Sure. You need a break. You need a partner. You need help. You lost your sex drive because you are tired, stressed and resentful. Makes perfect sense. Sit hubby down and come up with a plan that makes this marriage a partnership so that the responsibilities are evened up and fair. Have him help you solve this problem and come up with a good working plan. You need some fun, some rest, and some understanding. You are normal and deserve better than you are accepting. Take good care of yourself. You can't be a good mom, a good partner, or a happy person when your needs are not treated as important by yourself or your best friend (husband). If you make a list of all that you do and responsible and all that he does and is responsible for, you will see it is not fair or right. Fix that and get your partner back. When you are not so tired and angry, your love life will get better. Promise. You can make this better. He can help you.I need advice for my marriage?
Okay well first things first, you can't do it all so talk to him and make sure that he is doing his part. Its normal not to want to jump back in to sex after a baby. You need personal time to yourself so you can stop defining yourself with all the tasks that you must do and rememeber that you are a woman. Maybe start a regular schedule of daycare for the baby, not much just a few hours every other day would be enough. (the baby will learn a lot from being with other kids!) Then take time to do something for you, manicure, a walk, a movie, anything that lets you have time alone. After this you'll probably have more of yourself to give than now while your running on empty.
This is so normal so don't worry! Often after you have a baby your hormones are shocked and you just want to be left alone. You have a lot more to do now with a baby and you want to have help so talk to him about that, or better yet, write him a letter so he can take in the info and think about it. As far as the attraction, try to think about the earlier times and how you felt early on in your relationship and the excitement you would get to be around him. His hormones are the same as before most likely or even stronger because you just had his child....that's really special and attractive for men. So try to relax and not take it all on at once...deal with one problem at a time...having him help around the house will probably be the best place to start because you will appreciate him. Just open up and try to let him in...I hope this helps!
get some postpartum depression help soon or you will end up resenting your hubby...get some help! bring him please...or start with research....don't let it fester...good luck
Yes. Alot of women go through this. I understand how you feel completely!!!
You need to sit your husband down and tell him how you are feeling. You have a baby to care for plus a home, and a job.
Make him understand how tired this is making you and that he needs to step up and help out.
Tell him if he helps out more that that will help put you in the mood. Your tired!!!!
This happens to all women. But once you get a little extra rest you will feel better.
You may also be experiencing post partum depression. You may want to make an appointment with your doctor. He or she can ask you questions to determine this. They have medication that can help.
But even if you go to the doctor and find out that you have it there is still no reason for your hubby not to help do daily chores.
He helped make the baby,he helped make the mess, he can surley help clean up. There are 2 of you and the work load should be 50/50.
Tell him how you are feeling. Ask him to start helping out and I know that your sex drive will come back.
Men don't understand what kind of changes a woman's body goes through during pregnacy and after the birth of the child. A lot of times they think with there small head instead of the big one if you catch my drift. So we have to make there large head think before the small head gets it!!!!!
So embed the things he should know into his large head and tell him once he starts helping out and easing your work load that his small head will get a lot more attention!!!
I wish you Goodluck!!! I hope that this helps.
Your body needs time to recover for child birth, wait a few months for your body to heal itself. As for the moods that you are having it's normal for most women, you should try not to be frustrated this will make only make things worst plus your husband should help out a little, ask him to help you and explain how you feel.
Also if you can get your mom or his mom to help you out a little that will be a good help....
OK so you REALLY need to make your husband help with the baby. tell him ';OK so if i cook dinner and do the dishes, you can watch the baby'; or the other way around...its not fair to you as a mommy for you to have a job, come home cook, clean (oh yeah and then become super woman, save the world..) and then after all that come home and feel sexy for your turned on husband. Also, have you told him how your feeling? a lot of mistakes people make are not telling their partner how they feel, and when they don't realize whats going on we get angry with them. tell your husband exactly how you feel, then (because he's a man) tell him exactly how to fix it. i don't want to say men are simple, and he probably has no idea that he's making you so frustrated. but if there's a problem a good man will want to fix it and most of the time we cant just give subtle hints, we have to tell them exactly whats on our minds.
so good luck and do yourself a favor and take some time out for yourself, get a mani/pedi (believe me you will be thanking yourself later) just do anything that makes you feel like you again, and not like just a wife/mommy/superwoman. good luck girl!
This is normal. You are describing symptoms that could be linked to postpartum depression, a serious clinical illness. I suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist right away. You may even need medication. Also, talk to your husband and explain how you are feeling - exhausted from the work, overwhelmed by motherhood, etc. Don't blame him for anything. But maybe try to work out a way that would allow you to not work so much, or hire some part time help (housekeeper or babysitter). Good luck.
Try telling him how you feel and let him know that you need help taking care of the family. Noway he can expect you to be the mother, cook, cleaner, make money, and a lover with a 3 mo. old and not be frustrated. Definitely talk to him.
You don't feel the same attraction to him-or you are just a human being who is completely exhausted from everything you are taking care of right now and you feel that you need ';love time or intimacy'; when you are actually feeling that you are getting love. Right now your husband must earn that affection for leaving the grunt of the responsibilities on you when you've just had a baby. It's amazing how we feel that we must feel loved to give love. (I'd say it's actually called normalcy.) Trust me....in the next few months when that little perfect baby is sitting up and holding his/her own bottle and mom has a little more time to herself...things may begin to get better...until then....until then, just keep doing what you're doing and try to simply explain the situation to your husband.
Okay you just had a baby. You can't just start having sex all the time. Ask your doctor about this. He will tell you if your even ready for it. What your feeling is normal. Like I said YOU JUST HAD A BABY! You don't want anything going in or out of there!!! Now on feeling like your doing everything. You need to straight up tell him that he has to help you. Make him do some stuff. He helped you make that baby.
I would like to recommend reading ';the five love languages'; by Gary Chapman. What is so interesting that I think most couples don't realize is that everybody gives and recieves love in different ways (they communicate love to a spouse or friend in the way that they understand love to be). What ends up happening then is that each partner is speaking to each other in a different language! For example, my love language is quality time. So if my husband told me he loved me every day, was loving and affectionate, but would rather watch tv than sit and have a meaningful conversation with me, I would not believe he truly loved me because he was not demonstrating love in a way that would fill my love tank (quality time). And the same holds true if for example his love language was acts of service. Say I do his laundry, iron his clothes, and have a meal on the table every evening... he likely would never question my love for him. But what often happens is that he will try to love me in his language... for example, mowing the lawn and washing the car... and in his mind, he is loving me, but he doesn't recognize that my love language is different, my need different. Though for you, it doesn't sound like acts of service are his love language. Is it yours?
I want to encourage you to communicate with him. Think about his habits and his attitude when you do certain things... so that you can figure out what his love language is... and then communicate your own to him. Maybe you can read that book together.
The lack of sexual desire you feel is normal. Every marriage has its ups and downs of attraction. There is no living human that you will be attracted to 24/7. But I say ups and downs because that is exactly what it is. Your hormones are recuperating because your body has just undergone one huge undertaking! And it is a beautiful thing! Never doubt it for a second. But the passion can come back if you want it to. And I absolutely promise you that if you both can figure out your love languages, and communicate to each other in your respective languages, in your own individual dialects and needs, the passion WILL come back. And likely, it may be even more intense than before.
One last thought... miscommunication is a leading factor in divorce. When people don't communicate to their loved one that they are not feeling loved, resentment builds... they begin to withdraw emotionally and then when the partner feels withdrawal, they become edgy, unstable, afraid, easily angered and defensive. And then when this continues on for years often over something that could have been resolved in 10 minutes, they grow so far apart there is little hope to salvage. And a hint on how to affair-proof your marriage is to keep each other's love tanks full and over pouring. I often equate it to the fact that if you are sitting in a beautiful, fancy restaurant, just having eaten a huge 5-course meal, you are sooooo stuffed that you cannot even look at the tray of enticingly exotic desserts that pass by your table! It is the same with love. And if distance comes between you, feelings of dislike, resentment, frustration, etc... it is a sure sign that your love tank is low... possibly dangerously low... So the goal would be to identify how each of you love and in what language do you respond to love and then together, learn to truly love each other.
...hope this helps
No comments:
Post a Comment