Let's see. I'm 19 and my husband is also 19. Both families approved. We've known each other since 5th gd. And have been together for 5 years. We got married on June 30th, 2007. We both work full time and go to school full time. Any advice for a long happy marriage. I'd like to hear from people that have a long marriage. NOT someone who is going to tell me i'm to young and i'm unsure of myself.I'm 19 and I'm married. Any advice for a LONG marriage?
Congrats! Me and my husband married at 18 and are still together and happy almost 12 years later. Always communicate with each other. If something is bothering you, speak up, don't keep it in to fester. Always make time for each other no matter how tired you are. Treat each other with love and kindness. Don't knit pick over silly things like he left his socks on the floor. (My hubby still does that, I just turn a blind eye.) You both have faults and little things that seem odd to the other, being able to accept that and not complain is also key.I'm 19 and I'm married. Any advice for a LONG marriage?
Keep treating each other with the same love and respect that you did on your wedding day. When things get rough, take a break %26amp; get that connection back with each other.
Laugh with each other.
Remember that you want each other to be happy. Honor %26amp; be excited as your spouse grows. Grow together with each other. Learn together.
Treat life as an adventure that you are going on together.
love is life
The answer is simple, but hard to follow. Find out his wants and needs, then fulfill his needs, and work on the wants. Aslo find out what your needs and wants are, then share them with your husband. As long as your both working on this for both of you, you will find that you will have a very fulfilling and good marriage. Good luck to ya.
Love each other.
Tell each other you love them every day.
Set a budget and agree to follow it.
Agree on how you will discipline your children before you need to.
NEVER argue in front of the children.
Go on dates.
COMMUNICATE.
A lot of give %26amp; take...communication is also vital, once comminication stops, problems will arise.
Remember :
Compromise-Compromise-Compromise
yes stay as far away from each other as u can, lol just kidding, always be able to talk to eachother, never do anything to lose your trust between u two, good luck
Open communication and trust are requirements for successful marriages. Keep flirting like you did when you first got attached...it keeps things interesting, and fun!
Wow Wayne B hit the nail on the head.
I have been married 14 yrs and together 18, everything he said is right. I just want to add pick your battles. Let go on the little things and accept each other as you are and not what you want them to be.
First, don't do your full time stuff for too much longer. In working with couples, one of the most obvious trials come simply because both partners are spending so much time away from each other, and active in doing so. Yes, it's ';good'; to do school, work, etc. but realize that over time, the simple principle of being more apart than together will greatly impact your ';long happy marriage';. Period.
Second, you and your spouse MUST do one more schooling... learn to communicate properly. This includes totally learning how to understand each other, why you both say and do the things you do, how to listen, etc. Books, web, counseling, etc.
Third, always meet the other's needs, not your own. It's not a 50/50 to make 100. It's a 100% on each part, meeting each others needs, whatever it is. Don't do to him what you want done to you. That's meeting ';your'; needs. And vice versa.
Fourth, NEVER make decisions if only one wants to and the other does not. That's a recipe for disaster.
Fifth, DO lots of activities (interactive) that you BOTH enjoy!
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Its just like a full time job, ups and downs, do not count on your emotions, and stay faithful no matter what. Never quit talking to one another, always communicate. Most the time you ignore the small stuff that gets in the way.
I was in a marriage for almost 8 years just be honest and trust that is all I can give you good luck hope things work out between you too
Always communicate with each other and never be completely honest no matter how they say it wont affect anything...
Yes, my advise:
Never marry til you are AT LEAST 25.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
Excuse me for a long story
I was in love - or so I thought - with this girl 'A' and she being my colleague I never approached - to not mix business and pleasure - though I indicated my interest through flirting she never replied back.
One day I get engaged to another girl 'B' - arranged by parents - and within a week after this, girl 'A' lets me know her interest - through her eyes - on her last working day in my office, but I go ahead with my commitment to girl 'B' - once a commitment is a commitment - and get married with her in next six months
But I could not resist my urge to share the disappointment of missing girl 'A' in my life and say it all to my wife, I also told her how I would have been happier if she did not rush me to get engaged with her - incidentally she did rush me -. To which she promptly calls her parents and cries woefully. The disturbed parents warn me in phone and caution me to pull out her daughter if this kind of incident happened again.
continued ...Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
wow. First of all, I don't get the whole ';arranged marriages'; purpose. It seems like it would always be such a disaster. Kind of like your situation.
Your first mistake was to even think about this first woman.. and then tell your wife about it. It served no purpose to tell her and it only obviously upset her. It put a wedge between you when you didn't even have a strong bond to begin with.
She sounds like she's immature... how old is she? You hurt her with what you said to her, and she is still hurting... and from the sounds of it.... trying to make you suffer for her hurting. She can be mad for a while.... she can even go back to her parents for a while and they can all be mad about it. But if you've made genuine efforts to show you love her and want to make it work with her... and they STILL don't want anything to do with you, then maybe it's time to move on.
Sounds like they are using this issue as an excuse to try to get out of a marriage she doesn't want. Personally, if she just doesn't want to be with you, then she should just say so and stop with the dramatics.Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
Um lets see, you had a affair you said right? Well no wonder your marriage is in jeapordy. If i were her I would not even bother to see you. so be grateful that she is talking to you.
Why are you still in this marriage your miserable and lonesome .I would move on with my life . your not getting anywhere with her, she just doesn't want you and you will have to move on...
You sound like a weak, selfish, individual to me.Try to have a little empathy!
Your mistake was to share with the girl 'B', who you married, your disappointment of missing girl 'A' and that you would have been happier if she (girl 'B') had not rush you to get engaged and married.
You did not have an affair with girl 'A' but you have clearly told girl 'B' that she was not your choice and only second best. Girl 'B' then feels that you do not love her at all.
I don't have first hand knowledge of the protocol of arranged marriages but I do know about female emotions. To have shared your thoughts about girl 'A' was not a sensible thing to do. After all, if your new wife had told you that she was in love with boy 'A' but had got engaged and married to you because you had pressured her so she had married you boy 'B' how would you feel?
In my view, you should have never got married in the first place. Rushed things never work out to the be best. As for your situation..... Do you love girl ';B';? I don't think you do, so the best thing you should do is to be honest to her and to yourself! Its time for you to take control over your own life and make your own choices!!!
just get a solid prenuptial and sleep with both women and decide later who you want. Or you can ';do the right thing'; and get married and stay true to your new wife, and suffer in silence over what could have been over the next 20 years.
Let me tell you my opinion about females in your situation or similar.
Once she makes up her mind she needs time to feel what is right for her. You want to change and make things better that's fine, but you have to wait on her.
The more you pressure her the worse it gets and personally I think your a little whipped in the butt to chase her down guy. Wake up...smell the Coffee...she is not the only fish in the sea swimming.
My wife left me and you know what I did???? I banged a girl in bed while she was gone and had fun.
Now make up your mind,.
So you were never in love with girl 'B' but now that she has left you you can't live without her? Give 'B' a divorce and let her find someone else. Call up 'A' and see if you can make a go of it. This way you and 'B' might both find happiness, rather than live years of resenting each other.
ok.
I think she is devastated and heartbroken about your lasting love with girl 'A', and she now has a black cloud over your relationship due to the presence u made of girl 'A'.
I would feel the same if i was in your wifes shoes. I would have felt betrayed that you went ahead and married me, when you knew you still had feelings for someone else.
Your wife will still love you, however her trust for you has gone. and without trust a relationship will never work, especially a marriage.
The best thing to do is give her a proposition. tell her how much you love her and that you want to give it another go. tell her that you know it will take alot to build bridges and trust, but you are willing to go ahead with it because u think that your marriage is important. Also tell her what she wants to hear. that this break up has made u realise how much u really do love her, and only her. it was in the past and u are willing to leave it in your past, and move to the future with your wife.
If she is not willing to accept that, then there is nothing else you can do apart from feel guilty about what you did. and then there is the worst possible scenario, let her go forward without you.
You also need to think what you really want too. whether u are only trying to win your wife back because of guilt, then it is not worth attempting.
If you really love her and want to make things right, she needs to feel the same, and the past needs to be left in the past.
good luck with everything, i hope i helped.facial
I was in love - or so I thought - with this girl 'A' and she being my colleague I never approached - to not mix business and pleasure - though I indicated my interest through flirting she never replied back.
One day I get engaged to another girl 'B' - arranged by parents - and within a week after this, girl 'A' lets me know her interest - through her eyes - on her last working day in my office, but I go ahead with my commitment to girl 'B' - once a commitment is a commitment - and get married with her in next six months
But I could not resist my urge to share the disappointment of missing girl 'A' in my life and say it all to my wife, I also told her how I would have been happier if she did not rush me to get engaged with her - incidentally she did rush me -. To which she promptly calls her parents and cries woefully. The disturbed parents warn me in phone and caution me to pull out her daughter if this kind of incident happened again.
continued ...Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
wow. First of all, I don't get the whole ';arranged marriages'; purpose. It seems like it would always be such a disaster. Kind of like your situation.
Your first mistake was to even think about this first woman.. and then tell your wife about it. It served no purpose to tell her and it only obviously upset her. It put a wedge between you when you didn't even have a strong bond to begin with.
She sounds like she's immature... how old is she? You hurt her with what you said to her, and she is still hurting... and from the sounds of it.... trying to make you suffer for her hurting. She can be mad for a while.... she can even go back to her parents for a while and they can all be mad about it. But if you've made genuine efforts to show you love her and want to make it work with her... and they STILL don't want anything to do with you, then maybe it's time to move on.
Sounds like they are using this issue as an excuse to try to get out of a marriage she doesn't want. Personally, if she just doesn't want to be with you, then she should just say so and stop with the dramatics.Marriage in dire straits - please advice?
Um lets see, you had a affair you said right? Well no wonder your marriage is in jeapordy. If i were her I would not even bother to see you. so be grateful that she is talking to you.
Why are you still in this marriage your miserable and lonesome .I would move on with my life . your not getting anywhere with her, she just doesn't want you and you will have to move on...
You sound like a weak, selfish, individual to me.Try to have a little empathy!
Your mistake was to share with the girl 'B', who you married, your disappointment of missing girl 'A' and that you would have been happier if she (girl 'B') had not rush you to get engaged and married.
You did not have an affair with girl 'A' but you have clearly told girl 'B' that she was not your choice and only second best. Girl 'B' then feels that you do not love her at all.
I don't have first hand knowledge of the protocol of arranged marriages but I do know about female emotions. To have shared your thoughts about girl 'A' was not a sensible thing to do. After all, if your new wife had told you that she was in love with boy 'A' but had got engaged and married to you because you had pressured her so she had married you boy 'B' how would you feel?
In my view, you should have never got married in the first place. Rushed things never work out to the be best. As for your situation..... Do you love girl ';B';? I don't think you do, so the best thing you should do is to be honest to her and to yourself! Its time for you to take control over your own life and make your own choices!!!
just get a solid prenuptial and sleep with both women and decide later who you want. Or you can ';do the right thing'; and get married and stay true to your new wife, and suffer in silence over what could have been over the next 20 years.
Let me tell you my opinion about females in your situation or similar.
Once she makes up her mind she needs time to feel what is right for her. You want to change and make things better that's fine, but you have to wait on her.
The more you pressure her the worse it gets and personally I think your a little whipped in the butt to chase her down guy. Wake up...smell the Coffee...she is not the only fish in the sea swimming.
My wife left me and you know what I did???? I banged a girl in bed while she was gone and had fun.
Now make up your mind,.
So you were never in love with girl 'B' but now that she has left you you can't live without her? Give 'B' a divorce and let her find someone else. Call up 'A' and see if you can make a go of it. This way you and 'B' might both find happiness, rather than live years of resenting each other.
ok.
I think she is devastated and heartbroken about your lasting love with girl 'A', and she now has a black cloud over your relationship due to the presence u made of girl 'A'.
I would feel the same if i was in your wifes shoes. I would have felt betrayed that you went ahead and married me, when you knew you still had feelings for someone else.
Your wife will still love you, however her trust for you has gone. and without trust a relationship will never work, especially a marriage.
The best thing to do is give her a proposition. tell her how much you love her and that you want to give it another go. tell her that you know it will take alot to build bridges and trust, but you are willing to go ahead with it because u think that your marriage is important. Also tell her what she wants to hear. that this break up has made u realise how much u really do love her, and only her. it was in the past and u are willing to leave it in your past, and move to the future with your wife.
If she is not willing to accept that, then there is nothing else you can do apart from feel guilty about what you did. and then there is the worst possible scenario, let her go forward without you.
You also need to think what you really want too. whether u are only trying to win your wife back because of guilt, then it is not worth attempting.
If you really love her and want to make things right, she needs to feel the same, and the past needs to be left in the past.
good luck with everything, i hope i helped.
Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
Our relationship is going on five years, married a month shy of 2 years. The week of Thanksgiving, 2007, his sister went bullistic on me, accusing me of many things I never did, including deliberately moving him away from them, lying, and at least 20 more things. I didn't argue much, but I did consider leaving my husband. The truth is, since Thanksgiving, our marriage has been barely holding on. His sister put such a huge wedge between us, I don't know if I can save my marriage. He feels so pulled. To my face, he's on my side, but I know the moment he's alone with them, he's on theirs. Why are there 2 sides? I just wish they would give me a chance. They didn't. They never even tried. The accusations wedged against me were completely untrue, with the exception of one, which was that I do not like his sister's best friend. Well...true. She wrote my husband a letter putting me down and saying bad things about me. How am I supposed to like her? I never did a thing to her...Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
I would go to counseling. It can't hurt and it is a safe third party. It truly did save my Sisters marriage. Ask around, try to get someone that someone else has had a good experience with.Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
Wow.That's alot to take in. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this mess. You lost your husband somewhere in the mess his sister caused. You are sleeping with the enemy honey. Sure they would be happy that you left him and they have him back in their claws again. You are doing all you can as a wife and when the pressure is on you coming from all sides. You just have to back off a little. I wouldn't put up with that. I wouldn't even go somewhere where I am not welcome. I would leave him and live out my life happy then put up with the misery.The sister and the family is dysfunctional.The feed off of you and you are the only one that can stop it. Yes, you may love your husband but how much more can you take?Really. Be honest with yourself-for once. You need to leave him and leave them alone with their bitterness. I feel sorry for the next ex-husband when she enters the galatine.
I think it might be too late for you to fix this. Obviously his family has an unnatural pull on him and you can't fight that in any reasonable way. He may have some good qualitities but uinfortunately he is weak of character.
Try waiting it out a bit more, but for heavens sakes stay away from those vindictive wretches. Politely decline any and all invites and stay home while he goes. But don't act like he need stay away from them. A simple ';you go have fun with your family, I am more than content to stay home'; said in a pleasant tone should suffice.
But prepare yourself for the worst, being prepared is always helpful.
Your husband needs to be a man and stand with you. If he needs to he needs to put a stop to it with his family. He is married to you not his family. He picked you and he needs to act like it.
Whenever my parents criticized anything about my wife they heard about it immediately. One time I told my dad that if he continued to talk like he was then he could leave. He did and he has never been the same. My family said that they did not know what I did but he has changed. He stopped the bad behavior and we have a good relationship today.
I would not go there to visit with them and your husband needs to understand that. You are his family now not them you should come first. Shame on your husband for not standing up for you and putting you in that situation.. He needs to decide if you are part of his life or his family.
You two need to take some time alone just the two of you to spend time together
Gracious ~ Good luck with the suggestions that will be coming. I suggest counseling! Period. Paragraph.
What a mess. The fault lays with your husband. The sister believes this because he has blamed it on you. This will never end and they will never like you because he will not allow them to. I could not stay with a man like this. He knows it is wrong and he still blames you and he let others believe lies about you that he started. I would get out and let him go back to them. I do not see it getting any better for you. I also do not think that I have a duty to sleep with my husband. Why do you think that? If you want to talk about duty he has one to you and he has not come through for you.
the moment a man gets married, his wife is his new family. although im not saying that he should totally detach himself from his mom and sisters but he should put his wife first priority. if your husband still listens to the crap his sis and mom put out, then thats major issue. its time you and your husband do serious talk.
wow, sounds like a lot is going on in your world. truth is he is not being true to you. you are his wife, and you should come first. if his sister and/or other family doesn't like you, that's their problem. he needs to get a backbone and set his family straight. if he doesn't, i can't see the marriage surviving.
I would go to counseling. It can't hurt and it is a safe third party. It truly did save my Sisters marriage. Ask around, try to get someone that someone else has had a good experience with.Marriage questions and concerns. Need advice. Serious questions.?
Wow.That's alot to take in. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this mess. You lost your husband somewhere in the mess his sister caused. You are sleeping with the enemy honey. Sure they would be happy that you left him and they have him back in their claws again. You are doing all you can as a wife and when the pressure is on you coming from all sides. You just have to back off a little. I wouldn't put up with that. I wouldn't even go somewhere where I am not welcome. I would leave him and live out my life happy then put up with the misery.The sister and the family is dysfunctional.The feed off of you and you are the only one that can stop it. Yes, you may love your husband but how much more can you take?Really. Be honest with yourself-for once. You need to leave him and leave them alone with their bitterness. I feel sorry for the next ex-husband when she enters the galatine.
I think it might be too late for you to fix this. Obviously his family has an unnatural pull on him and you can't fight that in any reasonable way. He may have some good qualitities but uinfortunately he is weak of character.
Try waiting it out a bit more, but for heavens sakes stay away from those vindictive wretches. Politely decline any and all invites and stay home while he goes. But don't act like he need stay away from them. A simple ';you go have fun with your family, I am more than content to stay home'; said in a pleasant tone should suffice.
But prepare yourself for the worst, being prepared is always helpful.
Your husband needs to be a man and stand with you. If he needs to he needs to put a stop to it with his family. He is married to you not his family. He picked you and he needs to act like it.
Whenever my parents criticized anything about my wife they heard about it immediately. One time I told my dad that if he continued to talk like he was then he could leave. He did and he has never been the same. My family said that they did not know what I did but he has changed. He stopped the bad behavior and we have a good relationship today.
I would not go there to visit with them and your husband needs to understand that. You are his family now not them you should come first. Shame on your husband for not standing up for you and putting you in that situation.. He needs to decide if you are part of his life or his family.
You two need to take some time alone just the two of you to spend time together
Gracious ~ Good luck with the suggestions that will be coming. I suggest counseling! Period. Paragraph.
What a mess. The fault lays with your husband. The sister believes this because he has blamed it on you. This will never end and they will never like you because he will not allow them to. I could not stay with a man like this. He knows it is wrong and he still blames you and he let others believe lies about you that he started. I would get out and let him go back to them. I do not see it getting any better for you. I also do not think that I have a duty to sleep with my husband. Why do you think that? If you want to talk about duty he has one to you and he has not come through for you.
the moment a man gets married, his wife is his new family. although im not saying that he should totally detach himself from his mom and sisters but he should put his wife first priority. if your husband still listens to the crap his sis and mom put out, then thats major issue. its time you and your husband do serious talk.
wow, sounds like a lot is going on in your world. truth is he is not being true to you. you are his wife, and you should come first. if his sister and/or other family doesn't like you, that's their problem. he needs to get a backbone and set his family straight. if he doesn't, i can't see the marriage surviving.
I need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
I want to talk about it; he will not. He is a very good father toward the girls, but not a good husband. There is no affection, sex, surprises, nothing. He is selfish. He will accept but not give.I need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
All you can do is try. If he doesn't want to try or maybe go to any marriage counseling or listen to how you feel. Then you need to ask yourself if you can live with how he is. He will not one day miraculously change his ways without working to do s. So you have to decide if you can live with him and how he is. Sounds like you are a giver and he is a taker. Maybe stop giving so much, focus on your kids and yourself and tell him if he wants this marriage to work then he needs to come with you to some counseling to try to fix the problems. If he doesn't want to then like I said, you have to decide if you want to live like that. Good luck to youI need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
I would seriously reconsider this relationship*.....
see a counselor yourself even if he will not go
Tell him it is time for a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer take his pick.He sounds like he may be gay, or like he just doesn't love you anymore.
sounds like the best option would be some counseling, and after that fails, a divorce, but there's no limitation on seeing the kids for either of you.
Will he go to counseling with you, have you asked? I give you credit for hanging in there and trying to make it work.
i dont see a problem here, He is the man!!
I have the same problem...he refuses to go to counseling either, so I'm going by myself.
All you can do is try. If he doesn't want to try or maybe go to any marriage counseling or listen to how you feel. Then you need to ask yourself if you can live with how he is. He will not one day miraculously change his ways without working to do s. So you have to decide if you can live with him and how he is. Sounds like you are a giver and he is a taker. Maybe stop giving so much, focus on your kids and yourself and tell him if he wants this marriage to work then he needs to come with you to some counseling to try to fix the problems. If he doesn't want to then like I said, you have to decide if you want to live like that. Good luck to youI need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
I would seriously reconsider this relationship*.....
see a counselor yourself even if he will not go
Tell him it is time for a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer take his pick.He sounds like he may be gay, or like he just doesn't love you anymore.
sounds like the best option would be some counseling, and after that fails, a divorce, but there's no limitation on seeing the kids for either of you.
Will he go to counseling with you, have you asked? I give you credit for hanging in there and trying to make it work.
i dont see a problem here, He is the man!!
I have the same problem...he refuses to go to counseling either, so I'm going by myself.
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
My husband %26amp; I got married in October (2007). We were only together for about a year prior the the wedding. Why we rushed...I dont know?! There was really no reason for us to. We just both thought we were ready and that there was no reason to wait.
Neither of us have any kids, therefore, no stress there...No cheating, non of theat...For some reason, we just dont seem to get along like we use to...like there is no *spark* left. (yea, I know...pretty sad for only be 21 and married not even 1 year). our sex life is pretty much non-exsistent.
We do NOT communitcate whatesoever,He will not express any emotion to me or try to fix big arguments/fights...he just expects them to go away and for me to forget.
Over the weekend, we had the biggest fight ever!
He threatened to kill himself because life with me is a living hell....i'm boring/no fun/too uptight.....and he even mentioned the ';D'; word...
Not only did he mention it, he flat out said he wanted it!
After I about died from an anxiety attack, he must have felt bad for me or something and said that he didnt mean what he said and to just drop the whole situation...act like it never happened...
SOOO, to shorten this up (sorry)...obviously, this is something that is just not going to ';go away';. And apparently this is something that he has been thinking about quite often. And with the look that he had in his eyes when he said that he wanted a divorce, I truly believe he meant every word. I could probably go on forever...but here is my
QUESTION
? : What do I do from here? I want things to work so badly and i will not initiate a divorce. Am I happy living like this? No...%26amp; Obviously he isn't either...I feel like I've tried everything in the book and things just arent getting any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to myself...like I'm just living in a house with a stranger.
With him refusing to any kind of counseling, what more can I do to rekindle the old flame and be in love again?
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
You have four options that I see right now.
One, tell him that either you go to marriage counseling together or you will file for divorce. This may backfire as he may actually want the divorce.
Two, go to counseling alone and see what the therapist recommends.
Three, file for divorce now.
Four, and personally, this is the route I would choose first: I know it's hard to feel it right now, but pretend it's a year ago, when you guys were loving and affectionate. Act towards him the way you did when things were good...hug him, talk to him, tell him he looks nice today, cook for him, whatever it is that you used to do. I know you may not feel like being affectionate with him right now, especially when he's acting like a jackash, but just try it.
By acting like you are in love, you may begin to feel that way, and it may make your husband feel that way too. It's worth a try. Give it a good week or so of doing this. If there is any improvement at all in that week, keep at it.
If there is zero improvement, choose another option.Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
Go by yourself. When a marriage is in trouble, and one spouse refuses marriage counseling, the spouse who is willing to try can go by herself/himself.
You go to counseling.
It is possible that when he sees what it does for you, he will want to go.
IF u want it to work just go for couseling en mm be nice may be it will help
You're too young to be this miserable! In my experience things will only go downhill from here. Basically you're out of the ';honeymoon'; phase that we all experience in the first year or so of a relationship. For a marriage to work there has to be much more than that initial lust and it sounds like you are missing that. Go to a counsellor to work through your feelings but things really shouldn't be this tough so early on...... Really consider the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you and deserve to be happy with someone who you truly love. I wasted too many years of my life trying to fix a marriage that was fundamentally flawed (we mistook lust for real love). Now I'm with my soulmate I can see that love just isn't meant to be hard all the time!!!!
Here are some techniques you can try at home.
In the evening time, clear out the living-room floor. Turn off the TV and turn on some soft music. Throw some pillows on the floor for comfort. Give him a note pad and you take one. Have him write down 10 reasons why he was attracted to you. Then, 10 reasons why he married you. Each of you swap pads and read the answers out loud. Then, have him write down what is bothering him that is causing the lack of communication. You do the same about you. Tell him to be honest and kind. You too. Then, swap the pads again and read the answers out loud to each other.
If he resist any of this, ask him to please humor you this time. Saving your marriage is worth this try.
Hey if you want to, this is my email, lillmama_brokenglass7@yahoo.com yahoo messenger..
sounds like your going throw the same thing i am, but i have kids.. so that is the only thing that is differnt.. am 22.. but I might be able to give you some advise.. good luck.. have a nice day..
I have known my husband for almost 10 years now, we were dating for 2 and married at 4 years of being friends/ couple. at about 4 years we had been living together for 2 years and went through some tough times with some simular incidents. Often people get tired of each other, often its just an phase. This is an point to find out if they are gonna last.
It really sounds like the honeymoon phase is over. If you both want it to last keep trying to work it out.
There are a lot of ways to work on things. Try talking to some family to get an idea on how to deal with things differently. There have been a few times that I have broken down and talked to my father and mother in law to help get an idea of why my husband acts the way he does. No matter how long you have been with someone there are always flaws and problems.
They always say and its soooo true. ';Marriage is hard work'; Often you have to give something up or change something that you enjoy or like to make things work. I am an stay at home mother and dont have any real friends that I didn't have from before my marriage with my husband. My husband seems to be an jerk but is always just skeptical of people in the world and dont want to allow anyone that could hurt me or our children.
Sorry this is long.
I just think that you will get through it as long as you both try, he may not seem to be trying. give it an chance and time. My husband and I took an year to get through it and shortly after we got married we were better, there is nothing like the honeymoon phase, but you can get an good happy life. Your sex life will go up and down all though your lives together. It will be hard and you will think its the end many times, but you are determined you can keep it together.
Good Luck.
If your husband won't accept any help and refuses to talk to you about the situation, there isn't much you can do. You are not going to get any younger. You can choose to waste your life with this guy or divorce him and get on with it.
Just because he said that doesn't mean he has been thinking it people say stuff when they are angry. We always feel the need to talk out things and problems (Women). While men feel it is over and done with once the argument is over. I don't think one approach is better than the other you just have to realize there is different approaches and work around it. While you are thinking so hard about the fact that the situation with him saying that is still a problem and he is debating it. More than likely he thinks you know he said it in the heat of the moment and that moment has past and all is better. Everyday is a new day focus on better now and things to come don't waste your time on dissecting a conversation or argument that can't be changed.
Just get a divorce already.
I mean all these people who hold up marriage like it's the beginning and end of all life force. You shouldn't have to sacrafice your happiness for another person. If it isn't working, it isn't working...get out.
I went to marriage conseling 4 times. Did not work for me! It just made me even more sad and depressed, because me and my wife are extremely mismatched and have absolutely nothing in common with each other-she is closed minded and I am open minded husband. She is a homebody and I am an outdoormans. So anyways, I have tried everything nothing worked. Sometimes marriage conseling does not work for everyone!
Please don't laugh! But the only thing that really worked was for me to get her to sleep with me tightly every single night in the same bedroom. I got this small bed mattress for us. And now we snuggle up tightly with each other, everything fell into place. I no longer have frustrations, stressed out, sad, depressions, or angriness -getting pissed off all the time. Its like calm after the thunderstorm. I cannot believe a little tiny bed mattress improved our marriage together. Also our 3 kick @$$ children are so damm cute and awesome.
as much as i hate to say this but he would not have said that if he did not mean it i have been married for 17 years and a lot of fights later my husband and i never said that and we still have a great sex life i do not think that at such an early stage in marriage you both should be having a relationship together if he is staying because of your attacks that is not fair to either of you and the relationship will probably get worse you need counselling and do not drag him he has to want to go for it to work i wish you luck my opinion only
This happens to millions of married couples all over the world.
I'm a Disabled Veteran and served in the USAF. My income is $3,200.00 a month for the rest of my life.
I've been married 24 years and this is my first marriage ...it's her second.
She doesn't work and stays at home nagging me.
Our problem is similar to yours, but I my income is stable.
We have no sex life and misery loves company.
My income would make another marriage probably better or perhaps you would make my life better being with another woman that I can love and in that sense you have a better life as well.
The answers to your problem lay in your hands. Your decision to get married and live the American dream is one hell of a dream to accomplish if neither of you or your husband can sit down and work out your problems and stabilize your marriage.
Financially you both need money and without money you can't buy your house or buy a new car or even have the luxury of these things.
Then you have children and the problem financially escalates...it's no end.
Marriage is give and take and when your emotional concerns become imbalanced the misery flows down hill and everything in your path from your husband and viceversea is a living hell.
The result is loss of affection, loss of companionship, loss of sexual appetite and the list goes on. Your marriage becomes a living hell and then you come on yahoo answers and look for something or someone that has the right answer to solve your problems and it doesn't happen that way.
You are the divider of things to come and things past. You and you alone are the sole winner and you know what you are and what you want out of life...it's a matter of getting there with little complications and a bad marraige will definitely knock you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.
You work hard, but it's not enough, your marriage is still fragile.
Your husband trys, but he can't cope.
Both of you are in disagreement that will eventually lead to a perennial battle down the road and eventually end up in divorce.
If you're unsure of yourself right now in this marriage then bail out and save yourself before your tropical storm turns into a hurricane.
I wish you the very best of luck in your marriage. Win or lose...it's your call.
Hi,
To be honest, i dont see any serious issue. This is similar to a arranged marriage that happens in India. You both know just for a yar before marriage. What u both know abt each other as new lovers is diff from the reality u will see once u both live together. It takes bit of time to accept things and settle. Best way to come out of it is, just see what u need to do to mak him feel comfortable. when he is cool and easy, talk to him abt how he feels after marriage. tell him u will change urself to make things easy for him. trying to mak him feel that u will give up will make him think why he should not change a bit to accomodate u. Understand each others likes and dislikes and always respect his space around him. getting into each other too much also will mess up things.
when u say u hv arguments, remember that argumnt is possible only when u defend. Just accept what he says, it ends there.
relationship is abt gaining confidence with each other and accpt each other.
msg me in YM if u wish
my id is frndly20052010
Neither of us have any kids, therefore, no stress there...No cheating, non of theat...For some reason, we just dont seem to get along like we use to...like there is no *spark* left. (yea, I know...pretty sad for only be 21 and married not even 1 year). our sex life is pretty much non-exsistent.
We do NOT communitcate whatesoever,He will not express any emotion to me or try to fix big arguments/fights...he just expects them to go away and for me to forget.
Over the weekend, we had the biggest fight ever!
He threatened to kill himself because life with me is a living hell....i'm boring/no fun/too uptight.....and he even mentioned the ';D'; word...
Not only did he mention it, he flat out said he wanted it!
After I about died from an anxiety attack, he must have felt bad for me or something and said that he didnt mean what he said and to just drop the whole situation...act like it never happened...
SOOO, to shorten this up (sorry)...obviously, this is something that is just not going to ';go away';. And apparently this is something that he has been thinking about quite often. And with the look that he had in his eyes when he said that he wanted a divorce, I truly believe he meant every word. I could probably go on forever...but here is my
QUESTION
? : What do I do from here? I want things to work so badly and i will not initiate a divorce. Am I happy living like this? No...%26amp; Obviously he isn't either...I feel like I've tried everything in the book and things just arent getting any better. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to myself...like I'm just living in a house with a stranger.
With him refusing to any kind of counseling, what more can I do to rekindle the old flame and be in love again?
Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
You have four options that I see right now.
One, tell him that either you go to marriage counseling together or you will file for divorce. This may backfire as he may actually want the divorce.
Two, go to counseling alone and see what the therapist recommends.
Three, file for divorce now.
Four, and personally, this is the route I would choose first: I know it's hard to feel it right now, but pretend it's a year ago, when you guys were loving and affectionate. Act towards him the way you did when things were good...hug him, talk to him, tell him he looks nice today, cook for him, whatever it is that you used to do. I know you may not feel like being affectionate with him right now, especially when he's acting like a jackash, but just try it.
By acting like you are in love, you may begin to feel that way, and it may make your husband feel that way too. It's worth a try. Give it a good week or so of doing this. If there is any improvement at all in that week, keep at it.
If there is zero improvement, choose another option.Young wife in need of marital/divorce advice. Husband refuses to marriage counseling...any hope?!?
Go by yourself. When a marriage is in trouble, and one spouse refuses marriage counseling, the spouse who is willing to try can go by herself/himself.
You go to counseling.
It is possible that when he sees what it does for you, he will want to go.
IF u want it to work just go for couseling en mm be nice may be it will help
You're too young to be this miserable! In my experience things will only go downhill from here. Basically you're out of the ';honeymoon'; phase that we all experience in the first year or so of a relationship. For a marriage to work there has to be much more than that initial lust and it sounds like you are missing that. Go to a counsellor to work through your feelings but things really shouldn't be this tough so early on...... Really consider the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you and deserve to be happy with someone who you truly love. I wasted too many years of my life trying to fix a marriage that was fundamentally flawed (we mistook lust for real love). Now I'm with my soulmate I can see that love just isn't meant to be hard all the time!!!!
Here are some techniques you can try at home.
In the evening time, clear out the living-room floor. Turn off the TV and turn on some soft music. Throw some pillows on the floor for comfort. Give him a note pad and you take one. Have him write down 10 reasons why he was attracted to you. Then, 10 reasons why he married you. Each of you swap pads and read the answers out loud. Then, have him write down what is bothering him that is causing the lack of communication. You do the same about you. Tell him to be honest and kind. You too. Then, swap the pads again and read the answers out loud to each other.
If he resist any of this, ask him to please humor you this time. Saving your marriage is worth this try.
Hey if you want to, this is my email, lillmama_brokenglass7@yahoo.com yahoo messenger..
sounds like your going throw the same thing i am, but i have kids.. so that is the only thing that is differnt.. am 22.. but I might be able to give you some advise.. good luck.. have a nice day..
I have known my husband for almost 10 years now, we were dating for 2 and married at 4 years of being friends/ couple. at about 4 years we had been living together for 2 years and went through some tough times with some simular incidents. Often people get tired of each other, often its just an phase. This is an point to find out if they are gonna last.
It really sounds like the honeymoon phase is over. If you both want it to last keep trying to work it out.
There are a lot of ways to work on things. Try talking to some family to get an idea on how to deal with things differently. There have been a few times that I have broken down and talked to my father and mother in law to help get an idea of why my husband acts the way he does. No matter how long you have been with someone there are always flaws and problems.
They always say and its soooo true. ';Marriage is hard work'; Often you have to give something up or change something that you enjoy or like to make things work. I am an stay at home mother and dont have any real friends that I didn't have from before my marriage with my husband. My husband seems to be an jerk but is always just skeptical of people in the world and dont want to allow anyone that could hurt me or our children.
Sorry this is long.
I just think that you will get through it as long as you both try, he may not seem to be trying. give it an chance and time. My husband and I took an year to get through it and shortly after we got married we were better, there is nothing like the honeymoon phase, but you can get an good happy life. Your sex life will go up and down all though your lives together. It will be hard and you will think its the end many times, but you are determined you can keep it together.
Good Luck.
If your husband won't accept any help and refuses to talk to you about the situation, there isn't much you can do. You are not going to get any younger. You can choose to waste your life with this guy or divorce him and get on with it.
Just because he said that doesn't mean he has been thinking it people say stuff when they are angry. We always feel the need to talk out things and problems (Women). While men feel it is over and done with once the argument is over. I don't think one approach is better than the other you just have to realize there is different approaches and work around it. While you are thinking so hard about the fact that the situation with him saying that is still a problem and he is debating it. More than likely he thinks you know he said it in the heat of the moment and that moment has past and all is better. Everyday is a new day focus on better now and things to come don't waste your time on dissecting a conversation or argument that can't be changed.
Just get a divorce already.
I mean all these people who hold up marriage like it's the beginning and end of all life force. You shouldn't have to sacrafice your happiness for another person. If it isn't working, it isn't working...get out.
I went to marriage conseling 4 times. Did not work for me! It just made me even more sad and depressed, because me and my wife are extremely mismatched and have absolutely nothing in common with each other-she is closed minded and I am open minded husband. She is a homebody and I am an outdoormans. So anyways, I have tried everything nothing worked. Sometimes marriage conseling does not work for everyone!
Please don't laugh! But the only thing that really worked was for me to get her to sleep with me tightly every single night in the same bedroom. I got this small bed mattress for us. And now we snuggle up tightly with each other, everything fell into place. I no longer have frustrations, stressed out, sad, depressions, or angriness -getting pissed off all the time. Its like calm after the thunderstorm. I cannot believe a little tiny bed mattress improved our marriage together. Also our 3 kick @$$ children are so damm cute and awesome.
as much as i hate to say this but he would not have said that if he did not mean it i have been married for 17 years and a lot of fights later my husband and i never said that and we still have a great sex life i do not think that at such an early stage in marriage you both should be having a relationship together if he is staying because of your attacks that is not fair to either of you and the relationship will probably get worse you need counselling and do not drag him he has to want to go for it to work i wish you luck my opinion only
This happens to millions of married couples all over the world.
I'm a Disabled Veteran and served in the USAF. My income is $3,200.00 a month for the rest of my life.
I've been married 24 years and this is my first marriage ...it's her second.
She doesn't work and stays at home nagging me.
Our problem is similar to yours, but I my income is stable.
We have no sex life and misery loves company.
My income would make another marriage probably better or perhaps you would make my life better being with another woman that I can love and in that sense you have a better life as well.
The answers to your problem lay in your hands. Your decision to get married and live the American dream is one hell of a dream to accomplish if neither of you or your husband can sit down and work out your problems and stabilize your marriage.
Financially you both need money and without money you can't buy your house or buy a new car or even have the luxury of these things.
Then you have children and the problem financially escalates...it's no end.
Marriage is give and take and when your emotional concerns become imbalanced the misery flows down hill and everything in your path from your husband and viceversea is a living hell.
The result is loss of affection, loss of companionship, loss of sexual appetite and the list goes on. Your marriage becomes a living hell and then you come on yahoo answers and look for something or someone that has the right answer to solve your problems and it doesn't happen that way.
You are the divider of things to come and things past. You and you alone are the sole winner and you know what you are and what you want out of life...it's a matter of getting there with little complications and a bad marraige will definitely knock you down and prevent you from achieving your goals.
You work hard, but it's not enough, your marriage is still fragile.
Your husband trys, but he can't cope.
Both of you are in disagreement that will eventually lead to a perennial battle down the road and eventually end up in divorce.
If you're unsure of yourself right now in this marriage then bail out and save yourself before your tropical storm turns into a hurricane.
I wish you the very best of luck in your marriage. Win or lose...it's your call.
Hi,
To be honest, i dont see any serious issue. This is similar to a arranged marriage that happens in India. You both know just for a yar before marriage. What u both know abt each other as new lovers is diff from the reality u will see once u both live together. It takes bit of time to accept things and settle. Best way to come out of it is, just see what u need to do to mak him feel comfortable. when he is cool and easy, talk to him abt how he feels after marriage. tell him u will change urself to make things easy for him. trying to mak him feel that u will give up will make him think why he should not change a bit to accomodate u. Understand each others likes and dislikes and always respect his space around him. getting into each other too much also will mess up things.
when u say u hv arguments, remember that argumnt is possible only when u defend. Just accept what he says, it ends there.
relationship is abt gaining confidence with each other and accpt each other.
msg me in YM if u wish
my id is frndly20052010
Need advice on what to do with marriage?
Back about 5 years ago I met a man on the opposite side of the country from me. We fell in love and I was going to move out there but he got scared, etc. Needless to say I didn't move. We kept in touch a little but hadn't seen each other since this past week at a work conference. Now here we are both married, him for almost 3 yrs, me 2 yrs. Seeing him was as if we picked up where we left off 5 yrs ago. I was able to ask the ';why's'; and we both admitted that we wished I had moved out there. Neither one of us are happy in the sexual part of our marriages. We rekindled old flames and now here is where I am at odds. I guess I feel like if two people have such strong feelings and chemisty why shouldn't we be together? We still love each other. Do we ignore it and go back to our lives as if all is normal? It was all I could do to be at home today and see my husband as I wished he was this other man. Advice?Need advice on what to do with marriage?
When you got married to your current spouses you made a commitment. Hopefully you didn't just get married for sex.
You need to stop talking to this other guy, and do what you can to rekindle your relationship to your husband. He needs to do the same with his wife.
If the two of you don't even make an attempt at your current relationships, there will always be something that will bother you. Likely you will not make it in a relationship together if you both feel that marriage is something that you just stop doing as soon as something else comes your way.Need advice on what to do with marriage?
wow that is weird i dont' know what quite to say. He could be lying and then he could be serious. i am not sure but some mend have big ideas and dont' come thorugh also
That is a easy question to answer - not such an easy answer to live with.
You married your husband knowing this man was out there - YOU married him. He married his wife.
You need to walk , no RUN away from him and forget it.
If you want to get a divorce, don't make it about someone else, You shouldn't jump from one man to another. If you divorced, you should definately spend some time alone and then if he is available, go for it.
you should both leave your spouses adn find happiness with each other.
Do either of you have children? How committed were you to the marriage before this man from the past showed up? Not very I suspect. If the two of you were to throw away your respective vows and get together, what assurance do you have that the two of you can form a lasting commitment? You have a lot of questions to answer to yourself - and to your husband.
Personally I believe that the addition of children into the equation makes a big difference.
I suggest counseling to figure out exactly what you want.
why did you marry then?
marriage isnt disposable!
remember those vows you took? KEEP them
You should respect your marriage and yourself and stay away from this man.
You can fix the sexual part of your marriage....but you can't fix cheating.
You already know the answer. You have already crossed that line with the other man and its too late to turn back now. Just like you said you was with your husband all day and wished he was the other man. Thats probably not going to go away. Its unfortunate that now its going to be much more complicated for the two of you to pursue a relationship together, since you would both have to end marriages.... but you both want to be together. So by staying married to the people you are currently with, wouldn't be fair to anybody. Just make sure he is positive this time before you go breaking up your marriage. Good luck to you!
Well, at the very least you owe your husband the truth. You should really tell him what happened and how you're feeling - I know it's scary, but you made a commitment to him, so you owe him this at the very least. After you two have talked, THEN see how you're feeling. You may realize after talking to him that you really don't want to lose him, or he may decide for you that the marriage is over. Either way, clue him in.
You been used. If you two wanted to be be together and it was meant to be,Dah?
When you got married to your current spouses you made a commitment. Hopefully you didn't just get married for sex.
You need to stop talking to this other guy, and do what you can to rekindle your relationship to your husband. He needs to do the same with his wife.
If the two of you don't even make an attempt at your current relationships, there will always be something that will bother you. Likely you will not make it in a relationship together if you both feel that marriage is something that you just stop doing as soon as something else comes your way.Need advice on what to do with marriage?
wow that is weird i dont' know what quite to say. He could be lying and then he could be serious. i am not sure but some mend have big ideas and dont' come thorugh also
That is a easy question to answer - not such an easy answer to live with.
You married your husband knowing this man was out there - YOU married him. He married his wife.
You need to walk , no RUN away from him and forget it.
If you want to get a divorce, don't make it about someone else, You shouldn't jump from one man to another. If you divorced, you should definately spend some time alone and then if he is available, go for it.
you should both leave your spouses adn find happiness with each other.
Do either of you have children? How committed were you to the marriage before this man from the past showed up? Not very I suspect. If the two of you were to throw away your respective vows and get together, what assurance do you have that the two of you can form a lasting commitment? You have a lot of questions to answer to yourself - and to your husband.
Personally I believe that the addition of children into the equation makes a big difference.
I suggest counseling to figure out exactly what you want.
why did you marry then?
marriage isnt disposable!
remember those vows you took? KEEP them
You should respect your marriage and yourself and stay away from this man.
You can fix the sexual part of your marriage....but you can't fix cheating.
You already know the answer. You have already crossed that line with the other man and its too late to turn back now. Just like you said you was with your husband all day and wished he was the other man. Thats probably not going to go away. Its unfortunate that now its going to be much more complicated for the two of you to pursue a relationship together, since you would both have to end marriages.... but you both want to be together. So by staying married to the people you are currently with, wouldn't be fair to anybody. Just make sure he is positive this time before you go breaking up your marriage. Good luck to you!
Well, at the very least you owe your husband the truth. You should really tell him what happened and how you're feeling - I know it's scary, but you made a commitment to him, so you owe him this at the very least. After you two have talked, THEN see how you're feeling. You may realize after talking to him that you really don't want to lose him, or he may decide for you that the marriage is over. Either way, clue him in.
You been used. If you two wanted to be be together and it was meant to be,Dah?
Any advice to save my marriage?
I met my husband online 3 years ago and we were married in a year and two months. I had always had bad luck with guys and was always hurt by the guys I truly wanted. I thought my husband was the most amazing guy in the world. I knew we had different interests but I didn't care because I saw him as honest, caring, hard working, smart, funny, reliable, and smoking hot. About a year ago (in November) we were at a wedding and I noticed him say something to some people at our table that kind of didn't make sense. Ever since then I've noticed it more and more. He has clear misconceptions about knowledge that is considered common knowledge or basic facts and sometimes he says things out in left field (like comments that don't fit with the conversation) or corny jokes that aren;t funny. I never noticed him doing these things for two years. He also has a hard time accurately explaining the way something happened or remembering things that to me are sooo easy to remember.
All of these problems make me doubt his ability to be successful and they take away my faith and confidence in him as well as my attraction to him. He is very sweet, my family loves him, he works hard and always takes care of his responsibilities. He is supportive of me and loves me very much. I never noticed any of these things for two years and now I just feel like it is getting worse everyday. I'm afraid of social situations because of what he might say, but no one ever (except one friend) has ever said anything bad about his personality (however my friends and family haven't been around him that much). He is neat and clean, doesn't break a promise to me, helps me with housework and would go out of his way for me in a heartbeat.
I also feel upset because I am a deep, philosophical, imaginative person and he is more take things with a grain of salt and let them roll off your back. Sometimes I find myself getting stuck when I try to get deep with him about religion, politics, philosophy, etc. He also sometimes finds things confusing that are so simple to me.
As I said, I never noticed any of this for two years. I know it was the honeymoon stage but I don't think I could miss someone being confused and making irrelevant comments. We go to therapy and I suggested that he get a psychological evaluation but the therapist doesn't think it is necessary. If anything he thinks I should go on OCD meds. Everyday I am more and more upset about this. I want to kill myself but I would never do that. I dream about being in a happier relationship and if I could I would fix things so I didn't feel so distant, detatched, and displeased. I don't know what to do...
Any adviceAny advice to save my marriage?
Yeah. Tell him to email me. I'll take him off your hands, hon., cause I like em kinda dumb.Any advice to save my marriage?
What you focus on expands. He sounds like a great guy. Start writing 5 things a day in a journal before you go to bed about what you love about him. See what happens after a month.
You've had bad luck with guys but this does so much for you. NOBODY';S PERFECT! Choose your battles and be grateful for what he does do/have.
i say that life is tooooo short to be unhappy i think you should get out fast as possible.
wow. sounds like you are just going thru one of the many chapters you will have in your marriage if you plan on staying in it. i am no expert but i have been married 23 years to my hubby and we went thru some stages.i remember a time would i could not stand the way he chewed his food to the way he was breathing while sleeping. if you want your marriage to work you are gonna have to learn to deal with it, by either crackin jokes when he does it or simply just turn the other cheek. by the sounds of it you have a reliable trustworthy husband and now a days that is hard to find. sorry sweetie but you have to take the good with the bad we are all not perfect...my hubby is not the smartest man out there but i like to look at it like we should...behind evry good man is the woman who got him there...good luck and best wishes...just wait next month you will find something else you dont like but you can get thru it
My husband and are the exact same way except i am your hubby and he is you i love him soooo much and i know he loves me too..you know that saying opposites attract? well you attracted at the end of the day i think do i love him and do we share the same morals for our feature and would i really miss him if he was gone the answer is yes and that is hard to find with guys someone who shares the same foundation you said yes to him for a reason when you married him try to find a girlfriend that you can share all of your';important'; subjects with or join a club or blog but nobody else right now will give you the love that he gives you...the kind only a husband knows how
Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You better pump your brakes and slow down.The very first words out of your mouth were how you ALWAYS have bad luck with guys and ALWAYS get hurt by them. Sounds to me like that luck changed 3 years ago FINALLY. Not sure how old you are but starting over gets old its self. Plus, don't sound to me like you have that many good relationships in your memory bank to sit around dreaming about being happier. You need to get your husband to another doctor, something is wrong with him. Then get yourself to the doctor because you are depressed. Before you do either of the above hit your knees and pray for your husband and your marriage. If you leave him, the next man may say all the right things in front of people and beat on you behind closed doors. God Bless and good luck to you.
You might need to go to another therapist because he need an evaluation from what you are describing here. He might have some kind of mental disorder that makes him not remember things. He might even be slow in some aspects of life. What I don't get is that you have a husband that sounds like he loves you very much why wouldn't you want to see him through this if there is a problem. He might not even know that there is something wrong with him. Furthermore if anyone said something upsetting about your spouse you shouldn't even want to be friends with them anymore. The truth of the matter is you have to weigh the pros and the cons. Which ever weighs the most that is what you need to go with. I hope you figure it out. Good luck
This man is your husband. If he has a problem why don't you reach out and support him, as opposed to wanting to run away and selfishly focus on your own needs. This man clearly loves you, if only he could be loved to in the same manner.
You obviously have deep seated issues that need to be discussed with a therapist. You need to come to terms with what you want and what you need. Do you realize in every relationship there will be compromise? It seems the good out way the bad. If you don't get help your gonna lose your good man and spend the rest of your life regretting it.facial
All of these problems make me doubt his ability to be successful and they take away my faith and confidence in him as well as my attraction to him. He is very sweet, my family loves him, he works hard and always takes care of his responsibilities. He is supportive of me and loves me very much. I never noticed any of these things for two years and now I just feel like it is getting worse everyday. I'm afraid of social situations because of what he might say, but no one ever (except one friend) has ever said anything bad about his personality (however my friends and family haven't been around him that much). He is neat and clean, doesn't break a promise to me, helps me with housework and would go out of his way for me in a heartbeat.
I also feel upset because I am a deep, philosophical, imaginative person and he is more take things with a grain of salt and let them roll off your back. Sometimes I find myself getting stuck when I try to get deep with him about religion, politics, philosophy, etc. He also sometimes finds things confusing that are so simple to me.
As I said, I never noticed any of this for two years. I know it was the honeymoon stage but I don't think I could miss someone being confused and making irrelevant comments. We go to therapy and I suggested that he get a psychological evaluation but the therapist doesn't think it is necessary. If anything he thinks I should go on OCD meds. Everyday I am more and more upset about this. I want to kill myself but I would never do that. I dream about being in a happier relationship and if I could I would fix things so I didn't feel so distant, detatched, and displeased. I don't know what to do...
Any adviceAny advice to save my marriage?
Yeah. Tell him to email me. I'll take him off your hands, hon., cause I like em kinda dumb.Any advice to save my marriage?
What you focus on expands. He sounds like a great guy. Start writing 5 things a day in a journal before you go to bed about what you love about him. See what happens after a month.
You've had bad luck with guys but this does so much for you. NOBODY';S PERFECT! Choose your battles and be grateful for what he does do/have.
i say that life is tooooo short to be unhappy i think you should get out fast as possible.
wow. sounds like you are just going thru one of the many chapters you will have in your marriage if you plan on staying in it. i am no expert but i have been married 23 years to my hubby and we went thru some stages.i remember a time would i could not stand the way he chewed his food to the way he was breathing while sleeping. if you want your marriage to work you are gonna have to learn to deal with it, by either crackin jokes when he does it or simply just turn the other cheek. by the sounds of it you have a reliable trustworthy husband and now a days that is hard to find. sorry sweetie but you have to take the good with the bad we are all not perfect...my hubby is not the smartest man out there but i like to look at it like we should...behind evry good man is the woman who got him there...good luck and best wishes...just wait next month you will find something else you dont like but you can get thru it
My husband and are the exact same way except i am your hubby and he is you i love him soooo much and i know he loves me too..you know that saying opposites attract? well you attracted at the end of the day i think do i love him and do we share the same morals for our feature and would i really miss him if he was gone the answer is yes and that is hard to find with guys someone who shares the same foundation you said yes to him for a reason when you married him try to find a girlfriend that you can share all of your';important'; subjects with or join a club or blog but nobody else right now will give you the love that he gives you...the kind only a husband knows how
Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You better pump your brakes and slow down.The very first words out of your mouth were how you ALWAYS have bad luck with guys and ALWAYS get hurt by them. Sounds to me like that luck changed 3 years ago FINALLY. Not sure how old you are but starting over gets old its self. Plus, don't sound to me like you have that many good relationships in your memory bank to sit around dreaming about being happier. You need to get your husband to another doctor, something is wrong with him. Then get yourself to the doctor because you are depressed. Before you do either of the above hit your knees and pray for your husband and your marriage. If you leave him, the next man may say all the right things in front of people and beat on you behind closed doors. God Bless and good luck to you.
You might need to go to another therapist because he need an evaluation from what you are describing here. He might have some kind of mental disorder that makes him not remember things. He might even be slow in some aspects of life. What I don't get is that you have a husband that sounds like he loves you very much why wouldn't you want to see him through this if there is a problem. He might not even know that there is something wrong with him. Furthermore if anyone said something upsetting about your spouse you shouldn't even want to be friends with them anymore. The truth of the matter is you have to weigh the pros and the cons. Which ever weighs the most that is what you need to go with. I hope you figure it out. Good luck
This man is your husband. If he has a problem why don't you reach out and support him, as opposed to wanting to run away and selfishly focus on your own needs. This man clearly loves you, if only he could be loved to in the same manner.
You obviously have deep seated issues that need to be discussed with a therapist. You need to come to terms with what you want and what you need. Do you realize in every relationship there will be compromise? It seems the good out way the bad. If you don't get help your gonna lose your good man and spend the rest of your life regretting it.
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