.
You will feel better about yourself if you tell your wife.
I wouldn't confess.... just don't do it again. It would hurt her more than it would help her.
No, do not confess. It's not too late for her to screw you over.
YES YOU ARE WITH THE SAME GIRL YOU TOTAL PERV ... ANAL SEX FREAK
Dont bring it up. Take it to your grave. What could it possibly help anyways?
here's your options.





1. you discuss it with her (note i said DISCUSS not just tell her! talk to her about everything that happened) and she'll either freak out and leave you or freak out and get over it... you know her better than us so you make the call on which one you think will happen.





2. you never tell her and deny it for the rest of your life. you risk her possibly finding out somehow down the road and freaking out.. or you'll get lucky and she'll never know, but you'll live in guilt for the rest of your marrige/life... WHICH could subconsiously cause problems between you and the relationship with your wife causing it to crumble that way.





its a tough call. but do what you think is best!
While I will say, you two were separated, and yes not divorced yet so tech. its hard to call it cheating or not. I don't know if its all states or not but mine you have to be separated for a year before finalizing the divorce. Does that mean you have to stay away from relationships for that year.... no. I believe you did not do the right thing for lying to her when it happened. Now that thins are better between you two its better time than ever to confess. Maybe since you two have worked things out you can explain how you were hopeful in working things out and didn't want anything to deter you two from that. She should understand. That will be the base line of y'all working on the trust again. Both of you sit down and tell truths for anything y'all have lied about to each other. It will make y'all a stronger couple in the long run. Good luck.
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from a girl point of view wats in the past let remain there dont bring it up again cause it would just stir things up. just dont do it again. i know its hurting u and u want to come out with the truth but give it some time still. lets hope the one who u had the affair with does not contact you anymore and that know one else knows about it if its like that u r safe but if not you should sit her down and let her know wat u did and that it will never ever happen again of course u should keep to ur words as well if u both love each other then u should accept the mistakes and start afresh it is going to be hard but sometimes you got to give it a chance.she should not want a divorce cause of that it was the past and u were already in the process of getting divorce hope u change and this help
either b wit ur wife or ur gf.